Thursday, December 15, 2005

gays are bad, mmkay?

Massachussetts Pastor has Contest for Mr. Straight

i believe that this is the gayest thing i've ever heard. a freak jesus pastor in massachussetts is organizing a "mr. hetero" competition. events will include (from the "Mr. Straight" web page):

  • Strength - how many oprah magazines can you tear?
  • Talent - your choice
  • Intellectual - answering random questions such as your favorite heterosexual role model
  • Competition - name that food

tearing up oprah magazines for the strength competition? don't real men tear phone books in half? if they want to trash gay publications why not guns and ammo?

i'm going to propose that the talent section mandate that each contestant sing and perform an interpretive dance to any lavish broadway musical song. perhaps "luck be a lady" from guys and dolls or "i could have danced all night" from my fair lady. i'm open to suggestions.

the intellectual competition should be the best answer to the how-many-queers-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-blub joke. or just ask every contestant what their favorite bette midler album is.

and in lieu of a "name that food" competition, how about just a good hot dog eating contest? what's more american and "hetero" than that? ohhh wait....

as i always say, homophobia equals homosexual. this is the gayest thing i've ever heard of.

1 comment:

Ian McGibboney said...

Hey, now, Phillip! You don't know what these guys are seeking to win...perhaps the tiara has a hard-hat design or somesuch...