Tuesday, February 28, 2006

flat bluesday

as much as i bash mardi gras i do enjoy the day off. it's also the day before lent begins, and oh how i relish wholesome christian fasting. i have decided to give up alcohol/cigarettes for the month of march. not lent-related at all, just a coincidence. also i can eat only meat on fridays.

it's a good reality check to occasionally go an extended period of time without drinking just to make sure i'm not an -aholic, and to replenish my chi.

i live close enough to the parade routes to hear people celebrating good times from my bedroom. a past version of myself could easily wallow in depression as a result; "woe is me for being alone and not amongst the revelers," but now i couldn't be more grateful for the solitude.

here's hoping this is my last mardi gras in louisiana.

this specific day -- february 28, 2006 -- will hereby be known as the day of auditory slings and arrows. i should have known better than to think i would be immune, holed up in my apartment. but no. big hefty stinking NOOOOOOOOOO. the people who live behind me went the full nine: speakers bigger than a volkswagon, zydeco thumping and permeating my usually stolwart powers of ostriching. ultimately i've decided to just drink. tomorrow is the first of march and begins my month-long sobriety stint, so why not. laissez les blah blah rouler.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

the port authority

the neon-con chagrin at the uae taking over port operations at six of our ports is, imo, two-fold:

  1. general racism directed at anything with the word "arab" in it (also muslim, islaam, middle-easterner, persian, and the prefixes "al-" and "bin-".
  2. the word "port" is nautical for "left" and nothing left-related ever flies with neon-cons. if a foreign government took over our "starboards" instead then they would say it's only "right."

personally i'm experiencing a little inner dichotomy over the issue. instinctually i was eager to pile on the bush-bash bandwagon -- the man is always wrong, sue me for jumping the gun occasionally -- and chalk another one up to incompetance and complete disregard for actual security. now i'm wondering if my reaction isn't because i'm a little prejudiced myself at the thought of a mid-east nation controlling our ports.

so i prolonged my conclusions. the british formerly operated these ports so why should a different nation doing it be so horrible? just because they're an islaamic country? consider that the uae:

  • is one of three countries that recognizes the taliban as the ruling government of afghanistan (i-heart-saudi arabia and libya being the other two)
  • has historically been an operational and financial base for the hijackers who carried out the attacks of 7-11
  • has laundered money for al quaeda and other terrorist outfits
  • has been very uncooperative with u.s. efforts to find osama

okay, so maybe i'm not exactly behind this.

even so, i have little concern for port security lessening (partially because it's so fuck-poor as it is). in truth the vetting process for foreign investments, especially for seaports, seems rigorous. you can read about it here. informative stuff.

all port owners (including the uae-owned dubai ports world) must abide by the maritime transportation security act passed by congress in 2002 and international ship and port facility security codes enacted in 2004. both sets of security measures are enforced by the coast guard.

and were it not THIS administration in office, i may have been peseudo-psatisfied with the psale.

but (i won't write something someone else has already written better):

Another secret deal cooked up behind closed doors? Another series of prior relationships between Bush crony appointees and thebenefiting business? Another request from the same crew that brought us WMDs, 'mushroom clouds', and Michael Brown to trust them? And now another claim the whole thing wasn't their fault?

As Bush and his cronies stumbled Tres Stoogian like from one self inflicted cluster-fuck to another, the next set of excuses to come out of their PR pie-holes has been "No one could have predicted it" or "Everyone agreed with us at the time". And today we've already gone from "This is a good deal that we've checked out" to "The President
didn't know
" about it: Except they're still going to push it on Congress. Funny thing about that modus operandi; It tends to erode trust.
it's a rare instance in which the face value of what's being done is representative through and through.

currently listening to:

death of the party (2006)

deadeye dick

Thursday, February 16, 2006


this is a post about corporate misdeeds. if you don't care then fuck off. and fuck your yankee bluejeans.

last night i rented a documentary called the corporation. it scared the bejeezus out of me. if you strive to be a conscientious global citizen and are not a completely crazed nihilst or laissez-faire in regards to capitalism, you need to watch it.

the only true legal mandate for a corporation is to act in a way that increase profits, that they operate only to satisfy shareholders. meager government regulations regarding public health and safety, the environment, worker rights, discrimination and a host of other human rights issues are only parts of an equation.

none of this is particularly novel; corporations are rightfully stereotyped as big, evil monsters trampling the rights of the (mythic) "little guy," and the environment.

frankly i've always been sort of a passive environmentalist. i'll recycle cans when i remember to, reuse my wal-mart bags, whatever doesn't excessively require work on my part. i can't feel satisfied with this anymore.

i'm never using paper plates or plastic silverware again. i love them dearly, lazy creature that i am, but i'll always see images of a five-legged frog or a boy born without eyes when i act in an environmentally reckless way.

people who advocate total privatization are nihilists. the movie reminded me of why a republican philosophy is so dangerous to the planet and the majority of its inhabitants (animals and vegetables). unbridled capitalism, or any system, is hazardous. a corporation is legally defined as a person with all the rights thereof, but only limited liability.

ford opted not to recall its pinto model in the 70's when it learned the gas tank easliy explodes on rear-end collisions because it would have cost $11.00 more per car to fix the defect than simply paying court fees for lawsuits brought on behalf of dead consumers. if you or i committed several murders we would be jailed for life or executed. not so for the inc.'s.

fuck, just watch the movie. this isn't good for my blood pressure.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

how i hate you, let me count the ways...

i decided to celebrate bloodlust day by taking the day off of work. i claimed stomach cramps and nausea -- not completely false.

i've put a relevant video on my myspace profile. it's one of the greatest songs ever from one of the greatest albums ever by one of the greatest bands ever. guess (spaine you're excluded; i know you know).

also, here's a list of good albums to listen to on this day for the bitter among us who need to nurture our bitter bitterness. happy quirkyalone.

pass along any albums that you think are appropriate. peaches.

Monday, February 13, 2006


my own contribution to the hunting brick-a-brack:

  • cheney comes out of the vegetarian closet
  • dick cheney hunts R greatest game: man
  • vice president makes a stand for animal rights
  • satan swings and misses
  • cheney blasts old man in face with shotgun*
  • veep finally gets combat experience
  • cheney git-r-done
  • dick shoots first, evades questions later

*personal favorite

the shooting itself seems purely accidental, and frankly i don't really care. the man is direcly responsible for tens of thousands of deaths as it stands; what's one more.

here's the rub as i see it, garnered from the limited info i've read/heard thus far:

on washington journal ths morning people were mentioning that he may have been drinking at the time (hence the 18-hour delay in reporting the story), which, if true, has serious legal consequences. it's not that far-fetched, since g.o.p. g.o.b. (good ol' boy) s.o.b.'s love their guns n' ammo n' hooch.

out of the million or so licensed hunters in texas only 29 accidental shootings occur each year. cheney may not even have had a hunting license at the time, although i'm sure he does now. a nice pre-dated one.

there is a GREAT post on dailykos about the true significance of this story (i encourage anyone and everyone to read it). an excerpt:

It's a perfect analogy for the way they have conducted their entire administration--and all the biggest flaws of this presidency are on display in one little vividly portrayed story.

A little story that has tremendous sway because, let's face it: THE VICE PRESIDENT JUST ACTUALLY SHOT ANOTHEHUMAN BEING. The imagery is clear and potent--and not subject to the typical political "he said, she said."

There is no way to play the usual equivocating politics with a story about the vice president ACTUALLY SHOOTING SOMEONE.

And that's why I guarantee you this story isn't going away: It's a perfect way for the press to indict the entire Administration through the perfect metaphor. And they'll be able to do it without retribution, or accusations that both sides aren't being fairly presented.

also i wonder how charlton heston feels about all this.

currently listening to:
the mendoza line

full of light and full of stars (2006)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

things i would rather do than watch the winter olympics

  • drink paint
  • scar myself with a (lit) cigarette
  • watch "american idol"
  • eat KFC
  • attend a high school football game
  • lick a frozen flag pole (ala flick)
  • shave my nether regions while blidnfolded and drunk
  • get a bikini wax
  • fuck an unconscious homeless person
  • buy enron stock
  • vote republican
  • go to a monster truck rally
  • join the army national guard
  • go to the keg on sorority night (local thing)
  • rent and watch "the dukes of hazzard"
  • listen to fm radio
  • watch mtv, vh1, etc.
  • subscribe to "sports illustrated"
  • join the nra
  • wipe my ass with a brillo pad
  • tattoo "mother" across my chest
  • be an elementary school janitor, or lunchlady
  • change my name to sunshine and spend a month in prison
  • go hunting
  • attend a cockight
  • be locked in a room with steven cojocaru for one hour

i don't like the olympic games.

currently listening to:
dios malos

dios (malos)

Friday, February 10, 2006

yet another inane questionnaire

1. How tall are you barefoot? - 5' 10"

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? - no

3. Do you own a gun? - about the biggest one you've ever seen dingleberry

4. Rehab? - for what? i can quit when i want.

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? - never met any parents ever, including my own

6. What do you think of hot dogs? - try not to

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? - either run dmc's "christmas in hollis" or mr. garrison singing "merry fucking christmas"

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? - water, coffee, diet coke

9. Do you do push-ups? - occasionally

10. Have you ever done ecstacy? - yes

11. Are you vegan? - i don't eat poultry or red meat, whatever that makes me

12. Do you like painkillers? - of course

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? - get them drunk

14. Do you own a knife? - butter

15. Do you have A.D.D. - jello

16. Date Of Birth ? - october 24

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. i buy too many cd's when i'm drinking
2. it's a beautiful day to stay in bed with the blinds drawn
3. where have all the cowboys gone

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
1. cd's
2. martini
3. potato chips

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1. water
2. coffee
3. diet soda
4. beer
5. gin

20. What time did you wake up today? - 11:40 a.m.

21. Current hair? - wake-up style

22. Current worry? - southerners

23. Current hate? - buddha says not to hate

24. Favorite place to be? - my room, my bed, my imagination

25. Least favorite place to be? - wal-mart

26. Where would you like to go? - minnesota!

27. Do you own slippers? - no

28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? - right here and/or dead

29. Do you burn or tan? - yes

30. Last thing you ate? - delicious triscuit crackers

31. Would you be a pirate? - absolutely

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? - this morning

33. What 3 songs do you sing in the shower?
1. "i swear" by all-4-one
2. "afternoon delight" by starland vocal band
3. "i feel like a woman" by shania twain

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as as a child? - kaiser wilhelm ii

35. What's in your pockets right now? - one hand, the other one is typing a stupid quiz

36. Last thing that made you laugh? - just went to the bathroom and looked at my penis

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? - voltron, bitch

38. Worst injury you've ever had? - never really been injured. i'm timid.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? - 2

41. Who is your loudest friend? - my surround sound system

42. Who is your most silent friend? - my cat

43. Does someone have a crush on you? - my great aunt

45. What is your favorite book? - "he's just not that into you"

46. What is your favorite candy? - never met one i didn't like

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? - taps

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? twisted sister - "i wanna rock"

49. What were you doing 12AM last night? - drinking alcoholic beverages

50. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? - when it's inflicted on others, yes

currently listening to:

suffrajett (2003)

friday crunk

a nice mind-wrench on a soggy friday -- kick off the weekend with a kick to the head i always say.

from usatoday:

The federal government levied a larger fine — $550,000 — for the 2004 Super Bowl showing of Janet Jackson's breast than it did for the 2001 deaths of 13 Alabama miners in one of the deadliest mine disasters in a quarter-century. And the $435,000 fine against mine operator Jim Walter Resources was cut by a judge to $3,000.
that's over half a million for a two-second titty shot (from which probably half a million "money shots" ensued), and three grand for 13 lives. i'd like to call the fcc and find out how much for both titties.

off-topic quickly: an ad on the radio yesterday for lasik eye surgery boasted prices as low as $299 per eye. is it possible to just get one? eyepatches are kickass but you'd think "eye surgery" would arbitrarily encompass both eyes. it seems like a package deal. do plastic surgeons base ther breast augmentation prices on a per-breast basis? pa-diddle.

oh me... always with the boobies.

back to mining safety (sexy isn't it?): it's of course troubling that industry regulations have become so lax in the past five years. is it surprising? not to me. it is but a harbinger of the blatant class warfare being waged on the lower and middle classes by the "haves," the "hawks."

claim the moral high ground (whereupon no bare boobie is allowed!), force seniors to choose between medicine and heat, corporations are kings, miners' lives cost $230 apiece, and all... is... right... with the world (in best howard kosel imitation).

a lovely bunch of coconuts.

currently listening to:
mates of state

bring it back (2006)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

gee isn't love great? it sure is!

it's time again to launch into my trademark bitter diatribe about valentine's day (bitter diatribe about mardi gras to ensue). i'll submit the usual disclaimer:

if any of you blog or e-mail me about how lovely and romantic and wonderfully wonderful of a time you and your significant bother had on that unholiest of unholies then you are dead to me. that may or may not be of concern to you; i don't like certain people, certain people don't like me.

remember -- you're only flaunting your shit. i don't like public displays of annoyance or the virtual variety. don't make other people's lonely misery worse by showcasing your success in interpersonal relationships. i've grown quite fond of my loneliness and if you make me question my love for it then words will be had. also i'il shave my #$%!@, put !@#$% on my @%#!#, and *#@!#$% you in the @#$%.

fuck commercially fabricated "holidays". rover red rover let russel stover bend over while i shove a chocolade-covered boot up his ass. it's not called the hershey highway for nothing russ.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

the scarecrow and mrs. king

i didn't watch george w. deliver his address at coretta scott king's funeral, because i never listen to anything the man says. nothing new. but he was seated within frame behind the podium so his face, obviously bored and out of place, was in view while maya angelou spoke.

an awkward juxtaposition, to say the least.

you could see him grimace when the word "peace" was uttered, and "justice". i wanted to feel bad for him, since the entire event was as much an attack on his principles and policies as a tribute to mrs. king.

and how could it not be? the two are as different as night and day. championing progression in the face of impractical and often unjust tradition can be nothing but a vilification of modern-day conservatism.

african-americans have had a tragic history, like many peoples, and justice has not remotely been realized. as president carter mentioned at the funeral, recall the faces on television of the people stranded, left homeless, in new orleans after the hurricane, then try to aver that racial inequality no longer exists.

it is a struggle for human rights. conservatives value some unspoken qualitative hierarchy of people based on biology and inherent traits; the heterosexual, white, christian male occupying the pinnacle. noone else is equal.

women's rights, gay rights, minority rights, the rights of muslims and of the poor are all human rights. our republican leadership constantly wraps itself in religion but opportunistically forgets that we are supposedly all endowed by some creator with inalienable rights.

on an intrinsic level it seemed like examples of right and wrong were on display, to compare and contrast, during the coretta scott king funeral.

if anyone can find maya angelou's address from the funeral online please let me know. i don't know if the full text is available anywhere yet.

Monday, February 06, 2006

superbowl non sequiturs

the pre-game was more exciting than the game itself. even the commercials sucked something awful.

i've always been cognizant of a latent (or not-so-latent) misogyny in our media and national conscience. watching the superbowl commercials though it struck me just how much worse the bias is than i thought. granted, football game commercials aren't going to target the same market as commercials on lifetime, but the objectification of women in male-oriented advertising is astonishing.

of course, we are the bread-winners, we have the big swinging dicks, we know what's best for women. remember gals that it's "uterUS" not "uterYOU".

cleavage sells beer, and domain names? godaddy.com somehow applied sex and sex acts to domains. i have no idea what one has to do with the other, unless you're registering babysbigboobies.com.

i don't like being taunted when i watch television. ultimately that's all commercials are -- a company flaunting something in front of you that you can own at an unreasonable price. it's the way the ad business goes, i get it. my objection comes in when sex enters the equation. i can always buy a fucking domain name, so pimping out your company's product/service is alright. but don't tempt me with a large-brested slut, something i can't just order out for. it's cruel.

a one-second shot of janet jackson's titty is abhorrent, but a "titty suggestion" every other second is acceptable. cleavage cool, nipple not. who decides where these lines (or in this case circles) get drawn?

the rolling stones... looked like they needed to be rolled around in wheelchairs or hospital beds. how about just rolling off into the sunset gracefully?

Friday, February 03, 2006

controversial cartoon?

this cartoon was in reaction to rumsfeld's statements last week in response to a pentagon study saying that the war in iraq is "breaking" the u.s. army. the defense secretary responded by saying that the army is "battle hardened".

the joint chiefs of staff sent a letter to the washington post chiding the paper for publishing material detrimental to troop morale: "While you or some of your readers may not agree with the war or its conduct, we believe you owe the men and women and their families who so selflessly serve our country the decency to not make light of their tremendous physical sacrifices."

it's become standard operating procedure in this government to not respond to the substance of criticism, but the source of it. tom toles' caricature is obviously not meant to deride the quadripalegic soldier but the manner in which the defense secretary seems to be oblivious to this and all soldiers' plight.

i'll say it again: what else is new. try to question the administration in their mishandling of the war and you aren't supporting the troops. democratic veterans like jack murtha, john kerry, and max cleland who criticize only the civilian "leadership" are labelled "unpatriotic".

fuck them in their asses. this cartoon is my new wallpaper. the joint chiefs can lick my fruit bowl. rumsfeld... not worthy of licking my fruit bowl.


i read this in a post article:

Dave Autry, deputy communications director for Disabled American Veterans, said he was "certainly not" offended by the cartoon.

"It was graphic, no doubt about it," he said. "But it drove home a point, that there are critically ill patients that certainly need to be attended to."

Thursday, February 02, 2006

get in someone's grill

last night the house passed an entitlement reduction bill that will reduce the deficit by $40 billion over the next five years. this bill cuts assistance to welfare programs, medicaid and medicaire recipients, student lenders and thereby students, and child support.

$40 billion will reduce the $14.3 trillion deficit by less than one-half of one percent. the house and senate are negotiating extending expiring tax cuts and adding new cuts (to whom, i wonder?) that would cost $60 billion, in maybe a month or so.

"deficit reduction" that actually increases the deficit, while pathetic, is not surprising. consider that the "healthy skies initiative" relaxed regulations on fossil fuel emissions, the "no child left behind" act placed extra burdens on teachers, "liberating" iraq required that we kill tens of thousands of iraqis, and the "healthy forests" initiative made it easier for companies to clear land for development.

i truly wish i was more susceptible to doublethink, as the rest of the country seems to be. maybe i wouldn't be so ired all the time that our leaders are allowed to say one thing while doing the opposite.

more than likely the populous at large is completely unaware of what goes on. even those who try to be diligent by watching the "news" get a completely inaccurate view of what is and is not relevant.

runaway bride: supremely important. osama bin laden alive, well, and plotting: meh.

the substance of sammy alito's judicial purview: bleh. his wife crying: fuck yeah!

the american citizenry is like a child (in more ways than one), and the media like a parent. what we are fed is what we'll eat, i.e. what they tell us is what we believe. i don't give a free pass to the public for not actively seeking information and just blindly accepting what the television gods tell us, but the press should know better.

true journalism has gone by the wayside it seems, with "journalists" serving as stenographers (judith miller), lazy reporting, irrelevant interviews, pandering and the lofting of softball questions, bowing to ratings before truth and an obsession with being inoffensive. noone gets in anyone's face anymore.

isn't the media supposed to be the fourth branch of government? i heard that somewhere. no more balances, no more checks. unless they're being written to pay for bridges to nowhere.