Wednesday, December 31, 2003

i do not forget old acquaintences

okay, wonderful to be back. i need to go take some sort of shower and get dressed for the new year's festivities. 2003 0 a crappy nut-sucking year all-around. 2003 sucks big fat baby balls. i will make 2004 my bitch and ride the fucking snake way into the cosmos. it's a leap year. it's an election year. i'll do my personal 2003 recap later, i have to lockup and get drunk now. auld lang syne bitches.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

in my beautiful balloon

i get to go flying really early again tomorrow - 7:30 in the a.m isn't as bad as 4:30 in the a.m., but waking up early for me just sucks - no matter what you definition of "early" is. here's mine:

early (adj.) - having to do anything prior to wanting to

flying has gotten to be such a pain in the ass, alhtough i guess it always has been. going from lafayette to san antonio, and vice versa, is especially monotonous because the flights are so short you end up spending more time checking in and boarding and taxiing and being anally probed (although i'm sure some people like that) than you actually do in the air. there's always a stopover either in houston or dallas, which i don't understand. i don't even really give a shit about the security issues - anyone trying to take down a flight from dallas to lafayette would just be doing the passengers a big favor (hope i'm not done any favors tomorrow. praise allah). not that i don't enjoy the wonrderful aerial vantage of the scenic lake charles sulphur refineries and the sabine delta. sometimes i like to drink beer in a skybar on the stopover, but i don't have enough time tomorrow, plus i don't really want to be that guy drinking beer before 10 a.m. this is texas though, so maybe that's not as much of an impropriety.

album du jour: boss hog whiteout

Sunday, December 28, 2003

with karate i'll kick your ass

few people realize that tenacious d actually aired first in 1997 on hbo, with the six episodes that are now on the complete masterworks dvd. i actually watched and taped (and fully appreciated) them way back when, so i feel a bit like i got in on the gorund floor with the now-famous d. does this make me a trend-setter? oh yeah, definitely, without a doubt. just to let all of you know, i've started wearing skidz again (i thought it was time for a comeback - fashion is cyclical), so if anyone want to start wearing them now and really get accolades a couple years down the road for being inventive, then by all means do as i do.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

i fought the mob and the mob won

there is this audio/video store here in san antonio call bjorn's (swedish i believe). it is a virtual disneyland for those into home audio and video playthings. i'm never going to be the same. this store has 3 differen encased rooms for surround-sound system demonstrations and 3 or 4 movie theater rooms - not just living rooms with tv's in them, literally rooms that look like microcosms of movie theaters. very similar to the ones you see in celebrities' homes on cribs. after seeing that i think my new mission in life is to one day own one room like that from which i will never have to leave. also they set up an entire house (literally), with kitchen, bedroom, living room, office, the whole nine, with various sound and video schemes. i know this all may bore many people, but i'm an audiophile so i totally creamed the jeans.

i also had to run into best buy to exchange a disfunctional xmas gift. i always hate having to meander the hoi polloi, especially the day after the day after christmas. a little reminder to myself why i hardly go out anymore.

album du jour: the rentals return of the rentals

Friday, December 26, 2003

kith and kin

yesterday for the first time in almost a decade i had a phone conversation with my older brother. he's my half brother really, from my dad's first marriage. he's in north carolina and apparently is in almost the exact same state of indecidion that i am, in terms of what to do with life. we talked for a couple of hours and it seems he and i have much more in common than do my younger brother and i, which just makes me lament even more the fact that we haven't kept in touch. it's nice to know that i'm not the only one in the family who's wracked with incertitude.

and you know, the only reason i consider myself to be unsuccessful in life up to this point is because i'm constantly comparing my crrrent situation against some judeo-christian ideal of what life should be, i.e. the job, apartment, car, financial stability, strict moral adherence, etc. i need to start consciously changing my thought processes to exclude comparisons of such a nature. it i took my parents' goals for me (and i have a hunch what are most people's parents' goals for them) and excluded them from self-evaluation, i really have very little i disapprove of about myself. of course i'd also have to discredit some societal definitions of what's acceptable, as do we all, and i think i would be a much happier individual. none of this is easy, considering my self-image is intrinsically just an amalgomation of comparisons to "norms", which are all innate in my mind, but it's a healthy step.

album du jour: the smiths strangeways here we come

Thursday, December 25, 2003

ansel adams

my parents, aunt, and grandmother are in the living room watching a movie they have all seen several times. this morning, being xmas and all, there were several new dvds in our stockings. yet still they stick with the tried and true. just goes to show how the older you get the more averse to change you are. there's also a video rental store not 5 minutes down the road, although i'm sure it's closed. but they still never rent anything. only when i'm in town.

my brother and i are jockeying for time on my mom's new dell. my father bought her a 20 inch flat screen monitor to go with it, which, in case you don't know, runs around a grand. add that to the wireless keyboard/mouse and the fact that he more than likely bought it at retail, and good gravy. i should start sucking up holding out for more.

i got a really cool digital camera, but it's pretty compact and i'm afraid i'm going to lose it one night while trying to take it out on the town with me to immortalize debauchery. hey me, remind myself that's what disposables are for.

i'm going to go eat ham now. that's not a euphemism. sick bastards.

album du jour: edie brickell volcano


when i was in fourth grade i thought this was about the funniest thing i had ever heard or would ever hear. consequently i still remember it.

t'was the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
including the mouse

dad at the whorehouse
and mom smoking grass
i just settled down
for a nice piece of ass

when out on the lawn
i saw a big dick
i knew in a minute
it must be saint nick

he flew down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
i knew in a minute
the fat fucker had fell

he filled our stockings
full of pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

back up the chimney he went
with a thunderous fart
the fat son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart

he spat and he cursed
as he flew out of sight
"piss on you all,
have a helluva night"

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

moo ha-ha

i heard on the news that the union for department store employees (apparently there is such a thing) is raising a lawsuit charging that the constant repitition of christmas music being played during employees' shifts causes mental distress (and/or duress, i don't remember exactly). my knee-jerk reaction was to lament the fac that, once again, our judicial system allows such litigation to occur. but then i thought about the song "rockin around the christmas tree" (by brenda lee i think), and couldnot have been more sympathetic. my family likes to have that elevator-background ambiance christmas music in the background of our living room/kitchen and i really can't stand it.

and mad cow disease is finally here. i always thought the mad cow would be a terrific mascot. all you would need for a costume would be a cow mask with some painted-on slanty eyebrows. and get really good saying moo with attitude.

album du jour: komeda the genius of

Sunday, December 21, 2003

i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

remember people we have to be considerate in all facets of life, not just while driving and grocery shopping. i waited with an overflowing bladder in the passenger seat of my dad's truck for 45 minutes (i was seriously pissed) while he yakked it up with future neighbors about nothing even remotely consequential. i emptied some evidence of my discomfort into his nearby coffee mug, which was later thrown away.

and tomorrow is my first of four visits (while here) to the therapist, just over the river and through the woods. not sure if i want to comment or not. not sure if the whole thing will make a lick of difference or not.

they're coming to take me away ha-ha!

album du jour: call and response call and response

Saturday, December 20, 2003

favorite albums 2002

always i will remember 2002 as the year i spent rotting in a little rock rehabilitation center for the visually challenged. the following albums kept me sane (rather, as sane as i managed to stay - debatable):

  1. sahara hotnights - jennie bomb
  2. nada surf - let go
  3. pretty girls make graves - good health
  4. brendan benson - lapalco
  5. the apples in stereo - velocity of sound
  6. rilo kiley - the execution of all things
  7. damone - from the attic
  8. simian - we are your friends
  9. frou frou - details
  10. ash - free all angels
  11. interpol - turn on the bright lights
  12. supergrass - life on other planets
  13. tegan and sara - if it was you
  14. doves - the last broadcast
  15. elf power - creatures
  16. the cripples - dirty head
  17. the get up kids - on a wire
  18. the's - teenage mojo workout
  19. radio 4 - gotham
  20. neko case - blacklisted
  21. clearlake - cedars
  22. rjd2 - deadringer
  23. sleater-kinney - one beat
  24. tender trap - film molecules
  25. ben lee - hey you. yes you
  26. gomez - in our gun
  27. enon - high society
  28. ladytron - light & magic
  29. superdrag - last call for vitriol
  30. bratmobile - girls get busy
  31. dressy bessy - sound go round
  32. i am the world trade center - tight connection
  33. the stone roses - second coming
  34. raveonettes - whip it on
  35. the reputation - the reputation
  36. the wannadies - before and after
  37. coldplay - a rush of blood to the head
  38. tahiti 80 - wallpaper for the soul
  39. ...and you will know us by the trail of dead - source tags and codes
  40. badly drawn boy - about a boy (soundtrack)
  41. the quails - atmosphere
  42. the maybellines - chatfield holiday
  43. chemical brothers - come with us
  44. revolutionary hydra - knockout to dispense
  45. something corporate - leaving through the window
  46. the no-no's - let your shadow out
  47. ok go - ok go
  48. dot allison - we are science
  49. the streets - original pirate material
  50. saturday looks good to me - saturday looks good to me
  51. the rogers sisters - the purely evil

honorable mention:

division of laura lee - black city; the walkmen - everyone who pretended to like me is gone; foo fighters - one by one; french kicks - one time bells; the sinking ships - out of key harmony; masters of the hemisphere - protest a dark anniversary; the reindeer section - son of evil reindeer; midwest product - specifics; the donnas - spend the night; shimmer kids - the natural riot; phantom planet - the guest; bon voyage - the right amount; duraluxe - the suticase; the telescopes - third wave; the breeders - title tk; deathray - white sleeves

i'm waiting for the cab to come take me to the aeroport. my back hurts and i don't have any good pain-killers to help me through the flight. please jesus don't let me be stuck between two fat people, like last time... those seats aren't big enough for regular people. i have my RIO s50 and a hobo stick. where i lay my hat is home. vaya con dios.

Friday, December 19, 2003


i have to leave the house at 4:30 in the a.m. to catch my 5:30 flight to san antonio (isn't that great - i have to wake up at an ungodly hour to take a trip to an ungodly place where i will spend and ungodly and exorbitant amount of time twiddling my thumbs. texas - ungod's country). i'm debating whether i should get some sleep or none at all. i want to sleep on the flight, however i think i'll have a better chance of doing that if i get a couple hours right now. what does it matter, i can sleep anywhere and anytime. free nelson mandela.

album du jour: the superjesus sumo

Thursday, December 18, 2003

monkey see

there was a special on vh1 earlier entitled "a playa's guide to scarface," all about what our various modern hip-hop personalities find so endearing about the movie, heralding it as an archetype for their business philosophies and attitudes (if you've ever watched cribs you'll notice how many of the celebs like to pull out their scarface dvd during the living room tour). they all admired tony montana's balls (metaphorically speaking), bravado, lifestyle, clothing...everything about the character. what was funny though was that not a one mentioned the fact that tony montana ends up face down in his own bloody fountain with god knows how many rounds in his torso. isn't it obvious to anyone else that this character is not one to be emulated? has noone learned anything from 2pac or biggie? the fountain he's face-down in even reads "the world is yours"! does anyone know what hubris means? blaring flashing neon warning signs to anyone else? can i think of another rhetoric question?

album du jour: the notwist neon golden

notwist is just some good funky jams with good basslines. this has really suited my taste lately. also check out brassy

Wednesday, December 17, 2003


it is colder than jesus in my room right now. i am quite happy with it (now is the winter of my discontent!).

i'm developing this detrimental habit of sleeping from 5 or so in the evening until 11, then going back to sleep at 2, through until the afternoon, all with the aid of my wonderful friends the equate family of generic antihistamines.

everyone mark your calendars - sunday is the premiere of the e! true hollywood story on richard gere. how could it not be entertaining. alas poor lemmywinks, i knew him well.

maggie gyllenhall was on jon stewart yesterday. i've always found her utterly adorable and i know why. there's this thing that some people do when they laugh that i find very endearing, they sort of raise their forehead when they smile or laugh (if that makes sense at all), which lifts the skin in between the eyes. i wish i had a picture of what i mean. it's almost a look of surprised delight. at any rate, maggie gyllenhall, in addition to being engaging and hella cute (hella? where the fuck did that come from), posesses this feature. plus she picks some really great movies to work on, and will one day be mine.

album du jour: jack off jill clear hearts grey flowers

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

i've seen this video many times before. it's by a band called "the darkness", and it's just about the greatest thing i've ever seen, ever. and not just on tv. maybe steve perry and co. came close with their videos, but this is, just, great.

Monday, December 15, 2003


do people really believe that saddam hussein was one of our greatest threats? as far as foreign dictators and the potential harm they could cause us, he was one of the lesser evils. and now big w. will get credit, probably win another four years, and in the course of his tenure inspire thousands of once passive middle-eastern dissidents to elevate their distaste for american interference into a very active pursuit of terrorist reaction (mission accomplished!). hussein was a tyrannical maniac, no question, but what of kim jong il? there is a virtual holocaust occurring in north korea because he diverts all his country's resources to their military and weapons programs while countless numbers of his own people starve to death.
but we don't want to address such a problem - they have the bomb.

speaking of countries supporting nuclear proliferation, very few people realize that one of the worst offenders is pakistan. they not only have an active nuclear program, but are in a perpetual nuclear standoff with india and, worst of all, sell the technology to other countries.

saudi arabia is one of the worst culprits in terms of perpetuating a friendly training environment for terrorists, but of course they're friendly big oil so we won't disturb them either.

so why iraq. because of september 11. not because saddam had anything to do with the attack (as much as everyone wants to believe it, and does), but because it gave our ever overly-stalwart administration a suitable reason to do what our leader has wanted to do for some time. and being a country of bull-headed big-guns big-tits petroleum pissing-contest brutes that we are, we believe headlines and pictures, and don't bother reading the articles. say jump and we'll say how high. especially when we think we're hitting back (which i think alot of people have been wanting to be able to do for some time, or at least been wanting to think they're justified in doing. make sense?).

right now it's a great morale booster for our friends serving in iraq that saddam was found, and for that i am very glad. really though i think his capture will ultimately be a bad thing, especially if it leads to four more years. no one will ever agree with me, and/or think me unpatriotic and/or unamerican (whatever that is anymore), but wait five years and see what the retrospective looks like.

sorry about going off on a political tirade. i had to write about something other than my non-existent existence (ha, and ha). from here until next november i'm going to be nervous about anything good that happens for bushy. we should all just bend over (i hope i'm nearby when the blonde from that virgin mobile commercial bends over). or apply for jobs with haliburton.

album du jour: radiohead hail to the thief

appropriate no? bush = honest -if- 2 + 2 = 5

Sunday, December 14, 2003

thoughts about my prostate

time shouldn't be represented in a line. it's really just a single point (thank you margaret atwood). the past exists only in memory and the future is obviously indeterminable. i'm waiting for the day i wake up at fifty (should i live that long) and think back to when i was 25 and say to myself "fuck it seems like a minute ago". these thoughts pervading my mind almost make me want to end it all right now and just get it over with. not because i'm depressed or immersed in self pity or anything (which i coincidentally am), but just because one day i'll be getting chemotherapy and pissing into a bag and will only be able to think about what a waste my life was. i'm 25 right now and am already doing it (regretting wasted time, not pissing in a bag). what's worse is i have no clue how to prevent such a situation. no path i can think of seems like it wouldn't be an utter meaningless existence, which really isn't my fault. i should just be embittered that all lifestyles available are shit and curse the universe for forcing me to choose one. i'd like to be a rock star (how original) but that would probably entail me getting out of bed at some point, so fuck it. it's not a really purposeful life anyway. i'll just wallow in my outward and inward contempt until i have to go to the store to buy food.

Friday, December 12, 2003

i'm just glancing over some of the other louisiana blogs and it's funny how many people use the words "rant and rave" in their descriptions. i'm not making fun - i used "ranting and rambling" in my original title description (or un-original description, rather).

Thursday, December 11, 2003

methodone methodone

for the last decade or so i have been a diet coke addict. my consumption rates vary, but in the last year or so i've been operating at a 4-can-a-day level. it's the caffeine mostly, but it's just always been something i can't start my days (or nights, depending on when and if i wake up) without. for the last week, however, i haven't had a single one. i've been drinking my green tea in the morning, which is much more suitable for cold weather (i always leave my windows open in the winter). and i am just astounded at how much more energy i have since i gave up the dc. people say all tha time that aspertane (from the artificial sweeteners) is bad for you in many ways, and usually that just made me want it more. but i really think that it was draining me, despite the caffeine. so now, as a major lifestyle change, i am officially off of diet coke.

i bet if a crack addict read this entry they'd want to kick my ass. (diet coke? ever suck dick for 25 cents and a piece of cardboard nigga?!?). what am i saying, crackies don't read.

album du jour: stretch princess fun with humans

check out their home page and look at the guy on the left (i think his name is james wright). he has this oh-shit-man-i-just-trashed-my-dad's-beamer-on-prom-night-and-i-forgot-my-name look. i found it tres drole.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

hello weschester!

as additional evidence that i have way too much time on my hands, i've started writing down different potential band names that i think would be cool. if anyone wants to rip one off, i would only be flattered. i'll probably be adding to this list into perpetuity. without further adieu:

- oh happy dagger!
- big titty
- what the hell, robert
- hog honda and the hungry hungry hippos
- beau so gay and the acadian screaming queens
- robert downey junior
- lesbian dyke hoarde army two thousand
- get thee to a nunnery
- happy hetero and the asexual bi-standers
- sloth love chunk
- hot sluts and monkey love at the zoo
- spears for brittney
- i like dinosaurs
- chomp on these nuts
- my wonderful friends the equate family of generic antihistamines
- damn saucy wench
- so i had to push her
- scooty puff sr.
- sultry sows of the south seas
- past nastification
- abdomen enigma (a.k.a. colon query)
- who moved my cheese?
- fuck your yankee blue jeans
- free tibet
- jesus fetus
- baby's fat balls
- man-boobs and the asians
- butterfly twat attack
- the grassy junior high

Monday, December 08, 2003

well today was really shitty. i have some rather serous monetary problems, but at least it came at a good time during the year - not alot of stuff i have to buy for people or anything. merry christmas movie house! you motherfucking movie house!

i want to write more, but i'm afraid that it would just be too loathesome and angrily contrived. so i'm going to take my sleeping pills and go to sleep.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

day of infamy

today is the anniversary of the attack on pearl harbor, and everyone seems to solemnly remember and appropriately mourn the tragedy. but what about the ben affleck/josh hartnett pearl harbor movie? was it not at least tantamount to the event itself in terms of devastation? i have boycotted bruckheimer films ever since (and seriously questioned why i never did from the get-go). perhaps the film's opening should be a national day of rememberence - for the countless innocents who threw away seven fifty in hopes of experiencing a worthy tribute, and instead found themselves immersed in a quagmire of trite dialogue, overacting, and characters that we wanted to die horrible flaming deaths. not to mention the aww-shucks-ma'am western slang/love triangle/best friend's pregnant wife/bastard child named after best friend/soap drama aspects. it all makes me swell up with something other than civic pride.

Friday, December 05, 2003

eat your heart out menendez

my only personal christmas tradition: i drink whiskey with ice while watching it's a wonderful life and sometimes make myself tear up a bit at the end. i have to be alone with all the lights out whilst this happens. it sounds lonely but i really do enjoy it. i will be spending the holidays back in san antonio, as i may have mentioned, and my two-week visit is going to be peppered with visit's to my mom's psychologist, so that i may allay her and my dad's concerns. i just learned that she needed one - apparently because of me and my life's lack of direction (or my reverse interpretation of it). i had no idea what to give my mother for christmas, but now i've found out that i've already given her the gift of emotional distress. as a stocking stuffer i may inflict some manic depression or bipolarity. i'll just throw the guilt of causing my mother mental anguish on the pile of esteem-fucks i currently push up the hill. 'tis the season afterall.

album du jour: sun kil moon ghosts of the great highway

Thursday, December 04, 2003

here's something that i think aptly typifies the grammy awards: fountains of wayne has been nominated for best new artist. that's right - after eight years of being together and three albums. i bet the editors of rolling stone issue grammy nods. and all is right with the world.

how marvelous it is when the weather turns cold. it just makes everything better.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

i just got done cutting grass (hopefully for the last time this "winter") and noticed a familiar smell of a different kind of grass wafting over from our upper-class neighbor's chicken coop. low and behold, our pre-teen gangster friends emerge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. i thought about threatening to call the police on them if they didn't share with me, but then thought better and let sleeping dogs lie.

Monday, December 01, 2003

i'm just a little sad today. especially this time of the day, when the day hasn't quite gone and the night isn't quite here, and somewhere scott baio is plowing a woman he doesn't love. are there symptoms of listlessness or is listlessness a symptom of something else? probably both. but at any rate, i'm there. maybe i should turn on a light.