Wednesday, August 31, 2005

well blow me down, or just blow me

new orleans gets wiped off the map, and he goes fishing. i would have thought he'd be standing in a rowboat on canal street (a now ironic moniker) with his bullhorn. who are we gonna invade after this disaster? attack all extremist water!

the devastation in new orleans resulting from the hurricane makes me wonder why president bush, his nose always to the grindstone, cut federal funding to the new orleans district of the army corps of engineers by a record $71.2 million even though the federal emergency management agency (FEMA) ranked a hurricane hitting new orleans as one of the three likeliest most damaging disasters facing the country.

how badly did we need our louisiana national guard here to do their intended job of safeguarding the public instead of fighting an illegal war in iraq? how badly did we miss their high water vehicles, refeulers, generators, and other equipment that are now being used in the desert?

no natural disaster can be blamed on any one person or group of people, but i also muse how and if global warming contributed to the severity of katrina and her waves. increasing sea surface temperatures contribute to a hurricane's strength. global warming (it's NOT a theory you dumb fucks!) causes these temperatures to increase every year. what has the president done to limit our dependency on oil, besides allowing the price of gas to skyrocket?

and please don't tell me he doesn't have the power to keep gas prices reasonable. the bush family has been sucking off the entire royal family of saudi arabia for over 30 years.

george bush has done nothing but weaken our country in many ways, and we were shown a prime example in the unmitigated devastation caused by the hurricane. at least he ended his five-week vacation two days early for us.

did anyone notice how, a week or so ago, the president's administration was saying that "it's not officially a vacation" because the west wing was being rennovated, but now they're "cutting his vacation short" so he can focus on the disaster relief effort?

media, again, completely asleep at the wheel.
didn't take very long. a must-read, from daily kos:

In an email message we just received, a group calling itself Columbia Christians for Life alerts us to the fact that a satellite image of Hurricane Katrina as it hit the Gulf Coast Monday looks just like a six-week old fetus.

"The image of the hurricane . . . with its eye already ashore at 12:32 p.m. Monday, August 29, looks like a fetus (unborn human baby) facing to the left (west) in the womb, in the early weeks of gestation (approx. 6 weeks)," the email message says. "Even the orange color of the image is reminiscent of a commonly used pro-life picture of early prenatal development."

And in case you're not getting the point, the email message spells it out in black and white: "Louisiana has 10 child-murder-by-abortion centers," the groups says, and "five are in New Orleans."

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

states of deprivation

second opinion please - is cnn presenting the hurricane story with the appropriate level of severity? can't they at least make an attempt at grabbing my attention? i keep waiting for that great moment when headlines read "DEATH IMMINENT". you know they're not far off.

what i lament most about the hurricane is that the people who lost and/or suffered the greatest were the impoverished. i think new orleans has roughly one-third of its citizens living below the poverty level, and the east side (the side that is now underwater) is the poorer section of the city.

die-hard capitalists would say that this is god's way of punishing poor people. of course falwell will say that it's to punish gays. all very rational assertions.

Monday, August 29, 2005

get off ma property!

this is something that so typifies today's republican agenda and mindset. from the chicago tribune:

At the pro-Bush rally, there were some heated moments when two members of Protest Warrior, a group that frequently holds counter protests to anti-war rallies, walked in with a sign that read "Say No to War -- Unless a Democrat is President."

Many Bush supporters only saw the top of the sign and believed the men were war protesters, so they began shouting and chasing the pair out. One man tore up their signs. When Will Marean of Minneapolis kept repeating that he was on the Bush side and tried to explain Protest Warrior's mission, one Bush supporter shook his hand and apologized.

my dog where to begin. one - how eager conservatives are to ambush people who they suspect have differing opinions. two - they didn't even finish reading the sign (we don't pay no mind to 'dem dar details!) before losing their tempers, and three - their reaction was one of immediate violence.

they did the same thing with regards to the iraq war, reading only headlines and heeding bush propaganda, then following their kneejerk vengeful reactions without regard to details and facts that so obviously contradicted what their hero was saying.

they are nothing more than crazed sports fans cheering for a team. the issues have no real bearing on their ire; they only want to declare victory and deride the other side. they are children, only wanting to play with the toy because someone else has it.

this supposed anti anti-war protest is being completely funded by republican supporters. it is illusory. the media is overstating the numbers of the "cindy doesn't speak for us" crowd and understating the anti-war protesters themselves. i understand news agencies not wanting to appear biased towards a side, but not if misrepresenting facts is a requisite.

and since republicans also claim to be on the "side of god" why is it that one of them ran over several crosses commemorating lives lost in the war? firing a shotgun into the air? these people aren't doing much to dispel the sterotype of the angry irrational violent redneck texas conservative.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

flee fatasses

no jokes about katrina and the waves, promise. "walking on sunshine" is a fantastic song though.

it's nice to have national attention on our gret stet because of the hurricane. it's great fear news. i'm in lafayette, which is 150 miles-ish west of new orleans, and people have just completely razed grocery stores even though it's going to be tantamount to a bad thunderstorm for us.

my theory is that people here LOVE IT, at least latently. life is pretty boring for most, so when we get the occasional natural disaster or terrorist attack it gives us real-life entertainment. and war? jesus, it's like a fucking video game. especially for those with bloodlust who won't risk their own. no news like bad news, as always.

Friday, August 26, 2005

how a picture paints a thousand words


happy women's equality day all. i advocate women's rights in all facets in life, and, to dust off a classic, not just in their right to make me dinner or crap babies. independence in a female is very appealing, even sexy. i hate the phrase "you go girl" because it calls to mind some white-trash-talk-show-pregnant-crack-whore who finally stood up to her abusive husband on the fifty-seventh time he threw her out of a moving vehicle. how about instead i just say "advance woman"? move on up to the east side? whatever.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

off with their meds!

i'm disappointed for not being inspired lately and am contemplating ditching the daily meds (wellbutrin and paxil and xanax oh my) and rediscovering mood swings. i watched prozac nation over the weekend and was jealous of christina ricci's strung-out and sleep-deprived character. i remember those days. the good ole' daze. all i can do now is write about current events and it feels like a daily exercise in fifth grade writing methods (today find a headline and write a paragraph about it children). so yeah, eff you merck.

peculiar hallelujiar

pat robertson: religioso, politico, homosexuo, assassinito? talking about venezuela's democratically-elected president, hugo chavez:

We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator, it's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.

praise christ.

we get an awful lot of oil from venezuela (4th largest supplier to the u.s.) so maybe dubya's chief spiritual adviser shouldn't, you know, ask for chavez's head? aside from the thou-shalt-not-kill-foreign-heads-of-state section of the bible, which evangelicals so strictly adhere to (sarcasm... dripping...), i don't see this helping gas prices any.

right now i'd take chavez over bush. i don't even know anything about chavez, but could he really be worse?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

mmmmmm butter.

sorry internet, i've been on my honeymoon for the last week-plus. her official name is now mrs. phizz's left hand. there are now plenty of broken-hearted carebears in my apartment.

recent event summation:
  • john roberts looks like a homo jehovah's witness.
  • eric rudolph sentenced to life - christian terrorist, no? good thing "ali" wasn't anywhere in his name or he'd be sodomized with a louisville slugger.
  • i'm giving up alcohol in favor of other things, like regular sexual relations with the misses.
  • bush's ratings officially at 41%, and i heard today something about 36% (nixon was at 39% in the middle of watergate). you'd think i'd be happy about this, but really i just sit and marvel how a percentage can even exist in the approval column.
  • i need new gilmore girls episodes, for fuck's sake. also i'm bit-chomping to see that penguin movie.
  • my ears are pierced. it was painful and i liked it. i want another. i had a joke prepared for the piercing person if i had them done on sunday about keeping holy the sabbath. get it? holy? as in porous? glad it was done on saturday, that would have been embarrassing.
  • my cat's balls are getting huge. i'm developing an inferiority complex. rather, an ever-increasing inferiority complex. throw it on the pile of indignities i guess.
  • gasserline is exparnsive y'alls. the whole system is breaking down! revel in the revolution! revelution!
  • i'd give cindy sheehan another baby even though she's unattractive. that was in such poor taste. i'm glad marriage hasn't changed me.
  • favorite album of late: new pornographers twin cinema, out today
borrowing from fight club: keep polishing the brass on the titanic republicans! now is the winter of our discontent liberals! butter thine nipples.

Friday, August 12, 2005


my loves get chickens that have no bones. for my friends i give friendship medallions and homemade bracelets, and occasionally some innocent cupping and heavy petting when appropriate. also hugs.

never have i delved into hetero penetration, but i am working on mastering the recipe for a ghb cocktail that i'm told is money. it's for me, because notions of man-man sex don't appeal to me. sad because the gays love me.

wal-mart is the nexus for fat people, the handicapped, and negligent mothers with 3 or more children. synergistically the aformentioned make for a harrowing time trying to buy diet pepsi and coffee, and my other stalwarts.

i turned my cart down the frozen foods aisle where 3 fat women were grazing the ice cream section, obviously looking to drown sorrows in sweet sweet sacrilege.

Thursday, August 11, 2005


somebody, anybody, give me a topic. anything, and i'll write about it. it could just be a word, please help me.

revolving door

on abc last night was an hour-long tribute to peter jennings. i'm going to live to see alot of famous people and people i know die, dogwilling. the majority of those i know or know of will all be dead and absent from my existence if i live long enough, which is bleak. on the sunnier side it's possible that some great people may enter my life between now and then. it's a big revolving door.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

craw stick du jour

lately i've been frequenting coffee shops despite the fact that i think they're yuppie and too trendy for the likes of me. but i can't stop going; i'm addicted to caffeine and i like the variety. i just wish they would call a spade by its proper name in regards to drink sizes.

this raises my ire. all the sizes are referred to in italian and all different depending on which shop you go to. example: i finally learn that "mondo" is a large at mello joy but look like a freak when i try to get one at cc's. is "small, medium, large" not flashy enough? why not just 1-2-3?

this is the same reason i get pissed off when i buy a sports drink whose flavor is "frozen arctic mountain chill blast off extreme crash" and it's really just grape. it's as if man has suddenly discovered adjectives and now wants to use them incorrectly.

ad nauseum, but i hate commercialism.

Friday, August 05, 2005

recent spam subjects of note

warning: vulgarity to ensue. i love spam. nine times out of ten it's way more interesting than the correspondence i get from people i actually know.
  • kinky pee drinking hotties in action
  • maid giving extra service
  • mature teacher and girl
  • brunette sucks dick
  • asian teen fucking her boyfriend
  • stud cums all over his boyfriend’s back
  • semen queen get cum on face
  • nasty old teach reveal cunt in stockings
  • babes and black guy
  • sexy babe strips from blue lingerie

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

irrational baboon's texas vacation

who wants a five-week vacation right now? anyone?

no work on nights and weekends, two hours in the middle of every day for exercise, and you still need off three months a year? must be alot of brush in need of clearing. i shouldn't criticize - it's a much less important job than any other in the country, plus he has a fax machine and, i'm told, a "phone". also a pen with which to sign things and make spirographs.

in france all citizens are granted five weeks off per year. call me a poodle-fucker, but in the summertime i'd be the poodle-fucker sleeping until 3.

i don't even know what i'd do with five weeks off in a row. probably the same thing i do every night: try to take over the world. but most likely a whole lot of nothing. and drinking.

Monday, August 01, 2005

ummm, what?

eat me blogger.

a commenter on another blog referred to george bush as a "genius", which started me thinking about evidence to the contrary. i was researching some of his quotes and felt like posting some of the better ones:
  • "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
  • "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
  • "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."
  • 'I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.''
  • "We stand for things."
  • "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."
  • "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
  • "I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"
  • "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
  • "I think it's very important for the American President to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say. That's why I try to be as clearly I can."
  • "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off."
  • "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."
  • "We thought we were protected forever from trade policy or terrorist attacks because oceans protected us."
  • "Justice ought to be fair."
  • "And so during these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings."
  • "Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the — like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate — the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those — if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."
  • "If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one."
  • "Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action."
  • "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."

jesus i can't read any more. i'm starting to question my own verbal and written acumen. if you want to read them all go here.

after reading all that, though, i have to wonder whether a supposed intellectual would produce such abuses of the english language. if you read even a moderate amount - books or magazines or anything - wouldn't your communication skills improve? wouldn't you be able to form a cogent sentence?

yes, the answer is yes. the man is not inquisitive or curious, and may be functionally retarded. his supporters too.