Friday, October 31, 2003

i am a (mad) scientist

more regarding my metamorphosis: some of my adaptations will have to occur posthumously to my tentatively scheduled switchover (next week). obviously this isn't all going to be cut and dry (as nothing ever is, unless of course you ask a republican) and will take some fine-tuning. also i don't think i'm going to abandon the former personality completely. there are good aspects of my current self that i would like to retain, such as my penchant for indie and drumming and walking pensively outside. but hopefully the frequency with which i perform these tasks will increase in my next persona.

discipline will be key.

i'm also seriously considering publishing a different blog for the new guy (as was suggested to me by smash). i would still want to maintain the pcp though. still tooling around with this idea.

album du jour: dandy warhols welcome to the monkey house

this has been the album of the day before, but "i am a scientist" is my theme song of today (#5), in addition to being my entry title. also, zia mccabe is a babe and courtney taylor-taylor is full of piss and vinegar and a pompous ass in that good way.
i'm thinking about renting a santa suit to give out candy tonight


when i got out of the shower earlier i was looking at myself in the condensation-laden mirror. i was out of focus, blurry, and muttled. i liked the way i looked. then i wiped the moisture away and suddenly my faults were spelled out in more disappointing detail. i think that i, phillip, work well as a general idea. my life is good, but you have to put the qualifier "in theory" behind every adjective about it. i am artistic "in theory", i exercise alot "in theory", i'm a cool person "in theory." so forth and so on.

when my second persona comes into effect, sometime next week, i want to be all those things i'd like to think about myself only for real. i don't want to just have good intentions and ideas. i want to be the manifestation of those intentions. i've always suffered from laziness and/or procrastination and/or stupid choices. my other personality will do none of those things. my new personality will have no regrets. my new personality will seize every opportunity.

presently i am a good general idea. i work in theory. i want to work in detail though. to not just say things about myself, but to be those things. that, i think, will be the overall jist of my other persona.

album du jour: joy division unknown pleasures

Thursday, October 30, 2003

there's a woman sobbing like crazy on cnn, rambling on about her house that was burned in the ca fires. it's about the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen. i understand the plight of having to rebuild and all, but jesus christ it's just stuff. i can never understand people's attachment to inanimate objects. all that should really matter are the memories, and you can never lose those (aside from senility, death, etc.). and this woman is saying how their neighbor saved their lives by letting them know the fire was coming (*ahembullshit) and about their little cookie jar and baby's first steps and blah blah blah. i'm not a total unsympathetic ass, i just hate it when people are so obtuse as to value things that really don't matter. and this woman is obviously a drama queen who likes the attention. i may burn down my house so i can be on cnn.

rumsfeld is a t-o-o-l

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

the house of yes

i formulated this theory earlier today that trying to improve myself is at best an arduous task, and i've come to believe an utterly futile one. therefore, i am going to give up fretting over phillip's shortcomings. they no longer concern me.

what i intend to do, is establish another persona, another person devoid of phillip. perhaps by acting as a totally different being i can perpetuate my initiatives of self-improvement. i won't work on phillip anymore, i will work on this new guy, whom i have not yet given a name to.

i'll have to think of a name and more specifics. the notion of splitting my personality is enough for now. i just ordered a real boss mp3 player on-line and the due date for the new guy's takeover will be the day it arrives. sometimes next week more than likely. by then i need a definite schematic of what all this will entail.

i would greatly appreciate suggestions, for a name, habits, mentality, etc. if i use your name you'll win a cookie.

album du jour: erase errata other animals

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

repultion of the day: network reality tv and shows about rich people

every time i start to forget just how fucking cool michael stipe is he shows up on leno with powder blue eyeliner and a t-shirt that says "emotionally unavailable".
for friday i was thinking about giving out my vhs collection for halloween, since i'm trying to consolidate my belongings. but now i'm feeling lazy so i'm not going to do that, and i think that i'm going to give the whole basket of candy i have to the first kid that comes up to the door so i can turn off the light and go to bed. when did everything that used to be so much fun turn into such a chore. where's the joy, where's the love people??

i'm not pissing on your shoe, it's raining

my god the democratic candidates all seem so limp. i liked bob graham, but he exited stage left. my favorite quote, from none other than al sharpton: "you can plant watermelon seeds but it won't grow oranges". either that or john kerry promoting his "kerry gone wild" tapes. i'd still vote for any one of them over bush. any day of the wekk and twice on sunday.

you know the country is fucked up when our economy sucks rectum, the only money we spend is on a country halfway around the world which we should have let alone, southern california is on fire (and governed by a hardbody), and president bush has just as good a chance of finding weapons in iraq as finding his own ass with two hands and a flashlight (that's not mine, i ripped it from tina fey on snl. i needed something else there).

no wonder all vh1 does these days is remember the 80's.

album du jour: neil halstead sleeping on roads

Monday, October 27, 2003

clatu berata nikto

wow, the american movie classics channel played alien, halloween, and army of darkness in a row tonight. i didn't expect as much from amc. a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

i'm feeling better although not 100%. regardless, i'm going to resume my routine tomorrow so i can feel like something of a living sentient being. i'm all drugged up again, so c'est lavie.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

gasp wheeze

dear me my throat is sore. i'm taking all the wonderful over-the-counter meds i have for head colds. they're probably all just fucking tic-tacs though. and the weather finally got colder and i'm too sick to enjoy it. oh cold cruel world.

mtv's new sunday night ass-fest lineup is definitely not going to be part of my weekly routine. i'm twenty-five now, i don't have to put up with jackasses anymore. after all, my insurance premiums went down dammit.

this guy they're making over on queer eye for the straight guy also works behind the bar on the restaurant. check that shit out.

i wanna get hurt!

in honor of my new say anything... dvd, here are a list of things that depress me:

1. pretty girls
2. saturday afternoons
3. weekday morning fog
4. body hair
5. fm radio
6. weekends
7. auto repair shops
8. farms
9. other people's cooking
10. compassionate conservatism
11. okra
12. home depot, lowe's, etc.
13. the man show
14. clairvoyance
15. stupid rich whores
16. local news
17. gravel
18. empty mcdonald's containers on the side of the road
19. get-rich-quick infomercials
20. mtv
21. charlie's angels
22. dramatization
23. documentaries on the lives of rich people
24. network reality tv
25. overzealous hope
26. the nra
27. mississippi
28. "beware of dog" signs
29. tables for one
30. being drunk
31. being sober
32. tractors
33. road construction
34. burning leaves
35. industrial parts of towns
36. texas
37. family gatherings
38. items being sold on the side of the road
39. people who go crazy for fall foliage
40. unappreciated placation
41. girls gone wild
42. the monetarily wealthy
43. ups drivers wearing shorts
44. atv's
45. overdraft fees
46. librarians
47. mountain dew
48. styrofoam
49. women's clothing departments
50. beauty salons
51. dreams that are just a little too good

Saturday, October 25, 2003

rocco all day long

what a fun and hedonistic time i had thursday night, and in fact yesterday and today. it's been a very nice birthday weekend. i rented the second charlie's angels movie and it was fucking spectacular. what else would you expect from a director named mc'g. very funny stuff. i rented the new re-enhanced version of the exorcist as well and was rather disappointed. having never seen it, i thought it was supposed to be "the scariest movie ever," as it was billed, so maybe my expectations were just a bit high. at any rate, i've seen better.

i actually sat through a six-hour the restaurant marathon today. it certainly churns up bad memories of my table-waiting days. days gratefully forgotten (i seem to have several periods in my live i consider "gratefully forgotten". ah well).

album du jour: the strokes room on fire

the first time i listened to this album i wanted to cry it was so good. hopefully it's not one of those things that sounds spectacular the first time you hear it and then gets very old very quickly. at the moment anyway i love it.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

party on wayne

tonight i'm going out to eat with my aunt and then on to wherever the evening takes me. probably lying in a gutter somewhere until 10 tomorrow morning. i'm more than likely going to break my alcohol-free stretch i've been on. it's been a month though and not hard at all. of course who needs a drink when they're by themselves in their bedroom. although i do drink during those times occasionally as well. ca c'est sad.

i've gotten so much good new music the last couple of days. it really excites me. not in "that" way though. well, perhaps a little.

album du jour: brassy gettin wise

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

when i was taking out the trash earlier today i started whistling the theme song to dallas for no apparent reason. i don't know why i started thinking of it at that particular time, but what's even more peculiar is that i've never even seen an episode, yet i know the theme song.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

the invisible man

i just bought the new travis cd (the first cd i've actually gone to a store and bought retail in about three or four years) and it's reminding me of all the times that i've listened to their previous efforts while in the extreme doldrums of my past. no doubt i will be able to make use of the new release in the same way(s). it's really good, although i've only listened to it twice. sometimes i start to like songs more as i listen to them repeatedly, sometimes less. but this is one of my favorite bands, so i think i'm in for the penny and pound.

going to buy this cd was actually my first time out of the house (out of milton, anyway) in about a month.

happy birthday brosef. i've got two years on you but you're more of an than i think i want to be adult . "send in the clowns" comes to mind. never thought i would make a streisand reference ever. i may as well go buy loafers now.

album du jour: travis 12 memories

Monday, October 20, 2003

sleepy sleeperson

is my "deadgayson" address offensive in any way? someone mentioned to me that it may be, and if so i will change it. i didn't think it was (it's just a great line from the movie heathers). i will do anything to dissuade the tide of ignorance if the name is questionable.

is 58 degrees coat weather?

i sleps for 18 hours last night. i did overdo it on the tylenol pm though, as i was a bit distraught and didn't feel up to the task of pandering to my own conscience.

sometimes i am very grateful for the world around me. i thihk i may be mildly bi-polar, if varying degress of the condition do exist. pretty soon i'll probably have type 2 diabetes as well, if i don't quit all the depression binging. i may try to find a support group for it.

i need this to be a good week. i'm going to try very hard to be positive and not dwell too much concerning that which i cannot change.


by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

album du jour: appleseed cast the end of the ring wars

Sunday, October 19, 2003

why do i consistently feel inferior to everyone i know or see or hear of. it goes beyond rational thought. i don't know why people use trite adages, such as "it's 99 percent mental". yes, it is, you're absolutely right. so now what. how do i change my way of thinking. what if there are years and years of psychological damage and self-programming that need to be undone. so what now.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

cock-a-doodle-doo motherfucker

was looking at our 15-year old little teenage gangster neighbor through my bedrrom window earlier. it was quite a scene--he was sitting in one of those cheap lawn chairs with his shirt off with all his chickens walking around him pecking at the ground. he was smoking a cigarette and ashing into this yellow bucket they have tied to the fence, and just staring at nothing. a penny for what was going through that troubled youth's mind. it would have made a nice abstract black-and-white picture if i had a camera, if i could somehow have fanagled a romantic aura from this little heathen and his chickens.

those foul and their pre-dawn yodling, incidentally, are the reason i don't leave my windows open at night. i think they have cockfights on saturday nights, so tonight i may make an exception.

also, i'm emotionally exhausted from having to deal with myself so much these days. i don't even know what that means.

i rented this movie called spun that sucked. it dealt with the lives of meth addicts/makers. i thought it would be good since jason schwartzman was in it and rushmore is one of my favorite movies. but it wasn't good. it sucked.

album du jour: kitchens of distinction the death of cool

Friday, October 17, 2003

dirty bubbles

not sure why but i was thinking about these two girls who i went to junior high with that hung out together all the time. their names happened to be dawn and joy. it just occurred to me today that those are both names of dishwashing soaps. i don't know why i think of that now, or why it never occurred to me before. i wonder if anybody who knew me in the past ever wonders what i'm doing, or who's alive and who's not. i just assume that at present everyone i went to school with has at least married once and shot out or fathered at least one demon spawn, if not several from different partners. i guess i grew up around alot of sluts. ironic that i didn't score until age 19.

i keep expecting to wake up from my days

"if you read your poetry aloud to me i'll have to show you to the door"

album du jour: my bloody valentine loveless

from "My Bloody Valentine" by Joe McGlinchey (Jan. 1996)

It was on one late December evening in 1991 that I received my first exposure to the band My Bloody Valentine. A friend and I were watching television and flipping through various channels. We finally settled on what I believe was MTV's "120 Minutes" program. For most of the videos we saw, we weren't terribly impressed. But throughout the My Bloody Valentine video, we didn't say a word. We just sat and listened. After the video, my friend managed to state, "Wow! That was very good!" I didn't think about them for the next month and a half.

In February, back at school in Boston, I made one of my usual excursions into Tower Records. By this time, I could barely remember the name of the band. I merely thought of them as "that blissed-out band with vocals but no lyrics". I picked up their latest release, "Loveless", brought it home, and popped in my roommate's CD player. I remember that by the time I reached track #3 (a short, bizarre instrumental entitled "Touched"), my roommate, all the while in the same room, frowned and said, "What the fuck is this whale music?" I took this as a promising sign, since his musical inclinations leaned more towards the greatest hits of Night Ranger, R.E.O. Speedwagon, and Roxette. This is known in testing as good construct validity.

As I listened to "Loveless" more and more, I came to know and appreciate each track as discrete and accomodating.....

Thursday, October 16, 2003


my good friend jill from new york city is going to be in town next weekend for my birthday festivities (by "festivities" i mean the drinking of both cranberry juice and vodka....perhaps even together). how fortuitous for me. i almost went into lafayette tonight (whaaaaa?) but decided to save the funds for next week.

sometimes i hate it when movies have a profound effect on me. not to say that i just saw a movie that had a "real" profound effect on me, but perhaps a small degree of profoundness. especially when i'm in a quasi-pleasant mood and am then brought back to normal levels of malaise by said movie. the universe is not well when i am almost cheery. so, fuck you universe (what's the worst that could happen right?).

album du jour: mates of state team boo

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

just got my brady brock cd in the mail along with a dvd--all the real girls--both of which i will take in and comment on later. getting wonderful shwag in the mail always brightens up my day. plus i think i'm going to try a different walking route, which should be more scenic and not as fraught with little teenage gangsters and traffic. speaking of the ltg's, our neighbor was visited by the lafayette consolidated government dog catcher this morning. their matron figure (mother superior?) was not pleased. very entertaining for me though. i could be watching cops on tv (which i never do) and then just look out my window and get the live version. whoo-ha.

if anybody ever smiles at me again i'm going to freak out

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

born anew after a really good nap and i have an odd sensation that mosquitos are biting me. it is 10 pm and i am ready to face the day, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and really looking forward to some good quality infomercials. has anyone ever seen the old juice man who has the eyebrows that look like....i guess moustaches, above his eyes. wild, wild stuff.

album du jour: sam roberts We Were Born In a Flame

Monday, October 13, 2003

per aspera ad astra, or something to that effect

think i'm going to copy all my dvd's to vhs and then sell them on e-bay. it's not that i'm hard-up for cash, just hard-up for space (i can fit 2-3 dvd's on one tape). plus i'm trying to be as liquid as possible should the opportunity to move arise. i always get junk mail proclaiming the wonderful world of e-bay money-making opportunities. don't think i have the business savvy to pull something like that off, or the courageousness to be an entrepeneur. plus i'm sure there has to be some initial investment, and i'm saving all the profits from my crank biz to buy crack.

i pawned my guitar two years ago and i'm starting to wish i hadn't. at the time i needed the funds, but in retrospect i shouldn't have. isn't hindsight always annoyingly 20/20. i'm thinking about buying this $300 electronic drum set that looks really cool. i think i have rythm and i'd like to find out for sure. i'll probably never be able to do anything but daydream about being in a band, but it's better than daydreaming about....well...nothing.

considering starting smoking. not sure why.

way too much caffeine this morning and got somewhat nauseous. not to the point of regurgitation (as i rarely throw up anything), but certainly a noteworthy modicum of discomfort. i think i've lost my taste for coffee (gasp). i may stick with my diet coke from now on. i'm not really a fan of drinking hot liquids anyway (tommy tell me you got that on tape!!!!).

does anyone else think that amy sederis is just uh-dorable? i just got the first season of strangers with candy on dvd (and taped it). very raunchy and wonderful stuff.

album du jour: dismemberment plan change

Sunday, October 12, 2003


what does it say when the highlight of your day is getting back into bed to either take a nap or go to sleep for the night. perhaps on a sunday it doesn't say much, as most of the working world (including some deities i'm told) rest on sunday. even the tv doesn't comfort me on days like this, sporting (pun intended) nothing but football and baseball and golf hoop-la. i would love to watch the televangelists but i can't get up that early. sundays are also slow news days, so i get no assistance in that department either.

so i sleep.

album du jour: saturday looks good to me all your summer songs

Saturday, October 11, 2003

a very happy birthday to a friend of mine. no i am not a friend of mine.

Friday, October 10, 2003

digestion and foreboding

god i ate too much and now i feel like some turgid, anna-nicolesque land mass.

i was perusing some vintage clothing on-line earlier and i really wanted to buy something (in addition to really needing to buy something), but i don't know my size (jackets) and also i have a hard enough time picking out something when i can actually try it on. so i yielded to my better judgement (which is still pretty bad) and decided to wait.

weekend weekend has no meaning to me anymore. just crappier programming on tv, plus all the goddam sports.

album du jour: garageland do what you want

Thursday, October 09, 2003


over the years i think i've adopted a buddhist philosophy without ever really knowing what buddhism entailed. i was reading about it and it's startling how much of its ideals i already subscribe to, which is not to say i'm ready to characterize myself as a full-fledged devotee. it has been quite a while since i had any sort of defined belief system in my life though, and i guess i could use some universal reference points (of sorts). plus it would give me something to check off when i'm filling out personal info on various applications/web sites besides other.

it's funny to be able to look at any television personality and think that they like to fuck. because you know everyone does, and you see these pristine television personalities who are always projected into your home as wholesome and upstanding and innocent. but you know that behind every news anchor or sit-com mom or disney channel host lies a sexual pervert. all the world's a stage.

i was trying to come up with a nice segue between buddhism and sexual perversion, but i'm at a loss. i'm sure i could conjure something involving richard gere, but i just don't have the strength.

album du jour: tiger trap tiger trap

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

performance fleece

why is it that watching an old navy commercial makes me feel like i'm retarded, or tripping on acid or something. very bizarre.

i had zero energy when i woke up this morning. perhaps the weather, perhaps not. i slept plenty last night, but i just had nothing. so i went back to be and slept the rest of the afternoon. i didn't even go walking. today definitely sported a theme of fuggit.

the cat is spending the night outside it seems. that just means i'm going to have to climb a tree or crawl under the house and get scratched up tomorrow. at least it's something to do.

album du jour: brady brock warm american sweater

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

so arnold is governor. does anyone else not really care?

album du jour: paloalto heroes and villains

Monday, October 06, 2003


would it be considered ultra-chic to not drive a car these days? what if i decided to just take cabs everywhere? i think the cost would really be a washout compared with owning a car. take into account the car note, insurance, the ever-climbing price of gas (vote against bush), maintenance, and miscellaneous court fees due to involuntary and/or voluntary vehicular manslaughter (i need to quit thinking about pedestrians in terms of their point value). if you met someone who could drive but just chose not to, could that be construed as post-modern? is post-modern even a good thing anymore? i could chalk it up to being an eco-freak, which i'm not, but it's not an entirely non-unique (double negative day also falls on yom kipper) philosophy. what's more it makes me sound almost deep, which i think i am although i can somehow never seem to convey. i guess there are various rationales for cabbing that could be passable. in the words of keanu reeves at the 2001 mtv movie awards, "i have so many questions yet so few answers."

album du jour: rainer maria a better version of me

Sunday, October 05, 2003

chicken, egg

there are job offers i get, but for various logistical reasons i can't take them. right now if i had a vehicle i could be making mondo moo-lah, but i need mondo moo-lah to get a car. i'm really starting to think that the universe has this master plan of bending me over a cosmic barrel and shoving a big red ball in my mouth. what is a poor boy to do. i'm going to whore myself out; move to detroit and do things for money i never thought i'd have to do.

album du jour: joy division unknown pleasures

Saturday, October 04, 2003

nevermind the bollocks

my word tina fey is a catch. she's married though. maya--hot, amy poeler--hot. i can't watch the news because the anchors are too gorgeous, now the trend is infringing on my snl ritual. i love the jb though, always and forever.

i ditched the wedding today, which i don't think made much of a difference. my parents said they had a fender-bender on the way back from baton rouge with an unlicensed crackhead. quite a tale, and quite glad am i that i did not witness it first hand. i'm not around people that often, but i'd rather be alone all day than encounter the dregs, although my ego could stand some edification through relativity now and then.

also, the preview for scary movie 3 was just on. i think i'm dumber than i was a few seconds ago.

album du jour: buzzcocks singles going steady

i watched the movie 24 hour party people today (fantastic) and it reminded me how much i used to love punk. and really the buzzcocks inspired alot of my favorite bands to date (ash, idlewild, et. al. brit rock). ostensibly the sex pistols in fact influenced the buzzcocks, but i prefer the latter.

Friday, October 03, 2003

paradoxical acquiescence

this is to what i refer

i must be a total poseur since i don't like sonic youth (truthfully), the velvet underground or john spencer blues explosion. wouldn't that make me ultra-indie though, since i'm even contradicting the supposed established indie methos? yeah, i'll just keep telling myself that.

i am proud to say, though, that i don't subscribe to rolling stone or spin. anymore....

my cousin is getting married tomorrow in baton rouge, and i must attend. i can't say i'm looking forward to it--i'll have to field several variations of the questions "what are you doing these days?" and/or "whare are you working?" to which i will repeat the carbon-copy answer numerous humiliating times. although i am thinking of conjuring impressive anecdotes as to my profession (i'm an architect). i'll probably just try to find a way to chalk it up to whimsy (i'm livin' large my nigga'..... yeah, at my aunt's. no, no job. car? ummm not yet. girlfriend? no. money? no. reason for living? not really sure...)

album du jour: sense field living outside

i just got this cd and it's really really good. a pleasant surprise on an otherwise painfully regular day.

Rush Limbaugh, the man who put the pig in capitalist pig, was fired from ESPN for making a comment that could be construed as racist. This would not be the first time Rush has shown his true color (hint=ultra white). Since he’s now off the tube, and in trouble for drug abuse, I thought he might want another job to supplement the dimishing audience of his radio show. Here’s my picks:

Super-villain in a Steven Segal film
Model for Big Boy
Weapon of Mass Destruction (drop him over Iraq)
Colombian drug lord’s bodyguard
Elephant trainer
World’s largest laundromat dryer
Filling hot air balloons
Wine press
Sumo wrestler
Test subject for frightening new drugs
Sea World attraction
Thanksgiving Day parade float
Mongolian war monger
Imperial Wizard of the Klan
Easter Island head
World War II Revisionist
Body double for the moon

Thursday, October 02, 2003

rate of decay

did anyone know that there is a GOP gay group who call themselves the "log cabin republicans"? i don't know if it's a reference to lincoln's questionable sexuality or (possibly and) just a pun.

whenever i put on clothes that i think make me presentable i always feel like a stiff breeze will make me look utterly unkempt. my rate of decay is pretty fast in terms of going from passable to what-the-fuck. i don't know why that is, perhaps just my body structure. is it possible to be narcissistic and self-loathesome at the same time?

i'm thinking of getting rid of my television. i don't know what effect it would have, although i'm hoping it will force me to read more and become more productive and perhaps creative. maybe trying to ditch tv and alcohol in the same week isn't wise for me though. baby steps, baby steps.

album du jour: stereolab emperor tomato ketchup

stereolab to me is either hit or miss

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

i fucking hate hope. it rides on my back with a stick and a carrot and digs its spurs into my back, which i also hate. and i fucking hate myself for time and time again trying for that goddamned carrot. fucking hope.

and incidentally, fuck psychiatrists. bullshit posturing.

and fuck your yankee blue jeans.

i pulled a muscle in my left foot while walking (feet have muscles?) and somehow i got a splinter under my right foot, even though our floors are either tiled or carpeted. not a good day for feet.

album du jour: francine 28 Plastic Blue Versions of Endings Without You