pimp this

there's a show on mtv called "pimp my ride" hosted by rap guy xzibit where they take someone's old p.o.s. automobile and fix it up real nice-like. well last night i had a dream that xzibit pimped my bicycle, which is especially odd since i don't have a bike. it was blue with sparkles, and for some reason a girl's bike. but they didn't do a very good job because i was riding it down pinhook and the brakes wouldn't work.

i tried to watch george bush's q&a session last night but it was too unbearable. it's always just so awkward when he tries to answer questions impromptu like that. and as much as i like to see him falter, it's just not right in so many ways.

album du jour: say hi to your mom numbers and mumbles

hoppity

crawfish boils really stink. i was walking around the block saturday night, the same time i walk every day, and there were two seperate homes on my route that were hosting crawfish-festooned easter vigils. it was unpleasant. plus every other minute some car would whiz by me speeding, screeching, peeling out, etc. in revelry. one car hit a tree not far from me. it's good to know that people hold easter in such esteem that they have to be drunken manly men (or manly women - i refer only to the mentality) and burn rubber. i can't throw stones (oooooo.....biblical), i'm not quite a religious zealot around religious holidays. come to think i'm not really a zealot about anything. i guess i could be an apathy zealot. am i? really? meh, don't care.

i took sleeping pills saturday night and slept all day sunday and today.

album du jour: komeda what makes it go

In an age when all music is free, dedicating yourself to just one specific genre or type only denies you the hedonistic musical bliss that is rightfully yours.

-pitchfork media

i watched 21 grams last night. it was one of the most emotionally draining movies i've seen lately. it's pretty much two hours of naomi watts crying and fucking and snorting. and i've had enough of sean penn for a good while.

pass over

my parents were supposed to come for easter but my dad is too busy at work so they're not. i was looking forward to a hassel-free family-free holiday weekend. but low and behold one of my uhcle-and-aunt sets is coming to stay with us on saturday night. they're very nice people and i really do like them. their children are mostly my age - twentysomething - and have jobs and spouses. it pains me to think how normal and good their lives are. two of the weddings were actually in october and november of last year. i didn't go to either. i opted out because i couldn't endure a big gathering with lots of rarely-seen family members asking me the same questions that the family member right before them asked, of course pertaining to what i'm doing with myself (if they only knew!) and what my lofty aspirations are, job-wise. it's like talkiing abou the weather with a stranger - talking about work with family. and now i can't just not go, because they're coming to me, and they'll either be cross that i didn't go, think i don't like them, or i can fess up and be further enmeshed in self-image deprecation (and i can't think of a reasonable lie, which i am very good at doing).

i could fake my own kidnapping like that wisconsin girl. that may actually be something i'd do anyway. it would be fun to create a crime scene.

album du jour: snow patrol final straw

and so few answers

the pentagon issued a press release saying that everything was "under control" in iraq. i'm glad i'm stupid and gullible or else i might not believe that.

also, earlier i saw a commercial for sargento brand cheese, and they said "our family's passion is cheese". what does that mean? how does one become passionate about cheese, and subsequently turn his/her family on to said passion? do they eat anything besides cheese? are they passionate about anything else? have they seen mel gibson's jesus movie? this all raises so many questions (some of which pertain to if and how exactly my thought processes work).

album du jour: phantom planet phantom planet

house of jealous lovers

the rapture and black rebel motorcycle club in houston on the 18th, i'm in like the rose

i was doing dishes and i decided to do some air fencing with the big kettle spoon, so i did a perry and a thrust and probably some other fencing moves i'm not aware of, and when i was done the spoon was dry. also i cut the grass and fed the cat and went to the post office and library. what is wrong with me today, i'm not usually this productive.

album du jour: on!air!library! on air library

kill snow birds 5

why do they think that if they put perforations on all four sides of the letter it will make me respond to whatever bullshit publication contest that i've mysteriously already won. i didn't realize perforations were supposed to affect perceptions. anyway. gas bill, garbage pick-up, children international, something about fifteen dvd's for fifty cents, and the weekly pale yellow envelope (oddly not perforated). it was the only thing i didn't discard.

i usually get at least four days to prepare for whatever the following assignment is. the instructions come encrypted. there's this decryption software cd i have to use to decipher the message (oddly labeled "aol version 5.1 with extended features". how funny). more often than not it consists of only a name, an address, and a "preferred date of administration". the service is quite fond of using such euphemisms, presupposing such vernacular will aid in maintaining a certain level of discretion. my own creativity comes into play when figuring out just how i'm going to perform said task. personally i'm fond of mixing up my methods. who doesn't want variety in the workplace, right?

i didn't recognize this person's name. i never do, with the sole exception of dear old pa-pap last time. this time a woman, lving in tuscon, arizona. never surprising since most old people go there in hopes of prolonging life. cleaner air or something. i read once that doc holliday went there to help his tuberculosis. rather i didn't so much read it as saw the movie. lots of these old people flock to warmer climates, electric blankets in tow. those are the ones i especially relish working on. i really hate the elderly.

album du jour: lenola treat me to some life

my favorite quote of the day: "they say crack is the new cleavage"

o.p.e.c.-kers

while on my daily sojourn to the post office and local library i noticed an inordinately large amount of suv's on the road. my route takes me by the elementary/middle school here and it was 3:00, so i guess all the parents were picking up their respective johnnies and susies. i really started to ruminate on how much i dislike suv's, not just for the shitty gas mileage, but just the trendiness of it and all the frivolity. some people i'm sure really need that soccer-mom vehicle, but you know a great deal would do just as well (and probably better given the ever-increasing petrol costs) with a civic or something of the like, if they would just swallow their massive fucking egos and realize that material things are ultimately shit. i hate wastefulness. but maybe i'm just jealous of not having a vehicle of my own - like when you resented the popular kids in high school and chided and made fun of them to yourself and your friends (or in my case "friends" minus the -s) but really you just wanted to be one. regardless of how much self-analysis i do i can't tell which i'm doing in regards to suv's. but now i'm back in my hole, so who really gives a flibbedy flabbedy fuck.

album du jour: moonbabies the orange billboard

i am going to have an all-out throw-down fiesta may 3, the day the pixies release their dvd. they're doing a "world" tour, which is already sold out and whose only u.s. venues are in califuckingfornia. we should be grateful for what we get i suppose. also pj harvey has a new one coming out may 31.

chris rock has another hbo special on april 16 i believe. that's another party. nigga.

rx wallow and stew

being depressed is like walking around with a big wet carpet on top of you. it's during these periods that i keep myself on a steady diet of sleep aids - doxylamine succinate (25mg) or diphenhydramine hcl (non-habit forming) or, when i want an all-around xanax-comparable experience, i use acetamenophin (500mg) and dyphenhydramine hydrochloride (25mg) in conjunction with the two aforementioned. really these are all just over-the-counter sleep aids, but i like to be dramatic at times. when i come to these fight-or-flight situations i go with option inconsciousness, which i suppose really is a type of flight.

i got some posters in the mail that i ordered on ebay (about a month ago slow-shipping dicks!) of the dandy warhols, elastica, the rapture, blake babies, and the raveonettes. i'm not going to put them up while i'm still living with my aunt - only when i have my own place will i allow myself to put them up and enjoy them. motivation for the un-motivated.

album du jour: stereolab margerine eclipse

in general i'm not a huge fan of stereolab; their albums usually have one or two tracks that i like and the rest is borderline filler, but i really enjoyed this, their latest.

a penny for this?

this afternoon i dreamt about nascar (yes, the cars that do circles). for some reason i had an aerial view of the last lap of a race, and the winner won and got out of his (or her, do women race?) car and was congratulated enmasse. but then two men among the mob pulled out guns, a mix of rifles and handguns, and just started shooting people dead. the crowd started running and scattering but the guys kept picking off stragglers. the winning driver walked up to one of them to plead with him to stop but the gunman shot him in the face. this dream really wreaked of tranch-coatness, which is not me at all. i think maybe it's just some manifestation of my extreme distaste for auto racing, or sports of any kind really (except for most extreme elmination challenge on spike - that shit is redonkulous!). what i'm curious about is this: the day before i have a dream about something that i usually don't dream about i have a passing thought about the subject for roughly one to two seconds, and that's all. for many years it was tim curry and the movie it, because i remember that movie sticking with me for a while (mostly because i was probably too young to have been watching it and it scared the bejeezus out of me). i don't remember thinking about auto racing yesterday though. i don't think i even turned on the tv yesterday. the only thing i could come up with is that there's a song called nascar by this band francine that i really like, and i believe it was on rotation yesterday here in my one-room brothel. i should start listening to songs about fornication. 2 live crew comes to mind.

album du jour: air talkie walkie

i'm so emo lately.

current mood: postal service give up

i need to invent some really positively-aligned mantras to repeat to myself during what seems like the constant onslaughts of depression fits i'm plagued with. and definitely avoid the sad bastard music at said times - counter-productive. i love you all.

anna how did you do it?

i've been coming up with responses to comments about weight gain, and i think the best way to deal with such observations is to chalk it up to whimsy. thus, i've conjured the following explanations to the remark "have you put on weight":

- yes i'm training for the nfl
- i was stung by a bee and i'm allergic
- i'm auditioning for a part in the porno version of "whale rider"
- i'm auditioning for a part in the beastiality film "whale ride her"
- i am making a documentary about the effects of eating only mcdonald's food for a month. what? fuck!!!
- i ate a baby (no idea)
- i'm pregnant (oh feel those kicks, he's gonna be a soccer player. he is... he iiissss...)
- trimspa baby!
- yes i'm starting to fill out quite nicely
- lay off me i'm starving

no those last couple aren't mine

album du jour: polara polara

twist to open

i wish all plastic soda bottles would have messages under the caps. i almost even look forward to the "sorry try again" message. now i instinctively look under plastic caps whether there's a contest running or not. the marketers have trained this consumer well i guess.

pretty grils make graves are great. i have an andrea zollo signature on a napkin. i tried to get her phone number but she laughed at me....someone from the area must have warned her ahead of time. damn you! i'm going to go get drunk again.

album du jour: pretty girls make graves the new romance

kill snow birds 4

on the road three houses down from my house was a dead dog. i stared at it for ten minutes i think. i was still fucked up from the pine sol. it was just too pitiful not to look at, and made me sadder the longer i conceived it. and the blaring contradiction stared me in the face, of lamenting a dead stray yet feeling nothing at speargunning my father's father. the notion of being a hypocrite is very unappealing to me, but i figured if millions of church-goers could do it why not me. i'm no better than anyone, far worse in most cases.

so i finally went inside my shanty. i tripped over my fucking scooty-puff in the dark and kicked it into the kitchen. i turned on my metronome without turning on the lights, then took some red bull and vodka from the fridge. this day sucked. every day sucked, but this one in particular, what with having to kill a relative and the dead dog and all. not to mention my fucking scooty-puff, which i think now had pieces missing. i sat on the floor and opened my mail.

album du jour: midwest product specifics

for anyone with decent taste in music, and within reasonable distance to baton rouge (port allen actually), the band pretty girls make graves is going to be playing at 415 music hall on the 22nd, which is this coming monday. the constantines are playing the same night, which should also be good.

i'm summering in baghdad this year

it's really funny to watch scott mcclellan being interviewed in the white house on cnn preaching how wonderfully the progress in iraq is going and the democracy that is now flourishing there, while pictures of the latest bombing and the burning buildings, smoke, chaos, and body bags are shown in the background. it blows my mind. this entire administration bases its policy justifications on telling people that it's raining while pissing on their shoes.

album du jour: camera obscura to change the shape of an envelope

suck my ass maria menudos

i don't care how many internet sex tapes she makes, paris hilton can go to hell and die. famous for the sake of being rich is one of the most condemnable things i can call to mind. it's not entirely her fault (society you fuckers!), although she can be blamed for the flaunting and modeling and camera-whoring and nicole richie-ing she does. side note - if you never saw nicole richie eat it while trying to ride a harley on some pre-awards show red carpet, well, then you just haven't lived.

i need to quit watching et on vh1. everyone wears too many colors and accessories and denim and i feel stupid because i don't know what happened last week on the oc. afterwards i just feel old and crotchety and i have to drown my sorrows in antihistamines. damn you vh1!

album du jour: the loveless gift to the world

kill snow birds 3

anymore i can't lie unconscious and not have stress nightmares concerning the countless technical manuals i was force-fed during my education. the questions of morality that then plagued me dredge up feelings of guilt and worry that during my waking hours i do not have. but all fades away as i rise, this time staring at the barely rotating ceiling fan in pa-pap's shitty kitchen. it's missing a blade. briefly i forget where i am but then recognize the aftertaste of pine, and recall my current situation. my job is done, so i leave as sleuthly as i came, grabbing the bowl of antacids from the kitchen table for solitaire colon games later. i'm going to walk the nine miles home.

album du jour: blonde redhead misery is a butterfly

my thoughts on wal-mart

it's a giant community-killer that cyphens the life out of local small businesses - pet stores (wal-mart now sells fish - live and frozen), grocers, etc. (we've all been to wal-mart, you can get underwear and liquor and fake plants all in the same place). while i disapprove of the wal-mart practice of undercutting smaller businesses and driving them under, and the whole illegal immigrant abuse thing, i'm poor and relegated to shopping there for now. but when i get a job, fuck you wal-mart.

lady friend came over last night and we discussed some things and decided that we're better off being friends. i am relieved.

album du jour: blonde redhead misery is a butterfly

my titles are sometimes way too random and/or way too obscure. sorry.

you're not that social, just a good drinker

yesterday while riding into town with my cousin there was a pretty bad traffic accident that made us about half an hour late for my appointment with my shrink, and i was thinking while waiting that being in line trying to get past an accident is like waiting in a line for some sort of exhibit. your reward for giving up your time is that you get to see some potentially real carnage and maybe even some raw human emotion. i'm not sadistic enough to say that i take great pleasure in the misfortunes of others (i would rarely actually wish such things on someone), but if it's there anyway then why not observe and feel a bit better that you're not that person? a traffic accident is also analagous to a pyramid scheme - if you get in early (see it right after it happened) you are rewarded with a scene, but if you're way back in line you may have to wait so long that all you get to see are skid marks.

as i said, i was late for my psychologist's appointment and really glad because of it. all he does is repeat right back to me whatever it is i say - no real insight there. he did give me a sample of some kind of artificial sweetener (how that topic came about i can't recall). three packets for a hundred bucks - not bad eh? there are several instances of these really awkward pauses where no one says a thing and i want to jump out the window or eat my own hand. i'm going to have to start coming up with material during the week to talk about so i'm not bored to death. i'd rather not go at all, but it's all to allay whatever it is my parents are thinking about me. maybe they should be in therapy.

album du jour: maxeen maxeen

look east young man

methinks i'm going to start working out in the morning instead of later in the day. it's not really morning. in the traditional sense i suppose it is. my sleeping pattern lately has been to crash around four in the afternoon and wake up at two a.m. so if i'm working out, say, at seven then really it's more like doing it in the afternoon (haha, i said "doing it". no more beavis and butt-head marathons for me on mtv2 saturday nights). except i almost feel like a normal person that gets up at the crack of whatever to exercise before heading off to work (robots!!!).

i should also cut the grass today. how wonderfully outdoorsy of me - i am such a man. my back even hurts.

album du jour: the rosebuds the rosebuds make out

what in the world 2

to be cursed with the title of elderberry-killer. it is a life sans compassion or love of any kind. there are only colors of black and red, and grey. my grandfather was a new low - never before had it been such a close relative. years ago i found a great uncle on the list, but he wasn't close, and i think he molested one of my second cousins at some point in the past. now that i think of it she always was a real cunt rag. maybe that explains it. nevertheless, spearing pa-pap in the gut ended up leaving my own stomach uneasy. i hurdled his now idle body and searched for the medicine cabinet. about the only benefit of this lifestyle was the bevy of booty at my disposal contained in most seniors' medicine cabinets. it almost made me look forward to old age. pa-pap, despite the respirator and wheel chair, was in surprisingly spry shape (excluding of course the two-foot steel rod penetrating his lower intestines). his stockpile consisted only of medamucil and some sort of generic multivitamins. angrily, i kicked his carcass en route to my secondary source. he had little else but pine sol under the sink. i made do.

album du jour: built to spill perfect from now on

bloody black laptop

my computer is giving me grief so i'm forced to wipe it out and start anew, which really is a good maintenance practice anyway. i've just been too lazy to go through the backup and restore process. plus i'm sure i'll forget to copy something, which make me nervous. but, what are you gonna do (so now i'm sounding like barbara streisand? what's up with that).

the cat has taken a shine to sleeping on my desk adjacent to my monitor. it's cute, but swiftly becoming annoying (what with the hair and floor crud near my laptop - probably not healthy). oh but look at that little punam, i couldn't make her move. pussy-whipped am i.

martha martha martha! bear in mind that a tossed salad means something entirely differen in the slammer (i mean the slam-her).

album du jour: ash 1977

a sadistic asshole i am

this new ph.d. counselor guy is pretty much a wall. a little while goes by and i forget that i'm not talking to myself. he has interesting waiting room material so i'll keep going. i would spend time in waiting rooms just for fun if i could get away with it, especially those of a psychological nature. i was thinking about acting out some nervous ticks in the company of other patients, or rambling to myself constantly in a very low voice. or do the jack nicholson "as good as it gets" floor crack evasion thing when walking, although that would only be useful getting to and from a seat.

the girl i've been seeing, as much as i do the typical "seeing" thing, has been cut off. specifically i can't say why, save for the fact that i felt like it. and usually i'm the polar opposite of a callous and mysterious person when it comes to relationship etiquette (i'm more often than not pretty open about things), but just not this time. a jackass thing to do, but there it is and here i am.

do i smell a sequel to the passion of the christ? possible titles:

the christ II: extreme resurrection
jesus and silent god strike back
crucifixion 2: die harder (includes pyrotechnics and cgi)
how jesus got his groove back

i'm only kidding religiosos.

album du jour: cave in antenna

what in the world

since my life lately hasn't provided much fodder for really quality blog matter i'm just going to start making up stuff in the style of a really trite novel.

he squeezed the trigger of the speargun, firing a piercing shot through the lower torso of his grandfather. the old man, unable to scream due to the respirator, slumped over and fell out of the antique wheel chair he loathed. he lay there motionless, save for the struggling rise and fall of his chest as he battled for air. the stagnant mutton joint he was gumming hourse earlier lay near him. the pet ferrett carried it away. young man walked to his grandfather and calmly whispered, "less filling, bizatch".

album du jour: moloko do you like my tight sweater?

cut me mick

lately i've had problems with inactivity and overeating that i can't seem to get over. more often than not i can get over these spuradic periods of sloth, but for some reason i haven't been able to of late. i was thinking about going to texas to stay with my parents until i lose about 50 pounds. kind of like rocky iv when he went to the ussr to train for his fight with dolph lundgren. my parents have a pool, lots of hills to run up, plus i could bring my chuck norris total gym (i'm a sucker for a.m. infomercials). then i could return to la in triumph wearing nothing but the american flag and a pair of black socks.

never say "back in the day"

album du jour: saint etienne sound of water

phizz on the aisle

i picked all the oscar winners. in the major categories anyway. i tried to watch it all but i fell asleep and dreamt that sofia coppola brought me to the oscars as her date and she won best director and i was there to congradulate her over and over again. then i had to cross the aisle and congradulate renee zellwegger a bit as well. i'm kind like that.

it is much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.

- grace murray hopper


PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES LYRICS

"This Is Our Emergency"

When you've finally throw up your hand
Poured your heart out, yet nothing stands
It seems out efforts are wasted
But yet it hasn't been in vain

Unfulfillment is killing you
Seems like no one shares the same view
We may have never met but
It might be you who pulls me through

Stand up so I can see you
Shout out so I can hear you
Reach out so I can touch you
This is our emergency

Baby you don't have to be
A picture in a magazine
Sometimes you're to blind to see
Anything objectively
Just keep on doing your thing right now

Listen here take it from me
We're gonna do it differently
They'll follow when you start the lead
Strength in numbers is our key
Keep on doing your thing you do now

Don't forget that when you doubt
That anyone will care about
A thing you do and when you're lost
Someone else is always found
A thousand voices, are you listening?

The tiny spare that you create
It can inspire and duplicate
And soon it spreads from state
To state from Williamsburg to Silverlake
A thousand voices, are you listening?

This is our emergency

word

to all white (and black - all this is really unbecoming for anyone) people - heretofore please refrain from using the following words/phrases as slang: da bomb, mad (as in "my boy got mad skills"), sick (as in "my boy's skills is sick"), props, mad props, no you didn't, don't go there, talk to the hand, hella. also, desist making the following gestures: raising the roof, air quotes, air fisty, crouching tiger hidden dragon. i don't know if that last one's a move. at any rate, when did jargon become so nauseating and obnoxious. it doesn't even come across as remotely cool, just borderline retarded. perhaps a little too much abbreviation. try to decipher a modern-day hip-hop song - it's like trying to understand kenny.

album du jour: death cab for cutie tranatlanticism

kiss the spiders

why should i be made to suffer through previews of every ashley judd suspense-thriller black-costar movie that comes out, at frequencies of about once a week. and the woman really can't act. she is easy on the eyes, which is the only thing i find endearing about her.

sometimes i'm almost glad when crappy videos come on mtv2 late at night, since otherwise i may never break myself away. a rare occurrence - finding that much good programming on either of the mtv's - but it does occasionally happen with the spuradic look-back specials. you can always count on hip-hop or pop to dissuade you though. and by dissuade i mean make you nauseous.

album du jour: the minders golden street

when we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

- charles varlet marquis de la grange

a little latin loopy-lou

a friend of mine and i are seriously considering starting our own webcast, although i have virtually no idea what you need to do it. i'll do some googling later and check it out. if anyone knows anything i'd love an e-mail. i'm sure it involves setting up some sort of server capable of accepting connections, which my computer may or may not be able to handle. this would really give me an almost productive hobby. there are probably beaucoup licensing fees to deal with though, so i won't get my hopes up.

i sat down and sorted all of my cd's, taking the discs out of the flip-books i had them in and matching them up with the cases. consider that i have thousands of cd's and you can understand that it took me a while. i'm going to see how many i can sell, of those i want to sell. i have all of my music copied to my hard drive so really i could and maybe should just sell them all, but i think i would like to maintain a modest collection of my absolute favorites. it's important to have something for people to peruse when you have company over (aren't i suddenly optimistic?), that way they can scratch their heads at the titles and artists that they've never heard of, and i can feel secretly superior inside. seriously, i'm not a music snob.

the cousin kids spent the night tonight. i think two of them are actually still awake in the living room watching something they probably shouldn't. bless their hearts.

album du jour: poster children daisychain reaction

warning: this site is very abrasive to the ocular sensitivities, click with care.

prison break

i honestly don't want to feel a smug satisfaction at the fact that it will probably rain on everyone's parade for lundi/mardi gras. i want to be the one disappointed that my fun will be damp. i want to be the girl with the most cake. my new goal is to get to the point where i'm actually resentful when it rains. that should be a pretty good signpost.

as of now i own lost in translation and am whole-heartedly in love with one scarlett johanson (and am experiencing an odd emotion concerning bill murray that i'd rather not dwell on - kidding). it wasn't what i expected, but all the same i will still marry sofia coppola.

album du jour: damone from the attic

i'm up at 7 a.m. just let that sink in. 7 in the morning. and i don't know exactly why but it really feels like summer to me.

i haven't slept yet, and for some reason i suspect that mum/da will be upset if they get here and i'm sleeping this afternoon. all will be forvigen if they come bearing gifts.

laissez les bon temps dormir

for the second time in as many weeks i've ordered a dvd on ebay that never came in. i'm not realy pissed - paypal offers buyer protection so i will be reimbursed - i'm just curious as to why people think they can act fraudulently and get away with it on ebay. green-eyed monster i guess.

for about five years in a row, something dramatically terrible would happen to me over the mardi gras holiday. one year i totalled my car and got arrested, another year i got dumped, another year my apartment was broken into. as such, i have vowed to batten down the hatches and ride mardi gras out like george clooney in a hurricaine. it's not just my bad luck at this time of year, i also genuinely dislike the event. i've never enjoyed standing on the side of the road drinking and running over children for plastic jewelry or fake coins (which, i learned, you can get into trouble for trying to buy things with - bad mardi gras number 5), or being sassy to cops while drunk (bad year number 4). i'm aware that it's great fun for the masses, but the way i figure it i pretty much party like it's mardi gras on almost a weekly basis the rest of the year, so i'm not missing much. plus i really hate crowds (although i love gatherings).

album du jour: turin brakes the optimist lp

psychocandy

today i have an appointment with a mental health counselor of some sort here in lafayette, again at my parents' request. aside from the fact that i really hate having obligations (i.e. appointments of any kind) i have no real qualm with it. speaking of parents mine are visiting this weekend in anticipation of mardi gras, which i loathe even more than valentine's day. the whole mardi gras scene has just become a little too flirtatious with old testament-style deist aggravation (ala sodom/gomorrah). of course i'm not extremely religious, but why tempt fate, you know. more on my feelings re. mardi gras to come.

album du jour: the jesus and mary chain psychocandy

vroom

as long as i live i will never understand the vast popularity of auto racing. are circles really that interesting? or ovals, whatever. it's no surprise our plucky president attended, bless his heart. i think it's hilarious that the drivers have so many advertisements sewn to their jump suits and adorning their cars. i think all the other major sports should do the same thing; that would completely bottom out what little opinion i have of professional sports.

last night i had a dream that i killed these two dogs with a sword, but then felt so bad that i used my magic powers to bring them back to life. i woke up feeling guilty so i went to the store and bought a box of milkbones for the neighborhood mixed breeds (mutts). why would i have a dream like that - i really love animals.

album du jour: phaser sway

pump up the volume

i remember in the olden days how much i looked forward to sunday night and watching 120 minutes on mtv/mtv2. that, along with amp, were the only shows i would watch on the station(s). now the only decent show that comes on is subterranean, from eleven to midnight every sunday. and although it plays good videos (with the exception of the fucking polyphonic spree), it plays the same ones a bit repetitively, and only lasts an hour. my left nut for some quality programming.

requiem for a something-or-other

i realized when i woke up last evening that i only have about 3 basic dreams. one involves either my parents yelling at me or me yelling at them (very vulgarly, maliciously). the second is that i'm still waiting tables and i'm in the weeds (restaurant term meaning busy as fuck) with people pulling me in all different directions. the third is that i am still in school - ranging from middle through college - and i have some critical test coming up in a class which i haven't been to in months (often times graduation hinges upon it). i understand that these are probably the situations in my life which have caused me the most stress, but i haven't experienced them in quite some time (at least two years), with the exception of that first one. what's worse is that i almost prefer having these as opposed to the good dreams, when i wake up and am thoroughly disappointed at my comparative reality. it's like going to the movie theater and seeing a great movie and being taken out of your life for a couple of hours, then getting slammed back down to earth when the lights come up. not a great sensation.

album du jour: stars heart

i really wish i knew how to make music play when a website opens up. if someone out there is privy to said information please let me know and i'll send you a cookie.

fucking valentine's day

wow our president sure has had a bad week. the wmd investigation/continued questioning, military service gaps, medicare bill $100 billion miscalc, pointless space travel endeavors, and a virutally incoherent interview on meet the press...it all makes me smile :o) wesley clark said something about how the only people that george w. has united (remember the uniter-not-a-divider claim?) are the democrats and other opponents of his.

jesus i hate valentine's day. it's such a contrived holiday whose purpose is to force the male consumer to frivolously spend money on short-lived flower bouquets and overpriced candy. and it we don't do it what happens - the penis goes in a mayonnaise jar by the side of the bed. and if you don't have that "special someone" (that phrase makes me want to eat my own arm) then you just feel dejected and lonely. i fucking hate valentine's day. i guess there was too much fiscal space between christmas and easter and someone decided that this would be a good way to boost consumer spending during the gap. valentine's day sucks balls.

i really hate it when i have these wonderful dreams (wonderful in one way or another) and wake up to find things are not nearly so grand. it gives me absolutely no chance of have a good day. there's really nothing like waking up pissed off.

Microsoft: In the crapper?

Part 1 The PC in the WC. On April 30, Microsoft U.K. issues a press release touting a new product called the iLoo, an Internet-enabled toilet equipped with a Wi-Fi broadband connection, a plasma flat screen, a waterproof keyboard, and sponsored toilet paper festooned with Web addresses. According to the release, the iLoo will "allow instant logging on."

Part 2 Johnny on the spot. Twelve days later, after much snickering in morning newspapers and on late-night talk shows, Microsoft flacks back in Redmond come up with a clever strategy for damage control. The iLoo, says spokeswoman Kathy Gill, was merely an "April Fool-like joke."

Part 3 Something doesn't smell right. The next day, realizing that nobody's buying the April-Fool's-joke-29-days-after-April-Fool's-Day explanation, Microsoft calls back reporters and admits that it had told an iLulu: The project was indeed real but has subsequently been killed. "We jumped the gun basically yesterday in confirming that it was a hoax," says MSN group product manager Lisa Gurry. "In fact, it was not."

favorite movies

maybe putting in lists of shit is something of a cop-out when it comes to trying to write something pensive and creative, but just suck my asshole. i need to put stuff in the margin.

i'm not going to prioritize any more of my lists, it makes it too difficult to amend, which i can see happening in the future. here are my favorie flicks, again, in no particular order. and, again, check back when/if you would like because it will be added to. colon:

wonder boys
donnie darko
rushmore
american psycho
almost famous
sixteen candles
the house of yes
high fidelity
evil dead 2
o brother where art thou?
less than zero
heathers
clerks
as good as it gets
american movie: the making of northwestern
billy madison
kissing a fool
ferris bueller's day off
24 hour party people
chasing amy
adaptation
bottle rocket
the lost boys
laurel canyon
fargo
igby goes down
american beauty
say anything
a clockwork orange
the breakfast club
lock, stock, and two smoking barrells
swingers
all the real girls
national lampoon's christmas vacation
a christmas story
dazed and confused
permanent midnight
quills
weird science
fast times at ridgemont high

life in music videos seemse better than real life, and everyone wears denim

i want to have an asian girlfriend

why did the newton people decide to make their first flavor fig? why fig?

lend me some sugar like i'm your neighbor

shit about me (not on me)

- i like monkeys
- i only drink if i'm smoking and vice versa
- my favorite food is frozen food
- i will never take a wife - don't know why
- i am heterosexual
- i'm very perceptive and naive
- i still have all my wisdom teeth (embedded in my gums, not in a drawer somewhere)
- i take paxil and wellbutrin for social anxiety and depression, and recently xanax cr
- i am not proud of anything
- i leave my windows open and my fan on in the winter
- i hate sundays
- material possessions are extraordinarily unimportant to me
- i am cynical, but healthfully
- i like girls with glasses
- i hate self-pity, yet find myself immersed in it constantly
- i don't like having to answer to people
- my favorite weather is cold and overcast
- my favorite invention is air conditioning
- i generally dislike covers, re-mixes, or songs sampling other songs - be original robots!
- i do not watch any television
- i cut my own hair
- i write with my left hand, throw things with my right
- my earliest memory is of my younger brother of two years being born
- i blame my parents for my emotional problems, but don't resent them
- i forgive very easily, to a fault
- i'm probably going to die at an early age
- if i ever get cancer i don't want chemotherapy
- my ideal girlfriend would be an asian named margaret
- i can get along with anyone, although may have to act to do so
- i used to cut myself to relieve pain, and still sometimes do
- i don't talk to anyone i graduated high school with
- i play the piano and saxophone and would like to teach myself guitar
- i have rhythm

homework stinks

has there ever been a scientific study that pinpoints the time during a person's life at which you start being an adult? i remember when i was young(er) and looking ahead to being an adult, when somehow everything would seem different and i would have some profound sense of responsibility and purpose and cognizance that previously i didn't have. and now i'm 25 and drifting indecisively though life not having the slightest sense of what i should be doing at this point in time. i could (and probably should) get a job, etc., but i don't think that has anything to do with the matter anymore. a job doesn't make you an adult. my younger brother is flying fighter planes (ala top gun) while i sit here playing stupid repetitive computer games all day and listening to music. that would really fuck up my self-image if i had one. maybe i'm just trapped in that adolescent stage of life where not much is expected of you (relatively speaking) and you don't expect to do much. or maybe i'm just lazy and immature. jimmy crack whore and i don't care.

album du jour: symposium on the bbc

menutia

i saw on this program on the discovery channel yesterday about baboons, which are essentially large apes. did anyone know that they eat smaller monkeys? they showed one capture a spider monkey or something and just tear it apart like rush limbaugh going at a chicken wing (hiiiooooo). it was one of the most disturbing images i've ever seen - rather like seeing a big hairy human eating a smaller hairy human. some humans probably should be eaten though, and not in that good way.

why do i waste so much time playing these senseless word games. i bet i spend about an average of two hours a day playing fucking text twist on msn. i guess i'm just a natural born fan of mindless repitition. i don't like complicated computer games or playstation games (not really), just these simple card and word games. even in my recreation i'm lazy. how about that.

and speaking of the confounded playstation, i checked out some dvd's from the local library and the fucker won't play them. i get all situated in my bed with my tasty beveage, turn off the lights, looking forward to a quality couple of hours, insert the dvd and the fucker won't play. i don't take well to this ilk of disappointment.

album du jour: phaser sway

consolation prize

i just heard a news clip about a guy on a filght to south america somewhere who threw a cup of water at a baby that was crying. i don't konw what to feel abou tthat.

tonight i used up the last of a chapstick tube that i've had for almost three years. who'd a-thunk it. it's the longest relationship i've ever had. next time someone accuses me of not being able to commit i will just say "look to the chapstick".

for the second year in a row i tried to watch the superbowl but fell asleep. i think it's a new tradition. the only reason i watch is for the commercials, but i didn't like any of them (the ones i was awake for, anyway). you want to feel bad for the loser, but then just remember they get to go home to their mansions and fuck overpriced hookers all the live-long day.

album du jour: saloon (this is) what we call progress

valley of the blind

currently i am on the second floor of the lafayette public library, looking out over the rather delapidated downtown area. at least my view is delapidated. as i have little else to do, i decided to break out the laptop and write away as i wait for 5:00 (when cindy gets off).

after my vision tomfoolery at the blind center i should be getting some insanely powerful reading glasses (no doubt they'll be the height of fashion) and some peripheral device to hook up to my computer that will in essence woork like a closed-circuit tv (also to aid in reading). i can't say whether i'll actually use this stuff or not - alot of times they seem like good ideas when i'm testing them out but are later abandoned out of laziness. i really would like to be able to actually read the articles in my magazines instead of fumbling through titles and pawing at the pretty pictures.

this morning on cnn i watched nearly the entire length of some congressional hearing concerning iraq and supposed wmd's they had stockpiles of and when. david kay, the former chief inspector, discussed how no actual weapons were found to be in the ocuntry. yet several quotes were brought up from cheany, bush, et. al. pre-war proclaiming that iraq did indeed have the bombs. so now it's a question of whether or not the intelligencfe was bad or whether the white house exaggerated certain facts to gain support for the war. at any rate, it's a big quagmire of who-did-what (i just want to know what you knew and when you knew it senator). personally i think much of the hard evidence was skewed pre-war into pro-war propaganda by the bush administration, but of course my opinion is influenced by the fact that i hate them, and of course the fact that they're all liars hell-bent on self interests (as evidenced by the lucrative iraqi rebuilding contracts that went only to american companies with direct ties to rumsfeld and cheaney). i recognize the fact that all politicians are basically liars and crooks, republican or democrat, but bush and co. just seem so brazen and unconcerned with any type of consequences their selfish actions may warrant that it seems to me that they think they can wield free reign. it's always the lesser of evils with politics.

so it's 4:47 and almost time to skedaddle. i'll be a million bucks i'm going to have sex tonight. sex is a funny thing - if you hadn't had it in a while and you want to make that good first impression by being spectacular you can't perform worth shit (from a male perspective), but when you are getting it regularly and you know you're going to keep getting it regularly you have the capacity to be a fucking tiger, when really you don't need to. i think that's one of those cosmic practical jokes.

i feel a cold coming on. and fuck, i was just about over the last one. god damn you universe!!!! you and your twisted sex jokes!!!!!

album du jour: further seems forever the moon is down

chaunceboy send me your new site

this afternoon i spilled dr. pepper on my keyboard so i finally had to bite the bullet and hook up my wireless that i got for xmas. i was just being lazy, in re. not hooking i up. it really is pretty cool. i wonder how long it will be before i spill something on this one. watch this:

right now i'm on my bed lying down

now i'm sitting in front of my tv

right now i'm not even looking.....back turned to (on) all of you (all both of you)

i'm going to squat in cindy's apartment for a couple of days so i may be incommunicado. do you like avacado? she works during the day so i need to bring some type of arts & crafts projects. i was thinking of taking all my entertainment weekly magazines and making some pre-emptive collage christmas cards (past efforts have included "a ricky martin cailente crhistmas" and duran duran "hungy like the jesus" cards).

plus tomorrow i'm going to the low-vision aid center here in lafayette to experiement with all types of visual aids (at the low-vision aid center? get the fuck out...). maybe i will finally be able to learn how to read.

album du jour: doves the last broadcast

going to eat alot of peaches

i can't explain the lack of blog inspiration. everyone knows it's much easier to write when depressed and/or angered, but lately i've been neither. you'd think i would be awash with relief at being currently on the upswing, but really i almost miss the moodiness. i strangely take solace in the probability that i will sink again (everything is cyclical). how fucked up is that.

i'm thinking about writing a book. i haven't really read any good literature in quite some time though, so i think i need to do that first. writing well stems from reading a large quantity of quality books. of latei feel prettyreatarded - not being able to think of words/synonyms, forgetting things that i'm positive i used to know, etc. some of this may be attributed to the aging process and the binge drinking and aerosol abuse.

a friend of mine is moving to montana next week to live with her 22-year old boyfriend (whom we affectionately refer to as "johnny montana"). what is there in montana? is it big sky country? what is that? i understand wanting to leave louisiana, but for montana....it's too far from saltwater, and i think the further from saltwater you are the more inane the population gets. just look at the red versus blue states during election returns. it's like butter.

album du jour: the sea and cake oui

i am oprah winfrey

here's something i've never heard before. i was chatting with my good friend jill in arkansas and somewhere in our conversation she mentioned that at the moment she likes to live vicariously through me. let's all really pray hard to our respective deities that jill is happy and healthy soon.

did anyone see howard dean turn into the incredible hulk in iowa last weekend? it was such a scene. he's a good candidate but shoots himself in the foot repetitively it seems like.

my friend went to a henry rollins concert in new orleans last night. i don't know what to make of that, except that if you're going to go to new orleans there's usually several bands playing on the same night so i'm sure you could find something better to do than see henry rollins. but to each his own.

what does it mean that i've started to make time in the afternoon to watch oprah? am i turning into a middle-aged overweight black woman? should i buy some luther vandross cd's? shouuld i fake winning the ohio lottery?

album du jour: catherine wheel chrome

stoli stoli stoli

my apologies for being lax in my blog upkeep, but i tend to need a few days rest after a night of binge drinking. i guess i can't use that as an excuse - i sleep for days on end generally without reason. but it was an interesting weekend, frought with drama which, thankfully, had nothing to do with me, but unfotunately i had to bear witness to. not a fan of the drama. especially drama involving drunk whores who like to tell stories (ala taxicab confessions). but luckily drunk ranting whores can be dropped off and quickly forgotten, especially when your alcohol consumption converts much of the night's unfortunate experiences into what i like to call "blackouts". demon liquor my ass.

i had a very nice martin luther king jr. day, watching many movies (none of which were very spectacular), laughing and lying. i watched the mothman prophecies last night and it really scared me, which is a good thing because i rarely get frightened by movies anymore. it definitely now carries my seal of approval.

another day of movies with cindy tomorrow. it's nice to find someone who can sit through eight movies in a row with you, with occasional sarcastic comments insterted where necessary (and other things inserted where unnecessary have i said too much oh my god?).

album du jour: the stills logic will break your heart

phone call most foul

ding dong the chickens is gone. i was feeling litigious this morning so i called the police to report a noise disturbance as a result of our neigybor's poultry clucking, and low-and-behold the chickens is no more. words can't quite describe my elation at the newfound sounds of silence. and just ask me how guilty i feel about it.

it's supposed to rain all weekend, but there's a party i want to go to tomorrow night so i'm conflicted. i may just compromise and stay in my room and get drunk. happy mediums.

i'm selling 14 of my vhs tapes as a lot on ebay for nine bucks, so if anyone is interested then just click here. if you don't want to pay nine bucks make me an offer i can't refuse. these are they:

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
Scarface (2-VHS)
The Matrix
Swingers
The Shawshank Redemption
Less Than Zero
Traffic
Pollock
Desperado (w/ Antonio Banderas)
Reservoir Dogs
Angela's Ashes
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Memento
Wonder Boys

not a bad lot of movies, i'm just converting to dvd. if you buy within the next ten minutes i'll throw in some crack rock and toilet paper free.

album du jour: helium the dirt of luck

across the street today there was a tree removal company cutting down this giant oak tree, which i believe was dead anyway, in our neighbor's yard. when they cut the main trunk and the behemoth toppled over it shook the ground rather vehemently. at the time i was here at my computoer doing god knows what, and i about pissed myself. it was like that scene from donny darko when maggie gyllenhall enters her house at the beginning of the movie and you see the entire house shake (which we later find out is a plane engine falling on the house). it was pretty weird, but definitely cool post hoc.

poor, cheap and lazy

the chickens hang around outside my bedroom window. i don't know how i feel about that. hungry maybe.

my lady friend is almost nine years my senior. i rather like that. you hear alot these days about younger men dating older women, since i care so much about what the rest of the world is doing, especially hollywood...

i woke up and went walking this morning (by which i mean noon) then cut the grass for my lovely aunt, although there was very little grass and very many leaves. i don't ask questions.

riddle me this - do i have to pay to put pictures up on here? i know it's only about five bucks a month, but i'm cheap and poor.

i'm going to sell all my vhs tapes as a lot on ebay. tired of dealing with clutter.

album du jour: her space holiday young machines

nepotism

my twin 11-year old cousins are sleeping over tonight. i'm always happy when they do since it offers me an opportunity to corrupt their young minds with various inappropriate media (for instance, i showed them american psycho one night. isn't it a classic though? shouldn't kids watch classics?). the way i see it, i'm giving them the knowledge that will help them in social circles that i never had, and still don't in many ways. that way they don't just act like an amalgomation of their parents, as i was relegated to doing in my formative years. psycho-babble.

speaking of parochial misadventures - our allustrious ltg (little teenage gangster) neighbors somehow procured a chainsaw with which to amuse themselves. odd, since their yard is roughly twelve feet by twelve feet and contains nothing in the way of plant life. i should just buy a gun from a pawn shop and leave it on their doorstep. sooner or later they'd have to do themselves in, accidentally or otherwise. social darwinism at it's finest.

my friend cindy and i are having a movie night tonight. she's bringing children of the corn, which i have never seen and am very much looking forward to. on the subject of movies, i bought the following dvd's today, despite my resolution to curb my spending habits of late:

less than zero
better off dead
swingers
jawbreaker
freeway

most were from the $5.88 bin at wal-mart, which you really can't beat (if i were a richer man i would boycott wal-mart forever - corporate bitches). i've only seen the first three.

album du jour: royal trux cats & dogs

-insert title here-

ohh all you poor bastards who have to work on such a nice rainy day such as today. take solace in the fact that i am quite comfortable laying in bed while all others are braving the cold world outside. who really wants a job.

ohio lottery woman - cry me a river. life sucks and we all die penniless, welcome.

is anyone else getting soured on howard dean? the further this thing goes on the more i think he'd have absolutely no chance against george bush. i'm almost starting to root for wesley clark actually. it's not that dean has bad ideas - quite the contrary - but there are things he says that someone campaigning for a presidential nomination shouldn't say (i hearken back to the confederate flag remarks, and others). clark just looks better on paper going against our fearless leader, and frankly i'd support the person who has the best chance of beating him. nibb high football rules.

album du jour: happy mondays pills 'n thrills and bellyaches

sick like dog. can't talk or swallow. must.....finish...sentence...

another man's treasure

i sold about twenty of my old cd's on ebay this past week. going through my old collection really makes me wonder what the hell was wrong with me way back when (i had a dave matthews band and jesus jones cd in there). then i wonder what the people who bought them from me present day are like - perhaps just like me about 10 years ago? musical taste is a curiously indicative hobby. it's always good to discover artists you really like and then go back to listen to their earlier work, so i have to applaud the retroactive sensibility of the thing. and i guess i can't really throw stones, since after all these are my adolescently archaic cd's which at some point i thought were worth buying (or scamming a music club for). and even though i'm glad someone wants this stuff, i have to mourn the fact that there is want for such crap. but imagine what i'll consider crap ten years from now...

album du jour: pussy galore dial m for motherfucker

not an easy task when you google "pussy galore" looking for a decent band website. bunch of perverts in this world (only kidding - i bookmarked everything)

shake it like a polaroid picture

ever notice how, no matter how low your self-image, when you see yourself in a photograph it's always worse than you think. especially with a flash - it's not as if i look pale like a vampire as it is, but i think my complexion actually reflects the light causing my face to look...well...illuminated (which it never does otherwise. usually i'm try for very dark and brooding - the whole byronic thing). i just need to get my hands on some adobe photoshop and i'll be sated.

speaking of satiation, i just bought donnie darko on dvd, in an effort to beef up my somewhat paltry dvd collection. i also would like to unload some of my vhs's, although i doubt i could find buyers for some of them. i really just want to free up space on my desk, so i have a clutter-free space upon which to bang my head when the mood strikes me. i don't think that's unreasonable. goddamned clutter. makes me want to hit my head on the.....oh. fuck.

album du jour: burnside project the networks, the circuits, the streams, the harmonies

lament

it's not the end of the world, but if it were the sky outside would really be appropriate - very ominous and brooding. it's just raining slightly and is eerily sans thunder. it reminds me of ghostbusters 1.

yesterday i just realized i can score (check out) movies from our local library, which is easily within walking distance. i suppose i could also check out some of these new-fangled "books" that you hear so much about these days. we here in milton don't take too kindly to them wordy-words though. i'm such an ignorant bastard sometimes.

the thing i regret most about 2003 was the lack of any kind of personal inertia.

the thing i liked most about 2003 was the over-indulgence, which i also hated.

album du jour: the butchies are we not femme?

this is a really cool site, surf even if you don't care

where does he get those wonderful toys

so many of my christmas presents require a usb port on my computer - my canon, my external hard drive, scanner (not a new item - just one i happened to find in my old closet), mp3 player, and wireless keyboard/mouse receiver. and since my desktop is somewhat old it only has 2 ports, so i'm using my laptop's as well (the two are networked). i feel mad.....delightfully, whimsically mad (sometimes i smell my hands because they remind me of my mother!)!

and also i feel a bit out of control - buying dvd's like they're going out of style. i also bought these really boss leather wristbands (rockstyle) to go with the leather condom i bought. all studded, naturally.

is louisiana really that disagreeable that it has to be 80 fucking degrees in january? isn't it unpleasant enough?

album du jour: the cranes population 4

litter critter

while away from the house we left five litterboxes and a huge pile of food for the cat, and today i was cleaning this shit out of the boxes while the cat was sitting atop the dryer staring at me. she had this look on her face like "yes, you'll clean up my shit and you'll like it bitch". it was not one of my most dignifying moments. probably the worst of the year so far, although the initial hours of 2004 are a bit hazy.

i was up until 7 this morning, and consequently slept the first day of the year away.

why am i hearing about the "word of the year" every other minute lately? is it that slow of a news period? there's an election coming up. do something with that.

i do not forget old acquaintences

okay, wonderful to be back. i need to go take some sort of shower and get dressed for the new year's festivities. 2003 0 a crappy nut-sucking year all-around. 2003 sucks big fat baby balls. i will make 2004 my bitch and ride the fucking snake way into the cosmos. it's a leap year. it's an election year. i'll do my personal 2003 recap later, i have to lockup and get drunk now. auld lang syne bitches.

in my beautiful balloon

i get to go flying really early again tomorrow - 7:30 in the a.m isn't as bad as 4:30 in the a.m., but waking up early for me just sucks - no matter what you definition of "early" is. here's mine:

early (adj.) - having to do anything prior to wanting to

flying has gotten to be such a pain in the ass, alhtough i guess it always has been. going from lafayette to san antonio, and vice versa, is especially monotonous because the flights are so short you end up spending more time checking in and boarding and taxiing and being anally probed (although i'm sure some people like that) than you actually do in the air. there's always a stopover either in houston or dallas, which i don't understand. i don't even really give a shit about the security issues - anyone trying to take down a flight from dallas to lafayette would just be doing the passengers a big favor (hope i'm not done any favors tomorrow. praise allah). not that i don't enjoy the wonrderful aerial vantage of the scenic lake charles sulphur refineries and the sabine delta. sometimes i like to drink beer in a skybar on the stopover, but i don't have enough time tomorrow, plus i don't really want to be that guy drinking beer before 10 a.m. this is texas though, so maybe that's not as much of an impropriety.

album du jour: boss hog whiteout

with karate i'll kick your ass

few people realize that tenacious d actually aired first in 1997 on hbo, with the six episodes that are now on the complete masterworks dvd. i actually watched and taped (and fully appreciated) them way back when, so i feel a bit like i got in on the gorund floor with the now-famous d. does this make me a trend-setter? oh yeah, definitely, without a doubt. just to let all of you know, i've started wearing skidz again (i thought it was time for a comeback - fashion is cyclical), so if anyone want to start wearing them now and really get accolades a couple years down the road for being inventive, then by all means do as i do.

i fought the mob and the mob won

there is this audio/video store here in san antonio call bjorn's (swedish i believe). it is a virtual disneyland for those into home audio and video playthings. i'm never going to be the same. this store has 3 differen encased rooms for surround-sound system demonstrations and 3 or 4 movie theater rooms - not just living rooms with tv's in them, literally rooms that look like microcosms of movie theaters. very similar to the ones you see in celebrities' homes on cribs. after seeing that i think my new mission in life is to one day own one room like that from which i will never have to leave. also they set up an entire house (literally), with kitchen, bedroom, living room, office, the whole nine, with various sound and video schemes. i know this all may bore many people, but i'm an audiophile so i totally creamed the jeans.

i also had to run into best buy to exchange a disfunctional xmas gift. i always hate having to meander the hoi polloi, especially the day after the day after christmas. a little reminder to myself why i hardly go out anymore.

album du jour: the rentals return of the rentals

kith and kin

yesterday for the first time in almost a decade i had a phone conversation with my older brother. he's my half brother really, from my dad's first marriage. he's in north carolina and apparently is in almost the exact same state of indecidion that i am, in terms of what to do with life. we talked for a couple of hours and it seems he and i have much more in common than do my younger brother and i, which just makes me lament even more the fact that we haven't kept in touch. it's nice to know that i'm not the only one in the family who's wracked with incertitude.

and you know, the only reason i consider myself to be unsuccessful in life up to this point is because i'm constantly comparing my crrrent situation against some judeo-christian ideal of what life should be, i.e. the job, apartment, car, financial stability, strict moral adherence, etc. i need to start consciously changing my thought processes to exclude comparisons of such a nature. it i took my parents' goals for me (and i have a hunch what are most people's parents' goals for them) and excluded them from self-evaluation, i really have very little i disapprove of about myself. of course i'd also have to discredit some societal definitions of what's acceptable, as do we all, and i think i would be a much happier individual. none of this is easy, considering my self-image is intrinsically just an amalgomation of comparisons to "norms", which are all innate in my mind, but it's a healthy step.

album du jour: the smiths strangeways here we come

ansel adams

my parents, aunt, and grandmother are in the living room watching a movie they have all seen several times. this morning, being xmas and all, there were several new dvds in our stockings. yet still they stick with the tried and true. just goes to show how the older you get the more averse to change you are. there's also a video rental store not 5 minutes down the road, although i'm sure it's closed. but they still never rent anything. only when i'm in town.

my brother and i are jockeying for time on my mom's new dell. my father bought her a 20 inch flat screen monitor to go with it, which, in case you don't know, runs around a grand. add that to the wireless keyboard/mouse and the fact that he more than likely bought it at retail, and good gravy. i should start sucking up holding out for more.

i got a really cool digital camera, but it's pretty compact and i'm afraid i'm going to lose it one night while trying to take it out on the town with me to immortalize debauchery. hey me, remind myself that's what disposables are for.

i'm going to go eat ham now. that's not a euphemism. sick bastards.

album du jour: edie brickell volcano

holly-jolly

when i was in fourth grade i thought this was about the funniest thing i had ever heard or would ever hear. consequently i still remember it.

t'was the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
including the mouse

dad at the whorehouse
and mom smoking grass
i just settled down
for a nice piece of ass

when out on the lawn
i saw a big dick
i knew in a minute
it must be saint nick

he flew down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
i knew in a minute
the fat fucker had fell

he filled our stockings
full of pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

back up the chimney he went
with a thunderous fart
the fat son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart

he spat and he cursed
as he flew out of sight
"piss on you all,
have a helluva night"

moo ha-ha

i heard on the news that the union for department store employees (apparently there is such a thing) is raising a lawsuit charging that the constant repitition of christmas music being played during employees' shifts causes mental distress (and/or duress, i don't remember exactly). my knee-jerk reaction was to lament the fac that, once again, our judicial system allows such litigation to occur. but then i thought about the song "rockin around the christmas tree" (by brenda lee i think), and couldnot have been more sympathetic. my family likes to have that elevator-background ambiance christmas music in the background of our living room/kitchen and i really can't stand it.

and mad cow disease is finally here. i always thought the mad cow would be a terrific mascot. all you would need for a costume would be a cow mask with some painted-on slanty eyebrows. and get really good saying moo with attitude.

album du jour: komeda the genius of

i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

remember people we have to be considerate in all facets of life, not just while driving and grocery shopping. i waited with an overflowing bladder in the passenger seat of my dad's truck for 45 minutes (i was seriously pissed) while he yakked it up with future neighbors about nothing even remotely consequential. i emptied some evidence of my discomfort into his nearby coffee mug, which was later thrown away.

and tomorrow is my first of four visits (while here) to the therapist, just over the river and through the woods. not sure if i want to comment or not. not sure if the whole thing will make a lick of difference or not.

they're coming to take me away ha-ha!

album du jour: call and response call and response

favorite albums 2002

always i will remember 2002 as the year i spent rotting in a little rock rehabilitation center for the visually challenged. the following albums kept me sane (rather, as sane as i managed to stay - debatable):

1. sahara hotnights - jennie bomb
2. nada surf - let go
3. pretty girls make graves - good health
4. brendan benson - lapalco
5. the apples in stereo - velocity of sound
6. rilo kiley - the execution of all things
7. damone - from the attic
8. simian - we are your friends
9. frou frou - details
10. ash - free all angels
11. interpol - turn on the bright lights
12. supergrass - life on other planets
13. tegan and sara - if it was you
14. doves - the last broadcast
15. elf power - creatures
16. the cripples - dirty head
17. the get up kids - on a wire
18. the 5.6.7.8.'s - teenage mojo workout
19. radio 4 - gotham
20. neko case - blacklisted
21. clearlake - cedars
22. rjd2 - deadringer
23. sleater-kinney - one beat
24. tender trap - film molecules
25. ben lee - hey you. yes you
26. gomez - in our gun
27. enon - high society
28. ladytron - light & magic
29. superdrag - last call for vitriol
30. bratmobile - girls get busy
31. dressy bessy - sound go round
32. i am the world trade center - tight connection
33. the stone roses - second coming
34. raveonettes - whip it on
35. the reputation - the reputation
36. the wannadies - before and after
37. coldplay - a rush of blood to the head
38. tahiti 80 - wallpaper for the soul
39. ...and you will know us by the trail of dead - source tags and codes
40. badly drawn boy - about a boy (soundtrack)
41. the quails - atmosphere
42. the maybellines - chatfield holiday
43. chemical brothers - come with us
44. revolutionary hydra - knockout to dispense
45. something corporate - leaving through the window
46. the no-no's - let your shadow out
47. ok go - ok go
48. dot allison - we are science
49. the streets - original pirate material
50. saturday looks good to me - saturday looks good to me
51. the rogers sisters - the purely evil

honorable mention:

division of laura lee - black city; the walkmen - everyone who pretended to like me is gone; foo fighters - one by one; french kicks - one time bells; the sinking ships - out of key harmony; masters of the hemisphere - protest a dark anniversary; the reindeer section - son of evil reindeer; midwest product - specifics; the donnas - spend the night; shimmer kids - the natural riot; phantom planet - the guest; bon voyage - the right amount; duraluxe - the suticase; the telescopes - third wave; the breeders - title tk; deathray - white sleeves

i'm waiting for the cab to come take me to the aeroport. my back hurts and i don't have any good pain-killers to help me through the flight. please jesus don't let me be stuck between two fat people, like last time... those seats aren't big enough for regular people. i have my RIO s50 and a hobo stick. where i lay my hat is home. vaya con dios.

godless

i have to leave the house at 4:30 in the a.m. to catch my 5:30 flight to san antonio (isn't that great - i have to wake up at an ungodly hour to take a trip to an ungodly place where i will spend and ungodly and exorbitant amount of time twiddling my thumbs. texas - ungod's country). i'm debating whether i should get some sleep or none at all. i want to sleep on the flight, however i think i'll have a better chance of doing that if i get a couple hours right now. what does it matter, i can sleep anywhere and anytime. free nelson mandela.

album du jour: the superjesus sumo

monkey see

there was a special on vh1 earlier entitled "a playa's guide to scarface," all about what our various modern hip-hop personalities find so endearing about the movie, heralding it as an archetype for their business philosophies and attitudes (if you've ever watched cribs you'll notice how many of the celebs like to pull out their scarface dvd during the living room tour). they all admired tony montana's balls (metaphorically speaking), bravado, lifestyle, clothing...everything about the character. what was funny though was that not a one mentioned the fact that tony montana ends up face down in his own bloody fountain with god knows how many rounds in his torso. isn't it obvious to anyone else that this character is not one to be emulated? has noone learned anything from 2pac or biggie? the fountain he's face-down in even reads "the world is yours"! does anyone know what hubris means? blaring flashing neon warning signs to anyone else? can i think of another rhetoric question?

album du jour: the notwist neon golden

notwist is just some good funky jams with good basslines. this has really suited my taste lately. also check out brassy

brick-a-brack

it is colder than jesus in my room right now. i am quite happy with it (now is the winter of my discontent!).

i'm developing this detrimental habit of sleeping from 5 or so in the evening until 11, then going back to sleep at 2, through until the afternoon, all with the aid of my wonderful friends the equate family of generic antihistamines.

everyone mark your calendars - sunday is the premiere of the e! true hollywood story on richard gere. how could it not be entertaining. alas poor lemmywinks, i knew him well.

maggie gyllenhall was on jon stewart yesterday. i've always found her utterly adorable and i know why. there's this thing that some people do when they laugh that i find very endearing, they sort of raise their forehead when they smile or laugh (if that makes sense at all), which lifts the skin in between the eyes. i wish i had a picture of what i mean. it's almost a look of surprised delight. at any rate, maggie gyllenhall, in addition to being engaging and hella cute (hella? where the fuck did that come from), posesses this feature. plus she picks some really great movies to work on, and will one day be mine.

album du jour: jack off jill clear hearts grey flowers

i've seen this video many times before. it's by a band called "the darkness", and it's just about the greatest thing i've ever seen, ever. and not just on tv. maybe steve perry and co. came close with their videos, but this is, just, great.

strategery

do people really believe that saddam hussein was one of our greatest threats? as far as foreign dictators and the potential harm they could cause us, he was one of the lesser evils. and now big w. will get credit, probably win another four years, and in the course of his tenure inspire thousands of once passive middle-eastern dissidents to elevate their distaste for american interference into a very active pursuit of terrorist reaction (mission accomplished!). hussein was a tyrannical maniac, no question, but what of kim jong il? there is a virtual holocaust occurring in north korea because he diverts all his country's resources to their military and weapons programs while countless numbers of his own people starve to death.
but we don't want to address such a problem - they have the bomb.

speaking of countries supporting nuclear proliferation, very few people realize that one of the worst offenders is pakistan. they not only have an active nuclear program, but are in a perpetual nuclear standoff with india and, worst of all, sell the technology to other countries.

saudi arabia is one of the worst culprits in terms of perpetuating a friendly training environment for terrorists, but of course they're friendly big oil so we won't disturb them either.

so why iraq. because of september 11. not because saddam had anything to do with the attack (as much as everyone wants to believe it, and does), but because it gave our ever overly-stalwart administration a suitable reason to do what our leader has wanted to do for some time. and being a country of bull-headed big-guns big-tits petroleum pissing-contest brutes that we are, we believe headlines and pictures, and don't bother reading the articles. say jump and we'll say how high. especially when we think we're hitting back (which i think alot of people have been wanting to be able to do for some time, or at least been wanting to think they're justified in doing. make sense?).

right now it's a great morale booster for our friends serving in iraq that saddam was found, and for that i am very glad. really though i think his capture will ultimately be a bad thing, especially if it leads to four more years. no one will ever agree with me, and/or think me unpatriotic and/or unamerican (whatever that is anymore), but wait five years and see what the retrospective looks like.

sorry about going off on a political tirade. i had to write about something other than my non-existent existence (ha, and ha). from here until next november i'm going to be nervous about anything good that happens for bushy. we should all just bend over (i hope i'm nearby when the blonde from that virgin mobile commercial bends over). or apply for jobs with haliburton.

album du jour: radiohead hail to the thief

appropriate no? bush = honest -if- 2 + 2 = 5

thoughts about my prostate

time shouldn't be represented in a line. it's really just a single point (thank you margaret atwood). the past exists only in memory and the future is obviously indeterminable. i'm waiting for the day i wake up at fifty (should i live that long) and think back to when i was 25 and say to myself "fuck it seems like a minute ago". these thoughts pervading my mind almost make me want to end it all right now and just get it over with. not because i'm depressed or immersed in self pity or anything (which i coincidentally am), but just because one day i'll be getting chemotherapy and pissing into a bag and will only be able to think about what a waste my life was. i'm 25 right now and am already doing it (regretting wasted time, not pissing in a bag). what's worse is i have no clue how to prevent such a situation. no path i can think of seems like it wouldn't be an utter meaningless existence, which really isn't my fault. i should just be embittered that all lifestyles available are shit and curse the universe for forcing me to choose one. i'd like to be a rock star (how original) but that would probably entail me getting out of bed at some point, so fuck it. it's not a really purposeful life anyway. i'll just wallow in my outward and inward contempt until i have to go to the store to buy food.

i'm just glancing over some of the other louisiana blogs and it's funny how many people use the words "rant and rave" in their descriptions. i'm not making fun - i used "ranting and rambling" in my original title description (or un-original description, rather).

methodone methodone

for the last decade or so i have been a diet coke addict. my consumption rates vary, but in the last year or so i've been operating at a 4-can-a-day level. it's the caffeine mostly, but it's just always been something i can't start my days (or nights, depending on when and if i wake up) without. for the last week, however, i haven't had a single one. i've been drinking my green tea in the morning, which is much more suitable for cold weather (i always leave my windows open in the winter). and i am just astounded at how much more energy i have since i gave up the dc. people say all tha time that aspertane (from the artificial sweeteners) is bad for you in many ways, and usually that just made me want it more. but i really think that it was draining me, despite the caffeine. so now, as a major lifestyle change, i am officially off of diet coke.

i bet if a crack addict read this entry they'd want to kick my ass. (diet coke? ever suck dick for 25 cents and a piece of cardboard nigga?!?). what am i saying, crackies don't read.

album du jour: stretch princess fun with humans

check out their home page and look at the guy on the left (i think his name is james wright). he has this oh-shit-man-i-just-trashed-my-dad's-beamer-on-prom-night-and-i-forgot-my-name look. i found it tres drole.

hello weschester! this...is...

as additional evidence that i have way too much time on my hands, i've started writing down different potential band names that i think would be cool. if anyone wants to rip one off, i would only be flattered. i'll probably be adding to this list into perpetuity. without further adieu:

- oh happy dagger!
- big titty
- what the hell, robert
- hog honda and the hungry hungry hippos
- beau so gay and the acadian screaming queens
- robert downey junior
- lesbian dyke hoarde army two thousand
- get thee to a nunnery
- happy hetero and the asexual bi-standers
- sloth love chunk
- hot sluts and monkey love at the zoo
- spears for brittney
- i like dinosaurs
- chomp on these nuts
- my wonderful friends the equate family of generic antihistamines
- damn saucy wench
- so i had to push her
- scooty puff sr.
- sultry sows of the south seas
- past nastification
- abdomen enigma (a.k.a. colon query)
- who moved my cheese?
- fuck your yankee blue jeans
- free tibet
- jesus fetus
- baby's fat balls
- man-boobs and the asians
- butterfly twat attack
- the grassy junior high

well today was really shitty. i have some rather serous monetary problems, but at least it came at a good time during the year - not alot of stuff i have to buy for people or anything. merry christmas movie house! you motherfucking movie house!

i want to write more, but i'm afraid that it would just be too loathesome and angrily contrived. so i'm going to take my sleeping pills and go to sleep.

day of infamy

today is the anniversary of the attack on pearl harbor, and everyone seems to solemnly remember and appropriately mourn the tragedy. but what about the ben affleck/josh hartnett pearl harbor movie? was it not at least tantamount to the event itself in terms of devastation? i have boycotted bruckheimer films ever since (and seriously questioned why i never did from the get-go). perhaps the film's opening should be a national day of rememberence - for the countless innocents who threw away seven fifty in hopes of experiencing a worthy tribute, and instead found themselves immersed in a quagmire of trite dialogue, overacting, and characters that we wanted to die horrible flaming deaths. not to mention the aww-shucks-ma'am western slang/love triangle/best friend's pregnant wife/bastard child named after best friend/soap drama aspects. it all makes me swell up with something other than civic pride.

eat your heart out menendez

my only personal christmas tradition: i drink whiskey with ice while watching it's a wonderful life and sometimes make myself tear up a bit at the end. i have to be alone with all the lights out whilst this happens. it sounds lonely but i really do enjoy it. i will be spending the holidays back in san antonio, as i may have mentioned, and my two-week visit is going to be peppered with visit's to my mom's psychologist, so that i may allay her and my dad's concerns. i just learned that she needed one - apparently because of me and my life's lack of direction (or my reverse interpretation of it). i had no idea what to give my mother for christmas, but now i've found out that i've already given her the gift of emotional distress. as a stocking stuffer i may inflict some manic depression or bipolarity. i'll just throw the guilt of causing my mother mental anguish on the pile of esteem-fucks i currently push up the hill. 'tis the season afterall.

album du jour: sun kil moon ghosts of the great highway

here's something that i think aptly typifies the grammy awards: fountains of wayne has been nominated for best new artist. that's right - after eight years of being together and three albums. i bet the editors of rolling stone issue grammy nods. and all is right with the world.

how marvelous it is when the weather turns cold. it just makes everything better.

i just got done cutting grass (hopefully for the last time this "winter") and noticed a familiar smell of a different kind of grass wafting over from our upper-class neighbor's chicken coop. low and behold, our pre-teen gangster friends emerge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. i thought about threatening to call the police on them if they didn't share with me, but then thought better and let sleeping dogs lie.

i'm just a little sad today. especially this time of the day, when the day hasn't quite gone and the night isn't quite here, and somewhere scott baio is plowing a woman he doesn't love. are there symptoms of listlessness or is listlessness a symptom of something else? probably both. but at any rate, i'm there. maybe i should turn on a light.