Saturday, February 26, 2005

phizz and his girlfriends

this list has little-to-nothing to do with sexual attraction, although there are certainly elements involved. these are women who i would love to be in long-term relationships with. they're all older than me, but when making fantasy lists i can pretend whatever i want.

incidentally, the list for my penis's-most-wanted is entirely different. it will cum later.

  1. janeane garofalo - on top of being pretty and a gen-x cultural icon (although she would deny it), she's one of the most intelligent people i've ever heard speak. if i had friends like her i would be smarter than i am today (yeah, i can hardly believe it's possible either).
  2. tina fey - love the glasses, am IN love with the comedy stylings. she craps out hilarity on a regular basis.
  3. lauren graham - my infatuation started way before gilmore girls. she did a cameo on seinfeld once, many moons ago, and i've been hooked ever since. couple that with the witty reparte on gilmore girls (yes i know she doesn't really speak like that in real life) and her charisma in talk-show interviews, and i'm blubbering.
  4. neko case - there is a copius amount of female alt-rock singers who i'm in love with, but really the queen of them all is neko case. she has that patsy kline sound, and normally i abhor country music but neko somehow makes it enchanting.
  5. maureen dowd - one of the few columnists i read religiously in one of the few decent newspapers in the country. i learn a new word with every op-ed piece she writes. oh the liberalism.... sooooooooo hot.
  6. ellen degeneres - shocked? her stand-up routine was the first thing that got me captivated. there's just something about a woman with a great sense of humor, and she's cute as a button (and dating portia de rossi. ahhhhhhhhhh...). i know - lesbian. but it's my fantasy and i'll cry if i want to.

Friday, February 25, 2005

blog bitchtastic

itchy red swollen blog irritations:

ass-kissing in comments: this doesn't happen in mine, obviously, but alot of others. if your comment is solely "your blog is so great, you are so great, it's all just so great!" and has nothing to contribute to the topic du jour, then please save it. including kudos along with a content-related comment is fine, but don't kiss ass just to get readers. it irks me to read comments from people with 14-year-old mentalities evidencing how much they like licking the writer's asshole.

first comment dickheads: i hate it when people leave the first comment after a post and say "haha i'm first blah blah blah". fucking children.

please add me to your blogroll: don't ask me this. it wreaks of desperation, and i'll never be able to read your blog afterwards without thinking about what a chode you are. just because you added me doesn't mean i'm going to peremptorily add you, nor would i expect you to add me because i added you.

putting myriad pictures of yourself in posts: how narcissistic can you be? don't you know that the commenter that says "oh i like how your purse matches your new hair color" really means "i want to put a baby in that"? if guys (and girls, to a lesser extent) seem to make an objective, non-creepy comment about your picture, you can pretty much assume that they're really only thinking about jumping your ignorant bones. but if you need that kind of cheap flattery then i guess it's up to you.

excessive use of the words "rant" and "ramble": i wonder what percentage of blogs out there have those words in their title. i wonder how many people a day apologize at the end of their post for "rambling on" for too long. i wonder why someone would feel compelled to apologize for something they've written. i wonder how many of your readers require you to say "i'm sorry" for writing a lenghty post. i wonder if there are any synonyms for "rant" and "ramble".

convoluted templates: i don't want to have to put too much effort in trying to figure out where your posts are. trying to read a yellow font on a white background hurts me. remember - just because you CAN put a million different bells and whistles on your site doesn't mean you should. less is more.

sorry for the rant. dull axes of yours?

Thursday, February 24, 2005


tinky-winky, buster bunny, spongebob squarepants, and now.... shrek. the traditional values coalition (who would have thought they'd be anti-gay with a name like that) issued the following (short) press release:

Parents Beware: 'Shrek 2' Features Transgenderism And Crossdressing

ThemesSummary: The DreamWorks' animated film, "Shrek 2," is billed as harmless entertainment but contains subtle sexual messages. Parents who are thinking about taking their children to see "Shrek 2," may wish to consider the following:

The movie features a male-to-female transgender (in transition) as an evil bartender. The character has five o'clock shadow, wears a dress and has female breasts. It is clear that he is a she-male. His voice is that of talk show host Larry King.

During a dance scene at the end of the movie, this transgendered man expresses sexual desire for Prince Charming, jumps on him, and both tumble to the floor.

In another scene in the movie, Shrek and Donkey need to be rescued from a dungeon where they are chained against the wall. The rescue is conducted by Pinocchio who is asked to lie so his nose will grow long enough for one of the smaller cartoon characters to use it as a bridge to reach Shrek and Donkey. Donkey encourages him to lie about something and suggests he lie about wearing women's underwear. When he denies wearing women's underwear, his nose begins to grow.

An earlier scene in the movie features a wolf dressed in grandma's clothing and reading a book when Prince Charming encounters him. Later, one of the characters refers to the wolf's gender confusion.

TVC's report, "A Gender Identity Disorder Goes Mainstream," explains the transgender agenda and the effort to deconstruct the biological reality of male and female. DreamWorks is helping in this effort by promoting cross dressing and transgenderism in this animated film.

it's great that the tvc knows what a "she-male" is, but does having the voice of larry king arbitrarily make you gay? i picture larry king when i'm trying to prolong sex. he's the new baseball. but gay? what about all the marriages and children? he really does the "protect-the-sanctity-of-marriage" crowd proud with his seven marriages.

what other cartoon characters are turning children gay... do the male superheroes on justice league have to wear tights and capes? why is tom continually chasing jerry? and what kind of homo rapist is wile e. coyote? there's a show on nickelodeon called the angry beavers - how much more femi-nazi dykey can you get? and you KNOW that jimmy neutron the boy genius is all about the BOY PENIS.

won't someone please think of the children?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

the amazing and impromptu rare bird show

george bush spreads freedom in the world like a chlamydia-ridden crack whore spreads blisters and itching through low-income inner-city neighborhoods. you can read on some iranian blogs that many iran citizens admit that, while they don't like living under the mullahs, they still much prefer it to possible "liberation" by the u.s.

if i were iran i would create and stock up as many nuclear weapons as possible. that seems to be the only bartering chip george bush respects (ask kim jong-il). pakistan has the bomb, and for some reason we turn a blind eye to the atrocities its government commits against pakistanis.

bush is not out to quash "tyranny" or spread freedom and democracy throughout the world. my theory is that his only motivation for inciting foreign conflicts is to distract the american people (because we are easily distracted - national a.d.d. - look at the kitty!) while he rapes domestic discretionaries. he shamelessly pillages programs for the lower and middle class in order to benefit the very upper echelon, and as soon as someone starts paying attention he raises the terror alert level, or releases bullshit taped interviews where he cops to smoking pot, or pretends like he wants to reform social security.

which, incidentally, never had a chance of passing. but it's definitely drawing alot of attention away from other scandals (google jeff gannon/james guckert).

i'll make an official prediction right now - i have a gut feeling that i need to take a large crap, and that george bush has already signed off on a plan to attack iran. probably this summer.

the right wing needs to start having more sex, seriously. people getting laid shouldn't be this crabby. make fuck, not war.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

you want frowers?

at work i am busy today. honestly, not even enough time to wipe my ass - i make squishy sounds when i walk. i'm alone (all by myself, and noone is looking) in the office today so i'm doing my best not to steer the entire business into a gigantic ditch. the other guy isn't here because supposedly his wife "had her baby" this morning, which is the biggest load of shite i've ever heard. nah, i'm just pissed i never thought of that excuse before. i doff my hat.

when i waited tables i actually called in one day and said i couldn't work because i was bleeding out of my ass. waiting tables sucked. actually bleeding out of my ass would have been more pleasant.

i ordered some flowers for the "baby" and spent 20 minutes on the phone with an oriental man whom i couldn't understand at all. but from what i gathered he's going to love me for a long time.

my question of the day: since evolution and science are so under attack these days, does anyone actually believe that this whole "internet" thing is for real? i don't know about you all, but i just say words out loud and pray to jesus that they'll be communicated to the proper channels. and what's the deal with gravity? sounds like a scam.

Monday, February 21, 2005

goodbye gonzo

happy president's day. suggested president's day gifts:
  • condoms
  • false teeth
  • thesaurus
  • narcotics
  • black beret
  • tape recorder
  • wheelchair

was that in poor taste? if it wasn't i probably wouldn't post it. frankly i don't care about this day. i'm not off of work, so jimmy crack corn.

hunter s. thompson died this weekend. actually he shot himself. when i grow up i want to be hunter s. thompson. what wasn't to like about that man.

everyone whiff some ether in remembrance.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

hillary stank

i will never be able to look at hillary swank again without thinking that she's really a man. ever since boys don't cry. sorry hillary, but no matter how much makeup you wear or how much cleavage you show off, i'm still going to see you as a skinny oklahoma boy who got to make out with chloe sevigny. and now a female boxer movie? as far as i'm concerned it's a ballad of a ladyman from here on out.

she hosted saturday night live last night. not funny at all.

Friday, February 18, 2005

generic title number one

i just heard the nhl hockey season has been cancelled. look how chagrined i am. look. see? see my disappointment? this is my sad face.

i actually do feel for canadians, because canada seems like such a better and more tolerant place to live, and they are all aboot the hockey eh. so canada, my deepest sympathies. and i love that their currency is called the "looney". soon to be more valuable than the american dollar, thanks to our own looney from the land of texas.

my pre-teen cousin has a basketball game tonight that i'm obligated to go to. i keep myself entertained by shouting racial slurs at the white referees. i call them wops and chinks, and occasionally crackers. it's a blast. plus it's fun watching little kids running around haphazardly.

this has been the slowest week ever at work. i've had to psss the time by sniffing markers and playing frisbee with cd's. i've gotten adept at flinging them into trash cans from considerable distances. amazing, considering i'm usually high on marks-a-lots when practicing.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

he just wanna fuck her

it's commendable that sports illustrated devoted an entire issue to girls with eating disorders.

why would anyone pay money for this? don't people know they can get movies of hot girls getting boned sideways for free on the internet? it's much more efficient than pictures of models wearing shoelaces. maybe i could understand for teenagers, in 1994, with no money, who couldn't buy porn because their asshole older cousin wouldn't get it for me.

or maybe it's considered "art". the photographer obviously takes pride in his/her work and no doubt considers himself/herself an artist. but can't you find a better venue than a sports mag? doesn't that degrade your work by pandering to the sex drives of meatheads? aren't you selling out?

it's tantamout to having your paintings hung on the walls of an airport - ostensibly your art becomes wallpaper.

the only art i'm really impressed with here is that of the airbrushers. look how shiny everything is.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

stories from the city, stories from the store

it would be really easy to post weekly on my sojourns to the demon wal-mart. there's so much great fodder for blogger in that unholiest of public slop-troughs. so it may become a weekly-ish event.

as i've mentioned before, if i had a viable alternative to shopping at wal-mart i would jump at the chance. but there really are no locally-owned grocery stores here. they're all demonic so i may as well save money while contributing to the corporate machine.

yesterday the masses were flocking; buying all things red and pink and flowery and chocolaty. i of course did not buy any such items. i bought steak knives, because i needed steak knives. pushing my cart around, dodging people staring at something imaginary (i.e. off into space) and people carrying heart-shaped balloons, the handiness of sharp things put thoughts into my head.

"love-knife" took on a new meaning. move over glenn close.

it's very odd to see grown men digging through bins full of stuffed bears. and the checkout lines were horrendously long. my cart was full (beer, clorox, diet dr. pepper, gin, and lemons. mix in large bowl - serves 20, or me). i enjoyed seeing some people trying to buy single items - one balloon or other vd token - walking around trying to find an easier way to checkout than waiting in the lines, to no avail.

i'm not bitter (not directed at vd, anyway). i don't take such pleasure in the misfortune of others because i'm angry at "love" (whatever) and couples. i'm angry with people's gullibility in taking part in a commercially-driven "holiday" that guilts someone into buying something mandatorily useless for someone else.

bunch of easily-lead sheeple. in the words of jack black, "you fucking robots!"

Monday, February 14, 2005

here we go again

reasons why the grammy's are the biggest pile of contrived horseshit you will ever find on television (aside from almost every show on fox, cbs, nbc, mtv, abc, cnn, and all other channels):
  • if you were watching the grammys while you could have been watching arrested development, then you are... an appropriate descriptor would be too long for you to understand.
  • album and record of the year to ray charles - deserving, but if he hadn't died would he have won? what wonderful accolades will i get when i die? i wonder....
  • john mayer won something. john mayer is a big-whining-talentless-dave-matthews-(who also sucks)-wannabe douchebag.
  • maroon 5? maroon 5? seriously?
  • last year (or maybe year before) fountains of wayne was nominated for "best new artist" when in fact they had been together almost a decade and put out two albums prior.
  • best polka album of the year went to brave combo. everyone knows that it should have gone to henny & the versa j's featuring ryan. they was robbed.

i can't believe usher didn't win anything. and what about fitty cent? nothing for us this year fitty? where is fitty? i mean, where fitty at? i bet we could find him in the club, bottle full of bub, look mam he got the x if you into taking drugs.

Friday, February 11, 2005

darwin saves!

tomorrow is darwin day. the birthday of charles darwin. i love darwin. i'm going to do some carnal evolving. i'm going to walk around wal-mart saying "darwin loves you brother". i'm going to make a t-shirt that says "man + nipples = evolution". i'm going to get a monkey and name him "grandad". i'm going to cruise the ull biology department, pick up a girl, and go on a carbon date. i'm going to hurl trilobite fossils at people. opposable thumbs christians!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

blah-gosphere, or, fuck you

your rapist-of-a-father and i didn't slave in the fields twelve hours a day practicing kitten soccer so you could sit there in your high-falutin' office with your lemon diet coke and your fancy fucking french-cut shirt and not blog because you're "uninspired". well suck my big salad!
  • cockfighting should be made mandatory before any poultry is allowed to be served in a bucket - i don't want to eat losers.
  • women aren't allowed to vote in saudi arabia? praise allah.
  • females' feet are smaller than men's so they can stand closer to the fucking stove.
  • jonathan swift was a pussy - let's just feed our babies to other pregnant mothers. circle of life, circle of life.
  • i'm not pro-choice, i'm pro-fetus-fights. if i got in a fight with a fetus i would whoop its ass!
  • if you've ever "raised the roof" then the roof should be dropped on you. we don't need no water.
  • if you've ever described yourself as "sexy" then your hands should be permanently cemented to your face. also you can't have babies, unless you want to feed them to other mothers or let me fight them.

don't want to read anything that isn't about human bodily functions or promiscuous sex or other chicanery? well fuck you, i'm going to go eat an entire meat-lovers' pizza and wash it down with a tall cool pennzoil. suck my toast.

note to vegetarians - the preceding statement shouldn't piss you off because i don't think there's anything close to real meat in pizza hut's toppings.

the opulent shall inherit the earth

george bush and his neo-conservative death cult fully intend to drive the lower- to lower-middle class into utter poverty. it's no longer a war on poverty - it's a war on the impoverished.

i know it's not glamorous or sexy, but i need to get some political ballast off my head. the new white house budget: the thrust is this - he's proposing major cuts in discretionary spending - environment, health care, education, veterans' benefits, justice, agriculture, and income security. i guess these are all things that don't produce cool explosions or increase our petroleum resources, so he's going to fuck 'em over texas-style.

the cuts range from 11% to 23% through the end of the decade. these. are. huge. social security: he wants to dismantle it. it's been the most successful program the u.s. government has ever created, and he wants to mangle it, because it would line the pockets of wall street brokerage houses and screw retired, disabled, and poverty-stricken people.

you know how he keeps saying that the social security amounts taken out of our paychecks would be better used if given to us? well what he is proposing does not give us that money. all that would change is that we will have the option of investing it in stocks chosen by the administration. so instead of earning a steady rate on it (in government bonds), we allow our government to go ahead and invest (GAMBLE) our money in the stock market.

i wonder how much money wall street lobbyists would throw at the administration to be amongst those brokerages used? tort reform: the president has said that we need a $250,000 cap on lawsuits brought against large corporations, claiming that these "frivolous" suits are unjust, and corporations are suffering unduly.

these lawsuits are the only method we, the consumers, have to hold companies accountable for endangering the public. think about all the drug companies (example: vioxx - made by merck, ephedra, etc.) that put products on the market that are unsafe for human consumption. would a quarter-million dollar fine here and there dissuade billion-dollar corporations from doing anything? and what about the person who died from taking their drug? is $250K ample compensation for the family?

if you don't already know about it, also read about the ford pinto. homeland security: that color-coded alert system is a real winner. cargo coming in through seaports isn't screened, nor are cargo-holds of international flights. we sure have jailed alot of muslims though. thank you patriot act. terrorism: it is widely-agreed upon by the "reality-based" community that our actions in the middle-east have actually created more terrorists than we eliminated. but on the sunny side, we did capture and torture lots of iraqi car theives and shepherds for some valuable information i'm sure.

who was president on september 11? i forget.

it completely dumbfounds me that so many people voted for this COMPLETE BRAYING JACKASS. it's such a tragic commentary on the unbelievable gullibility of some (or alot of, evidently) americans who can't see that gay marriage never had nor ever will have ANY IMPACT ON THEIR LIVES.

when married couples argue at night before they go to bed, do you think the reasons are more likely financial in nature, or the fact that doug and doug next door want to get married?

well, go ahead georgie. cut funding for my medicaid and child's education and ass-fuck the environment and tell corporations that it's okay for them to kill me and cut veterans' benefits so you can give tax cuts to your top 1% friends. you have my blessing. just don't let gay people get married. that would ruin me.

just remember georgie, we all float. and when you're down here, you'll float too...

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

emily "quoth the raven never" gil "more"

i can't really call the grandmother gilmore a dirty, dirty tramp, which is usually the first thing that escapes my lips when expressing displeasure at someone's behavior. but i do hope lorelai completely disowns her. actually, fuck that. i hope she goes menendez on that hag's ass.

and a heaping helping of crunchy crap christopher's way as well. i understand the loneliness - but dude, at least stay away from the alcohol. even i know never to get drunk in mixed company when you're backstroking in a sesspool of emotions. although the phrase "open bar" has made stronger men stupid.

i survived the tuesday of fat relatively unscathed (actually i didn't - i'm writing this from beyond the grave). i'm going to have to buy more rounds for my gatling gun (lovingly referred to as "the bringo"), which don't come cheap. i get them on the black market from a guy with four fingers named lickspat. i should be well-stocked by mardi gras next year.

plastic-loving summamabitches.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

"dandy warhols come down" track # 7

phizz would you like a day off of work? always. don't you hate people who ask themselves questions aloud and then answer them? yes, yes. so.....? i'll be head-butting the bathroom sink very hard when i'm done writing.

the rub, again, is that i live in the middle of mardi gras revelry central. i.e. i'm right by the end of the parade route, amidst the seedy bars people frequent all the live-long day. the big thing to do is just walk around the streets yelling, steal beers from people's ice chests, and drink lots of hurricanes.

so i'm treating this like an actual hurricane. i've nailed plywood around all my windows, taken in any of my belongings that were outside, and loaded my sawed-off in case the plywood fails. i'm going to go american dad on their asses.

i'm sporting my indoor camouflage (pajama pants and t-shirt - i blend right in), painted half of my face powder blue, the other half white (freedom!), and injected a homemade cocktail of amphetamines and ovaltine into my bloodstream.

the sex pistols pumping heavily on surround-sound. continuous loop.

this is my y2k. let's dance.

Monday, February 07, 2005

i, television

i left a super sexy audio post yesterday that blogger kidnapped. fucking blogger.

i watched a summerland marathon on the wb last night - there wasn't much else on. summerland is entertaiing, but toooooo..... summery. beautiful surf people who don't seem to have jobs or go to school, lots of beach-related activities, and aunt becky (i wouldn't say no to being uncle becky, by the way).

i noticed an ad for another law & order. they're certainly milking that one for all it's worth.

i don't see why the commercials during the superbowl are supposedly crafted better than average commercials. can't the ad wizards (who came up with that one?) make stellar commercials all the time?

i love american dad. cartoons make me happy. how can you not like a talking sex-crazed fish with a german accent? ja? nein?

Saturday, February 05, 2005

i'm a reasonable man get off my case

i'm perturbed they killed off alicia. despite her fondness for the love-knife, she and i shared a love that was pure as the driven snow. fantasy romance is the only thing i have nowadays - why must you take that away from me wb, why? now what am i supposed to do - just go back to pretending i like lana cocktease? why don't you just make my life perfect and throw chloe off a cliff? how am i supposed to find another teleporting girl to fall in love with? huh? you heartless fucktards.

next thing you know rory will get raped and develop malaria while the inn burns down and luke gets slapped by o.s.h.a. because lane got hit in the face with a hot frying pan and sookie goes all mama-cass while choking on one of her husband's organically-grown tomatoes.

this is why i hate tv. it's much easier to fall in love with fictional characters than real ones. my emotions are now controlled by hollywood writers.

Friday, February 04, 2005

the foozeball agenda

on sunday:

  • sleep off hangover
  • calisthenics and mild masturbation
  • make punch bowl full of bean dip, eat with spoon
  • cook anything that had parents, serve in a bucket
  • order sandwich measured in feet
  • smear brightly-colored face paint on... i guess my face
  • drink miller lite - dream about twins (but not conjoined, bunny)
  • stay vigilant during halftime for boobies
  • buy mannequin to high-five at random times during game
  • rent and watch mannequin - wish mine would come to life and love me
  • watch football game on the television machine
  • scream "fuck" precisely on the hour and half-hour
  • five minutes after "fuck", yell "woo"
  • when game ends, run outside spraying beer on self, act jubilant, rub nipples
  • back inside, see if pbs is re-running reading rainbow or newshour with jim lehrer
  • hot toddy, say prayers, go to bed

in all (some) seriousness, i want philadelphia to win because rush limbaugh said once that donovan mcnabb was overrated by the media because he was black. also i like chunky soup.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

just a good drinker

i didn't watch the s.o.t.u address - i can't get that drunk on a weeknight when i have to work the next day. plus i didn't have enough time after work yesterday to get drunk enough to be able to sit through all the jive. turkey.

i want to start smoking cloves and researching evolution. why was george bush born prematurely? why do i have nipples? how do i get my hands on more?

how disgusting.

my mother is visiting me this weekend so i have to clean the house. it's not dirty, just unkempt. there's no food in the house at all, much less lying around on the counter or tv or anything. just clothes everywhere.

it's been such an emotionally devoid yet somehow draining week, even for me. should i be social this weekend? should i be social.

oh, does anyone think that they're less interested in the super bowl than i? and also, since the bible says that touching the skin of a dead pig is a sin (right after it says homosexuality is a sin) does that mean that football is evil?

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

don't want to be holden

the following is not, in any way, meant to be an attack on women or the women's movement. i love women.

before 1960 or so, sexual promiscuity accompanied with it a scarlet letter and was more or less unheard of. then came the female empowerment revolution of the sixties/seventies - women going to work, burning bras, growing body hair, roe v. wade, etcetera. and sex became more of a "do-it-if-it-feels-good" thing. and so it remains, to say the least.

i looked up some info about voting rights. black males had the constitutional right to vote 50 years before all women did. the 15th amendment was passed right after the civil war (1870), giving black males the vote. some states put restrictions on black voting (poll taxes, literacy tests, grandfather clauses), but people formerly considered property had the right to vote before women did.

wyoming (of all places) was the first state to allow women the right in 1890, and some other states followed suit during the years up to 1920, when the u.s. constitution was finally ameneded (19th) to give all women the right to vote.

so it's apparent that women have had it rougher than men for a long time, in many ways. that's nothing new.

but the pendulum always swings, and i think that right now sex is a good indicator. it's no secret that women and men "saving themselves" for marriage are increasingly in the minority. one-night stands, pity sex, fuck buddies, paris hilton, prostitution (admittedly nothing new), a "drunken mistake" (my nickname in college), porn, and various amalgamations thereof are relatively recent terms in historical vernacular.

it's like catholic school girls graduating and then fucking everything in sight after years of plaid skirts, knee-socks, and pent-up frustration. they go straight from "hail mary" to "bloody mary".

sidebar - i'm saying all this independently of men's actions over the years. we have always been domineering pigs who think with our dicks and harbor gender double-standards, more or less. i don't think that changes much.

but for a long time sex was always associated with love, or at least marriage or commitment of some kind. and now nothing could be further from the truth.

my own problem is this - as progressive an individual i am and as liberal my thought processes are, for some reason i have a hard time seperating sex and love. when i'm aware of two people i know, or know of, having sex, there's a part of me that recoils, knowing that no feelings whatsoever exist between the two. or three. or sometimes six.

and when i say "love" i mean emotional love. not "love for the vagina" or "love of dick". person-to-person love. and how often is that actually involved in sex acts these days? fifty percent maybe? it can't be much.

so are we on our way to sexual intercourse having nothing at all to do with emotional attachment? how would someone acclimatize themselves to that idea when they've grown up in a religious household and been told all their lives that it should mean something? a "brave new world" was always passed off as fiction, but how far away from that painted future are we?

in all seriousness, i have this caulfieldian insanity in me that wants to protect innocence in people (girls), and it aggravates the ever-loving FUCK out of me. like when i see dancing at the club which is essentially sex-mimicking, or scant clothing, or mardi gras, or wet t-shirt contests, or girls gone wild, or anything on the e! channel and mtv.

even porn - mentally i try to completely objectify the women to make myself realize that sex is completely independent of love. but some small part of me always winces.

none of this is conscious - i don't see such activity and adopt this judeo-christian "look-at-the-babylon-whore" type of thing. i don't judge. i just can't seem to completely desensitize myself to the way our society seems to be moving.

and it leads to alot of depression and sadness, which is why i'm trying to change.

is that maybe bad, that i'm trying to coalesce so? should my goal be to objectify women to avoid getting hurt? what happens to manners and respect and courtesty if that happens? quoting dave chappelle, again (you should check out his hbo special if you've never seen it - great stuff):

women say that chivalry is dead and that men aren't gentlemen no more.'... Well, chivalry IS dead.. and women killed it.

again, this is not meant to lambaste women at all. if i were homosexual or a woman i'd probably feel the same way, only the impetus would be male behavior.

i'm just trying to express my disappointment with the "progress" our society makes in some respects. also that my brain is totally fucked up and that it takes very little to send me spiraling into depression and self-loathing.