a sit-down with god

the following is an interview conducted by my friend smash of the daddy of the mack, the gellin' felon himself, god. since i do converse with god on a regular basis, i served as question relay guy. while reading, try to imagine the benedictine monks of santo domingo de silos (chant) singing in the background.  and notice how god likes to refer to himself in the third person:
 
Smash:  How could you let this happen?

my child, god is indeed infallible. god does not make mistakes. sometimes, however, thy god does enjoy his nectar a bit much and goes on intoxicated tirades. you know, drunk-dialing vishnu at 2:30 in the morning, tryinig to get sexy-sexy mary magdalin to come over, so on and so forth. i know we've all been there (phizz i'm looking in your direction). well, one night god was doing jello shots with hendrix, innocently enough, enjoying a nice tuesday evening. little did god know that that nappy soil-smelling dickhole had dropped lsd into the shots (later i had buddha reincarnate him as a thighmaster as punishment - to let him think about what he did while betwixt thighs of sweaty fat women). needless to say, god was a tad out of it and thought it would be hi-frickin-larious to see what would happen if a gopher-hole enthusiast were made leader of the free world. god woke up a few days later and the damage was done. what can i say, my bad. 
 
Smash:  What do you think of Christianity?

it does boost god's ego, but somewhere along the line the whole thing got convaluted.  it was supposed to be a really bitching weekly party, you know, to rest on the seventh.  and now you all have fucked it up so bad that you only have a tiny sip of alcohol and the only thing you do while on your knees is pray.  what is wrong with you people?  jesus... 
 
Smash:  What is the meaning of life?

medammit, if i had a nickel for every time... the meaning of life is...
 
ted mcginley sit-coms.

Smash:  How sick, exactly, IS your sense of humor?

have you seen the charlie's angels movies? all me.

Smash:  Is this hell?

back to the charlie's angels movies....ever seen them back-to-back? over and over and over and over and over again into perpetuity? can you imagine what that's like? if not just ask brando.

thanks god for sharing with us today. 

no problem man, you guys keep it real.  now i have to go find jesus to make sure he's not fucking with the mexicans again by showing up in chalupas.
 
okay god, vaya con dios.

word to your moms.

album du jour:  jesus and mary chain  automatic