alot of people don't know this about me, but i get my orders directly from god. that's right, god tells me what to do and say (if anyone wants to ask a question of the almighty just give me a ring-a-roo. actually just think of it, i'll text you the answer). i've heard that the only other people who possess this conduitive ability are david berkowitz and, of course, the president. i know, berkowitz said he got his orders to kill from a dog. in truth, however, berkowitz was actually dyslexic and really meant "god".
yesterday i was trying to make a monitor work and god told me to adjust the refresh rate, but all that did was make the screen go blank and then i couldn't do anything and had to completely wipe out the system. it took forever.
what was up with that god? was it punishment for downloading the passion instead of waiting for it to come out on video? being against the federal marriage amendment? accidently stabbing that homeless person seven times?
even though god does talk to/through me, very rarely does he say what's really on his mind.
and his english really sucks.
album du jour: forget cassettes instruments of action
3 comments:
god said that he wants you to develop a new found appreciation for the dandy's, first of all. and second, talk to your mother about where your cable is because supposedly she was moving the cable at some point, went to the restroom, and came out with a tampon behind her ear.
god also said that when you touch yourself it makes his baby son cry.
For a divine instrument, you're pretty damn funny!
How very right you are. I like that, that the whole God problem is actually the language barrier.
Maybe He speaks dog?!
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