Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Religious Dyslexicon

How rad* would it be if dyslexia were actually called drawkcab? Or Backwords?

I've always felt uncomfortable capitalizing "God" or even using the word "God" so I always just use "dog" in lieu. Somehow citing the concept dyslexically** seems ambivalent with regard to religious denomination.

Organized religion confounds everything. EVERY thing. I don't remember who came up with the metaphor of Christians trampling each other to death for a better look at Jesus dying on the cross to illustrate modern organized religion, but I think it's poignant.

My golden dog is my little laughing Buddha that Anna gave me (it is literally golden). I prefer the symbolic representation of my life's philosophy*** be a laughing chubby guy sitting down in a comfortable robe than an emaciated, bloody, tortured soul (albeit an heroic one who I esteem immensely as a person) nailed to a telephone pole. It's such an acerbic icon.

Why not portray a smiling Jesus, hugging a poor child or embracing a sick person? It's as if the intent of the crucifix is to intimidate people into believing instead of inspiring them to. The fire-and-brimston Jonathan Edwards crap is just textbook terrorism.

*I'm dusting off the word "rad." I'm bringing it back baby.

**Another word I've invented. Add it to "ignorami" (plural of "ignoramus"). It's a very useful word when discussing the South and/or politics.

***Buddhism is not a religion to me. I don't have a religion. Gleaning the positive aspects of Buddhism, and many religions, compromise my "life philosophy." It just works for me.

The Arcade Fire

Neon Bible (2007)

I can't over-emphasize how much I love this album. It may be my favorite of the year so far, even over the new Of Montreal.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Relocation Chronicle: 5 days left

Yesterday I sold my gargantuan television and actually managed to get it down the stairs thanks in large part to Tiffany's boyfriend Mike. Many, many thanks senor. Also, and this may be a moot point in today's age of flat-panel everythings, but I will NEVER acquire another CRT television or monitor in my life. I have my small 13" bedside set, but that's the limit.

I'm having Goodwill pickup my mattresses on Thursday. I ordered a brand new Sealy queen-size bed which will be delivered to my new apartment during the early evening on the day I fly into NY. I got a pretty good deal on it (look at me, Jewing up already!).

So now all I've really got to do is ship out my two large boxes of crap (not really crap -- my computers, sound system, clothes) and I"ll be good to go.

My roommate's name is Chen and she sounds like a super lady.

Back to work tomorrow. These last four days are going to be the longest I've had at this job.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

That Which is Known as Coulter

Contrary to popular opinion about her I do not believe Ann Coulter is a man. Definitely mannish, but not a man. She called John Edwards a faggot, perhaps because she's more of a man than he, and most males on the planet, in which case there are just tons of faggots in Ann Coulter's world.

Is "faggot" the "nigger" of the gay world? It always struck me as a pejorative in popular culture, which I have no doubt Coulter intended it to be.

But anyway, my theories on Ann Coulter:

1. Ever see the South Park episode about metrosexuals and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? She's one of the crab people. Walks like crab, talks like people... Craaaaab people, craaaaab people....

2. Sigourney Weaver somehow conceived a child from a prop in Alien which resulted in the birth of Coulter. Check Sigourney's stomach for the scars resulting from a goo-laden demon baby popping out of her gut.

3. She's really Andy Kauffman.

4. She actually died ten years ago but the same evil forces that got Bush into office twice force her limbs and jaw to move and sounds to spring from her mouth. Those forces don't have enough juice to keep her from decomposing and resembling the crypt-keeper because they're too busy doing that for Dick Cheney.

5. She isn't really the bitch-harpie she portrays while in the spotlight but is merely putting on an at least partial facade for publicity and money. Sure, it's soulless and has a devastatingly draining effect on discourse in this country, but if you look at it strictly from a Gordon Gekko standpoint and dehumanize it (Republicanize it), it's not a dumb idea.

I fault the people who insist on giving her the stage. CNN, FoxNoise, etc. Mitt Romney is the perfect microcosm: you can't continually give someone the microphone one minute then denounce what they say the next. It's like the phrase "with all due respect." You can prefice a statement with it but it's not a get-out-of-jail-free card for whatever you say next.