our country needs a bitch-slap

while we eat drive-thru and talk on our cell phones and fret about the hilton sisters (ian i'm looking at you...) thousands of refugees from sudan, seeking sanctuary in chad from fear of being killed or raped or having their families killed or raped, scrounge for a handful of u.n.-supplied ground corn. and doesn't it look delicious.

you know what, that picture could be either of ground corn or people burying the dead (there was no caption). pick whichever makes it easier for you to sleep.

from the new york times:

Hawa Hassan Ahmed, 29, said she came to the Oure Cassoni camp after her mountain hideout in Northern Darfur was attacked by the Janjaweed. Her 6-year-old son was shot and killed before her eyes. Her 4-year-old son had his
throat slit. She escaped alone on a donkey provided by a cousin.

two points:

one - why little to no media coverage? could it be that our country's liberal, broken-heart media is more concerned with ratings than newsworthiness? it's understandable i guess; i'd personally rather see what's happening with the kobe bryant case than hear about mass genocide in some desert african country full of skinny darkies that has few petroleum resources.

two - we pull troops out of south korea, sending a clear message to north korea that their admitted and proven nuclear weapons stockpile doesn't concern us, and they should continue unfettered. does our government send these troop resources on humanitarian missions (not unlike wwII, maybe?) to help all the suffering people of sudan (as we did when we "liberated" the iraqi people from saddam)? nah. iraq has more political and financial rammifications. let's send troops there.

apparently "compassionate" conservatism doesn't apply to people of foreign naitons who aren't in the news. god must not care about the people of sudan, since he hasn't directed george to do thing one about it. i'm sure glad he's pro-life though. it really shows.

album du jour: saturday looks good to me every night

s'down kid we're runnin' late!

the school buses are slowly scampering around the streets and avenues once again. i despise school buses, because they impede my daily travels and also drudge up bad memories of high school. the only time i've ever punched someone in the face was on a school bus (mere lad of 13 - what a rabble rouser). when i lived in ohio my brother and i had to walk to the end of our endlessly long gravel driveway to wait for the bus in ten-degree weather, at 6:30 in the a.m., wind howling, and snow sometimes falling. even in such adverse conditions i loathed having to get on the bus, heated or not. screaming children are aggravating at any age, or so i find.

conversely, riding city buses is mildly entertaining. city bus drivers are some of the most interesting people you are likely to meet. they love small talk and are adept at striking up meaningless conversations with strangers. and you have to respect (or pity) someone who has the patience to drive the same route, over and over again, for however many hours, every day.

i just payed off all my credit card debt. three thousand bucks' worth of it, all at once. i had three grand in the bank and now i don't. do i feel bad about it? nope. not a bit. money is shit, unless of course you have none.
whatever, la la la.

album du jour: the casual dots casual dots

salvation is a yellow pill

hello yellow
you are vivarin
you are small
you taste bad
but you make me want to run and talk and breathe and stretch and dance and do calisthenics
and i'm not sleepy anymore
so we're cool

slow-mo

i took some xanax last night in addition to my usual cocktail and slept from 5:30 in the p.m. to ten-to-seven this morning. and i'm still slugging around like i have not the motor skills to do thing one. i don't even have real work to do yet - i'm the first in. the head will be meeting the desk very shortly. this is going to be a long umbassday. it already has been.

since i've got no motivation to keep my head vertical, that's it.

i didn't do one yesterday so you get two today:

album du jour: half cousin the function room

album du jour: graham smith final battle

depression age

why are artificial light and walls and carpeting and horiontal blinds stabbing at me today? what's so different? i'm getting nauseous just looking at my desk and monitor and pens and paper and sunlight and my own arms. i want to bite down on something and cause it pain, i want to push something really hard, i want to grab a tree limb and pull myself up, i want to head-butt anything.

i should be content, or if not content at least reasonably pleased. me being sad seems hypocritical - others in the world have so much to be sorrowful about and to rue and lament; by comparison i am a king. why then this routine sinking sensation of self-pity that flies in the face of what i believe and try to hold true? i have a bed, clohing, food, even a job, and a plethera of objects that have no intrinsic value to sustaining life (i.e. frivolous crap) but still i find myself awash in depression. every goddamned day. even despite all the pills n' thrills and bellyaches (name that band and win a cookie). maybe the pills should be eighty-sixed. i've taken them for so long i really can't recollect if my situation was better off prior or not. frankly i'm tired of turning my mental energy inward in the name of emotional health. i'm tired of being hyper-self-analytic. i want some numbness. where's that apathy my generation is supposed to suffer from? blissful ignorance where are you.

this all makes me enraged at myself. these are the times when i really loathe my person and get involved in self-deprecation. for fuck's sake already.

peaches for me

instead of free speech zones why don't we just set up "free peach zones"? who doesn't like peaches right? let's all move to the country and eat alot of them. and if you want to get figurative about it, the free peach zone could just be a big fenced-in area full of sluts. i would love to have a pen full of sluts in my neighborhood - jenna and barbara could be spokeswomen! although there is already a hooter's in lafayette. but i think the "slut pen" moniker has a better ring to it. you hear that ringing? that's freedom.

florida police are shaking down old black women in orlando for voter fraud. isn't jeb governor of florida? isn't that a swing state? don't blacks usually vote democrat? isn't jeb republican? if i were a suspicious person by nature i might be inclined to draw some sort of conclusion from the aforementioned tidbits (girls with tidbits are not allowed into the slut pen, by the way).

is "black" an appropriate race descriptor these days? african-american? noone is more supportive of acclimatization to racial sensitivity than i, but personally i think attitudes are exponentially more important than labels.

album du jour: the raveonettes whip it on

them ain't pop rocks

my aunt bought these little packets of energy powder crystals that you mix with water and then drink. my first thought when she showed it to me concerned whether or not it could be cut up with a credit card and snorted. that's not healthy or normal. maybe in l.a.

what else does it say that on the 30-second walk back from the grocery store on friday i opened my case of michelob ultra (i've succumbed to shunning carbohydrates) so i could start drinking en route chez moi? just some harmless rushing to lushing right? and i guess drinking a low-carb beer doesn't make much of a difference when you drink on or around eighteen, but it's the principle of the thing.

i just noticed my blog recently passed the one year mark. meh.

should i lament the fact that i couldn't give less of a fuck about the olympics? professional sports... whatever man.

album du jour: garageland do what you want

door-to-door rocking

you know it has to be friday the 13th when it's sixty-some-odd degrees outside in august in south louisiana.

a teenage kid just walked into the office trying to sell raw shrimp. that's right - raw seafood, right off the street, and early. it was a stinky affair. he had this pathetic little i-can't-believe-it's-not-butter dish with three little raw shrimp in it (i can't believe it's not prawns) that looked very scuzzy, and now the office smells rank. and i'm the only one here so far, so if it lingers i'm guilty by association. fuck. who would buy shrimp from some kid going door-to-door? the stands on the side of the road are bad enough, but traveling seafood salesmen...children? and the kid looked really nappy, as if he'd just gotten off the boat (literally and figuratively).

religion by mail, seafood door-to-door, everyone is selling something.

i need constructive crafts to do with my free time. i should paint. it's also possible that i'll make a poetry blog (seperate from this one). i used to write all the time and i can't say why i stopped - maybe all the drinking and isolation, although the latter never stopped emily dickenson. of late i've been feeling creatively stifled and it really sticks in my craw.

and i would start practicing on my guitar again if a certain friend of mine who has a penchant for "fat chicks" would get it back from his disgruntled ex-roommate.

album du jour: hooverphonic blue wonder power milk

conversion by mail

today a cd i ordered from half.com came in, and included in the package was one of those little jesus-christian business cards. i was so delighted! if i knew where my scanner cable was i'd just scan it, but the card reads:

front:

God Loves You!
How to Become a Christian
and Know You are
Going to Heaven
(over)

back:

1) Ask Forgiveness for Your Sins.
2) Ask Jesus to Be Your Savior.
3) Ask Jesus to Come Into Your Heart (Revelation 3:20)
4) Ask Jesus to Fill You With the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:185)
5) Read I Corinthians 12 About Gifts of the Spirit
6) You Have Eternal Life! (:1 John 5:13)
Please visit our ministry web site at www.allstars4jesus.org
Also see www.jesuscares4u.com

jesus is great and all but really i don't need "literature" sent along with my cd's. i left positive feedback for the user (jesus4eternity16) on ebay with the comment "i will accept jesus as my savior if you accept john kerry as yours". fun for me on a thursday eh?

and are people really converted by getting a jesus business card in the mail? it's glossy and pretty and all, but it doesn't really inspire me to become devout and give up my sinful ways. i've grown quite fond of my sinful ways. it's also reassureing to know that "god loves you" and that the requirements for "getting into heaven" can fit on such a tiny card.

incidentally the cd i got was called god fodder by ned's atomic dustbin.

album du jour: the strokes room on fire

wal-mart is the devil

i'd rather not do my shopping at wal-mart out of principle, but i am a man (ha!) of modest means and am unfortunately relegated to doing so at the moment. grocery shopping at wal-mart is tantamount to being beaten with a bag of oranges (yes i would know). all wal-mart shoppers are mentally challenged - they all have to stop and hold up cart traffic so they can save three cents on corn niblets. let's not even touch on the parking lot situation. personally i never browse or impulse buy when i go shopping; i hate being there and flee as fast as possible after some succinct product-snatching. but what would be a nobler alternative to shopping at wal-mart? albertson's? super one? they're not exactly mom-and-pop outfits you know.

i also filled my new perscriptions yesterday and am very contented right meow, very contented. my paxil cr is good - prior doses have not had a noticeable effect on your humble narrator (apparently the new dosage turns me into malcolm macdowell). the xanax i'm going to save for the weekend, since the "controlled release" aspect of it worries me - i don't want to be dragging all through work. not tomorrow anyway. when i picked up my scrips from the pharmacy the girl behind the counter said i was a "lucky guy". let's hope so.

i gave myself a kickass haircut that i can make look respectable for work, but that easily morphs into a moderate mohawk upon request; i feel like a punk semi-super hero. yes, there's nothing more indignatious and riotous and punk-rock than a moderate mohawk you only wear away from the office. maybe if my boss didn't have such an affinity for fishing (and we all know what that means don't we my droogs), i would give it a shot.

album du jour: faithless no roots

the song "mass destruction" will resonate with alot of people, the ones that read this blog-rag anyway. dido plays drums. me likey dido in a non-friend way. the website is very good.

Bush Press Conference Drinking Game
from wonkette:

Every time. . .

• Bush mentions "freedom and sovereignty of the Iraq people" . . .1 drink.
• Bush condemns those who "hate freedom" . . . 1 drink.
• Bush hails our brave men and women fighting in Iraq . . . apply for the National Guard, have dental records taken, go to business school. Take as many drinks as you want.
• Bush pleas "if I had known" . . . pound forehead against bottle.
• Bush references Clinton administration's "law enforcement" approach to terrorism . . . take a drag off of a cigar.
• Bush says "we will not back down" . . . shed a tear for Tom Petty.
• Bush vows to "revamp amd reform intelligence services" . . . Try to email a mugshot to a friend.
• Bush glances at a seating chart. . . change glasses.
• Bush calls on Helen Thomas . . . pop a Geritol.
• An analyst calls it a "presser". . . hit self in head, grumble, take a drink.
• Fox crawl mentions causalities . . . sober up.

our stepford nation

i'm starting to have nightmares about bush winning in november and huge crowds of religious zealots cheering and yelling and hating. it's like a scene from nazi germany rallies in my head.

how is it possible for anyone to attack kerry's war record? while kerry was in the mekong delta dodging bullets gomer was in alabama dodging bravery, duty and sexually-transmitted diseases. somewhere along the line he also managed to evade any vocabulary acumen, common sense, a moral compass, business savvy, motor skills (recall biking incidents and pretzelgate), curiosity, open-mindedness, self-awareness.... several other things i can't call to mind presently.



every qualm i hear pundits and priests touting about kerry just seems moot. actually, calling their "rationale" moot is being generous - most criticism is at best a manipulation of fact and at worst (and most commonly) outright lies.

but we don't like reading articles. just give us headlines and purty pictures.

where input.... can't think for self... must... do... stuff... oh no! orange!

album du jour: manifold splendour my night time career

in memory

bridge over the river lie

even though i'm only 25 and have never been to a foreign country aside from canada ("just going over the border for some french fries and gravy sir"), i remember well serving on a swiftboat in '68 with john kerry in the mekong delta. he spent the whole time crouching in a pool of his own urine with a blanket over his head while we did all the shooting. not only that, but instead of firing at the enemy he would hurl his fellow crew mates' torsos at them. this one time i saw him wiping his taint with the american flag, signaling the viet cong about american military movements, and smoking "marijuana" all at the same time. john kerry only killed women and children in vietnam and burned down villages he knew to be un-guarded. he also shot three of his own crew mates (in the back) and defiled their bodies by drawing faces on them and shaving their eyebrows. john kerry also supports terrorism, worships the devil, rapes kittens, and eats babies.

album du jour: dykehouse midrange

no joke, this guy's name is actually michael dykehouse. i can't stop listening to this album.

quoth the raven

at the risk of sounding goth, here's why i'm looking forward to death. you know that feeling you get while sitting at your desk that you're about to keel over and put your head through your monitor screen from fatigue and/or boredom? never more. or the insatiable ire you feel towards an inanimate device that only makes a little sound (albeit annoying as fuck) once a day (or in my case seven times a day - i make full use of the snooze), provoking you to throw it across the room? never more.

i crave a big sleep. i want a permanent womb. granted, there's alot of good stuff you may miss out on when you're dead (as opposed to alive, to clarify), like food and drink and wine and women and song. but for me it all pales in comparison to some solid sack time. especially right now. and even all of that is just speculation - who's to say what happens when you die. but in all likelihood it's nothing. just unconsciousness.

and really isn't our life-long goal unconsciousness? from the second i wake up in the morning all i want to do is go back to bed. i also love drinking, not just for the skewed behavior and ability to have sex with girlfriends i may not really like, but also for the wonderful slumber (or blackout, call it what you will) that ensues. same thing with other substances.

we work most of our lives so we have a comfortable place to sleep and eat and shit. why be afraid of death? you're definitely covered on sleeping, and the other two become irrelevant (probably).

so why not commit suicide you say? because i'm an advocate of avoiding the path of least resistance and i don't want to be hypocritical like limbaugh. plus i really want to see that ian curtis movie when it comes out. not sure about jude law playing him.

fuck i am sleepy.

album du jour: the siddeleys slum clearance

shampoo my crotch

remember the line from as good as it gets where jack nicholson tells those two people sitting at his table that "people who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch"? i feel the same way about people who use nothing but cliches or adages. i hate verbal cliches. almost to the point where i get physically ill when someone uses them on me, with serious intentions of providing insight into some problem or situation. using them in jest is fine; i do it all the time because they're ridiculous. if you're so fucking programmed that even your speech is derived from some teleivison show or movie you've seen over and over again then just don't talk. everything these days is just repitition. no popular music is really original. every tv show is derivative of some neilson-rating paradigm of "what sells". movies - how many previews to movies have followed this formula: "blank had it all. a good blank, a successful blank, and a gorgeous blank. until one day, blank happened. now this blank has to learn that blank isn't always what you blank of it". and the modern-day dependence on cgi special-effect bullshit has really raped the film industry. i'll say it again, return of the king sucked ass.

something else that really bothers me - people who think that their newfound appreciation of radiohead makes them complex and brooding. god damn those people.

i'm going lewis black today.

album du jour: midnight movies midnight movies

some very disappointing news today. my beloved beta band has decided to part ways. it's not from the typical bitter internal dissent that most bands break up over, just their musical journery arriving at its fruititon. there will be supposed solo projects that arise from the demise, and a farewell tour through the end of this year. if you haven't ever listened to the beta band please do yourself a favor and check out the three e.p.'s, or any of their albums. they're all magnificent. obviously i'm biased, so i think everything they've done (since their inception in 1997) is fab.

today really sucks fat hairy balls.

oh, billy!

putting quotes around words makes them seem lewd. what about when you add elipses in addition? observe:

today i was "jerking off" with soap...
the babysitter was annoying me so i had to "push" her...
i was horny so i told my girlfriend to touch my "penis"...

yes, lewd. maybe michael powell should enact some legislation concerning quotes and ellipses. no punctuation for anyone!

i had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and i finally got him to prescribe xanax for me. it's some sort of "controlled release" (did the quotes make that tawdry too?) xanax so i don't know what effect it will have. i hope i still get the nice wave/buzz.

controlled release...i must be sting. yes, i am tantric.

since todays theme is lewdness, it's worth mentioning that pisser received almost fifty (50) comments on a post which included pictures of her bressesses (she gets alot of responses anyway, but much more with the pics). as such, i decided to see if the tactic would work for me as well.

let's see how much attention i get. incidentally, i left a comment on that post as well, but it was in response to something else and completely non-boobie-related.

album du jour: comets on fire blue cathedral

country music makes baby jesus cry

would nurturing a fondness for alt-country make me a bad person? critics always seem to cream their jeans for it. there's a stigma i've always perpetuated that country and offshoots thereof are personally off limits, but lately i've been coming acoss several bands of the genre i think i like, in addition to new albums from bands i already like that take on a sometimes-twangy sound. what i'm going to do is to spend this week exploring some different bands and see what happens. certainly no loretta lynn apotheosis though, even though she gets wet for michael moore.

another thing about critics - when they make their "best of..." lists (at the end of years or decades or whenever) it always seems like the bands they put on there are only there to make the list look obscure and complex and brooding so that those qualities transfer to the critics. i have a hard time believing that all critics actually think that the records they cite are that good, because i know for a fact some of them are complete crap (and my opinion is, of course, law).

album du jour: rilo kiley more adventurous

this is the album that actually got me thinking about the alt-country scene, if you listen to it you may understand why. great cd, good times.

i don't like to post large quotes often, but i was reading an interview of the legendary kevin shields and thought this was fantastic:

"I think sometimes music has a strange parallel with the world. I think the world is about to go through a really bad phase. Well, put it this way: people on a political level and big business have been working towards a type of coup. The world has sort of been taken over by big business. It’s not one country it’s in fact big business that rules the world now. And no one has quite grasped that. It hasn’t been quite understood. And all civil liberties will be eaten away at a speed beyond anyone’s comprehension. In the meantime, music’s getting more and more about the spirit of it and the feel of it, so a type of genuine counterculture—which isn’t a marketing thing, but an actual real one—I think it’s just starting up on some level. It’s to sort of balance out the nastiness. The world is never entirely one way; it’s always got a strange balance to it, even if it’s not apparent. So, I suppose what I’m trying to say is: as bad as the world’s going to get in the next five years, I think music is equally going to become quite relevant for good reasons. The soul of music will be the most valuable aspect of it."

in my beautiful balloon

hey cnn, thanks for all the in-depth coverage of the balloons that didn't fall. america really wants that scoop. the pretty, helium-filled scoop that we just can't stop staring at as they hover coquettishly above our heads, waiting to drop. why won't they drop? i need ballons, i must have balloons! i need answers! what in the name of all that is sacred is wrong with you people? jesus help us! oh, thank god, whew, wolf blitzer commentary. now i can sleep.

my only qualm with the speech was the stem cell reference. i agree that it's ridiculous not to further research on the matter, but he may have turned off a lot of religious zealots with just the words "stem cell". other than that it was gangbustas. vanessa and alexandra kerry were impressive.

warning: abortionspeak

while i'm on stem cells, something really angers me. first off it doesn't matter whether i'm pro-choice or pro-life; males don't really have the right to tell any female what she should or shouldn't do with her own body (although i can make interactive suggestions after entering my credit card number on certain web sites). the idea that aging, crusty white men with enlarged prostates try to pass legislation telling women what they can or cannot do does not sit well with me. not at all. pretty soon they'll be trying to say who can and can't get married...

secondly - so many are pro-life solely concerning pre-life and post-life (i.e. the eternal destination of your soul). it's easy to label yourself "pro-life" and try to protect the unborn but it seems contradictory to do so and then advocate the death penalty, and send kids off to die, and cut funding for the poverty-stricken, and make it more difficult for the ill to get treatment, and so forth. several neo-conservatives (prez included) pay so much attention to the unborn and the deceased but disregard everything in between. to vote for someone (can't say his name this week - he-who-shall-not-be-named) who claims to be pro-life concerning the unborn (with words) but is obviously pro-death in every other aspect of his job (with actions) is just a mind-fuck.

remember the scene in war games when matthew broderick made the supercomputer play tic-tac-toe over and over again faster and faster until it overloaded and realized it oculdn't win? that's what this does to my simple abacus brain.

album du jour: neutral milk hotel in the aeroplane over the sea

them fem dems

female republicans scare me in that way my ex-army hardcore grandmother scared me when i was little, chasing me with the dough roller when i was bad with intentions of using it. 

karen hughes - scares me because i don't want to regurgitate my internal organs.  i like my internal organs. 

laura bush - scares me because subservience to one's husband would mean i'd have to do more if i ever marry (which i won't).  what kind of first lady views subservience as positive (exception - in the bedroom)?  plus she married that guy.  you know, that guy. 

khandi rice - scares me to know that highly educated people can be ignorant bald-faced liars.  

nancy reagan - now on my "friends of p" list for shunning the rnc.

deborah orin - writes for the new york post, which is the print-media equivalent of fox news (both owned by rupert murdock).  it's a funny relationship - they cite each other as "sources".  damn liberal media.  orin chastized teresa heinz kerry as "new-age" for using the phrase "the mystic chords of our national memory".  what's interesting though is that the phrase actually came from an abraham lincoln speech in the 1800's.  you know lincoln, that crystal-wielding peace-sign-flashing new-age former president of ours.   

there is so much i could say about female pundits who really piss me off.  concerning the males - i could write every day for the rest of my life about the misdeeds of robert novak alone.

female democrats - be my girlfriends, please?  to all those "hippy chick pie wagons" ann coulter refers to, i would gladly serve in a laura-bush deferential capacity.  janeane garafalo embarrassed sean hannity on his own show yesterday afternoon (i listen to the dark side as well - i would not be a credible liberal otherwise).  elizabeth edwards is delightful, as is the future second daughter kate edwards.  i even love those little old ladies you see in the crowd wearing the tacky sequined r/w/b outfits that normally would pain you to look at.

album du jour:  public enemy  it takes a nation of millions to hold us back 

some listen to real raging hardcore rock when they're angry.  i listen to chuck d and flavor flav. 

because we can never have enough ann coulter

from her usatoday article that was not published:

"...My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention."


i find it ironic that ann is here pictured standing on the grave of joe mccarthy, considering the two would probably have been quite fond of each other.  and a little pity for me, please, for having to peruse images of ann coulter (what kind of pundit has a photo gallery of themselves on their own web site?) before finding a post-worthy one.

send me

is it wrong that i was sexually aroused by the time "strength and wisdom are not opposing values" came around?  and although i respect and agree with not over-lambasting the president at the convention this year, wouldn't it just have been euphoric to hear bill clinton lace into him?  nonetheless, really exciting stuff.  and jimmy carter almost sounded like jonathan edwards.  teresa heinz kerry is speaking tonight, and if you're not at least interested in hearing her just read this article by arianna huffington.

i'm in the office (suite) with only the boss-man right now and he just locked himself in the tech room (where we do hardware stuff) and told me to tell all who call to "fuck off".  there must be a steel-caged death match going on in there between him and a server.  he's generally an amiable guy but has been temperamental of late.  all are entitled i guess, but i'm walking on eggshells (whoa oo whooa-ooaa - thanks to katrina and her waves) nonetheless.

high-five experiment update:  haven't been in public yet.  i did try to high-five my cat but she just kept sleeping.

album du jour:  curve  open day at the hate fest 

cat's eye

micromanaging my days really makes time go by excruciatingly slow.  it's all about ignoring time, but how can you do that when you're suffering (i.e. at work)?  i should harness my chi, re-arrange office furniture, light a candle, say a novina, kneel to mecca, meditate, masturbate, take a deep breath, anything to forget about time.  this has been a problem ever since i read that fucking margaret atwood book.

seeing people do the high-five is really a funny thing.  i think i'm going to start high-fiving everyone.  especially strangers.  maybe with an emphatic "oh yeah" add-on.  i think a stranger would be more apt to high-five you back than someone you know - it's pretty awkward to leave someone hanging.

album du jour:  curve  pubic fruit 

any inkling whatsoever

the thoughtful u.s. department of labor has launched a website aimed at helping homeless people find jobs.  that is, a website, to help the homeless... finally, a good idea.

"...had I had any inkling whatsoever that the people were going to fly airplanes into buildings, we would have moved heaven and earth to save the country..."

- george w. bush on april 13,  2004

"FBI information since that time indicates patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks, including recent surveillance of federal buildings in New York."

- presidential daily briefing, august 6, 2001

i guess heaven and earth were in crawford at that time. 

the thing is, that presidential dialy briefing is, like, over a page long.  i mean, who has time to read that?  screw this, i'm going on vacation.

album du jour:  moonbabies  june and novas 

a sit-down with god

the following is an interview conducted by my friend smash of the daddy of the mack, the gellin' felon himself, god. since i do converse with god on a regular basis, i served as question relay guy. while reading, try to imagine the benedictine monks of santo domingo de silos (chant) singing in the background.  and notice how god likes to refer to himself in the third person:
 
Smash:  How could you let this happen?

my child, god is indeed infallible. god does not make mistakes. sometimes, however, thy god does enjoy his nectar a bit much and goes on intoxicated tirades. you know, drunk-dialing vishnu at 2:30 in the morning, tryinig to get sexy-sexy mary magdalin to come over, so on and so forth. i know we've all been there (phizz i'm looking in your direction). well, one night god was doing jello shots with hendrix, innocently enough, enjoying a nice tuesday evening. little did god know that that nappy soil-smelling dickhole had dropped lsd into the shots (later i had buddha reincarnate him as a thighmaster as punishment - to let him think about what he did while betwixt thighs of sweaty fat women). needless to say, god was a tad out of it and thought it would be hi-frickin-larious to see what would happen if a gopher-hole enthusiast were made leader of the free world. god woke up a few days later and the damage was done. what can i say, my bad. 
 
Smash:  What do you think of Christianity?

it does boost god's ego, but somewhere along the line the whole thing got convaluted.  it was supposed to be a really bitching weekly party, you know, to rest on the seventh.  and now you all have fucked it up so bad that you only have a tiny sip of alcohol and the only thing you do while on your knees is pray.  what is wrong with you people?  jesus... 
 
Smash:  What is the meaning of life?

medammit, if i had a nickel for every time... the meaning of life is...
 
ted mcginley sit-coms.

Smash:  How sick, exactly, IS your sense of humor?

have you seen the charlie's angels movies? all me.

Smash:  Is this hell?

back to the charlie's angels movies....ever seen them back-to-back? over and over and over and over and over again into perpetuity? can you imagine what that's like? if not just ask brando.

thanks god for sharing with us today. 

no problem man, you guys keep it real.  now i have to go find jesus to make sure he's not fucking with the mexicans again by showing up in chalupas.
 
okay god, vaya con dios.

word to your moms.

album du jour:  jesus and mary chain  automatic

blasphemy

alot of people don't know this about me, but i get my orders directly from god.  that's right, god tells  me what to do and say (if anyone wants to ask a question of the almighty just give me a ring-a-roo.  actually just think of it, i'll text you the answer).  i've heard that the only other people who possess this conduitive ability are david berkowitz and, of course, the president.  i know, berkowitz said he got his orders to kill from a dog.  in truth, however, berkowitz was actually dyslexic and really meant "god".

yesterday i was trying to make a monitor work and god told me to adjust the refresh rate, but all that did was make the screen go blank and then i couldn't do anything and had to completely wipe out the system.  it took forever.

what was up with that god?  was it punishment for downloading the passion instead of waiting for it to come out on video?  being against the federal marriage amendment?  accidently stabbing that homeless person seven times? 

even though god does talk to/through me, very rarely does he say what's really on his mind. 

and his english really sucks.

album du jour:  forget cassettes  instruments of action

ailment, ailment

a pox on you monday... fie.  fie i say!  i could not have less energy right now, unless i was dead (and i'm not totally convinced i'm not).  i'm thinking that mybe typing will help me wake up.  sound stupid?  well i'm deliriously tired, so maybe it just is.  i should feign an injury or illness so boss will let me leave.  what would be a likely sickness....
 
a sudden onset of scurvy (or malaria, or the plague, or some other early-colonial fever).  my aids is acting up (thanks chris rock).  i'm bleeding out of my asshole (no questions asked).  ooooooo, mad cow (i mean "mooooooo", mad cow).  leprosy (although i'd need props and makeup).  some good old-fashioned vertigo (maybe too many corners around here for that).  an allergic reaction to... uh... flourescent lighting?  oxygen?  verticality? 
 
i could just somehow give myself a raging erection and walk around the office.  although that may just get me fired or sued in addition to being sent home.
 
yesterday i watched mystic river, then later fast times at ridgemont high.  i have to say, i like surfer-stoner sean penn more than tortured-artist sean penn.  actually i've had enough of him altogether.  

this talk of sean penn is doing nothing for my raging erection.  ahhhh, robin wright-penn... there it is.

album du jour:  burning brides  leave no ashes

chut up

i finally got to watch bubba ho-tep.  it was delightful, a delightful romp (all me), much as any bruce campbell movie is.  coincidentally my evil dead dvd came in yesterday - also a delightful romp.  sam raimi, director, also directed the painfully pretty kirsten dunst (a delightful rump) in spiderman 2.  everyone knows that of course, i just needed a way to fit "delightful rump" in there.  she currently is dating jake gyllenhaal (whose sister i will someday wed) of, among other things, the dexterous donnie darko.  they made me do it.
 
sorry bacon, got nothing for ya.
 
after needless-information linking fun (fun for everyone), and a small portion of alliteration, a fond adieu.

album du jour:  call and response winds take no shape

wine and women and weekend revelry.  suck it.  i'm not in a festive mood.  really more of a destructive, unnappreciated, graham-greene kind of mood.  what say you, oh...  oh...   oh bother (english butler accent ensues).  'tis happy hour round ye olde household and the lord of the manor, whom i pretend is i, 'tis frothy.  and pissed.  and feeling quite unappreciated.  yes, unappreciated.  and perhaps a bit lacking in an internal synonym database (unappreciated?  anyone? anyone? beuller?  beuller?  beuller?). 
 
when i look at all the male rock icons i hold in the highest esteem, i think of my opposite.  on female artists - why do i think at all.
 
oh yes indeed it's time to do the weekend wax-poetic...  a verse for the masses:
 
the raging burns like chinese torture
sensible like irish murder
headache as our native sons'
we revel and squeal in bloodspurts of kin
we deserve what is ours 

you fucking poseurs

yeah i know  that young boys were raped by american soldiers and 78 children were burned to death in a school in india and almost 900 american troops have been killed in iraq, but i'd really rather talk about martha getting five months in jail.  why can't i find anything about martha on the news?  martha martha martha?  what's scott peterson doing?  kobe?    ooooooo sports!  i love sports!

album du jour: the like young so serious

what would a good caption for this picture be... my suggestion is "mmmmm, children....."

too hot

my laptop vents the heat from the processor out of its right side, right where my wrist is when i'm using the mouse. i just keep thinking about hot air being blown on my wrist, in the summer. it's boring into my brain and occupying my thought processes; i can think of nothing else. the heat, the hot, hot air, in the summer, summer, too hot, hot air, why, hot, uncomfortable, heat, on me... consequently i submit to you a random, meaningless paragraph about moving hot air that's infecting my day. just so my hands are on the keyboard instead, away from the heat. i'm venting about venting.

album du jour: the wannadies be a girl

yikes

christ almighty i am ready to get the fuck out of dodge. i just want to get into my bed, swallow some nice sleeping doo-dads and recouperate from whatever it is that has made me tired and overly-irritable today. tomorrow i am not reading one goddamned newspaper article or magazine or listening to any talk radio. some days it just dampens my energy way too much and i end up getting pissed at everything and everyone. i wish i was still a smoker.

the federal marriage amendment did not pass, that's good. the fact that it went to a vote at all is not good. whatever, i'm too tired.

just to brighten my day and yours here's a picture of my mister kitty chillin out max and relaxin all cool on the hood of the car. look at that buddha belly.


album du jour: stereolab margerine eclipse

cognitive dissonance

warning: i'm about to wax political. sorry, but these days one needs to preach it up real nice now and then to stave off homicidal inclinations.

it blows my mind how the president can go on television one day claiming that the country is now safer as a result of its war on terror (whatever) and the next day have his office of "homeland security" secretary insinuate that the election may have to be postponed in case of a possible terrorist attack.

oh sweet jesus, orange! run away! run away!

another outrage i have is the following defense of our iraqi invasion: "saddam hussein was a tyrant who gassed his own people and the world is better off without him". yes, i agree, everyone agrees, right on, testify, amen, no one ever said otherwise. but if we're so concerned with international humanitarian issues, and that is our only salient rationale concerning iraq (since the al-quaeda link has been proven bogus, man), then expound on the fact that our government refuuses to do anything but chat about the genocide occurring in sudan. tens of thousands murdered and over a million homeless.

i guess third-world african nations with few petroleum resources don't count. it makes me physically weary that such blatant hypocrisy has no effect on public opinion.

ralph nader - it's great to be idealistic and rally for a third party, just great. but it will take alot more than lambasting the flaws of the two-party system once every three-and-a-half years. developing a serious third party in this country would take an immense movement, and nader, being no dullard, must know this. so why only speak up during the presidential campaign season? and isn't accepting campaign contributions from the groups you speak out against (the oregon family council for one - would kill all gays if they could) sort of a conflict of interest?

i'm sorry ralph, you're off my christmas card list. no more bundt cake. no more bundt cake for anyone!

album du jour: mellowdrone a demonstration of intellectual property

sexy liberals of the u.s. unite!

this is a call to arms... of arms... and legs, and other appendiges and extremities: fuck the vote!

don't read this

melissa auf der maur: maybe/maybe not. since she was in hole and the pumpkins i'll have to at least give her a significant listen or four. it may be too dark, in one of those i-want-to-bleed-from-my-eyes-and-slap-jesus-in-the-brain kind of ways. think of the abundance of somehow radio-friendly bands that spout rage-rock and shout (whine) about their shitty million-dollar lives and pierce their spines to try to be "cool" in a tenacious d post-hoc kind of way. maybe that's the point of rage rock, to really piss you off.

this is what i came up with while thinking about this album: "auf der maur" is a little "off der mark". i hate myself.

for further proof that i am a dick - my little cousins (11 and 11) have a talent show tonight at their methodist church, and i'm not going. when asked by one if i would come, i said i couldn't. little cousin said "why"? and instead of coming up with an impromptu excuse, which usually i do with gusto, i just told him that i didn't want to. he laughed at me. i punched myself metaphorically.

album du jour: arto lindsay salt

hey, that's nifty

from sfgate.com -

Calif. Education Secretary Apologizes for Comment to Girl

Sunday, July 4, 2004
(07-04) 10:41 PDT SANTA BARBARA, Calif. (AP) --

State Education Secretary Richard Riordan has apologized for joking that a child's name meant "stupid dirty girl."

In a videotaped exchange at the city's central library on Thursday, a girl asked Riordan if he knew that her name meant "Egyptian goddess."

Riordan, who apparently believed he'd been asked what her name meant, replied, "It means stupid dirty girl."

Some in the room laughed nervously, and the girl again told Riordan the meaning of her name.

"Hey, that's nifty," he said.

Local television station KEYT-TV videotaped the exchange.

On Friday, Riordan issued a statement saying he had "teased" the girl, who was not identified. "I immediately apologized to her, and I want to do so again for the misunderstanding," he said.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a longtime friend of Riordan who appointed the former Los Angeles mayor to his cabinet, said in a statement that the comments were "unacceptable in any context."

"We must always focus on encouraging and supporting children. I've known Dick Riordan for a long time, and I know that he would never knowingly or intentionally upset a child."

Riordan was in Santa Barbara to promote his summer book club.

don't spell rock "rawk". just don't, please.

yankee doodle dandy ambrosia salad

this is funny! it's a list of recipes from the bush administration for fourth of july food. john ashcroft's (sing for me johnnie...) "simply bbq" recipe is essentially "cook meat, put sauce on". every recipe is just the universal standard recipe for the dish, only with "freedom" or "liberty" in front of it. i absolutely love secretary snow's "land of the free cole slaw". here's one of the recipes, but seriously go read them all on the whitehouse.gov site, it's fucking hilarious.

incidentally, this sounds like something my stoner friend... not me, a friend... would make out of random things left over in the house while completely fucked up:

Dale Haney's Yankee Doodle Dandy Ambrosia Salad

 
1 container sour cream
1 large container Cool Whip
1 large can crushed pineapple
1 can mandarin orange
1 bag miniature marshmallows
1 handful Maraschino cherries (cut in half)
1/2 small package of shredded coconut (optional)
1 cup pecans (chopped)

Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Chill. Serves a lot.

dirty laundry of desperado

avoid sugarless chocolate unless you have lots of free time; clear your schedule atkin-ers. atkinites? atkinians...

"liar liar pants on fire" is not a salient refuter, nor are "i didn't know" and "i haven't read it" valid excuses for public officials, or anyone. maybe in november we can all hear don henly singing "this is the end of the ignorants". sure.

the gas pedal is the one on the right, turn signals are named so for a reason, stop on red and go on green, bumper stickers only make dissenters want to smash your windshield, and does an american flag sticker on a japanese car seem like at least a minor contradiction?

a big step in self-improvement - i discontinued my cable service. no more mtv2 or cnn or e! for me. going through a little postpardom depression, but i just remind myself i also cut off cnbc and fox "news" and mtv and cnn and e! and vh1 and then i feel better. plus the cox communications nazis can now suck my ass instead of sucking my life force.

hey white-trash "home-schooled" welfare neighbors of mine: buying two months' worth of fireworks twice a year doesn't seem like an irresponsible allocation of funds to you? maybe try to buy a window to replace the hefty bag on that '87 hyundai of yours? just a thought.

album du jour: rainer maria long knives drawn

 
the new york post said it was going to be gephardt, so i'm sure fox news will also say it's gephardt since their only source is the new york post.

this is a really good thing. i think people thus far have perceived kerry as somewhat mauve, and edwards is a charismatic guy (you complete me...). edwards is a pretty conservative democrat (comes from the south) and is sort of an every-man's candidate. now they can put pictures of he and kerry snowboarding and throwing the football around.

and god i can't wait for the debates! imagine seeing the soulless robot cheaney 5.0 and edwards going at it. get ready for profanity.

edwards, by the way, was a trial lawyer and used to lambaste large corporations in court (the polar opposite of dick cheaney). he was also in 10th grade during vietnam, so he's pretty clean it would seem.

one more thing - dick cheaney's doctor was getting high on some sort of funky nasal spray when he certified the vice president's health. three heart attackes seems okay even to a drug addict... huh.

album du jour: klang no sound is heard

the hong kong

"Our 8 song CD 'Rock the Faces' can be found at Other Music in NYC. It sounds like Debbie Harry were she held at gunpoint by Phil Spector in a recording studio with the Jesus and Mary Chain until, together, they finished 8 tracks."


 the hong kong

on farenheit 9/11

the graphic field wounds and charred bodies of iraqi children weren't as gut-wrenching for me as seeing our "elected" leaders going about their flippant and purposefully inauspicious lives, spouting rhetoric (rhetoric here meaning outright and lazy lies), preying on fear and sacrificing lower-class families' sons and daughters for the advancement of nothing nobler than personal financial gain. the best thing about the movie for me was that i was sitting in a theatre with people who were becoming aware of things that i was already privy to, for the most part. and those people actually sought out this information; they weren't being force-fed it accidentally by local or national "news". it sounds vain but sometimes it's nice to be among those who care about their world and seek out knowledge, as i try to do. it's almost enough to give a cynical dick hole like myself a little hope. everyone clapped at the end - my fairy tale.

2004 favorites (a

since 2004 is now half over (believe it) here are my favorite records thus far this year. they're only my personal preferences of the stuff i've heard; i give big points for inventiveness and attempted originality, as well as what i just plain dig. and i have heard alot, but obviously not everything. just opinions. in order:


the beta band - heroes and zeroes
moonbabies - the orange billboard
say hi to your mom - discosadness
tv on the radio - desperate youth, bloodthirsty babes
bumblebeez 81 - printz
lansing-dreiden - incomplete triangle
lali puna - faking the books
stereolab - margerine eclipse
the delays - faded seaside glamour
ambulance ltd - lp
the von bondies - pawn shoppe heart
blonde redhead - misery is a butterfly
the killers - hot fuss
languis - the four walls
a.c. newman - the slow wonder
50 foot wave - bug (ep)
call and response - winds take no shape
particle - launchpad
sonic youth - sonic nurse
pj harvey - uh huh her
revolutionary hydra - the peefs
les savy fav - inches
the rosenbergs - department store girl
sahara hotnights - kiss & tell
ash - meltdown
the walkmen - bows and arrows
komeda - kokomemedada

shit i forgot to put usher on there. no i didn't.

derrrp

again i am the only one in this place of business today (and tomorrow). the other two went to florida for the holiday weekend. that's fine, whatever, i do what i want. i brought dvd's to entertain myself.

when was the last time i saw the sun? five minutes ago.

my poor father. he works for a small oil contracting company in texas, actually one of the ones that got an iraqi contract when it became evident that haliburton (did someone just tell me to "fuck off"?) was scandalously overcharging on their no-bid contract, and they're way over-worked. i called him this morning to rub in the fact that i'm getting a 30-inch flat panel, and we talked about kerry. he says john kerry is lukewarm and complains because he doesn't know anything about him. that blows my mind. how many web sites are there dedicated to kerry? is he not on tv all the time? newspapers? newsweek? i very much loathe the fact that people plead ignorance like it's some sort of free pass, and it especially disturbs me when said aggravation hails from my own family. they do live in texas though, so what can you do. i hear it's god's country.

album du jour: catherine wheel happy days

on my way in this morning i saw a bumper sticker on a pickup truck that said "bush/cheany '04" and right next to it was another sticker that said" ssquirrel: it's what's for dinner". incidentally the truck was holding up traffic, going slower than the posted speed limit.

girth they avoid

i think ralph nader is losing it. i pasted below an actual open letter (not long) nader wrote to michael moore (from the nader web site) in which he ostensibly calls michael moore a fatass, not without a bit of sarcasm. correct me if i'm wrong, but does it seem like nader is getting a bit insane lately? i guess not being able to get on the ballot anywhere is making him feel unappreciated.


Hey, Michael, Where Were Your Friends?

Once upon a time, there was Michael Moore the First. He never forgot his friends. Come time for the Washington, DC premiere of Bowling for Columbine a while back, he invited his old buddies in Washington — gave them good seats and spent the rest of the evening with them. During his other movie's premiere, he affectionately recognized how much those old friends helped him and supported him after he was mistreated and let go by Mother Jones. He was generous with his words and time.

Now there is Michael Moore the Second. Last night he hosted the Washington, DC premiere of Fahrenheit 9/11, and who was there? The Democratic political establishment, the same people whom he took to such mocking task on the road with us in campaign rally after campaign rally in 2000. Who was not there? His old buddies! Not personally invited, not personally hung out with.

A few weeks ago, Michael, I sent you a message: "Hey, Dude, where's my Buddy?" It is attached. It has gone without reply. It simply asked you to come back to your progressive constituency and take on the two-party monopoly of our rigged election system — to challenge the pro-warlike, corporate party with two heads, wearing different makeup when it comes to playing toady for Big Business. These are the giant multinationals who have no allegiance to our country or to communities like Flint except to control, deplete or abandon them. It is not that your views have changed, with an exception or two. It is that your circles have changed. Too much Clinton, not enough Camejo.

Your old friends remain committed to blazing paths for a just society and world. As they helped you years ago, they can help you now. They are also trim and take care of themselves. Girth they avoid. The more you let them see you, the less they will see of you. That could be their greatest gift to Moore the Second — the gift of health. What say you?

Best wishes,

Ralph Nader

album du jour: delays faded seaside glamour

i find this album very enchanting, i would love a second opinion

all of a sudden this wave of depression came over me just now. before anything too destructive occurs i think i'll take some sleeping pills and doze through it. hopefully i'm just tired.

undeclared peanuts, bush underwear

on the way to work this morning i was listening to news radio and there was a clip about some brand of ice cream that had to issue recalls because some of their products had "undeclared peanuts". undeclared peanuts... my new alt-country band. it sounds like something the irs would be on your ass for. "yes we'd like to take a look at your nut profits for the last fiscal year".

i think these are pretty self-explanatory.


 


 

saturday night

when i'm home on a saturday night i feel sad. i dont' feel like that saturday night "loser" because i'm home alone, i just have to adjust my frame of mind to that of someone content with being by themselves. sometimes even when there are real opportunities to go out i have premonitions of a bad night, and i stay in. such was the case tonight. plus i got drunk last night and i would like to have at least a partially relaxing weekend. saturday nights have odd feelings.

how funny is this picture

i'm browsing various louisiana blogs and i've noticed there are several conservative-based sites. anyone want to found a louisiana liberal blog with me? i'm only toying with the idea right now.

i changed my template. this is more concise i think, and i'm into minimalism these days. plus i see so many blogs with these complicated formats that make it harder to read. remember your audience. i'm lazy. less is more.

i just moved into my own office. it has a window and everything. it's also in the corner of our suite of offices, so now i can tell people "i have a corner office with a view". it's a view of the second floor fire escape, but still.

watch this drive

my word, my stars, goodness gracious, it's raining hard outside. i didn't really need to put "outside" in that sentence. of course it could be "raining men" inside, so maybe clarification wasn't a bad thing there. it's almost ten and the boss man still isn't here. so i can just sit here and blog situational while listening to air america. still it would be better if i were lying in bed at home. of course when is that not true.

i would really like to go see farenheit 9/11 today but i don't think it's even playing in lafayette, according to moviefone anyway. i saw an hilarious clip from the movie yesterday on the daily show where bush tells a group of reporters that terrorism must be destroyed, then, turning away, he says, “now watch this drive,” and tees off. it was pretty fucking funny. you can actually watch it at moviefone. check that out.

also - on the floor of the senate yesterday our allustrious vice president dick cheany told vermont senator patrick leahy to "go fuck himself". i think leahy was making statements about haliburton and war-profiteering. isn't there just an abundance of political entertainment these days?

album du jour: catherine wheel happy days

the humpday dance (is your chance)

today i am all alone, all by myself, no one is looking.... i was thinking of you (old green day lyrics - ahhh high school). everyone else is working in cameron parish, so i'm handling all the phone calls whilst i download music and play scrabble blast on msn. that's right, i'm playing games at work in my second week. wanna fight about it?

and i can piss with the door open! why does that excite me... i can snoop around and take off my shoes and pump up the volume on my laptop and lip-sync all the live-long day. yeah i'm gonna get fired.

favorite word(s) of the day: chickenhawk war pimps (guess what it refers to)

lately i've been strangely addicted to dandy warhols music. i've always loved them but recently i cant get their songs out of my head and really don't feel like listening to anything else. and this concerns me because i really don't want to get tired of it. i'll have to ration it out, interject some other stuff in between my listens and interpretive dancing. i was listening to monkey house yesterday afternoon and i think my boss saw me lip-syncing. not a big deal though.

early morning revelation: lip-sync is the oppositve of karaoke

i wish it was friday. i want beer, and lots of it.

album du jour: dandy warhols dandy warhols come down

hannity!

when i look at sean hannity i really can't help but feel a little sorry for him. he looks like he was one of those pitiful kids who always tried desperately to get their parents' attention but could never live up to expectations. and now he has his own radio show, but mom and especially dad still think that he's just a bum. they probably realize, like everyone else, that everything he says on the air is complete crap. he's like the stereotypical son of a federal judge or other successful position who ended up dropping out of their rich private school to start their own backdoor casino and eventually turned to smack to deal with their feelings of inadequacy. and after several visits to several methodone clinics, payed for by the resentful but dutiful parents, he finally landed his own talk show thanks to his dad's high-place friends. and now little seannie still can't win approval from mom and dad. "but look dad, i'm wearing a suit! love me! tax cuts!"

album du jour: the dylans the dylans

favorite albums 2001

1. the shins - oh, inverted world
2. my vitriol - finelines
3. pj harvey - stories from the city, stories from the sea
4. travis - the invisible band
5. pinback - blue screen life
6. the white stripes - white blood cells
7. le tigre - feminist sweepstakes
8. rainer maria - a better version of me
9. radiohead - amnesiac
10. built to spill - ancient melodies of the future
11. new order - get ready
12. basement jaxx - rooty
13. avalanches - since i left you
14. sing-sing - the joy of sing-sing
15. splashdown - possibilities
16. benett - welcome to the jungle
17. call and response - call and response
18. curve - gift
19. electric soft parade - holes in the wall
20. the beta band - hot shots II
21. the strokes - is this it
22. detroit cobras - life, love and leaving
23. stars - nightsongs
24. tracy and the plastics - musclers guide to videonics
25. the butchies - three
26. rjd2 - your face or your kneecaps
27. rufus wainwright - poses
28. turin brakes - the optimist lp
29. lali puna - scary world theory
30. thestart - shakedown!
31. the siddeleys - slum clearance
32. !!! - !!!
33. ladytron - 604
34. life without buildings - any other city
35. dismemberment plan - change
36. simian - chemistry is what we are
37. girlsareshort - contact kiss
38. autolux - demonstration
39. swell - everybody wants to know
40. tahiti 80 - extra pieces
41. burning brides - fall of the plastic empire
42. goldfrapp - felt mountain
43. the helio sequence - young effectuals
44. freezepop - forever
45. the cranes - future songs
46. brittle stars - garage sale
47. pete yorn - musicforthemorningafter
48. muse - origin of symmetry
49. rilo kiley - takeoffs and landings
50. spoon - girls can tell

honorable mention:

the shermans - happiness is toy-shaped; 14 iced bears - in the beginning; kings of convenience - versus; erase errata - other animals; i am the world trade center - out of the loop; echobelly - people are expensive; r.e.m. - reveal; varnaline - songs in a northern key; kristin hersh - sunny border blue; the superjesus - the jet age; fonda - the strange and the familiar; minus the bear - this is what i know about being gigantic; air - virgin suicides; reindeer section - ya'll get scared now, ya' hear; mouse on mars - idiology; beulah - the coast is never clear; clem snide - the ghost of fashion; marquee moon - television; the walkmen - everyone who pretended to liek me is gone

weekend summation

friday night i was going to sit around and get drunk here at home, but i was exhausted after work. really all i ended up doing was cutting my hair, then beddy-bye.

saturday morning i woke up and cut grass. by "saturday morning" i of course mean 1:00 in the afternoon. the sky got very dark immediately after i finished and it poured down for a while. it was nice sitting on the carport having a beer (or six) while it was raining. i sometimes like to marvel at the lawn right after i cut it; my wondrous creation. i went with my aunt and her friend to damascus, a greek restaurant, and had baba ganoush and hummus, among other things that i can't remember, and wine. greek food is awesome.

afterwards they dropped me off at a friend's house and we drank some more, rearranged furniture, complained about bush, listened to some sonic youth, then walked downtown to see this band called elephant man. i didn't think i'd like it but they were good. or they sucked and i was just fucked up - mox nix to me. somehow during the evening i managed to make new friends of three nice-looking girls at the bar. i don't hit on girls, especially in bars, but occasionally i get in an introductive way. god bless gin.

*postscript: why do most girls seem to like those fruity-sugary-schnappy-sex-name shots? i can't stand those. if i wanted to drink a fucking hawaiian punch i could have walked to the coke machine outside the grocery store near my house. give me tequiler or vodker (suddenly i think in ted kennedy's voice?), or something that makes doing shots a real ritual. doing a shot of hard liquor makes me feel like i've accomplished something.

so anyway, i crashed back at the friend's place, came home, slept all day, and am now about to read up on some stuff for work tomorrow.

album du jour: afghan whigs black love

puff puff give

my boss was late this morning so i had to wait on the stoop outside the offices for him to arrive. while i was waiting this really nice-looking female passed me to go up the stairs to the offices above ours. she was smoking a cigarette when she passed me. the last girlfriend i had was a smoker, and i found it disgusting in many ways - it got to the point where i started having a bias against all smokers. when i saw this person though the smell really didn't seem that offensive. so maybe my disapproval of smoking just stems from associating it with a really mean ex-girlfriend (who refused to chew gum to make her breath smell better - what the fuck?). i actually used to be a smoker, and now relegate myself to indulging only when drinking. how can you not right? i wonder if i could now get away with being just a little intolerant of smoking, since i did quit myself. eh, probably not.

album du jour: the daindy warhols 13 tales from urban bohemia

cat naps

my cat is not a good sleeping partner. she came and jumped on me at 2 a.m. this morning and kept me awake until about 5. i love her to death, but here's the rub:

- she generates alot of heat (and has to sleep right against me), and i cannot sleep even if only remotely hot.
- she snores, that's right, snores.
- i think she must have really active dreams because she twitches constantly and makes odd groaning sounds when she's not snoring.
- like clockwork, at 5:30 every morning she begins bellowing for her breakfast. tuna smells unpleasant enough, but even moreso in the early morning hours.

so i didn't sleep much last night and am consequently drained already. but i love mister kitty.

album du jour: devo freedom of choice

doing installations gives me gout. i don't like staring at lines creeping slowly across the screen. there's this big map of louissiana on the wall in front of me and i'm getting very well-acquainted with its geography. from behind it probably looks like a giant boot is stepping on my head - that's work for you. i don't have an office yet, although i will. microsoft sucks.

i am bender please insert girder

i haven't said anything the last couple of weeks about this because i didn't want to jinx myself. i'm not superstitious though so that really makes no sense. yesterday was the first day of my new job. me... job... i maintain networks remotely and handle helpdesk calls and other brickabrack. sounds wonderfully boring and aggravating doesn't it? maybe, but after such an extensive period of personal atrophy it's a pretty cool thing for me. i know it will get old at about eight o'clock tomorrow morning, but for the moment i'm revelling in my exodus. the whole thing is not permanent as of yet; i'm on a 90-day trial, at the end of which i'll either be elated or suicidal (always a fine line). everyone pray to the patron saint of lost causes (still johnny cochrane?) that it works out. for now though, i'll just think of myself as one step closer to that great american median mythos i hear so much about. next step: back problems.

my new sonic youth dvd came in the mail, so now i'll have something to lay on the floor and watch before i lay me down to sleep (at a reasonable hour, believe that?).

album du jour: ben kweller on my way

ronnie and mikey

i posted a letter from ronald reagan a few days ago that was sentimental and touching (i love to be touched), but i want to make it abundantly clear that i do not approve of reagan's politics. of course there is respect for the office and deference for the passing of a fellow human being and all, but as far as policies go it seems to me that he was just another overly-clandestine rightie.

concession: all politicians are clandestine by nature, but you have to compare the varying degrees. i find that nine times out of ten the righties go much further over the line than the democrats.

while i'm making side notes: democrats are not necessarily liberal, and liberals are not necessarily democrats.

so i was too young during the time of reagan's tenure to really give a shit about politics, so most of my opinion comes posthumously from information i've gathered recently. i've been hearing nasty-sounding words like "iran-contra" and "iraqi aid" (please read this one, it's amazing). all in all i'm not impressed. and keep in mind, bush sr. was veep under reagan, and probably much more than veep in the second term when reagan's mental capacities were waning. i could come up with a plethera of jokes about george w. and waning mental capacity right here, just insert your own.

reagan didn't end communism, communism did. did reagan have anything to do with it? his economic policies concerning the soviet union certainly didn't hurt the downfall. but it seems that the u.s.s.r.'s economic woes came from the inherent flaws of communism itself, not from reagan telling gorbachav to "tear down this wall". it doesn't matter though, since ronnie went on tv telling mikey to do it and it was subsequently done, there must be a cause-effect relationship there right? nah. but for us americans who only read headlines and look at purty pictures, it's enough. reagan's a hero (who said hindsight is 20/20?).

but reagan is dead now, and there's a possibility that the widow reagan may now be a persuasive ally in the fight for stem cell research. i heard joe conason say on the radio today that the conflict in the stem cell research issue is that between reason and stubbornness, or something to that effect. doesn't it seem that reason and tradition are at the foundation of every political controversy? think about gay marriage, anything religion-related, terrorism (and dealing with terrorism)... if you really look you'll see these at the heart of everything. then you have to really wonder why it is that people are so afraid of progress contributing to the greater good ($$$ maybe?). i've said it before, people are terrified of change, unless they're getting it back from a hundred-dollar bill.

album du jour: the cranes particles and waves

hey middle earth, suck on this

i just watched return of the king and it is not lord of my favorite movies. and i understand that there are alot of people who have very special places in the cockles of their hearts for this movie, but not i (said the blind man). did anyone else sense homosexual undertones? i got the impression throughout that all the hobbits wanted to jump each other's bones (one in particular). too much drawn-out drama en route to a predictable ending (and i haven't read the books). it certainly wasn't a bad movie, although i wouldn't have given it an oscar when compared to the other films up for best picture. i really liked lost in translation, with seabiscuit at a not-so-near second. i'm just tired of over-dependence on special effects that ruins movies. it looks cool, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't look real.

i want to sleep for six months so i don't have to deal with any more electionspeak. i grow weary of hearing people's rationale for wanting to vote for bush. "he's got balls". how about that one.

album du jour: sonic youth sonic nurse

guns n' posers

scott weiland is such a junkie. i saw the velvet revolver video for slither and it looks like he's trying really hard to be iggy pop. smack is never the answer little trooper. and please eat a cheeseburger, the waifishness is setting a bad example for us satan worshippers (remember gluttony is sinful?). it isn't a positive influence on our evil aesthetic goals. he does a really nice jesus pose at the end of the video, check that out.

and i've had more than an unhealthy dose of slash sucking on a cigarette and going off on vertical-guitar power solos in the early nineties, i really don't need more.


 

album du jour: sonic youth daydream nation

ronald reagan alzheimer's letter

i only just read this letter today and thought it was moving. it also fascinates me to hear from soneone who knows definitively that their days are numbered. i don't think it's a morbid fascination, just curiosity. a forewarning: there are religious overtones throughout, so beware.


Announcement of Alzheimer's Disease
November 5, 1994

My fellow Americans, I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's disease.

Upon learning this news, Nancy and I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way. In the past, Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had my cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result, many more people underwent testing. They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.

So now we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts,we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clearer understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.

At the moment I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this Earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.

Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes, I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.

In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your president. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that day may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.

Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you.

apple!

what is up with the names celebrities come up with for their poor children? gwenyth paltrow named her baby "apple". apple! andre 3000 (outkast) and erykah badu named their child "7", which isn't even original since, of course, george costanza wanted to name his son or daughter seven in a seinfeld episode. by the way, they don't spell out "seven", it's the actual numeric character. jason lee has a son named "pilot inspector". jason lee kicks ass though so i'll let it slide. the always-greasy germaine jackson named his son "germajesty". you know, i'm all for creativity in all facets of life, but why put your child at a disadvantage right from the start? kids have enough problems and giving them an effed-up name just ensures that their future monthly drug perscription bills will be staggering. apple!

i had a gin-soaked weekend. very unlike me of late to hit it twice in one weekend (or in one month for that matter).

album du jour: moloko statues

i need to use the phone houseguest. you have two cell phones houseguest. please get off our phone houseguest.

haiku to the houseguest

where can my phone be
confiscated by houseguest
i long to dial thee

some of these are funny

Things you'd love to say out loud at work:

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot.

Do I look like a people person?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Oh I get it... like humor... but different.


album du jour: steadman loser friendly

dream diary

my mom was teaching a rollerskating class in the gym of one of my former high schools, except it was a college class. i went with her to hang out while she was teaching. i stayed in a storage room that had a bunch of sports equipment, band instruments and ten-speed bicycles. for some reason one of my former managers was there in the storage room/space with me, making me nervous. one of the kids in the class got a megaphone and said something about me taking up a valuable parking space outside, and that the only reason i got it was because my mom was a teacher. the class laughed. all this made me irate and i wanted badly to skate out onto the gym floor in my rollerblades and do physical harm to this person, but my manager held me back. and a good thing too, since the student turned out to be a girl with a deep voice, not a male. i would have looked rather foolish skating out to beat up a girl, especially if she turned out to be one of those miss-fitness-america types who could kick my ass. i got even madder at the situation, though, because my mom didn't really reprimand her. i think ashton kutcher was in the class.

anyway, i woke up from an otherwise wonderful rest feeling pissed off and depressed. freud you suck.

album du jour: pj harvey uh huh her

you're at the mall and i'm missing you

yesterday i was forced to go to the mall to buy pants. much kicking and screaming was involved - i detest the mall. almost all the clothes at jc penney were on sale, but unless the clearance is 100% off i still don't think it's worth having to traipse the mall. there are renovations going on there currently, and being that it was memorial day the construction materials were being stored in this big wooden bin in the middle of the mall. on the side of this bin it said "please excuse our progress". i'm probably being over-analytical, which admittedly i often am, but i thought the statement was oddly profound. how typical that we should scorn improvement, and at the mall no less. we want it now! make it better now! i need to shop at generic leather store number 5 now! and i want a sunglass hut right in front, so i can impulse spend on my way out bastards! is there a foot locker here or what? where's my pretzel?

incidentally i have to return the pants today because i don't like them. i should try things on, but i hate the mall. buyer beware.

album du jour: the killers hot fuss