here's something that i think aptly typifies the grammy awards: fountains of wayne has been nominated for best new artist. that's right - after eight years of being together and three albums. i bet the editors of rolling stone issue grammy nods. and all is right with the world.

how marvelous it is when the weather turns cold. it just makes everything better.

i just got done cutting grass (hopefully for the last time this "winter") and noticed a familiar smell of a different kind of grass wafting over from our upper-class neighbor's chicken coop. low and behold, our pre-teen gangster friends emerge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. i thought about threatening to call the police on them if they didn't share with me, but then thought better and let sleeping dogs lie.

i'm just a little sad today. especially this time of the day, when the day hasn't quite gone and the night isn't quite here, and somewhere scott baio is plowing a woman he doesn't love. are there symptoms of listlessness or is listlessness a symptom of something else? probably both. but at any rate, i'm there. maybe i should turn on a light.

daze of malaise

so i know i've been a total bastard about writing. i was out of town, in texas of all places, which can really be confusing. days in texas to me feel like some sort of twilight-zone story where it's daytime all the time, and days and weeks and months and years have no relevance. it's just this blazing expansive brightness all the time. and it occurred to me that the idea of texas is just to make everything big. all the stores and homes are so spread out. it takes 30 minutes to get anywhere. it's miserable.

i did end up skipping my family thanksgiving celebration at my uncle's house. i stayed home eating potato chips and watching a james bond marithon. i don't even care for james bond that much, there was just nothing else on. come to think of it i don't really like potato chips either.

and now xmas is coming and i'm not in the mood for it. it's too much of an assault on the senses. and i have to go back to tx on the 20th. i get to help my father lay down plumbing for their new house. guess how much i'm looking forward to that. it gets harder and harder to be around my parents. it's really draining.

album du jour: breakbeat era ultra-obscene

this link takes you to the mtv.com bio about breakbeat era. it was the best i could find.

shoot dang

today my pa and i trapsed all over the san antonio area visiting home depot, a tile shop, a flatbed trailer for sale on the side of the road, and my uncle's new house addition, still under construction. all in all, it was an extremely boring and exhausting day. however i did get to spend time with my dad, which makes it all more than worth it.

we're supposed to go to my uncle's thrusday for a big family thanksgiving.... fest, but i believe i'm going to fein an illness to avoid the whole thing. i'm extremely down on social gatherings of any kind at the moment, especially ones where family members who haven't seen you in a while individually ask you how you've been, where you're working, what's new, and other questions which i'd rather not answer once, much less repeatedly. i think i'd rather come across as being rude than a deadbeat, so truancy is alright with me. plus i could put on my own thanksgiving extravaganza here by myself involving me lying like a beached whale in front of the tv eating doritos off my own gut.

album du jour: curve come clean

well yippee yi yo kayay. the flight was fine, although i am currently bored out of my mind. i have to accompany my father to home depot, of all places, to pick up tile. that is about the most comprehensively depressing sentence i've ever heard.

yesterday was a nice day for a white wedding. boring trip, as expected. got drunk, as expected. new orleans is a toilet.

and now tomorrow i have to go to texas. i don't like texas. i don't care if it is god's country.

bullshit pandering

wasn't it great to see that at least the british aren't so lethargic or backwards-opinionated that they can't protest enmasse when our grand president comes a-callin. i wish more americans cared about our government the way the brits do. "this bush is no more.....it has ceased to be!"

my parents are flying in tomorrow evening. hopefully i can wrangle some new clothes out of mother. she loves to bribe me for my attention. and if anyone else wants to do the same, i shan't complain. actually my cousin is getting married in new orleans saturday, and when you think about it the whole wedding concept is just one big bribe - we bribe the couple for free food and drink by showing up, and in some cases giving gifts (and giving it six months), and they bribe use with food and wine so that their half of the church fills out and they don't look like losers. how sentimental am i.

the only thing i'm looking forward to is drinking to the happy couple. i'm feeling so generous i may drink to several happy (or unhappy) couples. especially those recent ones in massachussetts. it makes my heart smile to see jerry fallwell squirm.

album du jour: medicine the mechanical forces of love

medicine's new singer, shannon lee, is the daughter of bruce lee. and their original singer, annette zalinskas, was a member of the bangles way back when. i'm a useless fact monger.

gal-dern

when i'm doing my daily walking i have all these great thoughts to write down on here, and i try to make mental notes so i can remember them, but it's all an exercise in futility (the only real exercise i ever get). i really wonder how many brain cells i've killed over the years from the drinking, etc. i used to have a great memory.

speaking of drinking, i saw a commercial last night for those hangover pills that you're supposed to take before you go to bed after a drinking night, and supposedly you'll wake up hangover-free. but the problem i see with these is trifold: one, if i'm fucked up is there any chance i'm going to remember to take one? two, what drunk person has such keen dexterity that they can hang on to a very small pill long enough to get it into their mouth (unless the name of the piill ends in -xycontin or -alium or -anax...)? and three, if i took one while completely sober would i get drunk? that last one is inane, but i needed another bullet point so i could use the word "trifold" (i also considered "three-pronged"). and i feel my opinion on this matter should count, as i am the textbook definition of "target market".

next week i will be in san antonio visiting my parents et. al. family for the thanksgiving holiday. i think when i'm in texas i'm going to blog as a country boy. my nom-de-plume will be bill-bob dinkford (unless someone has a better one). i will not be listening to country music. san antonio is really more of a salsa area anyway.

i won't listen to salsa either.

album du jour: medicine her highness

this is only the second of the week. two more up and coming. just freaking fantastic.

wish i could score with hawk girl

you know it's almost impossible to have an original thought these days. everything, no matter how revolutionary or innovative you think it may be, has been done or thought of somewhere. and in most cases many many times. what a depressing thought. my personality and life is just a big amalgomation of cliches. i could do something really outlandish or extreme now and then....but someone has assuredly done it before, and probably even taken it further.

walking today i noticed that one of our neighbors has an astounding FIVE trash cans. i really wish i had my camera with me to share this with everyone (i'm getting one soon), because their yard could not have been more strewn with garbage. not a single one of the trash cans was even close to full capacity ( i couldn't even see garbage in a few of them, not that i stopped and made close examinations). what a nice example to explain irony to the lower classes.

then this little kid came to show me his incredible hulk action figure. it was kind of grotesque (and the toy was ugly too.....OH! SNAP! ETC.!).

i don't normally watch cartoons, but i caught the justice league on cartoon network last night, and there was this great line where hawk girl, mace in hand, flew at a creature to attack it and yelled "hawk girl smash!" it made me laugh, plus it could be a good band name.

album du jour: snowdonnas over now

flower child

ever notice how anytime people go on vacation they always use the saying "what happens in xxxxxx stays in xxxxxx". that really annoys me. it seems like just a jackass excuse people use to be sluts on vacation. again, too much tv for me.

i've actually been doing alot of yardwork this week. not just cutting the grass, which is surprisingly satisfying, but also digging up weeds in the flower beds and just some all-around grooming. aren't i the man-man. nothing more masculine than coddling your azaleas.

i woke up early to vote today, even though i doubt any of the people i voted for are going to win. still, i believe in the whole civic duty concept, so i had sort of a moral obligation.

album du jour: medicine the buried life

i just ordered about four cd's of medicine so i may be listing alot of them in the upcoming days. if my bloody valentine and curve had sex and produced offspring this is what they'd sound like.

wah sohhhh

i haven't laughed so hard in such a long time as i did while watching most extreme elmination challenge tonight. it's a stupid japanese stunt show, but sooo hilarious. my throat hurts from gafawing.

my cat seems hell-bent on being very obtrusive. she's trying to settle in between my arms while i'm typing on my computer. what an attention whore.

speaking of which, some of you may have noticed i've whored myself out a bit as well (notice the ads?). what can i say, i have to finance my every-growing liquid drano addiction.

my personality and the lifestyle to which i am accustomed are not conducive to working a nine-to-five job for little money and less appreciation.

and hey hey, le tigre is on last call tonight with will ferrell....that just makes my weekend.

album du jour: centro-matic love you just the same

mele Kalikimaka

this morning (afternoon really, my relative morning) i tried a can of red bull energy drink. it did not give me wings. it gave me a stomach ache. probably just as well though, as one can costs two dollars. i bet it would go well with vodka (what doesn't????).

i've noticed some other people have these lists of 100 interesting facts about themselves on their blogs. i've been thinking about doing it, although i have no idea whether or not i could make it to 100. i may comprise several different lists actually. i already have my depressing things going, then i may do the above-mentioned, and maybe a list of my 100 favorite albums. that would have to be an ever-changing lexicon though (the list is alive. and i think thursdays for me are now going to be shoegaze days and fridays are eighties days. although i'm not sure about this--i've not been a fan of theme days in the past. i had a bad experience once with a hawaiian shirt once (hey that could be interesting fact #1). i don't want to talk about it.

really i should make an entire page dedicated to shoegazing. at least for myself.

album du jour: cranes tragedy of orestes and electra

i need to stop spending money, i'm on a one-way road to nomoneyville (which i believe is in wisconsin somewhere). wish there wasn't so much goddam good music to buy. actually if i'm wishing for stuff i wish i had more money.

this is no novel idea

it is much easier to write about the negative. no news like bad news, misery loves company, on and on. when nothing terrible is going on all you have is the hum-drum minutia of everyday life, and it's problematic when blogging (for me anyway) because who really wants to read about a paper cut or stepping in dog shit. my stream of consciousness (goddam james joyce) then makes me wonder whether i write for myself or the reader(s) (a tad conceited of me to add that -s no?). but isn't that human nature - to seek the approval of others. maybe that's my stream of subconsciousness (suck on it joyce) rearing its ugly head. acquiescence sucks ass (try saying "acquiescence sucks ass" out loud - it's almost pretty).

album du jour: laika wherever i am i am what is missing

if you haven't seen bowling for columbine i would really recommend it. maybe my favorite movie i've seen in 2003 (although it came out in 2002).

it's going to rain. i need to cut the grass (and perhaps kick ass). i just know i'm going to step in dog shit. probably more than once. you'd think i'd be used to stepping in it by now. maybe afterward i'll open mouth and insert foot....what a lovely thought.

i received an e-card (or so i was lead to believe) from an anonymous admirer. i have a strong hunch though that i am being romanced by a marketing company. ah well, beggars can't be choosers (oh marketing company! that's it marketing company!! do it to me marketing company! yes yes yes!).

(un?)common denominators

i'm so weak. i have been sucked in. all i wanted to do was see what was on. flipping channels...i do it all the time. now i can't stop watching average joe on nbc, and i either completely hate myself or completely hate everybody else in the world (you too), or maybe i love everything (you too) like i'm on ecstacy. something is just not right with the universe tonight. what am i saying, when is everything right with the universe.

on the positive side i did get to see the eclipse.

album du jour: swervedriver mezcal head

i'm trying to go to bed without the aid of antihistamines and it just isn't working. maybe i'll stay awake all night so i can watch mystery science theater in the morning. i forget what time it comes on.

disgruntled icarus

occasionally on a quiet weekend night such as tonight i wonder how many people out there are making that double-backed beast simultaneously. kind of a peculiar musing right? it strikes me every now and then, and at best it's a fleeting thought (except of course when i have the inclination to write about it and immortalize it forever on a computer server somewhere). it has no effect on my mental state either way (believe it or not). human nature it is, yadda blah womp. anyway, just a thought.

i hope i can see the lunar eclipse tomorrow night. the lunars are always so much better than the solars. i think solar eclipses are the bastards of the eclipse world. fucking sun.

album du jour: enon high society

posthumous post

it's actually friday when i'm writing this...thinking of something noteworthy to mention about thursday. i spent all day pretty much downloading hotfixes and patches and service packs for my computer that i've been putting off forever. not sure why i was dreading it... but it's done.

thinking about buying a digital camera. just something cheap. my friend just bought a webcam and i was chatting with her yesterday while looking at her simultaneously. not a novel idea, but new to me. i initially wanted to get one too, but then i thought, do i really want people looking at me while i'm on here. i'd end up forgetting it was on and then molesting myself for all to see. and that just wouldn't be good for anyone.

album du jour: some girls feel it

juliana hatfield and frieda love from the blake babies reformed to make some girls with heidi glick (bass, formerly of the pieces). and if you don't know of the blake babies, well, my god.

spin city

while watching rich girls earlier on mtv (not proud of it, but at least applaud my honesty) i had a great idea for a freind of mine and i to make our own tv show called poor old dudes. instead of riding around in a limo, they could film us pushing his car down the road after it stalls. and come with us to goodwill as we look for clothes that could pass for semi-new (as opposed to the 5th avenue ventures of the rich girls). and also, instead of having our own private catered parties, we could be shown trying to get buzzed on cheap vodka before going to a no-cover bar with $1.00 bourbon (even though we sneak our own liquor in with small flasks). or us fucked up at 3 in the morning trying to make a meal out of whole wheat tortillas and ice cubes. perhaps a condiment or two. and our big drama scenes would involve us fighting over the last chalupa we saved up for from taco bell. yeah.

album du jour: tahiti 80 puzzle

do people with confederate flags on their pick-up trucks even vote???

stupefied, arbitrary and capricious

i've been rather busy all day with some entrepeneurial ventures, so i'm mentally drained at present. i will need napping soon. there should be a really entertaining debate tonight on cnn, as long as the posers don't ask stupid underwear-related questions. right now i'm rooting for sharpton. why the hell not.

my mp3 player came in the mail, sans ac adapter. i had a gut-wrenching conversation with an asian customer service rep concerning ordering another one. merd. i only mention the fact that she was asian because of the implied communication problems, not because i am an a-hole. i've heard there's enough anti-semitic sentiment going around at the moment anyway. peace and love, peace and love.

big day tomorrow. i am reborn anew (redundancey is intentional here) in my own being, hypothetically.

album du jour: teenage fanclub four thousand seven hundred and sixty-six seconds: a short cut to teenage fanclub

on principle i am against all greatest hits collections, but if you've never listened to teenage fanclub then i guess this is a good start. there are also 3 new ones that i thought were fab.

and how about dressy bessy on last call friday night...i love it when bands who are performing live really and truly exude this pure joy when they play. you can see which ones absolutely love their craft and wouldn't rather be doing anything else in the world. you could pick up on that from dressy bessy. and that tammy ealom...she could reeeeallly teach me a thing or two or twenty.

dark coupon

what does it mean to do things in moderation. hypothetically, if i avoided all things i considered to be exterme--the highs and lows of life--would i be happier? i hear people all the time say that moderation is key to happiness, but isn't it all relative? for instance, right now i either go out acting super-social and drink until i can't feel feelings, or i sit alone in my room, blinds drawn, without human contact and don't drink at all. therein lies a high and low for me. let's say there is someone else, a thirty-something married woman who regularly has trite dinner parties with her husband and a few other thirty-something couples on a weekly basis (they probably even have some anal rotating schedule worked out as to whose house they meet at each week). she doesn't get too drunk, if at all, partakes in conversations about danielle steele or window treatments (which would absolutely give me a nosebleed) and goes home at 9:30 or so. on a regular day she may have a glass or highball of something with dinner, or right after work, or whatever. and that's it. her high is a few drinks with friends weekly, and her low one or two daily.

what i'm thinking about in all this is whether imaginary lady dervies more overall happiness from her life of lower highs and higher lows than i do from my current existence comprised of spuradic binges of indulgence (high highs) and hibernation periods (low lows). and really, after all is said and done and you've grown accustomed to one lifestyle or the other, isn't it all just relative good or bad? wouldn't everything just average out?

i'm trying to contort my afforementioned lifestyle into more of a balanced one, closer to but by no means exactly like my example woman (i'd kill myself if i turned into a pastel asshat like that. i could get a part on friends though). i think this is what i hope to achieve by revamping my approach(es) to life and further honing of my societal acumen--happiness and/or contentment through relative moderation. it sounds a bit drab when posed that way. it won't be drab though because i could never tolerate being drab. the world has enough pastel asshats drinking starbucks and shopping with an ikia catalog.

album du jour: the shins chutes too narrow

this lp is almost brazen when compared with their former effort, but still great. the first track kind of floored me actually. bless their hearts.

"Thanks, Joe. Summit, New Jersey was 'burning with boredom now' until you and others reached into it so long ago and saved me from the inertia of typical expectations. And thank fuck for that."

Joe Strummer 1952-2002

i am a (mad) scientist

more regarding my metamorphosis: some of my adaptations will have to occur posthumously to my tentatively scheduled switchover (next week). obviously this isn't all going to be cut and dry (as nothing ever is, unless of course you ask a republican) and will take some fine-tuning. also i don't think i'm going to abandon the former personality completely. there are good aspects of my current self that i would like to retain, such as my penchant for indie and drumming and walking pensively outside. but hopefully the frequency with which i perform these tasks will increase in my next persona.

discipline will be key.

i'm also seriously considering publishing a different blog for the new guy (as was suggested to me by smash). i would still want to maintain the pcp though. still tooling around with this idea.

album du jour: dandy warhols welcome to the monkey house

this has been the album of the day before, but "i am a scientist" is my theme song of today (#5), in addition to being my entry title. also, zia mccabe is a babe and courtney taylor-taylor is full of piss and vinegar and a pompous ass in that good way.

i'm thinking about renting a santa suit to give out candy tonight

synergy

when i got out of the shower earlier i was looking at myself in the condensation-laden mirror. i was out of focus, blurry, and muttled. i liked the way i looked. then i wiped the moisture away and suddenly my faults were spelled out in more disappointing detail. i think that i, phillip, work well as a general idea. my life is good, but you have to put the qualifier "in theory" behind every adjective about it. i am artistic "in theory", i exercise alot "in theory", i'm a cool person "in theory." so forth and so on.

when my second persona comes into effect, sometime next week, i want to be all those things i'd like to think about myself only for real. i don't want to just have good intentions and ideas. i want to be the manifestation of those intentions. i've always suffered from laziness and/or procrastination and/or stupid choices. my other personality will do none of those things. my new personality will have no regrets. my new personality will seize every opportunity.

presently i am a good general idea. i work in theory. i want to work in detail though. to not just say things about myself, but to be those things. that, i think, will be the overall jist of my other persona.

album du jour: joy division unknown pleasures

there's a woman sobbing like crazy on cnn, rambling on about her house that was burned in the ca fires. it's about the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen. i understand the plight of having to rebuild and all, but jesus christ it's just stuff. i can never understand people's attachment to inanimate objects. all that should really matter are the memories, and you can never lose those (aside from senility, death, etc.). and this woman is saying how their neighbor saved their lives by letting them know the fire was coming (*ahembullshit) and about their little cookie jar and baby's first steps and blah blah blah. i'm not a total unsympathetic ass, i just hate it when people are so obtuse as to value things that really don't matter. and this woman is obviously a drama queen who likes the attention. i may burn down my house so i can be on cnn.

rumsfeld is a t-o-o-l

the house of yes

i formulated this theory earlier today that trying to improve myself is at best an arduous task, and i've come to believe an utterly futile one. therefore, i am going to give up fretting over phillip's shortcomings. they no longer concern me.

what i intend to do, is establish another persona, another person devoid of phillip. perhaps by acting as a totally different being i can perpetuate my initiatives of self-improvement. i won't work on phillip anymore, i will work on this new guy, whom i have not yet given a name to.

i'll have to think of a name and more specifics. the notion of splitting my personality is enough for now. i just ordered a real boss mp3 player on-line and the due date for the new guy's takeover will be the day it arrives. sometimes next week more than likely. by then i need a definite schematic of what all this will entail.

i would greatly appreciate suggestions, for a name, habits, mentality, etc. if i use your name you'll win a cookie.

album du jour: erase errata other animals

repultion of the day: network reality tv and shows about rich people

every time i start to forget just how fucking cool michael stipe is he shows up on leno with powder blue eyeliner and a t-shirt that says "emotionally unavailable".

for friday i was thinking about giving out my vhs collection for halloween, since i'm trying to consolidate my belongings. but now i'm feeling lazy so i'm not going to do that, and i think that i'm going to give the whole basket of candy i have to the first kid that comes up to the door so i can turn off the light and go to bed. when did everything that used to be so much fun turn into such a chore. where's the joy, where's the love people??

i'm not pissing on your shoe, it's raining

my god the democratic candidates all seem so limp. i liked bob graham, but he exited stage left. my favorite quote, from none other than al sharpton: "you can plant watermelon seeds but it won't grow oranges". either that or john kerry promoting his "kerry gone wild" tapes. i'd still vote for any one of them over bush. any day of the wekk and twice on sunday.

you know the country is fucked up when our economy sucks rectum, the only money we spend is on a country halfway around the world which we should have let alone, southern california is on fire (and governed by a hardbody), and president bush has just as good a chance of finding weapons in iraq as finding his own ass with two hands and a flashlight (that's not mine, i ripped it from tina fey on snl. i needed something else there).

no wonder all vh1 does these days is remember the 80's.

album du jour: neil halstead sleeping on roads

clatu berata nikto

wow, the american movie classics channel played alien, halloween, and army of darkness in a row tonight. i didn't expect as much from amc. a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

i'm feeling better although not 100%. regardless, i'm going to resume my routine tomorrow so i can feel like something of a living sentient being. i'm all drugged up again, so c'est lavie.

gasp wheeze

dear me my throat is sore. i'm taking all the wonderful over-the-counter meds i have for head colds. they're probably all just fucking tic-tacs though. and the weather finally got colder and i'm too sick to enjoy it. oh cold cruel world.

mtv's new sunday night ass-fest lineup is definitely not going to be part of my weekly routine. i'm twenty-five now, i don't have to put up with jackasses anymore. after all, my insurance premiums went down dammit.

this guy they're making over on queer eye for the straight guy also works behind the bar on the restaurant. check that shit out.

i wanna get hurt!

in honor of my new say anything... dvd, here are a list of things that depress me:

1. pretty girls
2. saturday afternoons
3. weekday morning fog
4. body hair
5. fm radio
6. weekends
7. auto repair shops
8. farms
9. other people's cooking
10. compassionate conservatism
11. okra
12. home depot, lowe's, etc.
13. the man show
14. clairvoyance
15. stupid rich whores
16. local news
17. gravel
18. empty mcdonald's containers on the side of the road
19. get-rich-quick infomercials
20. mtv
21. charlie's angels
22. dramatization
23. documentaries on the lives of rich people
24. network reality tv
25. overzealous hope
26. the nra
27. mississippi
28. "beware of dog" signs
29. tables for one
30. being drunk
31. being sober
32. tractors
33. road construction
34. burning leaves
35. industrial parts of towns
36. texas
37. family gatherings
38. items being sold on the side of the road
39. people who go crazy for fall foliage
40. unappreciated placation
41. girls gone wild
42. the monetarily wealthy
43. ups drivers wearing shorts
44. atv's
45. overdraft fees
46. librarians
47. mountain dew
48. styrofoam
49. women's clothing departments
50. beauty salons
51. dreams that are just a little too good

rocco all day long

what a fun and hedonistic time i had thursday night, and in fact yesterday and today. it's been a very nice birthday weekend. i rented the second charlie's angels movie and it was fucking spectacular. what else would you expect from a director named mc'g. very funny stuff. i rented the new re-enhanced version of the exorcist as well and was rather disappointed. having never seen it, i thought it was supposed to be "the scariest movie ever," as it was billed, so maybe my expectations were just a bit high. at any rate, i've seen better.

i actually sat through a six-hour the restaurant marathon today. it certainly churns up bad memories of my table-waiting days. days gratefully forgotten (i seem to have several periods in my live i consider "gratefully forgotten". ah well).

album du jour: the strokes room on fire

the first time i listened to this album i wanted to cry it was so good. hopefully it's not one of those things that sounds spectacular the first time you hear it and then gets very old very quickly. at the moment anyway i love it.

party on wayne

tonight i'm going out to eat with my aunt and then on to wherever the evening takes me. probably lying in a gutter somewhere until 10 tomorrow morning. i'm more than likely going to break my alcohol-free stretch i've been on. it's been a month though and not hard at all. of course who needs a drink when they're by themselves in their bedroom. although i do drink during those times occasionally as well. ca c'est sad.

i've gotten so much good new music the last couple of days. it really excites me. not in "that" way though. well, perhaps a little.

album du jour: brassy gettin wise

when i was taking out the trash earlier today i started whistling the theme song to dallas for no apparent reason. i don't know why i started thinking of it at that particular time, but what's even more peculiar is that i've never even seen an episode, yet i know the theme song.

the invisible man

i just bought the new travis cd (the first cd i've actually gone to a store and bought retail in about three or four years) and it's reminding me of all the times that i've listened to their previous efforts while in the extreme doldrums of my past. no doubt i will be able to make use of the new release in the same way(s). it's really good, although i've only listened to it twice. sometimes i start to like songs more as i listen to them repeatedly, sometimes less. but this is one of my favorite bands, so i think i'm in for the penny and pound.

going to buy this cd was actually my first time out of the house (out of milton, anyway) in about a month.

happy birthday brosef. i've got two years on you but you're more of an than i think i want to be adult . "send in the clowns" comes to mind. never thought i would make a streisand reference ever. i may as well go buy loafers now.

album du jour: travis 12 memories

sleepy sleeperson

is my "deadgayson" address offensive in any way? someone mentioned to me that it may be, and if so i will change it. i didn't think it was (it's just a great line from the movie heathers). i will do anything to dissuade the tide of ignorance if the name is questionable.

is 58 degrees coat weather?

i sleps for 18 hours last night. i did overdo it on the tylenol pm though, as i was a bit distraught and didn't feel up to the task of pandering to my own conscience.

sometimes i am very grateful for the world around me. i thihk i may be mildly bi-polar, if varying degress of the condition do exist. pretty soon i'll probably have type 2 diabetes as well, if i don't quit all the depression binging. i may try to find a support group for it.

i need this to be a good week. i'm going to try very hard to be positive and not dwell too much concerning that which i cannot change.

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

album du jour: appleseed cast the end of the ring wars

why do i consistently feel inferior to everyone i know or see or hear of. it goes beyond rational thought. i don't know why people use trite adages, such as "it's 99 percent mental". yes, it is, you're absolutely right. so now what. how do i change my way of thinking. what if there are years and years of psychological damage and self-programming that need to be undone. so what now.

cock-a-doodle-doo motherfucker

was looking at our 15-year old little teenage gangster neighbor through my bedrrom window earlier. it was quite a scene--he was sitting in one of those cheap lawn chairs with his shirt off with all his chickens walking around him pecking at the ground. he was smoking a cigarette and ashing into this yellow bucket they have tied to the fence, and just staring at nothing. a penny for what was going through that troubled youth's mind. it would have made a nice abstract black-and-white picture if i had a camera, if i could somehow have fanagled a romantic aura from this little heathen and his chickens.

those foul and their pre-dawn yodling, incidentally, are the reason i don't leave my windows open at night. i think they have cockfights on saturday nights, so tonight i may make an exception.

also, i'm emotionally exhausted from having to deal with myself so much these days. i don't even know what that means.

i rented this movie called spun that sucked. it dealt with the lives of meth addicts/makers. i thought it would be good since jason schwartzman was in it and rushmore is one of my favorite movies. but it wasn't good. it sucked.

album du jour: kitchens of distinction the death of cool

dirty bubbles

not sure why but i was thinking about these two girls who i went to junior high with that hung out together all the time. their names happened to be dawn and joy. it just occurred to me today that those are both names of dishwashing soaps. i don't know why i think of that now, or why it never occurred to me before. i wonder if anybody who knew me in the past ever wonders what i'm doing, or who's alive and who's not. i just assume that at present everyone i went to school with has at least married once and shot out or fathered at least one demon spawn, if not several from different partners. i guess i grew up around alot of sluts. ironic that i didn't score until age 19.

i keep expecting to wake up from my days

"if you read your poetry aloud to me i'll have to show you to the door"

album du jour: my bloody valentine loveless

from "My Bloody Valentine" by Joe McGlinchey (Jan. 1996)

It was on one late December evening in 1991 that I received my first exposure to the band My Bloody Valentine. A friend and I were watching television and flipping through various channels. We finally settled on what I believe was MTV's "120 Minutes" program. For most of the videos we saw, we weren't terribly impressed. But throughout the My Bloody Valentine video, we didn't say a word. We just sat and listened. After the video, my friend managed to state, "Wow! That was very good!" I didn't think about them for the next month and a half.

In February, back at school in Boston, I made one of my usual excursions into Tower Records. By this time, I could barely remember the name of the band. I merely thought of them as "that blissed-out band with vocals but no lyrics". I picked up their latest release, "Loveless", brought it home, and popped in my roommate's CD player. I remember that by the time I reached track #3 (a short, bizarre instrumental entitled "Touched"), my roommate, all the while in the same room, frowned and said, "What the fuck is this whale music?" I took this as a promising sign, since his musical inclinations leaned more towards the greatest hits of Night Ranger, R.E.O. Speedwagon, and Roxette. This is known in testing as good construct validity.

As I listened to "Loveless" more and more, I came to know and appreciate each track as discrete and accomodating.....

tempt

my good friend jill from new york city is going to be in town next weekend for my birthday festivities (by "festivities" i mean the drinking of both cranberry juice and vodka....perhaps even together). how fortuitous for me. i almost went into lafayette tonight (whaaaaa?) but decided to save the funds for next week.

sometimes i hate it when movies have a profound effect on me. not to say that i just saw a movie that had a "real" profound effect on me, but perhaps a small degree of profoundness. especially when i'm in a quasi-pleasant mood and am then brought back to normal levels of malaise by said movie. the universe is not well when i am almost cheery. so, fuck you universe (what's the worst that could happen right?).

album du jour: mates of state team boo

just got my brady brock cd in the mail along with a dvd--all the real girls--both of which i will take in and comment on later. getting wonderful shwag in the mail always brightens up my day. plus i think i'm going to try a different walking route, which should be more scenic and not as fraught with little teenage gangsters and traffic. speaking of the ltg's, our neighbor was visited by the lafayette consolidated government dog catcher this morning. their matron figure (mother superior?) was not pleased. very entertaining for me though. i could be watching cops on tv (which i never do) and then just look out my window and get the live version. whoo-ha.

if anybody ever smiles at me again i'm going to freak out

born anew after a really good nap and i have an odd sensation that mosquitos are biting me. it is 10 pm and i am ready to face the day, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and really looking forward to some good quality infomercials. has anyone ever seen the old juice man who has the eyebrows that look like....i guess moustaches, above his eyes. wild, wild stuff.

album du jour: sam roberts We Were Born In a Flame

per aspera ad astra, or something to that effect

think i'm going to copy all my dvd's to vhs and then sell them on e-bay. it's not that i'm hard-up for cash, just hard-up for space (i can fit 2-3 dvd's on one tape). plus i'm trying to be as liquid as possible should the opportunity to move arise. i always get junk mail proclaiming the wonderful world of e-bay money-making opportunities. don't think i have the business savvy to pull something like that off, or the courageousness to be an entrepeneur. plus i'm sure there has to be some initial investment, and i'm saving all the profits from my crank biz to buy crack.

i pawned my guitar two years ago and i'm starting to wish i hadn't. at the time i needed the funds, but in retrospect i shouldn't have. isn't hindsight always annoyingly 20/20. i'm thinking about buying this $300 electronic drum set that looks really cool. i think i have rythm and i'd like to find out for sure. i'll probably never be able to do anything but daydream about being in a band, but it's better than daydreaming about....well...nothing.

considering starting smoking. not sure why.

way too much caffeine this morning and got somewhat nauseous. not to the point of regurgitation (as i rarely throw up anything), but certainly a noteworthy modicum of discomfort. i think i've lost my taste for coffee (gasp). i may stick with my diet coke from now on. i'm not really a fan of drinking hot liquids anyway (tommy tell me you got that on tape!!!!).

does anyone else think that amy sederis is just uh-dorable? i just got the first season of strangers with candy on dvd (and taped it). very raunchy and wonderful stuff.

album du jour: dismemberment plan change

lowlights

what does it say when the highlight of your day is getting back into bed to either take a nap or go to sleep for the night. perhaps on a sunday it doesn't say much, as most of the working world (including some deities i'm told) rest on sunday. even the tv doesn't comfort me on days like this, sporting (pun intended) nothing but football and baseball and golf hoop-la. i would love to watch the televangelists but i can't get up that early. sundays are also slow news days, so i get no assistance in that department either.

so i sleep.

album du jour: saturday looks good to me all your summer songs

a very happy birthday to a friend of mine. no i am not a friend of mine.

digestion and foreboding

god i ate too much and now i feel like some turgid, anna-nicolesque land mass.

i was perusing some vintage clothing on-line earlier and i really wanted to buy something (in addition to really needing to buy something), but i don't know my size (jackets) and also i have a hard enough time picking out something when i can actually try it on. so i yielded to my better judgement (which is still pretty bad) and decided to wait.

weekend weekend weekend...it has no meaning to me anymore. just crappier programming on tv, plus all the goddam sports.

album du jour: garageland do what you want

gerbil

over the years i think i've adopted a buddhist philosophy without ever really knowing what buddhism entailed. i was reading about it and it's startling how much of its ideals i already subscribe to, which is not to say i'm ready to characterize myself as a full-fledged devotee. it has been quite a while since i had any sort of defined belief system in my life though, and i guess i could use some universal reference points (of sorts). plus it would give me something to check off when i'm filling out personal info on various applications/web sites besides other.

it's funny to be able to look at any television personality and think that they like to fuck. because you know everyone does, and you see these pristine television personalities who are always projected into your home as wholesome and upstanding and innocent. but you know that behind every news anchor or sit-com mom or disney channel host lies a sexual pervert. all the world's a stage.

i was trying to come up with a nice segue between buddhism and sexual perversion, but i'm at a loss. i'm sure i could conjure something involving richard gere, but i just don't have the strength.

album du jour: tiger trap tiger trap

performance fleece

why is it that watching an old navy commercial makes me feel like i'm retarded, or tripping on acid or something. very bizarre.

i had zero energy when i woke up this morning. perhaps the weather, perhaps not. i slept plenty last night, but i just had nothing. so i went back to be and slept the rest of the afternoon. i didn't even go walking. today definitely sported a theme of fuggit.

the cat is spending the night outside it seems. that just means i'm going to have to climb a tree or crawl under the house and get scratched up tomorrow. at least it's something to do.

album du jour: brady brock warm american sweater

so arnold is governor. does anyone else not really care?

album du jour: paloalto heroes and villains

mozzletov

would it be considered ultra-chic to not drive a car these days? what if i decided to just take cabs everywhere? i think the cost would really be a washout compared with owning a car. take into account the car note, insurance, the ever-climbing price of gas (vote against bush), maintenance, and miscellaneous court fees due to involuntary and/or voluntary vehicular manslaughter (i need to quit thinking about pedestrians in terms of their point value). if you met someone who could drive but just chose not to, could that be construed as post-modern? is post-modern even a good thing anymore? i could chalk it up to being an eco-freak, which i'm not, but it's not an entirely non-unique (double negative day also falls on yom kipper) philosophy. what's more it makes me sound almost deep, which i think i am although i can somehow never seem to convey. i guess there are various rationales for cabbing that could be passable. in the words of keanu reeves at the 2001 mtv movie awards, "i have so many questions yet so few answers."

album du jour: rainer maria a better version of me

chicken, egg

there are job offers i get, but for various logistical reasons i can't take them. right now if i had a vehicle i could be making mondo moo-lah, but i need mondo moo-lah to get a car. i'm really starting to think that the universe has this master plan of bending me over a cosmic barrel and shoving a big red ball in my mouth. what is a poor boy to do. i'm going to whore myself out; move to detroit and do things for money i never thought i'd have to do.

album du jour: joy division unknown pleasures

nevermind the bollocks

my word tina fey is a catch. she's married though. maya--hot, amy poeler--hot. i can't watch the news because the anchors are too gorgeous, now the trend is infringing on my snl ritual. i love the jb though, always and forever.

i ditched the wedding today, which i don't think made much of a difference. my parents said they had a fender-bender on the way back from baton rouge with an unlicensed crackhead. quite a tale, and quite glad am i that i did not witness it first hand. i'm not around people that often, but i'd rather be alone all day than encounter the dregs, although my ego could stand some edification through relativity now and then.

also, the preview for scary movie 3 was just on. i think i'm dumber than i was a few seconds ago.

album du jour: buzzcocks singles going steady

i watched the movie 24 hour party people today (fantastic) and it reminded me how much i used to love punk. and really the buzzcocks inspired alot of my favorite bands to date (ash, idlewild, et. al. brit rock). ostensibly the sex pistols in fact influenced the buzzcocks, but i prefer the latter.

paradoxical acquiescence

this is to what i refer

i must be a total poseur since i don't like sonic youth (truthfully), the velvet underground or john spencer blues explosion. wouldn't that make me ultra-indie though, since i'm even contradicting the supposed established indie methos? yeah, i'll just keep telling myself that.

i am proud to say, though, that i don't subscribe to rolling stone or spin. anymore....

my cousin is getting married tomorrow in baton rouge, and i must attend. i can't say i'm looking forward to it--i'll have to field several variations of the questions "what are you doing these days?" and/or "whare are you working?" to which i will repeat the carbon-copy answer numerous humiliating times. although i am thinking of conjuring impressive anecdotes as to my profession (i'm an architect). i'll probably just try to find a way to chalk it up to whimsy (i'm livin' large my nigga'..... yeah, at my aunt's. no, no job. car? ummm not yet. girlfriend? no. money? no. reason for living? not really sure...)

album du jour: sense field living outside

i just got this cd and it's really really good. a pleasant surprise on an otherwise painfully regular day.

from Davezilla.com

Rush Limbaugh, the man who put the pig in capitalist pig, was fired from ESPN for making a comment that could be construed as racist. This would not be the first time Rush has shown his true color (hint=ultra white). Since he’s now off the tube, and in trouble for drug abuse, I thought he might want another job to supplement the dimishing audience of his radio show. Here’s my picks:

Super-villain in a Steven Segal film
Model for Big Boy
Weapon of Mass Destruction (drop him over Iraq)
Colombian drug lord’s bodyguard
Elephant trainer
World’s largest laundromat dryer
Filling hot air balloons
Wine press
Sumo wrestler
Test subject for frightening new drugs
Sea World attraction
Thanksgiving Day parade float
Mongolian war monger
Imperial Wizard of the Klan
Buoy
Steamroller
Easter Island head
World War II Revisionist
Body double for the moon

rate of decay

did anyone know that there is a GOP gay group who call themselves the "log cabin republicans"? i don't know if it's a reference to lincoln's questionable sexuality or (possibly and) just a pun.

whenever i put on clothes that i think make me presentable i always feel like a stiff breeze will make me look utterly unkempt. my rate of decay is pretty fast in terms of going from passable to what-the-fuck. i don't know why that is, perhaps just my body structure. is it possible to be narcissistic and self-loathesome at the same time?

i'm thinking of getting rid of my television. i don't know what effect it would have, although i'm hoping it will force me to read more and become more productive and perhaps creative. maybe trying to ditch tv and alcohol in the same week isn't wise for me though. baby steps, baby steps.

album du jour: stereolab emperor tomato ketchup

stereolab to me is either hit or miss

i fucking hate hope. it rides on my back with a stick and a carrot and digs its spurs into my back, which i also hate. and i fucking hate myself for time and time again trying for that goddamned carrot. fucking hope.

and incidentally, fuck psychiatrists. bullshit posturing.

and fuck your yankee blue jeans.

i pulled a muscle in my left foot while walking (feet have muscles?) and somehow i got a splinter under my right foot, even though our floors are either tiled or carpeted. not a good day for feet.

album du jour: francine 28 Plastic Blue Versions of Endings Without You

this haiku is not mine

i have no haiku
shit hell cock ass dick bitch cunt
fuck you now i do

album du jour: blake babies god bless the blake babies

if you're ever confronted with the opportunity to watch the movie XX/XY please save yourself the time. it was....not....good, although maya stange is the most gorgeous woman on the planet. she's in a movie called garage days that i can't wait to see, but isn't on video as of yet.

day in the life

the small 4-year old whom i pass by on my walks every day (i refer to him as chunk) threw a dirt clod at me today. he has a rather deadly eye for a yout (what is a yout??). anyway, throw another indignity on the pile.

i opened the windows in my room today, and not even an hour later the little teenage gangsters (ltg's) that live next door lit a fire in their backyard which yielded a wonderfully pungent smoke that infiltrated my fortess of solitude. thus the window-opening experiment was terminated.

my cat is getting somewhat obese, and she can't go outside (the neighborhood strays chased her up a tree last time we let her out and it took 3 days to get her down), so i'm thinking of getting a harness and leash and walking her up and down the hall. or i could buy a treadmill and "teach" her to use it. wouldn't that be a gas.

album du jour: mc honky i am the messiah

here you can listen to "what a bringdown" which is my song of the day

i love the riaa more than fox news

article from cnn.com:

BOSTON, Massachusetts(AP) -- The recording industry has withdrawn a lawsuit accusing a 66-year-old woman, who says she didn't even have file-sharing software, of illegally sharing hundreds of songs including rap.

The lawsuit against sculptor Sara Seabury Ward was among 261 lawsuits filed this month by the Recording Industry Association of America as part of a fight against Internet file-trading.

It accused her of illegally sharing more than 2,000 songs through the file-sharing service Kazaa, including rapper Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug."

The industry threatened to hold her liable for up to $150,000 for each song.

But Ward's lawyer, Jeffrey Beeler wrote in a letter to industry representatives that Ward was a "computer neophyte" who never even installed file-sharing software on her computer, The Boston Globe reported Wednesday.

In fact, Ward uses a Macintosh computer at home, and Kazaa runs only on Windows-based computer programs, Beeler noted.

The case, filed in federal court in Boston, was dropped Friday.

However, RIAA lawyer Colin Zick added that "we will continue our review of the issues you raised and we reserve the right to refile the complaint against Mrs. Ward if and when circumstances warrant."

Neither Zick nor Ward immediately returned calls seeking comment Wednesday morning.

album du jour: rufus wainwright want one

i love fox news

i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news

just because they do a much better job of discrediting themselves than i or anyone else ever could. i love fox news.

divorce cont'd

perhaps i can elaborate a bit more on my anti-alcohol propaganda from yesterday. i don't want to go into details, because frankly i'm trying to forget the ones i can remember. just as a cautionary tale, i will say that i accidentally called my parents at 5 in the a.m. thinking i was calling a friend. my mom answered and i demanded to know what she was doing at my friend's house, you know, since she and my dad have been going out for 26 years or so and i thought she was being unfaithful. at any rate, i hung up on her once i realized my mistake (astounding i realized it at all). luckily she and my dad had their moments when they were younger and were very understanding, so we just had a nice laugh about it the day after.

my only concern in getting on the wagon (or off the wagon, whichever it is) is that i'll be able to be relaxed enough to be around people without the aid of the demon liquor (and my diablo cocktails). i know i can resist alcohol, i don't know if i can be comfortable (socially, that is). everyone pray to their respective gods for me.

maybe i should try a different substance. i hear wonderful things about paint thinner.

album of the day: zero 7 simple things

i first listened to this album a couple of years ago and didn't care for it. then i gave it another chance today and really liked it. go fig

divorce

i think it is very important that i make a concerted effort to eliminate all alcohol consumption from my lifestyle (perhaps with the exception of nyquil). drinking has never brought me anything but grief and i need to know if i can be sociable without it. this is going to be ugly.

my nomination for one of the best characters of all time is one charles de marr

album of the day: ned's atomic dustbin god fodder

post-hoc

today is such a beautiful day that i almost went outside (almost). i did, however, open the blinds in my room, which i don't believe i've done since march. i've been thinking about doing the brian wilson stay-in-bed-forever thing, but i decided it would be a bit easier and not as detrimental to do a subdued variation. i've been a hermit for a while, so now i'm just trying to be cool by saying i'm imitating brian wilson after-the-fact. hindsight = 20/20

even though i'm not a smoker, i really wish i had a joint to go outside with. the only time i enjoy it is when it's daytime, i'm alone, and i'm outside. not a social smoker (i guess i'm anti-smocial).

album of the day: built to spill keep it like a secret

chunk

there's this little fat kid that lives near us who says hi to me every time i walk past his house. he's four years old, and every time i pass he asks me a different question. today he asked if i had a mom and dad, and i said yes. then he asked if i had a kid, and i said no. then he asked if i was a kid, to which i said of course. i really want to teach him to do the truffle shuffle (from the goonies) but i don't know if his parents would appreciate it. still, the kid cracks me up.

album of the day: ride nowhere

social darwinism

while i was walking today i saw a man and two little boys, roughly around ten years old, tooling with two small motorbikes on the side of the road. when i passed by a second time, the two boys were lined up aside each other while the father (i'm assuming) stood 20 feet or so in front of them acting as the starting light. the kids took off and sped down the road (sans helmets) at probably 30 miles and hour, at least. i can understand kids wanting to do this; i'm sure it was a blast. how could an adult, though, not only let this go on but encourage it? shit like that really raises my blood pressure. you would think that, given enough time, all the really ignorant ghetto cajun people will kill themselves off.

album of the day: lush gala

i love raymond

if anyone notices that alot of contradictory notions go through my mind quite often, please point them out when they do. i'm more often than not self-aware and hyper-analytical as per my own thoughts, but my memory isn't what it used to be (what with all the crack smoking and drano sniffing i did back in grade school) so sometimes i get caught up with a particular emotion du jour and forget that i sang a different tune at an earlier time.

i got a call from a staffing service asking if i wanted a contract job in kingsville, texas. the logistics of the whole thing rendered it impossible, but at least it's something of a positive affirmation (of which i get very few these days).

has anyone dabbled with friendster? i'm not sure if it's worth signing up for.

album of the day: goldfrapp black cherry

i don't love raymond

there is an up-and-coming rem concert in new orleans, to which a local radio station is giving away tickets and back stage passes to some lucky winner. it's ironically sad, that whoever wins will be someone who listens to the radio all the time, and therefore cannot possibly be a true follower of rem. i'm sure stipe would be so impressed to meet this specimen. can you play that's me in the corner? i love that song!

and actually and rather conincidentally there's a sold-out radiohead concert this week to which 96.5 is giving front row seats/back stage passes away. the winner will probably be someone calling in because he or she abolutely loved the "so fucking special" song because it was totally written about them.

i have no faith in anybody these days

i walked in the rain today and it was nice.

album of the day: the sex pistols never mind the bollocks

sitting here making compilations cds for friends

I wish i was friends with carson daly
Casey Kasem is the devil
I would rather eat my own nut sack than watch old people dance on a late saturday afternoon

fables of the reconstruction

so, really, what is it that you think you know? about anything? please, i want to know. and desperattely, because i am ostensibly clueless. what's more, i don't think i care anymore. especially about myself..yeah, cry me a river asses. what would you do...suck on this: the great mass of men lead lives of great desperation.

name the author and win a cookie.

album of the day: sahara hotnights jennie bomb

prove to me that you are somehow worthy of this album and i will befriend you. or just send me an e-mail that says "hi" and i'll be nice as well :o)

classgear brand

the following is something i wrote a couple years ago wehn i was closer to alright:

there are always people telling us what we want, how they will provide it, and what we should believe. convictions are infetious, and people can make others convinced of almost anything. we are typically ready to believe that our ways, our beliefs, our religion, our politics are better than theirs, or that our god-given rights trump theirs or that our interests require defensive or proactive, or pre-emptive strikes against them. ultimately, it is ideas for which people kill each other. it is because of notions about what the others are like, or who we are, or what our interests/rights require, that we go to war, or oppress others with a good conscience, or even sometimes acquiesce in our own oppression by others. when these beliefs involve the slumber of reason, critical awakening is the antidote. introspection enables us to step abck, to see our perspective on a situation as possibly distorted or even blind; at the very least to see if there is argument or preferring our ways, or whether it is just subjective. could there, though, be drawbacks to said antidote? the area between narcisism and envy is gray, and certainly there exists some rather tumultuous overstep. (cont'd)

there's alot more, but at present i've had too much wine and don't feel like transcribing it from my classgear notebook. maybe i will at another date. i can't say why i felt like bringing this up now, except that i was reading through my writing(s) and was somewhat vilified by this segment. if anyone wants some more let me know. this first installment is free....

album of the day: beulah yoko

mikey will try anything

out of boredom this afternoon i took my can of office depot compressed air and put the little cocktail straw attached to it in my mouth and tried breathing it in, just to see what would happen. nothing did. i need to get another can of air though.

it's probably a dangerous sign when life gets so monotonous that you start looking for things around the house to ingest and/or inhale.

my little cousins found half a pack of cigarettes in my desk drawer, which were leftovers from the last time i went out. they gave me one of those child-like innocent looks and asked what i was doing with them. i answered by asking them what they were doing scrounging around in my desk. but the damage is done, i feel like a bad influence (although i only smoke when drinking. i should have told them that. it sounds much better right?). as if i didn't have enough indignities in my life to worry about, now i'm getting them from children.

album of the day: hooverphonic blue wonder power milk

they have a newer one out, but i prefer this one

on the news: a beautiful and popular 22-year old girl is missing. her parents on camera make pleas. a small segment is put together for the national television program. what about the missing ugly girls with no friends? i guess they can only grace our milk cartons.

john donne right on

why does seemingly every person on earth feel the need to couple at a certain age? i see person after person grow up, whether it be friends or relatives or celebrities or whoever, and like clockwork they just pair up with someone at or around a certain age. i don't understand society's need for compulsory companionship just because it's the time to do it. maybe people need outside validation. there seems to be some unwritten law that you should be with someone and eventually get married and have babies. i do understand the need for species perpetuation, but it gets very old very quickly when every single person you know or know of is paired off like like some prize cow. why is the duo ideal, and why do people feel bad for the lone. noone makes movies about some guy or girl trying to get out of being a couple (for the pure sake of being single), only getting into one (or variations upon variations thereof). i don't know why i have this axe to grind. really. i'm sure there's some deep-rooted need for self-validation that's trying to come out somewhere in there, but that can be said about almost anything anyone does. so anyway, i'm going to defiantly make efforts to be proud of being an island unto myself and try to celebrate solitude (after i buy some vaseline of course).

album of the day: the weakerthans reconstruction site

cause i'm fucking tired

my favorite dr. phil quotes from letterman (taken wonderfully out of context):

When I was like...4th, 5th, 6th, 7th grade, I raised pigeons.
I would eat Coco Puffs if I got hungry enough.
Do you realize that you can't play the game of life with sweaty palms?
I wanna be Miss America.
The day's OK, and then I smoke dope and get over it.
Kids hate me.
Daddy loves you.
Oh, I'm just casually taking heroin.
From this point forward I want you to start living as a gay woman.
You're fat, stupid, and a pig.
You bastard!
I can't believe you aren't happy for me, you wretched bitch.
If I have to cry, then I'll cry. If crying doesn't get it done, then alright, I'll start choking.
You know what? I'm a big boy.
When I spit at my mother, bad things happen.
(to a young girl) You're not a good person.

yeah, this is one of those lazy entries that result when i have nothing worthwhile to write about (not that writing about my cat regurgitating yesterday was gold or anything). i'm just on the cusp of a slumber that i pray (not literally) will last at least 15 numb hours. they say these otc antihistamines aren't "habit-forming" (such a nicer word than "addictive"). i'm not so sre abii ut thhth. ,, ,mna.t .. ........lk...................

album of the day: le tigre feminist sweepstakes

find it odd that a male would like girls of rage music? well suck on it, it's good.

fret, cat, dog, football

in my junk mail folder today i found a message with a subject that i thought read "she said you were the shit in bed" but it actually said "she said you were shit in bed". talk about getting your hopes up and then taking the rug out. and who is this "she" anyway....now i'm wrought with anxiety (moreso than usual).

my cat threw up this afternoon and i had to clean it. that was the highlight of my day. that, and i tried to go walking about half an hour ago but the pitt bulls that cletus and zeke and ethlene and scout (and why not, jem) keep on the corner of our block (tied to the their refrigerator) sounded a bit more awn-ry than usual so that was the end of that. of course i told my aunt that i had a really manly injury (which i somehow sustained while walking...) and just couldn't persist. and yet odd it is that i feel okay sharing it on my blog with my nearest and dearest. i gave up on pride long ago, as anyone who knows me will attest (i guess except my aunt).

also, being monday night i realized that we are now fully into football season and i am proud to say that i have not watched a single minute. i deduced that the only reason i became enamoured with football last year was because i enjoyed watching all the people having such a goot time and tried to live vicariously through them. either that or all the pretty colors. regardless, i'm making small stabs at self-improvement (i'm the tim allen of self-improvement, only i have less of an idea as to what i'm doing).

album of the day: kenickie the john peel sessions

bustamante baby

i read today how president clinton did some campaigning against the recall in california apparently trying to pull gray davis out of the political mud (shitpile rather). it's all unconstitutional without a doubt, but part of me really wanted to be able to say "governor cruz bustamante". ben stiller made a gaff about him at the recent mtv video music awards, proclaiming the winner of the video of the year (or whatever category it was, who cares) to be cruz bustamante. not surprisingly noone in the crowd knew what he was talking about. anyway, "bustamante" is the definitive word of the week. it would make a great password.

postscript: how can you not root for bill clinton, he's so charming

album of the day: elf power creatures

how fondly i remember watching three's company with my parents and brother and laughing recklessly at the antics of one jack tripper. of course i was too young to understand all the innuendo going on during the show, but nonetheless i looked forward every week to watching it. as for johnny cash, i have no real feelings one way or the other, except of course for the appreciation of a great artist and respect and value for all human life. it is a tad disconcerting to see justin timberlake interviewed on the news to see what his feelings on the matter are. what has happened to relevance. i guess it's gotten relative. (relative relevance--i'm officially coining the phrase, it's mine).

short entry free of subject matter

i'm only awake for an hour or so right now. i slept all morning, afternoon and night. oh and deary me i missed a day of football. what ever will i do. now i'm going to go eat some grapes and go back to bed. god being awake sucks.

album of the day: fountains of wayne welcome interstate managers
who thinks stacy is hotter than stacy's mom? and doesn't mom look like bo derek?

real skanky

what a wonderful experience it was sitting through the real cancun (the entire movie actually). i rented it because an acquaintence said i looked like one of the people in the movie (although i didn't see it at all) and of course i was curious. suffice it to say, it's an hour-and-a-half of my life i wish i had back.

album of the day: tegan and sara if it was you

my favorite vignette

i like monkeys

the pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. i thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.

i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one of them drive. his name was sigmund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched
me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.

i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

two hours later i found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. no apparent reason. they all just sort of dropped dead. kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. god damn cheap monkeys.

i didn't know what to do. there were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. it looked like i had 200 throw rugs. i tried to flush one down the toilet. it didn't work. it got stuck. then i had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.

i tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. that worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. it started to smell real bad.

i had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and i didn't want to call a plumber. i was embarrassed.

i tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so i had to change them every 30 seconds. i also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.

i tried to burn them, but little did i know that my bed was flammable. i had to extinguish the fire.

then i had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. the odor wasn't improving.

i became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and i really had to use the bathroom. so i went and severely beat one of the monkeys. i felt better.

i tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. i told him i had a wet one. he couldn't take it either. i didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

i finally arrived at a solution. i gave them out as christmas gifts. my friends didn't quite know what to say. they pretended to like them, but i could tell they were lying. ingrates. so i punched them in the genitals.

album of the day: supergrass i should coco

really cool website

lord byron

you have to love or at least admire those women who interrupted donald rumsfeld's press conference chiding and deriding him for "a foreign policy based on lies". and how how how about howard dean...i haven't made up my mind yet. we are ways away.

i'm feeling very rebellious this evening, more in a byronic way though, not necessarily outwardly defiant. even though i don't smoke i have an odd urge to light a cigarette in a starbucks (the devil). or show up to an aa meeting with beer. i need a hobby.

album of the day: black rebel motorcycle club take them on, on your own

just as good as the first. i have several brmc songs you can't find on cd, so if anyone wants them let me know and i'll figure something out.

dark day

today i slumbered for an impressive 19 hours, with the aid of a few antihistamines and my sleeping mask (ny new best friend of late). it's a rather wonderful feeling when you get the sensation that you're sinking into your bed, and have no responsibilities or any other reason to get out of it. i did manage to get in five miles before midnight. the moon was out in full force and really lit up everything, but not in the brain-piercing way that the fucking sun does. goddam sun. anyway, it was a nice night to be outside.

does anyone else think that everything that comes out of w's mouth is complete bullshit? that's not a great question, but it just seems to me (and not just lately) that the majority of people seem to just accept whatever he says without thinking twice. it's almost like the emperor's new clothes--he says he's done this and clearly hasn't, and says he will do this and more than likely won't (second terms are free-for-alls, so imagine what his may be like) and everyone just grins and nods along. he's had everyone grabbing their ankles for the last few years and noone seems to care. just my take on it.

album of the day: burning brides fall of the plastic empire

one of the better days ad nauseum

today i did avoid all tv, probably because i was rather busy. this morning (my morning--which is roughly 1:00 in the afternoon) i sent off a few resumes to which i won't receive replies, as has been the ritual the last six months or so. then a friend of mine came over to look up some stuff online and burn music. i went walking this evening, and here i sit, free of television's clutches for an entire day. i have nothing else to impart. here's some buddhist wisdom:

when the wise person drives out heedlessness with heedfulness, having climbed the high tower of discernment, sorrow-free, he observes the sorrowing crowd--as the enlightened man, having scaled a summit, the fools on the ground below.

-Dhammapada, 2, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

album of the day: kenna new sacred cow

why jessica simpson sucks balls

despite my efforts of late to avoid assinine television, i have occasionally given in to boredom and taken in a show or two. i guess what they say about idleness being the devil's plaything (or something to that effect) actually has some validity to it. so, i watched the show newlyweds on mtv, which is "reality" tv about the recently-betrothed nick lachey and jessica simpson. the episode i saw this evening showcased the mrs.'s (say that a few times over) jealous nature when she witnesses hubbie nick rehearsing for a show with a handful of what can only be described as scantily-clad dance whores, who gyrate and shake their respective money-makers around him while he sings. i suppose it's understandable that she get a tad green-eyed while taking in this spectacle, although you would think that given the fact that they are MARRIED she would have some modicum of trust in her significant other. nonetheless, to prove to nick that she is also capable of "dropping it like it's hot" simpson goes out to purchase a nice set of lingerie to appease him. after buying a nice bra and pair of underwear, she walks out of the store only to notice that the total cost for her apparel is a staggering $750.00. confused and adorning a furrowed brow, blondie jessica calls nick to whine (the best term to describe it) about her blunder. what was really priceless was the bewildering look on lachey's face and the predictable question, "didn't you look at the price tag?" this while he is having lunch with his four hooker dance partners. you could sense the underlying what-the-fuck-ish question going through his head as to how someone could be so ignorant. anyway, this was one of the many jessica-simpson-esque moments that occurred during the show, which really didn't do much to re-affirm my faith in any semblance of societal acumen. add her antics to the fact that such behavior is rewarded with 30 minutes a week on national television (not to mention all the financial benefits that come with a pop career tantamount to being a cgi special effect), and i am now back off tv.

album of the day: echobelly on

i had this on earlier today and it reminded me of my senior year in high school. god i feel old.

normativeness

I was watching a movie yesterday in which a comedian tells this story of Glenn Miller's old swing band. Members of the band, who, stranded in the middle of a cold, wet field, instruments in hand, are trudging on their way to a gig. They see bright lights and discover a happy family inside a cozy, warm home. Mom, dad and the kids are sitting at the dinner table, happily laughing and enjoying what can only be described as a perfect family life. One musician looks at another and says "How do they live like that?"

album of the day: bent programmed to love

tweakend

more and more i think i loathe the approach of the weekend. perhaps being unemployed affords me the luxury of not having to think about resting. my life is already fraught with mostly rest and anxiety, if you believe in harboring negatives. saturdays for me just have such a hollow connotation for some reason, although i like saturday mornings (probably because i sleep through them). i sleep through life, it's not relegated to saturdays.

i used to have definite, identifiable emotions that always had clinical names and symptoms. anymore though i am just constantly swept over in these odd waves of what i can only describe as lethargy. i'm just empty and vague. it's like i'm filled with this numbness that i can't identify or alleviate. every idea or thought i have just turns me off and seems very unappealing.

album of the day: abandoned pools humanistic

material reward

getting a magazine or dvd in the mail is like having a miniature christmas morning all the time. i subscribe to two music mags and netflix (the dvd rental site where you pay 20 bucks a month and rent all you want--it's fabulous), plus i'm constantly buying used cd's that i shouldn't be spending money on (although i do find really good deals most of the time) so i'm frequently getting wonderful toys (jack nicholson) in the mail. i try not to dwell upon the brick-a-brack i buy on-line at the time of purchase so i can hopefully forget that i ordered anything and thus be pleasantly surprised when it comes in. it's probably better that i am fond of surprises because i think my memory is already starting to go. (i just noticed that i tend to use an abundance if parentheses)

album of the day: broken social scene you forget it in people

pop g.o.p.

is there any better in-house ambience music for rainy weather than oh inverted world....i'm sure there is, but my proclivities are rather prejudiced at the moment. aren't i vain with my music?

i saw a wonderful segment on cnn this afternoon as a part of crossfire, which i take in every now and then. tucker carlson, who is the right-wing representative du jour on the show, had a sit-down with none other than britney spears herself. they of course spoke about her mtv vma antics (she gave madonna a provocative kissy-kiss during their performance) mostly. but carlson did manage to ask her about her opinion(s) on the iraqi situation. surprise-surprise, she thought we should explicitly trust our president and "do whatever he says y'all" (i added the "y'all"). does anyone think she even knows where iraq is? ohhh that's unfair, i'm sure she's very intelligent. i hear that most people from kentwood do, in fact, know how to read and can perform all kinds of fancy new-fangled addition and some subtraction.

it was hilarious how paul begala (lefty rep of the show) ribbed tucker carlson about the interview--how he should be so proud of this monumental political coup of an interview he scored with a pop diva. you could sense that carlson himself rather thought it was a joke as well (one of the few times i've agreed with a g.o.p. affiliate).

album of the day: johnny marr & the healers boomslang

johnny marr was a member of the legendary 80's alt-rock group the smiths. if you haven't listened to either (my god i hope you've heard the smiths before) then pleasure yourself

stabs at reformation

usually at nine p.m. on a tuesday i would be setting the vcr to record queer eye for the straight guy (how secure am i?) so i could watch the latest installment of the real world, airing concurrently. it occurred to me earlier today, though, that i spend (or waste, rather) too much time staring at programming which serves absolutely no purpose in my life. and as such, i've decided to drastically whittle down the quality time i spend with the television in favor of actually reading some of the books i have that were only initially meant to impress company (back when i had my own actual place with actual intermittent company). of course i'm notorious for establishing and abandoning resolutions, but my intentions are in the right place. here's hoping.

album of the day: guided by voices earthquake glue

believe it or not this is around the 19'th album put out by gbv, and probably among the best of them. Robert Pollard is a genious.

are you not entertained

currently i am surrounded by dogs and children. i'm thinking of putting on some 2 live crew for them to listen to and guage reactions. i'm sure the dogs would rather enjoy it (what with the familiar subject matter and all). one of the dogs really looks like a pig, it's great. i'm being peppered with requests for gum and playstation assistance. knowledge (and apparently candy) is power.

how could i have just woken up two hours ago and now be ready for a nap. perhaps it's knowing that i can't sleep because of the aforementioned company.

album of the day: anna waronker anna

anna waronker formerly played with the band that dog. this is her first solo album, all-around solid