favorite albums 2005

2005 was a great music year for me. you may notice that no rap albums made the list. it's not that i don't like rap, i just don't like black people (tongue affixed firmly in cheek).

1. new pornographers - twin cinema
2. sufjan stevens - illinois
3. the decemberists - picaresque
4. ladytron - the witching hour
5. stars - set yourself on fire
6. broken social scene - broken social scene
7. sleater-kinney - the woods
8. joy zipper - american whip
9. morning after girls - s/t
10. bloc party - silent alarm
11. stephen malkmus - face the truth
12. the kills - no wow
13. kaiser chiefs - employment
14. fiona apple - extraordinary machine
15. joy zipper - the heartlight set
16. eisley - room noises
17. single frame - body end basement
18. imogen heap - speak for yourself
19. love is all - nine times that same song
20. rogue wave - descended like vultures
21. woody whatever - the great pop
22. spoon - gimme fiction
23. m.i.a. - arular
24. new order - waiting for the siren's call
25. the fiery furnaces - ep (ep)
26. maximo park - a certain trigger
27. magnapop - mouthfeel
28. the rosebuds - birds make good neighbors
29. russian futurists - our thickness
30. the cyanide valentine - let it rot
31. serena maneesh - serena maneesh
32. sons and daughters - the repulsion box
33. clor - clor
34. beck - guero
35. the white stripes - get behind me satan
36. bob mould - body of song
37. tom vek - we have sound
38. feist - let it die
39. dengue fever - escape from dragon house
40. clap your hands say yeah - clap your hands say yeah
41. morningwood - morningwood
42. nine inch nails - with teeth
43. giant drag - hearts and unicorns
44. hail social - hail social
45. juliana hatfield - made in china
46. oasis - don't believe the truth
47. the like - are you thinking what i'm thinking
48. and you will know us by the trail of dead - worlds apart
49. fischerspooner - odyssey
50. black rebel motorcycle club - howl

not top-50, but good all the same. not in order:

super furry animals - love kraft

acid house kings - sing along with the acid house kings

greg dulli - amber headlights

my morning jacket - z

jason forrest - shemelessly exciting

kiss me deadly - misty medley

goldfrapp - supernature

the most serene republic - underwater cinematographer

the subways- young for eternity

clue to kalo - one way it's every way

you say party! we say die! - hit the floor!

junior senior - hey hey my my yo yo

metric - live it out

idlewild - warnings/promises

ivy - in the clear

brendan benson - alternative to love

hoy - forever endeavour

nada surf - the weight is a gift

50 foot wave - golden ocean

the 101 - green street

lce soundsystem - lcd soundsystem

gibby haynes and his problem - s/t

rockit girl - bright lights

dandy warhols - odditorium or warlords of mars

weezer - make believe

gruff rhys - yr atal genhedlaeth

the organ - grab that gun

queens of the stone age - lullabies to paralyze

garbage - bleed like me

ash - meltdown

del cielo - us vs. them

cloud cult - advice from the happy hippopotamus

black lipstick - sincerely, black lipstick

cruiserweight - sweet weaponry

the sugarplastic - will

the peels - the peels

sunshine - moonshower and razorblades

the duke spirit - cuts across the land

teenage fanclub - man-made

magneta lane - the constant lover

marbles - expo

bellafea - familty tree

paatos - kallocain

shout out louds - howl howl gaff gaff

abandoned pools - the reverb (ep)

billy corgan - the future embrace

the raveonettes - pretty in black

astropop 3 - eclipsing binary star

the caesars - paper tigers

mobius band - the loving sounds of static

controller.controller - x-amounts

wolf parade - apologies to the queen mary

the spinto band - nice and nicely done

architecture in helsinki - in case we die

the capes - taste ep

the dead science - submariner

bearsuit - cat spectacular!

time over money

i often dream of a four-day work week. i essentially work 9 hours a day anyway (i don't take lunch breaks) -- an extra hour or two monday through thursday isn't THAT big of a deal, but a 3-day weekend... my dog, a huge improvement from the current 2-day version. it's how they do it in europe isn't it? lucky buggars.

i'm one who values his time much more than money. money comes and goes (you only notice it when it's moving, remember), but we only have a limited amount of time, ultimately. going to work at all ruins my day, so why not just ruin 4 instead of 5? it will never happen, but a guy can dream.

gays are bad, mmkay?

Massachussetts Pastor has Contest for Mr. Straight

i believe that this is the gayest thing i've ever heard. a freak jesus pastor in massachussetts is organizing a "mr. hetero" competition. events will include (from the "Mr. Straight" web page):

• Strength - how many oprah magazines can you tear?
• Talent - your choice
• Intellectual - answering random questions such as your favorite heterosexual role model
• Competition - name that food

tearing up oprah magazines for the strength competition? don't real men tear phone books in half? if they want to trash gay publications why not guns and ammo?

i'm going to propose that the talent section mandate that each contestant sing and perform an interpretive dance to any lavish broadway musical song. perhaps "luck be a lady" from guys and dolls or "i could have danced all night" from my fair lady. i'm open to suggestions.

the intellectual competition should be the best answer to the how-many-queers-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-blub joke. or just ask every contestant what their favorite bette midler album is.

and in lieu of a "name that food" competition, how about just a good hot dog eating contest? what's more american and "hetero" than that? ohhh wait....

as i always say, homophobia equals homosexual. this is the gayest thing i've ever heard of.

mea culpa mea culpa

i'm always bitching about people who think they have the moral authority to legislate their faith and force their dogma on others, and i arbitrarily lump in george bush and his whole cabal with those people.

but i'm completely wrong! i was reflecting on what role his faith plays in his governance, and george et. al. need to be utterly commended for leaving all (and i mean ALL) aspects of christianity out of their policies!

obviously none of them give a fiddler's fuck about poverty and the poor. they have no problem conducting illegitimate war and sending innocent people to their deaths. looting the treasury and employee pensions are not a problem. and they definitely check that whole "forgiveness" thing at the capitol door -- too bad tookie!

i can't believe i never realized this sooner. bush doesn't just leave his faith out of his policies, he goes above and fucking beyond to ensure that NO aspects of christianity leak into our laws. kudos george.

the mindless american

The Mindless American: A Tragedy In The Making

by Dr. Doug Soderstrom
October 24, 2005

As a result of nine-eleven’s jarring impact upon our nation, journalists have discovered a near paranoid rise in retaliation against individuals attempting to expose governmental malfeasance. Increasingly government officials have begun punishing individuals for nothing more than reasoned attempts to inform the American public concerning: How the military has systematically abused (tortured) foreign detainees; How the government intentionally withheld evidence suggesting that an attack upon the United States by Al Qaeda had been eminent; How the military has begun to wage war upon soldiers who, in good conscience, have come to believe that it is wrong for them to kill in a war that, according to international law, is illegal, one that, the reasons for going to war, were fabricated by the President of the United States; How the United States has a sixty-year history (1945- 2005) of assassinating foreign leaders who have chosen not to support the government’s foreign policy goals, initiating the overthrow of duly-elected foreign democracies, while simultaneously supporting brutal authoritarian dictatorships all in order to fill the coffers of America’s military-industrial complex, an egregious imperialistic force with but one goal: To take command of the world economy.

As a result, many of these individuals have been incarcerated, accused of being a traitor, of having sided with the enemy, told that their career will be destroyed, and threatened with extended imprisonment. Accordingly, on September 21, 2005, U.S. immigration officials banned Robert Fisk, an internationally renowned British journalist, on his way to deliver a speech in Santa Fe, New Mexico, from entering the United States of America due to incisive criticism of the Bush administration’s handling of the Iraq war. No doubt such a scenario has, and is, being repeated many times over in our country. A rather sad fact for a president who has chosen to make such a big deal about the oft-quoted ideals of “freedom and democracy!”

But even more shameful is the fact that there are people who seem not to care that such things are taking place in our country; a rather ignorant crowd of jingoes more comfortable choosing to sit back pretending that everything will be just fine, a people with apparently little regard for the facts. As a behavioral scientist, I am grieved at what appears to be a near pandemic of disinterest in what is happening to our country.

Given the election of George Walker Bush as our president, our country made it quite clear that it is pleased to have as its president a scoundrel, a true terrorist, one more than willing to bully the rest of the world, as opposed to having chosen a real man, one that humanity might embrace as a man of true character (someone like Jimmy Carter), an individual committed to doing what is best for the world (rather than what is most profitable for those running the petrol, armament, pharmaceutical, and construction industries), one with a desire to do what must be done in order to create a more humane world, one of peace, justice, and love. Although we claim to be a Christian nation, having chosen George Walker Bush to be the leader of our nation is a scandal beyond belief, one that mocks the very name of one whose life embodies that which we have been said to believe.

However, now that I am well into my seventh decade of life and very near retirement, I have come to the conclusion that the world basically sucks, that there are few who seem to have the investigative courage to take a good hard look at things that, if discovered, would no doubt destroy one’s image of a land that can do no wrong, one that they believe has somehow received the eternal blessing of God. So I must ask: How is it that we have become such a mindless nation, a society populated by deadheads, folks who seem to have little desire to look beyond the thinly-veneered surface of life?

As a behavioral scientist, it appears that a vast share of folks in our nation have chosen to relinquish a quality no doubt essential to authentic human life….. an existential responsibility to think for themselves, an ontological need to discount the petty concerns that drive the minds of those directed by triviality. It seems that such individuals have become so fantastically preoccupied with, essentially enamored by, the norm of what others think, they have effectively relinquished, through a process of cognitive foreclosure, the capacity to think for themselves. Having become so extremely alienated from the core of their own being, they have little choice but to follow the crowd’s madding need to forge a symbiotic attachment to, in essence relationship with, a society, that for all practical purposes has become the basis of their own identity, the bedrock of their very being. Having done so, the image they have forged for themselves (who they believe themselves to be) has become every bit as fabricated, every bit as disconnected from reality, as their image of society. So in wanting to have at their disposal a more a positive image of themselves, they have been left with little choice but to construct a glorified image of society; an image of what they wish society would have been rather than what it has, in fact, turned out to be. Something like having chosen to have built an ego-incased frame constructed upon the shifting sands of inane social rumor and outright public lies…… truly a flight of fancy bordering on the absurd!

Very few would disagree with the proposition that in Hitler’s Germany there was a determined effort to brainwash the people so they might support Mein Fuhrer’s efforts to conquer the world. However, what if one were to suggest that much the same is occurring in the United States of America, that there has been a determined effort through the socializing influence of our schools, the government, the mass media, the churches we attend, even that of our own parents, to pressure us into believing (just as Hitler) that our country has received the blessing of God, and because of this, we therefore have not only the right, but more importantly, through the use of military weapons, a divine responsibility to see that the world acquiesces to our needs and expectations. Just as Hitler in the 1930’s prepared his countrymen to accept the authoritarian control of the Nazi government, much the same may well be occurring in the United States. Just as Hitler indoctrinated his people to believe that Germany had the right to conquer the world, George Walker Bush “in the name of freedom and democracy” may well be doing the same (preparing the American people to support his administration’s imperialistic drive to dominate the world).

Behaviorally, it is clear that citizens, from cradle to grave, are primed to conform to the dictates of those in power, instructed never to question the validity of what those who would like to take control of our lives have to say. Most Americans have no idea; that what we are fed by the news media (televised and paper-print news) is nothing more than a portrayal of what powerful corporations (those who pay the salaries of those who run mass media) want us to believe, that what happens to pass as education is as often as not mere propaganda (e.g. that Americans are the good guys and their enemies are, without exception, always the bad guys), that what we learn in church may have very little or nothing to do with the truth, that what our parents teach us may be nothing more than an accumulation of their own personal biases…… no doubt a rather subtle modification of what they were taught by their parents. And through such a process, governments and nations around the world wield control as to what their citizens, believe, value, and do.

And, of course, in our own society, the primary way most of us are controlled, the way the vast majority of us are forced “to tow the line,” is through the ominous threat of being fired. Something like this: If you are interested in keeping your career on track, that you would like to keep your job, then you ought to consider the following in order to assure your employer that you deserve the right to keep your job; get married and have a couple of kids, become a member of a social club (such as the Lions Club, the Kiwanis Club, or the Rotarians), be a good capitalist, be a patriotic citizen who loves his country, and make sure that you attend a local church so that everybody will know that you believe in God almighty. However, if, for whatever reason, you decide that you would like to become a rebel, that you would like to begin thinking for yourself, then you’d better brace yourself for trouble, because there is a reasonable likelihood that you will be fired! You see, in America, there is a rule of thumb concerning the working world which basically says that those who do what they are told to do are likely to keep their jobs, whereas those who tend to think for themselves, tend to buck the system, (tend not to do what they have been told to do) end up jobless, powerless, and left to fend for themselves on the mean streets of society.

But why? Why does such a thing occur? Why would America the beautiful, land of the free, do such a horrible thing to its own citizens? The answer is quite simple: Knowing that knowledge is power; the secret is control, controlling the out flow of information, making sure that citizens know no more than they “are supposed to know,” making sure that they remain relatively uninformed, making sure that they are given “just enough” that they will go along with, peacefully accept, the premise that they are well informed, that they have a good idea of what is going on. It is necessary then that the government keep the people from learning the truth. Keep them from even wanting to know the truth. Put the fear of God into them to the extent that they will never question what they have been told to believe. You see, those in power may say that they want their citizens to be educated, to be well informed as to what is going on, however, such is simply not the case. Ask yourself this question: What happens to those of us (teachers, preachers, philosophers, writers, journalists) who do not “tow the line,” those intent upon proposing alternate ways of looking at the world? Look at what happened to Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Mohandas Gandhi, even Socrates. I mean, really now, who among us wants to be crucified, assassinated, forced to drink hemlock……. wants to risk the possibility of losing one’s job, the ability to put food on the table for one’s family? However, just in case you do not believe me, try this on for size…… the next time you go to work tell the boss that you are an infidel (that you have grown up and no longer believe in God), that you have decided to become a socialist (that capitalism essentially sucks), that you no longer give a shit about your country (that you have decided to become a rebel, an actively-participating antiwar protestor), and then see what happens. Do you get the point?

There are many (Robert Fisk, Cindy Sheehan, Sybil Edmunds, Bunnatine Greenhouse, Coleen Rowley, Captain Ian Fishback, Col. Anthony Shaffer, Kevin Benderman, Jeremy Hinzman, Brandon Hughey, Camilo Mejia, among others) who have illustrated the courage to risk their jobs, their careers, their reputations, their marriages, their wealth, imprisonment, and, in some cases, even that of their own sanity. But the sad fact is that for every hero out there, there are literally thousands of citizens (each who no doubt consider themselves to be conscientious, hard-working individuals who have a sincere belief in God and a loyal commitment to their country) who yet, for whatever reason, detest men and woman such as these who have shown the moral gumption to put their lives on the line for no other reason than to make a stand for that which is right, a willingness to tell anyone, everyone who is willing to listen, that it is a far better thing for one to have sacrificed his own life so that others might see, than to have chosen to remain silent ensuring the blind pretense that all is well, that there is nothing to worry about, that Big Brother will no doubt take good care of us as long as we simply keep our mouths shut and do exactly as we are told.

Postscript: The most dangerous thing one can do is to tell the truth…… the sentence for which, one way or the other, is always death!

Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D.
Psychologist

vonnegut article

feel free to re-post this.

Your Guess Is as Good as Mine

By Kurt Vonnegut

Most of you, if not all of you, like me, feel inadequately educated. That is an ordinary feeling for a member of our species. One of the most brilliant human beings of all times, George Bernard Shaw said on his 75th birthday or so that at last he knew enough to become a mediocre office boy. He died in 1950, by the way, when I was 28. He is the one who said, “Youth is wasted on the young.” I turned 83 a couple weeks ago, and I must say I agree.

Shaw, if he were alive today, would envy us the solid information that we have or can get about the nature of the universe, about time and space and matter, about our own bodies and brains, about the resources and vulnerabilities of our planet, about how all sorts of human beings actually talk and feel and live.

This is the information revolution. We have taken it very badly so far. Information seems to be getting in the way all the time. Human beings have had to guess about almost everything for the past million years or so. Our most enthralling and sometimes terrifying guessers are the leading characters in our history books. I will name two of them: Aristotle and Hitler. One good guesser and one bad one.

The masses of humanity, having no solid information to tell them otherwise, have had little choice but to believe this guesser or that one. Russians who didn’t think much of the guesses of Ivan the Terrible, for example, were likely to have their hats nailed to their heads.

We must acknowledge, though, that persuasive guessers—even Ivan the Terrible, now a hero in Russia—have given us courage to endure extraordinary ordeals that we had no way of understanding. Crop failures, wars, plagues, eruptions of volcanoes, babies being born dead—the guessers gave us the illusion that bad luck and good luck were understandable and could somehow be dealt with intelligently and effectively.

Without that illusion, we would all have surrendered long ago. But in fact, the guessers knew no more than the common people and sometimes less. The important thing was that they gave us the illusion that we’re in control of our destinies.

Persuasive guessing has been at the core of leadership for so long—for all of human experience so far—that it is wholly unsurprising that most of the leaders of this planet, in spite of all the information that is suddenly ours, want the guessing to go on, because now it is their turn to guess and be listened to.

Some of the loudest, most proudly ignorant guessing in the world is going on in Washington today. Our leaders are sick of all the solid information that has been dumped on humanity by research and scholarship and investigative reporting.

They think that the whole country is sick of it, and they want standards, and it isn’t the gold standard. They want to put us back on the snake-oil standard.

Loaded pistols are good for people unless they’re in prisons or lunatic asylums.

That’s correct.

Millions spent on public health are inflationary.

That’s correct.

Billions spent on weapons will bring inflation down.

That’s correct.

Industrial wastes, and especially those that are radioactive, hardly ever hurt anybody, so everybody should shut up about them.

That’s correct.

Industries should be allowed to do whatever they want to do: Bribe, wreck the environment just a little, fix prices, screw dumb customers, put a stop to competition and raid the Treasury in case they go broke.

That’s correct.

That’s free enterprise.

And that’s correct.

The poor have done something very wrong or they wouldn’t be poor, so their children should pay the consequences.

That’s correct.

The United States of America cannot be expected to look after its people.

That’s correct.

The free market will do that.

That’s correct.

The free market is an automatic system of justice.

That’s correct.

And so on.

If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know a couple of bright seventh graders who would not be welcomed in Washington, D.C.

Do you remember those doctors a few years back who got together and announced that it was a simple, clear medical fact that we could not survive even a moderate attack by hydrogen bombs? They were not welcome in Washington, D.C.

Even if we fired the first salvo of hydrogen weapons and the enemy never fired back, the poisons released would probably kill the whole planet by and by.

What is the response in Washington? They guess otherwise. What good is an education? The boisterous guessers are still in charge—the haters of information. And the guessers are almost all highly educated people. Think of that. They have had to throw away their educations, even Harvard or Yale educations, to become guessers. If they didn’t do that, there is no way their uninhibited guessing could go on and on and on.

Please, don’t you do that. But let me warn you, if you make use of the vast fund of knowledge now available to educated persons, you are going to be lonesome as hell. The guessers outnumber you—and now I have to guess—about ten to one.


This essay was adapted from Senior Editor Kurt Vonnegut's new bestseller, A Man Without a Country, which can be ordered at http://www.sevenstories.com or calling 1-800-596-7437.

Kurt Vonnegut is a legendary author, WWII veteran, humanist, artist, smoker and In These Times senior editor. His classic works include Slaughterhouse-Five, Breakfast of Champions, Cats Cradle, among many others. His most recent book, A Man Without a Country, collects many of the articles written for this magazine.

rape me rob me kiss me kill me

america is not the greatest country in the world. we are a population of vanity and greed. we like to tell ourselves that we're free and moral and an example for the rest of the world, but it's all a facade.

how free is someone making minimum wage to live comfortably, out of poverty? we are not free. we receive information (news) that others CHOOSE to divulge to us, to manipulate us. our representatives placate us with rhetoric and glitter while carrying out nefarious, underhanded actions to further their own interests. it's politics, and it kills everything good that this country may have once been.

our so-called elections are not true elections. they are yes or no questions, 0 or 1, this or that, bad or worse, black or white. aren't these absolutes? where's our gray area?

it's the republicans and the democrats -- noone is blameless. with a scant few exceptions, i have no faith in the motives of our "elected" officials. when corporations pay for their elections it's hard to believe they'll pass legislation benefitting the lower and middle classes. look at the tax cuts approved by the house yesterday, par example.

it's a nation of, for and by (bought by) rich, white people. the rest of us fall in line and don't object because we're brainwashed with supposed civic pride; being the "greatest country in the world". our conceptions of freedom are sorely askew.

our leaders rape the world for interests not congruent with the majority of the american people, in the name of the american people, and spin it all so we think they're just. we don't invade for oil, we invade for freedom.

i actually experience stress, real stress, knowing that the taxes that come out of my paycheck go towards torturing innocent people, state-sponsored executions, illegal war, oppression, racism, destruction of the environment, lining the pockets of millionaires, pension-defaulting airlines, and no-bid contracts.

why don't i move to another country then, if i'm so dissatisfied? one, i'm poor. two, i'm a white male. that's it. if i had wealth i'd have it made as much as anyone in this world can.

security: (d) v. (r)

appropo of nothing i've been up since 3:45 this morning and have been, as usual, spending quality time with the 'SPAN.

on washington journal the question posed to callers today deals with which party (if either) they trust more on security. some braying JACKASS called in, naturally saying he trusts republicans because democrats only want people to "feel good", that we only concern ourselves with emotions and feelings.

tell me jackass, was it reason and fact that led us into iraq, or was it knee-jerk revenge and retribution? is vengeance an emotion? maybe it was one man's desire to one-up his father? is that more emotional or factual? bravado and chest-beating is not a legitimate impetus for war, dickhole.

how can we even measure the number of new america-haters we've created by our illegal occupation? the countless family and friends of innocent iraqis who have been maimed or killed or tortured now harbor nothing but the utmost ire for our country.

the 9-11 commission (which i don't recognize as a completely credible authority on anything, but at the moment it's all we've got) submitted an abhorrent report (pdf file here) on the progress our government has made on their recommendations of 3-plus years ago. eye on the ball? eye on the ball?
and how defenseless has the occupation left our "homeland" (i've never been comfortable with that term), with such a large number of our national guardsmen and equipment serving in the desert?

we had a 3-day head start on hurricane katrina and FEMA still bungled the rescue operation. what happens when another terrorist attack occurs and we have no preparation time? (incidentally, there were several harbingers of the 9-11 attacks that the bush administration either ignored, failed to recognize, or saw as an opportunity to accomlpish their agenda and let happen). how ready are we for chemical/biological attacks?

why does wisconsin get the same amount of funding per capita for security as new york city? does that make sense (flamingo i know you think so, but really)?

i don't completely trust democrats to do anything -- they're all politicians and their motives are never what they say they are. but jesus tap-dancing christ, at least the dems are not so brazen in their corruption as to put the security of the american people, and america itself, in jeopardy solely for money and power.

why did george "slam dunk" tenet get a presidential medal of freedom? because he did such a cracker-jack job of providing accurate intelligence on saddam's wmd's? or was it because he provided the administration with the exact intelligence they wanted to take us to war?

fuck, even in the morning idiots get my blood boiling. this is better than caffeine (almost).

god in the hands of angry sinners

local publications are often littered with letters-to-the-editor concerning christianity and its role in our culture and government. considering the prevalence of catholicism in south louisiana it's not surprising that many make cases for an increased hand of christian principles in schools, legislation, and other publicly-financed organizations and operations.

many people believe that our country's progenitors intended to enmesh christian values in our government's practices and constitution, based on latters and essays they wrote expressing their religious views. i've read that jefferson, adams, washington et. al. were deists, not christians, but on this matter i'm indifferent. for the sake of argument i'll concede that they were christians.

if it is true, in fact, that our founders were devout practitioners of christianity and intended to form a christian society, why did they not explicitly say so in the declaration of independence or u.s. constitution? the latter does not mention "god" at all, and the former alludes to a "god" and a "creator" nonspecific to any one religious sect. it concludes, "with a firm reliance on the proteciton of divine providence" -- also a vague reference connoting nothing related to any particular religion.

why are those endeavoring to teach "intelligent design" (call it what it is -- junk science) in schools, place the ten commandments in front of courthouses, fund faith-based initiatives, and further involve christianity in government forced to parse and interpret and microscopically examine the phrasing of the constitution to further their opinions? wouldn't the language be clear enough had our founders intended a religious state?

of course it would. they were sublimely intellectual and, in my purview, incredibly empathetic. one has to imagine another person's perspective in order to avoid mistakes of past theocracies, whose state leaders were also church leaders.

why must american values be christian values? there exists plenty of overlap, but a plethera of people seem to operate under the misconception that before the existence of jesus morality did not exist, that he was the first to define compassionate values (for those who believe the earth is only 2000ish years old i guess it's rational to think so). is it impossible to be a moral person without being christian? can you be a christian without being moral (that's an easy one)?

what i am most opposed to is the use of tax dollars to fund religous-based symbols and language in our government. i'm not so sensitive as to believe the word "christmas" needs to be eviscerated from the public consciousness, or change "christmas tree" to "holiday tree", but i do believe that some things go too far.

for instance, why should a muslim family's tax dollars fund a school teaching junk science classes that their children then have to take? how do their children feel when the rest of the class recites the pledge of allegiance, "under god"? how does an atheist feel when forced to swear on the bible in a court of law?

religious empathy i guess is a tough thing. it's much easier to view everything in black and white, condemning all else. acknowledging that other views in the world are meritorious means you have to think (work) a little bit harder to rationalize your own philosophies/beliefs; and people are lazy.

i don't know to what end people champion christianity in government (i suspect they probably haven't completely thought it through either). the ultimate course would likely lead to a theocracy wouldn't it? is that what people want? if not, what is the purpose of all this grandstanding?

the only reason i can believe is that it's purely political. religious issues are wedge issues, and they bring voters to the polls. does anyone believe roe v. wade will ever be overturned? it won't. if it's not happening now, with the especially brazen republican president, congress, and supreme court, it's never going to happen.

republican (and democratic, to a lesser extent) politicians pander to a religious base only in order to win elecitons. meanwhile they incite unjust wars, let impoverished people drown, endorse state-sponsored executions, cut veteran's benefits and allow the elderley and disabled to go without health insurance, all while giving tax cuts to the wealthiest minority on the backs of the middle and lower classes.

somehow they never have to answer for these things during elections though; one advantage of a cognitively dissonant base, i guess.

and if i may get a little biblical, of the 30,000 or so verses in the bible, about 5,000 meantion poverty and the obligation of every capable person to help those less fortunate. how many mention gay marriage? how many mention pre-emptive war? does the bible say "turn the other cheek" or "an eye for an eye"? the hypocrisy of people who cherrypick verses from the bible to suit their own agenda (and that of the mindless sheep who follow them) is perplexing to me.

what christian value is it that allows pat robertson to justify calling for the assassination of hugo chavez? which chapter/verse says the love between a man and a man or a woman and a woman is sinful? how could ANY type of love be considered sinful?

personally i give whatever or whoever created this hodgepodge universe alot more credit than that. i believe that She/He/It has to be insulted when supposed followers display such narrow perspectives on existence and unbelieveably superficial understandings of human nature and each person's place in the world.

the 'span

i've been disappointed with my beloved C-SPAN lately. they've adopted a format on washington journal wherein they schedule one guest at a time to discuss the issue of the day, and no counter-argument is offered to the guest (except the call-ins). i don't care for it when a conservative is on, i don't care for it when a liberal is on. you would think that two guests with differing opinions could maintain the civility of the show. whatever. dog bless the 'span.

how about a little football scarecrow

a RARE sports post...

i'm predicting the chicago bears will go to and win the superbowl this year. the defense wins. indianapolis will either get beaten by jacksonville in the playoffs or maybe denver, unless they make it to the superbowl in which case they'll lose to whomever (chicago)..

personally i'd like to see a cincinnati/ny giants superbowl, just because, but it probably won't happen. just because i want it to.

anyway, i'm not watching the foozball anymore. there's an infomercial on about this really cool ladder (santa - hint*).

yes, fuck yes

tim robbins said yesterday that hillary clinton could kiss his ass. i agree.

don't apologize for being a democrat hillary. don't triangulate. progressive values are american values. what's wrong with supporting civil liberties, protecting the environment, providing universal healthcare, and getting along with the international community? jesus, trying to placate both sides and having these meandering opinions makes me want to eat my own head. why not just demonstrate some fucking balls and say "yeah, i'm a liberal. what's wrong with that? why aren't you?"

even people who disagree would at least respect you for having and sticking to a clear opinion. no wonder noone knows what the democratic position is on anything these days -- everyone has their own little ideas that don't fit on a bumper sticker and it all gets homogenized by the apologists and elephants-in-donkey-clothing (lieberman) and you end up with this big muttled mess that seems like mass whimpering.

be like bernie sanders. be a fuck-yeah-i'm-a liberal.

you know your term is effectively over when...

you publicly appear in tights. and why tuck the shirt into the tights? to be a little more formal? 'tis the autumn of his discontent.

alternate post title: goo!

another blissful nugget: ohio republican governor bob taft's new approval rating is 6.5%. i think more people like cancer than they do bob taft.

"I'm not aware of anyone who's ever sunk lower." -- Pollster John Zogby

yes my conscience bothers me

lynyrd skynyrd got inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. FUCK lynyrd skynyrd. they deserved to die, those racist nard-garblers. do people realize what the lyrics of "sweet home alabama" pertain to?

aside from trashing neil young, the song hails former alabama governor george wallace, who physically stood in front of the entry to the university of alabama to prevent two black girls from entering in the face of desegregation. president kennedy had to mobilize the alabama national guard to move him.

the lyrics to "sweet home alabama":

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the Southland
I miss Alabamy once again
And I think its a sin, yes

Well I heard mister Young sing about her
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
A Southern man don't need him around anyhow

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you

In Birmingham they love the governor
Now we all did what we could do
Now Watergate does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?
Tell the truth

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you
Here I come Alabama

Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
And they've been known to pick a song or two
Lord they get me off so much
They pick me up when I'm feeling blue
Now how about you?

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you

Sweet home Alabama
Oh sweet home baby
Where the skies are so blue
And the governor's true
Sweet Home Alabama
Lordy Lord, I'm coming home to you
Yea, yea Montgomery's got the answer

contrast these lyrics with those to neil young's "alabama":

Oh Alabama
The devil fools
with the best laid plan.
Swing low Alabama
You got spare change
You got to feel strange
And now the moment
is all that it meant.
Alabama, you got
the weight on your shoulders
That's breaking your back.
Your Cadillac
has got a wheel in the ditch
And a wheel on the track
Oh AlabamaBanjos playing
through the broken glass
Windows down in Alabama.
See the old folks
tied in white ropes
Hear the banjo.
Don't it take you down home?
Alabama, you got
the weight on your shoulders
That's breaking your back.
Your Cadillac
has got a wheel in the ditch
And a wheel on the track
Oh Alabama.
Can I see you
and shake your hand.
Make friends down in Alabama.
I'm from a new land
I come to you
and see all this ruin
What are you doing Alabama?
You got the rest of the union
to help you along
What's going wrong?

it utterly bothers me that "sweet home alabama" still pervades the american conscious so prominently. granted, most people probably just like the chorus and don't realize what the song is about, but it's still a blight on our national identity.

on the big plus side, the sex pistols, black sabbath, and blondie were also inducted. god bless sid vicious.

i'll tell YOU when i've had enough

have you ever read an article or seen a news clip and thought "this is my future"? i just did:

Airline Passenger Smokes, Urinates in Aisle

November 26, 2005 9:17 p.m. EST
Denise Royal - All Headline News Staff Writer

Charlotte, North Carolina (AHN) - Pilots diverted a United Airlines flight traveling from Orlando, Florida to Washington, D.C., after a passenger lit a cigarette and urinated in the aisle.

He’s been identified as Mark McGovern. A United Airlines spokeswoman says flight attendants noticed McGovern appeared drunk not long after the plane left Orlando.

She says McGovern later lit a cigarette and began to argue with a flight attendant who asked him to put it out. The spokeswoman says that, after the exchange, McGovern stood up and urinated in the plane's aisle.

The plane landed Friday night in Charlotte, North Carolina, after being diverted from its direct flight.

McGovern was taken into custody by federal authorities, Charlotte/Douglas International Airport director Jerry Orr says. Orr says it's infrequent that federal air marshals have to restrain and remove a passenger.

The 117 passengers on board were on the ground for only 23 minutes before the flight took off for Dulles Airport.

A customer service representative for United Airlines says the airline’s drinking policy does not have a set maximum for ordering alcohol while in the air, but if a passenger does become unruly the pilot will land the plane.

this would be the point in my life where i start seriously contemplating checking myself into a clinic (i take that back -- i've deliberated doing that seriously on several occasions). although i've already had comparable embarrassing drunken situations.

only good when it's moving

it was an expensive weekend. i bought my parents an antique desk for a housewarming/xmas present, and if you know anything about the price of antique furniture you can imagine that it wasn't cheap. i also had to buy this ultra-boss vintage leather coat at the same store. it too was expensive, but it wouldn't stop calling to me. i was ulysses. i'll take a picture and post it when i get home and you'll understand.

plus, i'm moving to minneapolis -- i need winterwear.

i went out with a girl saturday night i may be in love with. bad bad news. i'm terrified and want to curl up in a corner, which is basically my reaction to everything.

chagrin

the highlight of my weekends is walking downtown to my local mello joy (coffee) with my laptop, getting hopped up on free refills and loitering around whilst i surf the internet (basically what i do at home and work, only the people-watching is much better). this morning i get there and the place is dead as a doornail. apparently there's a 5k race (is it a race?) going on downtown which mandates that businesses in the area be closed. i was irked when i got there this morning, having walked with my heavy laptop (it's outdated and weighs about 80 lbs.) in the cold. it's not THAT far away, but it's the principle. i burned calories and got unnecessary exercise for nothing.

if you're interested you can see a panoramic view of the actual place i go to.

scammin

today i believe i will take the afternoon off and go scalp fake harry potter tickets in front of my local movieplex. the silly muggles in this town are just dumb enough to buy tickets that are handwritten on post-it notes.

happy friday. i think "friday" is my favorite word in the english language, next to "fuck" of course. if i were ever a guest on "inside the actors studio" with james lilpton my favorite overall word and favorite curse word would be the same. i also like the word "rain". and cars that go boom.

and i can do anything

for the record, iceman has always been my favorite superhero.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 75% Spider-Man 75% Green Lantern 60% Robin 58% Batman 50% Hulk 45% The Flash 45% Catwoman 40% Supergirl 38% Wonder Woman 28% Iron Man 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

happy merry

being that my current job requires that i communicate with various technical support services i am exposed to plenty of elevator music while on hold. today was the first day that i had the privilege of waiting to the sweet sounds of kenny g instrumental xmas carols.

why i hate the holiday season: for the same reason i hate birthdays -- raised expectations. this whole month-and-a-half is supposed to be a magical, happy time full of revelry and generosity, family and friends.

but what happens when it isn't a happy time? if you personally aren't exactly holly-jolly and, like me and many others, experience bouts of random depression, then the lights, decorations, cosbysweaters, songs and xmas trees are daggers. then the increased availability of sweets and junk food compounds the depression by providing additional cyclical self-deprecation means (i.e. we're sad so we eat, so we get sad, so we eat...).

and the music, my god, the music. it's terribly saddening in a nostalgic kind of way. not just the melodies or the lyrics but also the lame attempts by modern artists at putting out their own xmas albums. it angers and depresses me that, let's say, garth brooks puts out albums in the first place, but when he puts out an xmas cd the futility of it is twofold.

so i'm prepping my mind for the dreaded season. i'm in a state of commando-like vigilance, aggressively avoiding holiday harbingers for the sake of my own sanity. i'll take the vacation time, but beyond that xmas is dead to me.

i may join in bill o'reilly's war on christmas though.

get me while you can

the job search is under way. minneapolis here i come. by hell or high water i will be moving there before april of 2006. i'm throwing my hat over the wall, and shaking the dust of this pathetic lafayette society which has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

2005, a.d.

by now the majority of the world knows that "arrested development", my raison d'etre, has been cancelled. you'd think such news would devastate me, but frankly i've been expecting it. i was surprised in the first place that it got a second, much less a third, season out of fox (which sees fit to air such quality programming as "life on a stick", "trading spouses: meet your new mommy", "so you think you can dance", "nanny 911", "the simple life", "andy richter controls the universe", "tru calling", "point pleasant", "method and red", "a minute with stan hooper", "wanda at large", etc.).

if i want to try and look on the bright side i can take solace that the writers of the show didn't get the chance to run out of material and force out extra seasons thereby tarnishing my memories of it (i'm looking at you "friends") . it will always remain my perfect, otherworldly, favorite thing of all time. and not just on tv.

and really, should i expect anything less from this world besides the cancellation of the greatest show ever aired? we're the ones who crucified jesus, for fuck's sake. we destroy everything that's truly good.

pubic hair lies

yesssssss.... george bush lies. someone said to me today "okay, name ONE bush lie". after a moment of silence in which i experienced a w.o.p.p.e.r.-style tic-tac-toe brain meltdown, i came up with this list of quotes off the top of my head:

• mission accomplished
• brownie you're doing a heckuva job
• noone predicted the levees would break
• noone could have imagined them hijacking airplanes
• iraq sought to buy yellowcake uranium from africa
• saddam has denied access to u.n. weapons inspectors
• iraq has weapons of mass destruction
• we know exactly where they are
• freedom is on the march
• we will be welcomed as liberators
• i'm a uniter not a divider
• i released all my national guard records
• social security is in serious and immediate jeopardy
• iraq has aided al qaeda
• cost of his medicare bill
• i'm against nation-building
• the vast majority of my tax cuts go to people at the bottom
• the united states does not torture

if anyone wants to add some more, feel free. it's not hard. just find anything that's ever come out of his mouth.

...with trees and flowers and chirping birds

somebody please give me a reason not to go timothy mcveigh on this fucking town. everything i bear witness to on a daily basis signals that i live among apes. do i think i'm better? yes. and considering how inherently self-deprecating i am and how little respect i have for myself, that says something.

i would prefer living among real apes actually. i want a tarzan vacation. i want the jane goodall experience. go ahead chim-chim, throw a turd at my face. it's better than what goes on here in hte hub (huh) city.

veteran's day

there's a great article in the nation today about "supporting the troops". they make alot of the points i would have made so i won't just plagiarize.

but for a long time i've been ired by the owners of gas-guzzling vehicles who sport american flags or yellow ribbons on their bumpers, or worse, their gas cap doors. it makes my fucking head spin. the irony (or insult, really) of putting a supposed symbol of support right over the very thing soldiers are maimed and dying senselessly for is deplorable.

i'm sure very little, if any, thought goes into affixing some trinket like that to one's car. a person probably figures that such a gesture is useful in dispelling the demons of vietnam-era military shunning. point being, it's probably not something somebody puts a great deal of thought into.

is this sort of blind, ignorant gesture worse than people who HAVE thought about what this war is really about and still choose to back it putting ribbons on cars? maybe i'm thinking too much about this. maybe most of the symbols are from people who only mean to support the men and women in the military and nothing more, with no indicator of backing any agenda at all.

but i'm starting to subconsciously detest those yellow ribbons and, sadly, the american flag. and it has nothing whatsoever with the military. the military is only a tool. i don't hate the gun meant for defense, i hate the people using it unjustly in my name.

nuance? oh you fag.

the fabric of life is complexity. only fools regard anything in absolutes -- this or that, black or white, good or bad, with me or against me. in truth there is no black, there is no white. it's all grey, it's all relative, it's all subjective (and/or maybe objective).

people defending their beliefs about that which has no basis in fact probably do so out of hubris, a childish desire to always be right, financial gain or greed, a hyperactive id, the need to associate with some sort of vengeful dogma (kneejerk bloodlust), or just hatred directed at noone and everyone for no particular reason.

part of me thinks that some regressives (modern republicans) can't possibly believe in the same things that, for instance, the fox "news" pundits claim to believe in. but they go along in order to "win". they want to one-up the other side regardless of the societal implications. it's like sports.

i was thinking about all this in relation to the kansas school board's approval of "intelligent design" being taught as an alternative to evolution in schools. it's ree-god-damn-diculous.

first it shouldn't be referred to as "intelligent design". they should call it what it is -- creationism -- and jettison the paltry attempt at some sort of legitimizing codification. is "creationism" too religious-sounding a word?

(yessssss, let's teach children fairy tales in biology as long as their parents think it's science-based. let's call it intelligent design -- it sounds sophistimicated.)

i'm a member of the orthodox staypuffian faith (we worship the stay-puft marshmallow man). we believe that the world began when the fluffy giant crapped out the earth on top of a cosmic graham cracker and a hershey bar. can i get that taught in science class too?

all religion is theoretic. it's called "faith" for a reason; it's not something that is debatable in the believer's mind. for that person it's black or white, which is fine with me. i wrote earlier about how any person who can be 100 percent sure of something is a lucky individual and their beliefs should be respected, not attacked.

but when such an individual loses that same respect for me and feels that their belief should be forced on me or others i care about, then they will inevitably experience some serious foot-to-scrotum action from the likes of me.

if you don't believe in abortion and think it's murder then don't fucking have one. i don't agree with you, so show me factual evidence pertaining to when life starts and maybe we can reach some semblance of common ground. but until then, it's all speculation (or religion, faith, theory, call it what you will).

apply this to gay marriage, or censorship, or "spreading democracy". people feel the most passionate about social issues (as opposed to economical, which are more soundly based in fact) because many of them hinge on belief systems. this is why you hear terms like "social conservative" and "fiscal conservative".

you may believe in your heart of hearts that you are morally right about something (the origins of history, when life begins, biblical interpretations, whatever) but unless you have facts to support that belief then don't fucking try to convince me that the earth was made in six days.

incidentally, what the fuck is wrong with kansas? first the brown v. board of education thing and now this? we should let them know the earth is round, regardless of when and how it was made.

placation?

occasionally friends will say something to me about something they believe, philosophically or something about themselves, that i know is patently false. but i don't always correct them. i avoid pointing our truths to people that may possibly be hurtful.

as with my parents, who are catholic. there's alot of hypocrisy in the catholic church, as well as in any organized religion, that bothers me (and ultimately estranged me from being christian). but i don't bring these things up to my parents, or anyone with religious beliefs, because they obviously want to believe these things that serve a purpose in their life.

would you tell a five-year old that santa claus isn't real? only if you're a complete dick. ignorance is sometimes bliss and i don't think that pulling wool from eyes is always a good idea.

that having been said, it's hard not to call a spade a spade. someone will say to me "i'm not a blank" when it's blatantly obvious that he or she could not be more of a blank.

the inability to recognize fault in yourself and overcome denial is another hobgoblin of little minds. always be in a state of self-evalutation.

the art of apathy

you start training yourself not to care about something after you first get your heart broken (at least i did). you made a wager and lost, so you learn that the only way to avoid losing is to avoid playing. i don't think it's possible to have complete control over what you invest your emotions in though. it's one of those asymptotic things where you can get closer and closer to not caring, with practice, but ultimately you can't eviscerate unconscious desire.

would it be a good idea anyway? is sustained mediocrity and numbness preferable to occasional bouts of pleasure or suffering? those "bouts" aren't even random. it's like playing the stock market, you don't just bet on red or black and hope to luck out -- you mitigate your chances of losing by making educated choices.

i.e. you learn at what point it is acceptable to trust someone, or what being a fan of some sports team may cost you (i broke up with the saints many years ago -- the team with "can't win, don't try" as its motto).

caring (or choosing when and when not to care) is probably one of those inherent aspects of humanity that isn't meant to be completely under our control. if you thought about why you were in love with someone wouldn't any answer you give only be a partial one? there's an intangibility to it that can't be consciously recognized, much less controlled.

also, the fact that you have to TRY not to care arbitrarily means that you do, which really annoys me.

you can tie everything back to a biological need to survive if you think about it enough.

eat me societal stigmas

drugs are good, mmkay. if you can evade addiction before it interferes with your life's necessary responsibilities (work) then it's beautiful.

most people can't afford to vacation in the south of france or spend a weekend at a five-star b/b getting mudbaths and massages from asian women. what is relatively affordable, though, is a quarter bag. or a pack of cigarettes, or beer, or whatever else (say, if you're wily enough to con your shrink into perscribing enough xanax to bring down an elephant).

is it morally wrong to want to escape the drudgery of american life? i want the freedom to attain happiness, not just pursue it. if i need a little chemical assistance from time to time then so be it. i don't apologize.

legality and morality are far from interdepedent -- often they're mutually exclusive. if i'm supposed to feel guilty about imbibing in one particular chemical (caffeine is a chemical too, for the hypocrites) if it makes my mundane life a little more tolerable and doesn't hurt anyone, then i guess i'm just a bad person. i'll live with it.

after reading jane's post i wanted to add something.

people harp on the detrimental aspects of abusing substances on a person's health, that regularly partaking in such things shortens yoru life.

but why the obsession with quantity? would you rather live to be 100 and never have experienced happniess (in whatever form) or die at 30 having enjoyed the fuck out of your short time?

i would be the person that gets cancer and refuses chemotherapy. i'd rather have another good month than six spent in agony.

composite

for those of you not plugged into myspace, i'm just going to post on here the shit (and it is total shit) i've written on there. testicles. that is all.

scattered asshole theory

humans are only animals trying to survive. we are therefore selfish. greed ("want") leads to sadness, jealousy, anger, and all negative human emotions. it's a buddhist principle that you free yourself of want to attain self-actualization (which is nearly impossible from what i understand).

what seperates us from other animals i think is our ability to 1.) empathize and 2.) be self-aware. but just because we have these abilities does not mean that all people hone them into effective practices.

why do some choose to recognize these behaviors and others don't? who knows. chemical makeup, i.q., abusive childhood, the receptiveness to our individual ids, nature v. nurture, an infinite number of variables.

i always say empathy and self-awareness are next to godliness. truly empathetic people never consider themselves better or worse than anyone else because they recognize the randomness of biology and environment (chaos theory, on and on); that it's not necessarily someone's fault for being the way they are.

that having been said, i don't think anyone appreciates being treated like shit, regardless of their levels of understanding or empathy.

people attack others for whatever choices they've made or some other issue du-jour because they are insecure about their own beliefs on the subject. it's the way that homophobics are probably homosexuals -- methinks thou doth protest too much...

those who raise their voice or yell while trying to convince you of something do so because the facts that back them up are faulty or non-existent, and they know it. there's some cliche that says you can always tell who loses an argument by the first person to call the other a name -- they can't validly attack the message so they attack the messenger.

intelligent discourse is healthy and frankly a necessity in civilization, but it rarely happens. it's been turned into shouting matches on television between selfish people trying to advance their own careers instead of any idea. not respecting another point of view, or choice, and being an asshole is a sign of weakness and insecurity. i just watched "revenge of the sith" this afternoon (not that i'm a star wars fan AT ALL, but i had it at work, no boss... what would you do) and it occurred to me that, as powerful and gifted as the darth vader guy/kid was in regards to the force and all of that sci-fi whoosifuzz, he showed great immaturity in controlling his own emotions. he had not the ability (easy now, yoda) to recognize the greater good and submitted to his own greed. what good is any talent or resource if you don't have the sensibility to operate within a utilitarian society of equals? it's intellectual fallibility.

"good" and "evil" are relative terms but their meanings differentiate them in the vast majority of instances. for example, we can all agree that murder and stealing are more evil than good, but occasionally you get the robin hoods or new orleans victims stealing food for their children, but the instances are rare.

my treatment for dealing with the assholes of the world: don't let them bother you, or rather try not to let them bother you. i know, always easier said than done. it's hard to control what other people say or do. it's much easier to just control and condition our own reactions to what others say or do.

reciprocity

for the time-being i'm going to be writing on my myspace blog instead of here. i feel like a chode (is that even a word? damn you beavis!) posting the same worthless shit in two seperate places when it barely deserves to be on one.

ways to earn money working for yourself

• day trader
• loan shark
• sports gambling
• shoplifting
• pyramid scheme
• take surveys online!
• sealing envelopes
• prostitute
• children's daycare (need pediasure)
• elderly daycare (need regular ensure)
• grow/sell pot in closet
• sell black market babies
• donate bodily fluids (my precious bodily fluids)
• learn to knit, sell knitting
• secret shopper
• unlicensed discount surgeon

harbinger of an ill-fitting profession

i was brainstorming subjects that interest me enough to write articles about and it took me 16 ideas before my current profession (IT, i guess) made the list. i'm sitting here just spitballing, randomly thinking of what entertains me or what may interest me, and my own fucking job never entered my mind. I'M AT MY JOB RIGHT NOW and it never dawned on me that this, THIS, is something i'm interested in.

the emphasis in my life needs to slowly (or abruptly) begin shifting towards quality, simply put. take your own advice and do what you love, you stupid fuck.

i'm a lazy fucknad. for reasons unbeknownst to me i experience great difficulty forcing myself to change. and i'm not at all averse to change, or afraid of it. quite the contrary. i'm just inherently lazy.

all i want is to set my own hours and not have to leave the house. who wants to sponsor me? reebok? centennial? wal-mart (probably not considering all the wal-mart bashing i do)?

i'm not supposed to be this, nick-burns-your-company's-computer-guy, i'm supposed to be hunter s. thompson. i want to be hunter s. thompson.

masturkatie

is it wrong that i want to see katie couric in one of those interracial pornographic-type films? i can't explain exactly why. maybe because she's one of the first things i see in the morning? gentlemen, we know how things are when we first wake up... or maybe that's just me. mostly i believe it's because i'd like to see her debased down to the level of a mere animal, since the questions she asks in interviews are about as hard-hitting as (insert ike turner simile here) and i hate placating, softball-lobbing "journalists". porn's the only thing these types are good for. plus it's never going to happen and sexily out of context.

die 2K

with 2,000 american soldiers now killed in iraq i have to ponder (yet again) what the fiddly fuck we are doing there. what's the mission we're trying to accomplish?

kool-aid suckers say we have to "finish the mission" in order to honor the troops already dead. first of all, noone can say what that mission is. establish a democracy? spread freedom? should freedom be something that has to be forced on a society?

second, people want to honor the dead by killing more? our presence in iraq (and the middle east in general) is only counter-productive to that country forming its own government, let alone a democracy.

in my view iraq can't be a democracy. the country is split threefold between the kurds, shiites and sunnis, none of which will be able to coexist peacefully if they feel under-represented in the new government and constitution. iraq will either split into three different countries or remain in a state of perpetual civil war.

is it a civil war now? i would say no; it seems more that the insurgent attacks are still directed mainly at the american presence and iraqis trying to support the americans. the goal is probably to maintain the disorder and violence until enough popular sentiment in the u.s. and around the world forces our government to withdraw.

hillary clinton said that we should send more forces there. i like hillary, but that's insane. it's all just a little bit of history repeating. you'll never kill an idea by just killing insurgents.

moving the cheese

i perpetually revise my blogroll. it's nothing personal if i remove you from it, i just like change. you read one blog for a while and eventually you may lose interest (or not, depending). i certainly understand it when people get bored with me -- i got bored with myself in 1989. frankly i don't even know whose blogrolls i may or may not be on, so i definitely don't care when i get the boot.

point being, don't take it personally. i love you all. except you phillip, you're an arse.

nazi pedophile bait

i just read the most fascinating article about two twin olsen-esque girl pop singers who happen to be nazis. "lamb" and "lynx" are home-schooled by their mother and like to spread the good word of aryan dogma. their website reads:

Prussian Blue in simple terms are Lynx and Lamb, twin girls from California, with great musical talents However they are not just talented girls, they are also charming and loving sisters.

charming and loving? so they're the aryan equivalent of the "self-hating jew" -- the "self-adoring nazi". some lyrics from "aryan man awake":

When the man who plows the fields is driven from his lands. When the carpenter must give away what he's built with his own hands. When a mother's only children belong to her no more. And black masked men with guns come bashing down the doors. Where freedom exists for only those with darker skin. Where lies and propaganda will never let you win. Where symbols of your heritage are held with such contempt, and benefits of country 'cept tax are you exempt .

all their songs are fraught with poetic and symbolic references to the white man's burden. some of the prose is actually good, although the subject matter renders it completely abhorrent.

i doubt they'll be playing any katrina relief concerts in the near future.

stick it, to the man

i'm peeved that the pictures i include in my posts work for one day then just disappear. it's very disconcerting.



rosa parks died. i don't think i'd have had the nads to tell whitey to fuck off if i were in her shoes at that time. i tell alot of people to fuck off these days, but never does it have rammifications for real positive change.

the boss made me take my earrings out. i put these stupid training-bra earrings for 13-year old girls in instead. where's my "fuck off" courage now moses, eh?

bitta

i'm awake, at work, irritable, not likely to get sexual relations, my phone is dead, and it's monday so already my day sucks. if i had heroin or ecstacy now would be the time to imbibe. i'm going to wal-mart this afternoon (which also makes for a crappy mood) and am buying "arrested development" season 2, my panacea.

friday freaks

file under: acrimony

a little disclaimer: hot or not is, of course, mostly bullshit. i realize that the majority of pictures submitted to the site are jokes, however, i like pretending. i choose to treat it seriously because it's funnier that way. yes, i know that the ratings are bullshit and the pictures are bullshit and the whole thing is a big bulshitty sham. but my life is joyless, so don't tread on me for having an active imagination.

i chose to juxtapose these three pictures because, believe it or not ripley, they all received the same rating: 6.6. would anyone else give the first girl anything below a 9? it's probably the most gorgeous picture i've seen on the site, but i guess she didn't show enough skin. to the other two ladies ("ladies") -- two-pieces are not for everyone. i guess if you've got it then flaunt it. but otherwise keep it chained in the basement.

eat cake! eat a goddamned cheeseburger! eat food that comes in a bucket! stop buying ex-lax and cigarettes and artificial sweeteners, and fucking carbo-load for god's sake! i can't really tell how old this girl is so it's possible she's only 13ish (in which case i swear she told me otherwise), but damn female. stop idolizing little katie moss and chasing the carpenter's dream (flat as a board, easy to nail). real women have curves.

(right) oh... oh... holy freaking god, no. i'm not sure how to articulate my feelings about this so i'll just write down the phrases going through my mind for some odd reason: come on sally you know you want me, all of that and a bag of crap, gotta light, i'll suck this dick i'll suck that dick i'll suck anything that moooooooves, want it to get weird sweetpants, i'll punch my mother, i don't give a fuck, i'll punch you in the face right now, let's play football, where's my baby, does this look infected.

what i want from you shaylene is to pose like a blowup doll as best you can. keep the mouth open, put on too much lipstick, try to get a glazed look in your eyes. men are inherently afraid of intellectual women so also incessantly repeat the word "derrr" in your mind and hopefully your face will convey the sentiment. make love to the camera. work it work it work it.

(right) i don't visit hot or not to jerk off or anything (that's what democracynow.org is for), but a little advice to the fairer sex: if you're trying to turn a man on with your picture, don't take it with your baby. don't take it with ANY baby. men are afraid of children and all you're doing is reminding us that sex has horrible horrible consequences (responsibility, that is). an infant in the picture takes the yowsers out of the trousers faster than thinking about baseball or harriet miers. or harriet miers playing baseball. how about della reese with honey mustard on her face? barbara bush tap dancing? john ashcroft singing "let the eagle soar"?

great. now i'll never get an erection again. thanks alot girl-with-baby. i know, there was a pretty good chance i'd never make use of an erection again anyway.

real delay mugshot

that's right tom! smile! you're going to be getting all kinds of forced sexual pleasure from your priapismic cell mate.

tom delay (fake) mugshot

*real mugshot coming soon

the li'l'est exterminator

file under: politics

happy 9th birthday to the $5.15 minimum wage. ted kennedy recently tried to pass a bill increasing it but it was voted down 51-47. at least all the democrats voted for it. sorry gas station attendants -- you're stuck with your $10,000-per-year earnings. good luck with that. i heard somewhere that the adjusted-for-inflation minimum wage in 2005 should be $7.00+ an hour. but that would expand the middle class, and we can't have that in this elitist society of ours.

tom delay was issued an arrest warrant. i've been looking all over the web for the pdf file or a picture of it, to no avail. the man i call the "the li'l'est exterminator" is going to have to have a mugshot taken. i'm hoping for something along the lines of nick nolte after a bender. that picture will not only go in my shrine to universal justice, but i'm also going to go to kinko's and make thousands of copies to plaster on my apartment walls.

dick, spread your cheeks and lift your sack

file under: politics

the big independent investigation into the valerie plame leak seems to be coming to a head, and most analysts and pundits agree that indictments are coming soon. it seems pretty sure-fire that karl rove and scooter libby are effed in the A, but i've also heard pillow talk that the vice president himself may be indicted.

speculation has it that the indictments may be handed down this week, but i've also heard that it is equally likely that the climax will happen on monday. this makes me extremely happy with the universe, and here's why:

monday is my birthday. the big 2-7. normally i don't tout my birthday because i'm averse to shameless self-promotion of any kind and soliciting congratulatory sentiments, but if rove, libby, and especially cheney went down on my birthday it would signify to me that i am doing something right in my life. karma will have rewarded me.

kurt cobain, jimi hendrix, janis joplin, and jim morrison all committed suicide at 27. since i'm a misunderstood genius on the same par (*wink), here's hoping i see 28. maybe i'll just keep turning 27 for the next several years.

what i hate about air travel

the waiting, my god, the waiting: waiting in line to check in, then to have your bag sifted through by security, then to be screened before entering the terminal, then at the gate for the plane to board, then for the plane to taxi, takeoff, land, and taxi some more, then to get off the plane, then for your bag at baggage claim. it is torture.

other travelers: generally what i despise most about anything is the way people fuck things up. people are naturally inconsiderate (in my experience) and tend to white-trash everything they happen upon. gone are the days when air travel was for businesspeople and well-to-do's; it is now fraught with wal-mart patrons. a, let's say "scruffy", man in the seat across from me on one flight took off his shoes, and socks, then put his shoes back on his bare feet. nothing like adding the foul odor of ignorance to the claustrophobic environment of a plane. mmmm... recycled air... arrggghhhhhh.

suitcases that roll: being inconsiderate as they are, people with luggage that they can pull behind them always misjudge their girth and plow into me with their bag. i end up looking like a high hurdler when trapsing through an airport terminal.

price: i don't like the price of flying.

closed windows on the plane: it's nerve-wracking not to mention inconvenient to be about to land and not know when to brace yourself. i'm an admitted hater of the sun and its light, but on the plane i want to look out the fucking window like everyone else. how often do i get 10,000 feet up without ingesting chemicals? not bloody very.

paranoia: everyone looks at everyone else wondering if they're a terrorist. i do it to, subconsciously. airports used to be fun -- you'd see the most interesting-looking people and wonder where they came from and where they're going. now i see exotic garb and imagine how best to kick this person in the nads (although there aren't many different ways to do that).

airport drinks: expensive as all fuck. for christmas last year in houston i hat three double crown-on-the-rocks and spent a little over $50.00. it's extortion when you think about it -- they scare the fuck out of you with the prospect of a fiery death and then gouge the prices on sweet sweet liquor.

airport anything: not just alcohol, everything is over-priced. duty-free my titty.

what i like about air travel

and happy boss's day

yes i know, i've been johnny-no-post lately. i'm in san antonio visiting my parents. my brother in the navy earned his pilot's wings this weekend so i came for the ceremony. free uncle sam hooch -- what could be better.

it completely boggles my mind that my little brother is going to be flying fighter jets. i consider it a productive day personally if i clean out my cat's shit box and avoid getting drunk. it's a comparative nightmare.

but i'll get over it. i'll take solace in my new iPod 30G. here's some reasons why it completely kicks the nano's bony ass:

• holds fifteen (15) times as much music
• if you saw how small the 30G actually is you would understand the uselessness of the nano
• literally the size of a deck of cards
• 15 hour battery life, so 15 hours to avoid conversation with strangers
• seemingly infinite selection of accessories and adapters

the saints of new orleans are playing a home game here in san antonio today versus the falcons. from what my parents tell me the game is sold out. people in this city are apparently pretty excited about the prospect of having a pro football team here.

the san antonio santos? the san antonio chicas? the san antonio san antonians? the "qualcom in association with at&t presents the san antonio football kickers"?

thank harry for harriet

file under: politics

this whole harriet miers thing has been wonderful for me. conservatives are turning on each other -- it's become the bush loyalists versus the social conservatives who assumed their support during the election would ensure pro-life supreme court nominees. now they're finally realizing what the rest of us have known for some time -- that bush and his cronies are concerned only with maintaining power and increasing their own fortunes and those of corporations who supported their campaigns.

bush can't put a person on the supreme court who would want to fully overturn roe v. wade; it would be political suicide for the republican party. one, even the majority of evangelicals and christians don't want it overtunred. two, the republicans have used it advantageously as a hot-button issue in campaigns forever. if roe were overturned the republican party would not with another national election for 30 years.

on fox news sunday morning i watched as bill kristol and brit hume, two conservatives and despicable human beings, go after each other over whether miers is a good nomination. when anne coulter goes on bill maher's show and criticizes the president for his nominee you know the house of usher is sinking into the mud.

so why did bush nominate this person? how could he not know what controversy it would stir among his own people? i've heard that it may be because karl rove (the brain) has been distracted by his forthcoming indictment and didn't point out what an obvious political mistake it would be. i'm sure this played a hand.

my belief is that the credit all goes to harry reid. i remember bush saying how he met with several democratic senators (reid included) and that one suggestion was that he find somebody who had never been a judge. i think harry reid suggested this to bush, knowing that he would pick a woman to replace sandra day o'connor and/or someone enmeshed in his own personal circle, as he is always wont to do.

so reid manipulates the predictable bush into shooting himself in the foot. harry reid proved that he is an extremely savvy politician during the social security reform debate, and personally i'm going to give the credit for this one to him. just my theory.

hope they don't walk

a 64-year old black man in new orleans beaten by three white new orleans police officers -- was it racially motivated? OF COURSE it was racially motivated. this is the deep south, the bible belt. the stereotype of the good ol' boy beer-bellied southern cop is alive and well.

the victim says he wasn't drinking when the beating took place. i don't believe him, but i don't care. what legitimate reason do three cops have to beat anyone that badly? three full-grown men kneeling on top of a single man generally render that man incapacitated, right? what could warrant repeatedly striking him to the point of leaving blood on the sidewalk?

stress? who in america ISN'T stressed about something right now? we work more days without vacation than almost any other country, we're at war (remember, war?), noone has a job, noone has medical coverage, we can't afford to drive anywhere, and mother nature seems to be on the rag for us.

everybody's stressed out. a scant few feel the need to beat an old man as a result.

moo, honey

a.d.2 drops today! look how hip i am, using "drop". like it's hot.

last night i dreamt i was a high school farm boy. my parents' house was very posh but we could never enjoy it because the fields needed tending. if you don't know, i hate agriculture. nothing depresses me more than the notion of having to "bring in" a crop or feeding barnyard sheep. i loathe farm culture -- country music, pickup trucks (i drove one to school in my dream), cowboy hats, cowboys, tractors, sunlight, bugs, boots, all of it. even driving by a farm or a sugar cane field makes me uncomfortable.

maybe sugar cane fields in louisiana will become less prevalent in the future. thanks, cafta.

so, why the farm dream. i fell asleep to the weather channel, maybe there was a farm report on at some time. or my subconscious wants more vegetables in my diet (i just ate a bag of potato chips, fuck).

you know you're getting old when: an extended warranty excites you. something could go wrong with this expensive piece of equipment, but i don't have to worry about it for 2 years.

friday freaks

the hot or not site is too much fun, i'm sorry. it's going to be a weekly thing along the lines of flamingo's friday random ten. frankly it's a formatting nightmare to crop and upload all of these pictures then combine them into one post, but it makes the "work" day go by quicker. all these people get ones.

my golden rule of profile pictures: two-piece swimsuits, daisy-duke shorts and gils-gone-wild trucker caps dictate only narcissism and slutterdom (trademarked word). give me hardcore porn any day -- twice on sunday -- but don't show me evidence that (allegedly) real-life people have that little respect for themselves. at least try to get some advertising dollars out of it! for fuck's sake.

i've found the inspiration for ursula the sea hag from "the little mermaid". my aunt has an older copy of the movie on vhs with the penis on the cover. i was going to sell it on ebay but noone seems to want it so i'm going to say that i saw a picture of the virgin mary in the background clouds.

anyway, disgusting. are you wearing something from the roaring twenties? are you a flapper? is it halloween and you went as a gatsby? ever dance the charleston on top of the chrysler building? do you fancy bootleg hooch? bathtub gin?

scrolling through hot-or-not pictures (only females) i sometimes get into a groove where none of the pictures are especially outstanding or shocking and i get complacent. then WHAM, i stumble upon a professional female wrestler with no makeup on, drinking kool-aid on the kitchen floor. she looks surprised that she was taking her own picture.

snuffleupagus! she's stretching out for a one-on-one steel-caged death match with the previous girl. it brings to mind one of fat bastard's lines from austin powers: "ooohhhh look at mah tit-ties! i'm dead sexay". if i had mams like that then maybe i'd be writhing around on the floor with back problems as well.

barf the spaceballs sidekick dog/man is reborn, only with noticeably less grooming. if i had to travel around in a galactic flying winnebago i'd much rather have john candy eating taco bell in the passenger's seat than jabba-the-hut here. she shouldn't have just stood around when they opened the ark of the covenant.

i'll concede that you have a nice body, although you look mean enough to eat my soul, but why paint yourself like a power ranger? it probably took alot of time and effort didn't it?

i've seen naked body art that's interesting and beautiful and creative -- why couldn't you go with one of those designs? did your local crafts store only have three colors of paint? were yellow and periwinkle blue on sale?

maybe she's fulfilling some fantasy of being an action figure. if so i don't recognize the character, maybe someone could help me. japanese anime?

black boxes aside, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN AMERICA HAVE TO LOOK ALIKE? let's all go to pottery barn and buy the same rattan couches, throw-rugs, coffee tables and daybeds then head over to the gap for hip-huggers and shoestring tank-tops right before getting matching makeup and fake tans. then we hit the club and get drunk on hawaiian punch while flipping off a handsome and charming louisiana boy who only wants a friend and wasn't trying to hit on you by innocently slapping your vagina repeatedly. also let's all three get names that rhyme.

...not lest ye be...

harriet miers is bush's nominee for the supreme court. i don't know thing one about her, save for the fact that she's a woman who's never been a judge. i'd really feel safer having a bad nominee that i know is incompetent in lieu of this woman (better the devil you konw).

i'd do a cartwheel if bush had instead nominated judge reinhold. it would have been great to hear a supreme court justice say "mister if you don't shut up i'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!"

or judge joe brown maybe? judge judy? judge dredd? (i AM the law!)

i wouldn't have put any of these choices beyond the president (judgie you're doing a heckuva job).

i don't usually dish on celebrity gossip but this is funny. nicholas cage's wife (alice i think is her name) gave birth to a boy and named him KAL-EL. yes, like superman. kal-el coppola cage. it's not as bad an idea as "city of angels" i guess.

thirty pieces of silver

i just got this in my inbox. apparently they're giving money to people who are so poor that they can only afford a computer with which to check their e-mail.

the people at the zoo are real nice penguin

i know it's been a rough year -- what with the pullout of gaza and all -- but happy rash hashana to all my jewish friends. since i only have two friends and neither are jewish that doesn't make sense, but mazel tov just the same.

my imaginary friend is a scientologist and he keeps harping on me to stop taking my mood-stabilizers. i've shouted at him so many times to quit bringing it up that from now on i'm just going to bludgeon him in his imaginary nads. that's my purse! i don't know you!

ironically all the nagging and arguing over the issue made me up my dosage.

delay got indicted again! this time for money laundering, which carries with it a possible maximum sentence of LIFE. my sweet lord, the sight of hot tub tom in an orange jumpsuit would just make my year. that picture would serve as my desktop wallpaper until rapture.

balls in the salad shooter en masse

in the preview for this week's episode of "e-ring" kelly rutherford's character says in a dramatic fashion, "let's wake up the president". it was comforting to think that at least the pentagon people were working at 2 p.m. on a tuesday. think about it... wait for it.... THERRRE it is.

incidentally i don't watch "e-ring". i generally boycott anything with jerry bruckheimer's name on it, ever since "pearl harbor" rendered me motionless for a week, speechless for a month and flaccid for a year.

it's been a bad week for republicans, and thus a pretty good one for me. tom delay finally got indicted for all the fund-raising tomfoolery (yes, haha), bill frist is waist-deep in pump-and-dump stock skullduggery, bill bennett wants to to reduce crime by aborting black babies, and "scooter" libby may be going to federal prison for outing a c.i.a. agent.

where's your god now moses, ehh? we should just let them investigate themselves right?

it's going to be interesting to see what information comes out when all of these cosa nostra motherfuckers start singing to save their own asses. no honor among thieves, you know. i hope that the indictments and trials get drawn out so they're still in the minds of the public for the '06 elections. then, if the democrats get the house back the impeachment proceedings can... proceed.

speaking of trials, happy 10th birthday o.j. verdict.

viva la revolution.