Tuesday, November 30, 2004
although i can't say that he would be a fan of torture either. i would know, i saw mel gibson's the passion.
(*in best southern baptist drawl*)
we can-NOT allow this erosion of our national moral fibah to con-tin-yue! whiiite women can-NOT be shown half-naked with negra's on priiime tiiime television! i am shocked and chagrined. think of the children. won't somebody puh-LEASE think of the children!
(*end southern drawl*)
abu what? ghraib? psshhht, whatever. it sounds made-up. like the moon landing, or vietnam.
in reasons-why-i-love-louisiana news:
i saw a local commercial the other day about seat belt laws. the commercial says "this law is currently being enforced". i wish they would have more press releases here about which laws are being enforced at what time.
album of the jour: neko case the tigers have spoken
Monday, November 29, 2004
i want to make a "thankful for" list before thanksgiving gets so far behind me that it becomes anachronistic. actually it's just an easy thing to write on a monday after a holiday when life has no meaning.
- the blogosphere and friends therein - my respite from the louisiana sea of stupid
- internet porn
- people in the ukraine - i'm jealous
- maggie gyllenhaal's smile
- zooey deschanel's eyes
- air america radio
- gilmore girls and smallville
- air conditioning
- darkness (not the band, the absence of light)
- pills (xanax, paxil, wellbutrin, generic p.m. pain-reliever)
- cigarettes and alcohol
- the bill of rights - great while it lasted
- lesbians (elaborative post forthcoming)
- fat people
- blue states
- science, darwinism, social darwinism, evolution, etc.
- splenda artificial sweetener
- caller i.d.
- my apartment, my job
- short checkout lines at the grocery store
- surround sound
- the people who put glue in store locks on the busiest shopping day of the year
- general disarray
Saturday, November 27, 2004
and they got to OLD NAVY...
i am generally not a condoner of vandalism, but this, i like. i'm always bugaboo'ed by the commercial jackassery of the season. i view this more as an act of civil disobedience than anything else. yes, some stores lost money (not that much), but they were all large chains as far as i know. no mom/pop stores. here's a short list of affected stores:
Toys R’ Us; Old Navy; Bed, Bath and Beyond; Marshalls; S&K Menswear; Rainbow; Barnes & Noble Booksellers; Tuesday Morning
so, kudos to whomever the culprit(s) is (are). i'm hoping they were progressive radicals, but more than likely it was just drunk teens.
Friday, November 26, 2004
i did have three manhattans at the lafayette airport before i left, so maybe i was just fucked up.
on the flight from houston to san antonio a guy sitting behind me was halping a woman put a large carry-on into the overhead. she asked if he would remember to get it down for her when we landed, and his response was "ma'am i promise, unless for some reason i get... (pause) ...raptured, or something, i'll get it for you", in jest.
i was cackling uncontrollably.
i whispered to the guy that he'd better be careful, talking that way on an airplane in the heart of god's country. but seriously, i haven't laughed that heartily or sincerely in a long time.
then yesterday, xgiving skullduggery at my rich texas uncle's ranch (guess what business he's in). come to find out your relatives are alot more fun when you get a couple of cocktails up enya (sail away).
i had to sit through a conversation with my cousin's husband (who has already bought their seven year-old daughter a hunting rifle, and takes her hunting all the time. it's not just a myth - people are morons down here). he kept telling me how liberals bribe black people for their votes with crack-cocaine. n-word this, n-word that. i seriously get queasy when i hear redneck whities say the n-word. don't trust whitey.
but again, all homage to the demon liquor for upping my tolerance of stupidity.
my parents catch the independent film channel, so i've pretty much been watching that non-stop. it hasn't been as bad a trip as i thought. thus far.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
and xgiving day itself - my uncle's ranch, with lots of beer-bellies and beer-swilling and animal-eating. i think i'm going to get drunk. just to make the whole trip somewhat salvageable.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
things i would rather do than travel on a commercial airline during the holidays:
- go to the dentist
- eat poo
- get "hobbled" by kathy bates
- profess undying love for nicole richie
- listen to ashlee simpson album 5 times in a row
- masturbate in front of a gay priest
- vote for george bush
- watch must-see tv on nbc
- pay $20 for a metallica album
- play jesus in a staged version of the passion of the christ
- ride a bike with no seat
- donate money to pat robertson
- sit through a rural high school graduation ceremony
- play soccer
- go duck hunting
- attend a carrot top performance
- be enthusiastic about junior high football
- work at denny's
- eat at denny's
- get a kid rock tattoo on my forehead
- teach at an inner-city high school
- be a taste-tester for a shampoo company
- have my scrotum pierced
- watch a jerry bruckheimer movie
- get married to starr jones
Monday, November 22, 2004
not you though. you're cool.
abstractions anger me as well. hypocrisy, greed, selfishness, short-sightedness, ignorance, christianity...
how many of those are synonyms with each other?
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
a grilled cheese with the image of the virgin mary is being auctioned off on ebay, currently at one cent. maybe i'm just a non-believer, but i don't see it. the auction listing is hilarious. here's an excerpt (un-edited) from the description:
what sentence in this description is not funny?
Miracle, or nothing at all? This grilled cheese sandwich is not ordinary, after owning this, I have found $20 in my pocket before, i know everyone loves finding finding money in their pockets. Another great example is once i got a fortune cookie that said I was going to have great luck! Two true miracles! Proof of this find can be provided if requested. The winner of this auction will recieve an ACTUAL medium quality image printed on HP photo paper! Bid now to grab this fine piece of history.
this is from another auction for a different virgin mary grilled cheese:
do people scour every piece of food they get, on the off-chance they'll recognize an image of some religious figure? i remember about a year ago someone said they saw mother teresa's face in a cinnabon.
You can imagine my surprise when I picked up this piece of toast and noticed the face of the Virgin Mary herself gazing warmly back at me. All of a sudden, I felt a sense of peace come over the room and I knew that this was a blessing. Ever sense the toast was made, I have felt lifted by its presence and feel as though it has helped me work through issues in my life. Since then my life has taken a turn for the better, and I believe that when blessings come our way that we should share them. Who would I be to hold this for myself after it has already helped me more than I ever wished? It is for that reason that I now am placing this up for auction, starting at 1 cent, as I feel it would be wrong to ask for more.
how about jesus appearing in a lean cuisine? ghandi in a bowl of corn flakes? caesar chavez in a chalupa?
you can also buy on ebay an "i ate the virgin mary grilled cheese" t-shirt.
apparently there are different versions of the sacred sandwich being sold. a replica of one is going for over $15,000. i feel smart.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
mcboobies! which biscuits are we photographing? hugh hefner likes heifers, and wants to compare mcdonald's gray meat with his own. mcdonald's girls and mcdonald's food: both will be fatty, give people heart attacks, and are only good after a night of heavy drinking. wan' get me summa dem' dar taters (in best sling blade voice).
what about other fast-food chains? don't the queens of burger king feel slighted? the wendy's rear-endies? the taco bell tacos? the pizza hut sluts.. or, pizza hut pies? hopefully the girls aren't as crusty and greasy as the food.
is this better or worse than playboy's search for the women of wal-mart? i think it's worse, because at least the wal-mart gals were able to make up some of that salary gap between themselves and wal-mart male employees with boobie money
application submittal page
does the apparel from old navy look like the biggest bunch of ordinary, pastel, unimaginative pile of overpriced, woven crap you've ever seen? i don't understand. is it a case of the emperor's new clothes (in america? noooo...)? if it's priced high enough, and they make gap-like commercials, and get little kim (lil' kim?) to whore for them, then people will buy the clothes?
they're just plain sweaters and jeans! it's not an "old navy vermont fleece pullover", it's a fucking sweatshirt. i loathe the corporate world. i shop at goodwill. i heart bargains. i live alone. my name is lugosh.
i opened a computer that needed fixing this morning and it smelled like body odor. it wasn't me.
album of the jour: simian we are your friends
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
also, tree branches scratch against the walls outside. it's very eery.
at night there are usually several trains that go by about a mile or two away. i hear the train horn blowing incessantly, but i rather like it. it's far enough away that it doesn't wake me up.
and i'm three miles from the airport, so i hear the planes now and then.
next door there's a band that plays black crowes music. badly. they usually only practice on the weekends, and it's not that bothering. my music is usually way louder than anything i would otherwise hear.
all of this sounds like a real bitch to live with, but it's interesting. this morning when i woke up i rolled on my side to face the window and the sunrise was making the sky look purple. it was a very nice picture to wake up to.
the neighborhood isn't the greatest, but it's still safer than scott peterson's butthole (yes, stayed up all night for that).
also, a quiz (once again, from fhb):
Which Goth New Wave 80's Band Are You?
album of the jour: drugmoney mtn cty jnk
Monday, November 15, 2004
i loved ally sheedy. war games came out in 1983, when i was four. i probably didn't first see it until it was shown on television years later, when i was at least six or seven. but nevertheless and consequently my sexual development was advanced. it's not my fault though, remember the short shorts in that movie? do you remember the short shorts!?! fuck the alamo. i remember the short shorts.
and of course she was alluring in a vitriolic way in breakfast club. i, unlike emelio (jock poseur!), much preferred the pre-makeover allison to the post-makeover allison. not to the point of eating pixie dust sandwiches, but i did do coke at a relatively early age.
nah, i lie. i didn't do coke until college, and even then, maybe thrice.
but i try not to think about the bulimia years (i haven't watched any e! true hollywood stories in over a year).
fakakta - how i feel on mondays.
album of the jour: brendan benson lapalco
Saturday, November 13, 2004
dookie was my favorite album when i was a sophomore in high school. i had every song memorized and completely wore that motherfucker out. but since then, i completely lost interest in post-punk, emo, and pretty much anything punk-related (except actual punk, the late 70's early 80's fare).
but holy fuck, american idiot is good. "boulevard of broken dreams" (which i don't think is a remake of the hanoi rocks song, at least i hope) is making me stare non-copus-mentus-ly into space. i really hope this isn't one of those enamoured-because-i-just-herad-it things, and i get sick of it. has anyone heard this song? they used it on smallville a couple of weeks ago.
if it's being played on the radio i'm going to be pissed. it's probably being played on the radio.
and a couple of these tracks are almost ten minutes long... what's punk about that? eh? eh? ahhhhh....
also "holiday" is good, "give me novocaine" is good, "jesus of suburbia" is good, "she's a rebel" i like, "homecoming" i like. every song on the album is solid.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Which defining 80s punk band are you?!?!
You my friend are the legendary Black Flag. You
sing about six packs and mental disfunctions.
Your sound can come off as loud and brutish,
but that's why people love you! Considering all
the singers you've been through, you have still
made it as one of the fore fathers of the
hardcore punk scene.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
and i think i heard that today has been the bloodiest day of the war in terms of american troop casualties. i am sick.
incidentally, we also eat fried pig fat down here. they're called cracklin's.
check out the last ten or so states on that list. is it a coincidence that they're all red? check out the top ten states - coincidence that they're mostly blue? utah is in there, but i think that's because the joseph smith crowd considers everything unhealthy a hell-worthy sin.
i actually wanted to move to minneapolis even before this list came out. i love the cold, i love the accents, i love margie gunderson, and now i love the thought of clean arteries.
so, just to reiterate a long-standing opinion of mine: louisiana sucks bottom-of-the-barrel balls (we fry and eat those too).
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
but on a different day, while talking about sports (i feign, i act, i pretend... i thank the academy) the boss uses racial epithets. nigger this, nigger that. a very different demeanor.
i think that his friendliness to the landscaper is genuine, and i don't think he would ever outwardly discriminate agains someone of another race. it bothers me though that people these days (and not just in the south) are satisfied with tolerance.
tolerance? as in, to tolerate?
i tolerate people talking in movie theaters. i tolerate bad drivers. i tolerate the hilton sisters. but at the same time i want to kick all of these people very hard in the larynx.
is that the attitude everyone should have with regard to people of a different race? if so i'm glad i'm a white male.
being free of bigotry (look up "liberal" in the dictionary - it's part of the definition) should be more than toleration. i realize that rome wasn't built in a day, and maybe it's asking too much that people try to mold something as ingrained as a thought process, when noone is looking, but it would make me feel better if at least a conscientious effort were made to do so.
i'm probably guilty of racism as well. it's hard to look at a black man or a hispanic man, and just see a "man". but i'm trying. i try not to treat a black person better than i would a white person because somewhere deep in the labyrinth of my mind i feel guilty. i'm trying in the privacy of my home, far from the sensitive and critical eyes of others. how many people really do this though?
it's easy to act accordingly to moral issues while people are watching. it's another matter entirely to have the self-discipline to recognize fault in your mental processes when you're alone lying in bed.
changing the way one person thinks, much less the way a million people think, takes a while. it's been almost 150 years since the abolishment of slavery, and noone can tell me prejudice isn't still rampant.
i think of this in relation to gay rights as well. how long will it take america to make right the inequality and injustice being perpetrated against homosexuals? granted, they're not endentured and physically tortured as slaves were (matthew shepard may disagree, if he were still alive), but civil rights issues are civil rights issues.
the american population in general is terrified of change. we're like a country of old people terrified of computers.
why am i thinking about red states all of a sudden?
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
this is truly great stuff. and keep in mind i live in the south. seriously, everyone should save this, bookmark it, whatever, and just read it when you feel completely pissed off. which, call me crazy, will probably be pretty often througout the next four years.
i'm coining a term: the self-hating southerner. all me.
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?
Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Friday, November 05, 2004
so, i'm staying away from the election for a bit. i need a good weekend of toxins, sunshine, cool weather, and weed. although i don't have weed. i'll just roll up some parsley i guess. garnish my ass!
the new apartment is developing nicely. i'm going to do sort of a blogosphere pictorioal version of cribs soon, once i'm satisfied with the place.
album of the jour: fonda the invisible girl
The Election Is Over,
The Results Are Known,
The Will Of The People
Has Clearly Been Shown.
Let’s All Get Together
And Let Bitterness Pass,
I’ll Hug Your Elephant,
You Kiss My Ass.
i'm fooling with my template. pardon.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
- get that abortion you've always wanted
- hoard porn, gasoline, and stem cells
- burn an american flag
- do anything artistic
- make friends with a black person or gay person
- have gay sex
- have premarital sex
- have premarital gay sex
- watch the independent film channel
- get a tattoo and/or piercing
- drink a glass of clean water
- breathe as much fresh air as you possibly can
- eat fish and remember what it tastes like without mercury
- buy some kevlar
- look at a tree
- read what social security is (was) all about
- become an expert on evolution so you can tell your grandkids about it someday
got any more?
album of the jour: brian jonestown massacre strung out in heaven
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
on the plus side it's going to be really entertianing watching so many people die and go broke and suffer over the next four years. isn't that what we in america are all about? entertainment and fun and excitement and explosions and drama at any cost? it's the only rationale i can come up with for what happened. we'll accept smoke and mirrors and hollywood special effects any day of the week before we accept substance and reason.
but things always have a way of balancing out, and that's not just the buddhist in me talking. right now our entire government is so heavily tilted that i think it will eventually implode on itself. we'll get to a point where the shit storm is so drastic that it will be impossible even for the rightiest among us to ignore, and the international community won't stand for it.
one important thing to remember is that what we need in this country is a movement. ralph nader's mantra was that we need extreme renovations in the two-party system. but what pissed me off is that he only turns up once every four years to shout this from the mount, and that dog will not hunt. the effort is much bigger than any one election and we have to remember that and keep working.
the only true worthy act in life is helping those that can't help you back, and that's something we can do regardless of what cake-fucker is in the white house.
and hey, at least we smartie-pants people have that much more evidence that we are rare and special. i feel special.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
my own liberal values are very important to me, but how much? would i (knowingly or unknowingly) skew the way i look at facts and news so that my personal progressive dogma remains sound in my own mind? i know i'm certian of my outlook on politics and believe strongly that i'm correct. what about the right-leaning person who is equally positive that they're right?
it's like the american civil war, in which both the north and south were sure that god was on their side. not much has changed except that the modern-day version is "my god is better than your god". who's right?
it seems that what liberals stand for is better for the country than what conservatives stand for, better for that majority of people who don't live the top-one-percent lifestyle. george bush has sought with every policy decision to deepen the pockets of wealthy cohorts at the expense of the lower class, upon whose back our economy rests. this doesn't seem right to me.
but the laundry list (or "litany" - i just made up that word) about what i find faulty with the bush administration is too long for me to even think about without the aid of drink and a hammer. suffice it to say, the country is in the toilet. those who say otherwise are just construing faulty logic and fooling themselves to safe-guard and placate their own values and interests. beeatch.
album of the jour: go vote your conscience fuckers
Monday, November 01, 2004
i am excited about the election tomorrow. i just want it to be over.