Wednesday, August 04, 2004

shampoo my crotch

remember the line from as good as it gets where jack nicholson tells those two people sitting at his table that "people who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch"? i feel the same way about people who use nothing but cliches or adages. i hate verbal cliches. almost to the point where i get physically ill when someone uses them on me, with serious intentions of providing insight into some problem or situation. using them in jest is fine; i do it all the time because they're ridiculous. if you're so fucking programmed that even your speech is derived from some teleivison show or movie you've seen over and over again then just don't talk. everything these days is just repitition. no popular music is really original. every tv show is derivative of some neilson-rating paradigm of "what sells". movies - how many previews to movies have followed this formula: "blank had it all. a good blank, a successful blank, and a gorgeous blank. until one day, blank happened. now this blank has to learn that blank isn't always what you blank of it". and the modern-day dependence on cgi special-effect bullshit has really raped the film industry. i'll say it again, return of the king sucked ass.

something else that really bothers me - people who think that their newfound appreciation of radiohead makes them complex and brooding. god damn those people.

i'm going lewis black today.

album du jour: midnight movies midnight movies


Chris said...

Don't forget about the classic teenage girl movie formula:

Blank is a poor, ugly duckling. She has huge, thick glasses and wears ugly clothes. Everyone is mean to blank in school, until one day, when everything changes. Blank gets a makeover and catches the attention of the hunkiest quarterback in school. They go to prom together. Blank is now the most popular girl in school. All the popular girls are jealous and reveal blank's true identity. Hunky quarterback doesn't care. So remember kids, the moral of the story is, just be yourself and you'll do just fine.

Or am I just thinking of Carrie mixed with She's All That?

Phillip said...

you are correct sir. teen movies are formulaic as well. always peppered with fart jokes and jock bullies, and the protagonist is always the misunderstood nerd who has a transformation and subsequent epiphany. very trite indeed.

oyster said...

I hear that shampooing your crotch with flea soap is a cure for crabs.

I dunno a cure for cliches or stale movie plots, but sometimes a night of hard drinking takes the edge off.

Phillip said...

seriously, what can't a hard night of heavy drinking fix? if such a problem exists then i just haven't found it yet.

Ian McGibboney said...

I agree with you about people who excessively quote TV. As for heavy drinking, it's just like Homer Simpson said: "Ahh, alcohol. The cause and solution for all the world's problems."

Other than that, I do agree with you about people who watch too much TV.