it is much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.

- grace murray hopper


PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES LYRICS

"This Is Our Emergency"

When you've finally throw up your hand
Poured your heart out, yet nothing stands
It seems out efforts are wasted
But yet it hasn't been in vain

Unfulfillment is killing you
Seems like no one shares the same view
We may have never met but
It might be you who pulls me through

Stand up so I can see you
Shout out so I can hear you
Reach out so I can touch you
This is our emergency

Baby you don't have to be
A picture in a magazine
Sometimes you're to blind to see
Anything objectively
Just keep on doing your thing right now

Listen here take it from me
We're gonna do it differently
They'll follow when you start the lead
Strength in numbers is our key
Keep on doing your thing you do now

Don't forget that when you doubt
That anyone will care about
A thing you do and when you're lost
Someone else is always found
A thousand voices, are you listening?

The tiny spare that you create
It can inspire and duplicate
And soon it spreads from state
To state from Williamsburg to Silverlake
A thousand voices, are you listening?

This is our emergency

word

to all white (and black - all this is really unbecoming for anyone) people - heretofore please refrain from using the following words/phrases as slang: da bomb, mad (as in "my boy got mad skills"), sick (as in "my boy's skills is sick"), props, mad props, no you didn't, don't go there, talk to the hand, hella. also, desist making the following gestures: raising the roof, air quotes, air fisty, crouching tiger hidden dragon. i don't know if that last one's a move. at any rate, when did jargon become so nauseating and obnoxious. it doesn't even come across as remotely cool, just borderline retarded. perhaps a little too much abbreviation. try to decipher a modern-day hip-hop song - it's like trying to understand kenny.

album du jour: death cab for cutie tranatlanticism

kiss the spiders

why should i be made to suffer through previews of every ashley judd suspense-thriller black-costar movie that comes out, at frequencies of about once a week. and the woman really can't act. she is easy on the eyes, which is the only thing i find endearing about her.

sometimes i'm almost glad when crappy videos come on mtv2 late at night, since otherwise i may never break myself away. a rare occurrence - finding that much good programming on either of the mtv's - but it does occasionally happen with the spuradic look-back specials. you can always count on hip-hop or pop to dissuade you though. and by dissuade i mean make you nauseous.

album du jour: the minders golden street

when we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

- charles varlet marquis de la grange

a little latin loopy-lou

a friend of mine and i are seriously considering starting our own webcast, although i have virtually no idea what you need to do it. i'll do some googling later and check it out. if anyone knows anything i'd love an e-mail. i'm sure it involves setting up some sort of server capable of accepting connections, which my computer may or may not be able to handle. this would really give me an almost productive hobby. there are probably beaucoup licensing fees to deal with though, so i won't get my hopes up.

i sat down and sorted all of my cd's, taking the discs out of the flip-books i had them in and matching them up with the cases. consider that i have thousands of cd's and you can understand that it took me a while. i'm going to see how many i can sell, of those i want to sell. i have all of my music copied to my hard drive so really i could and maybe should just sell them all, but i think i would like to maintain a modest collection of my absolute favorites. it's important to have something for people to peruse when you have company over (aren't i suddenly optimistic?), that way they can scratch their heads at the titles and artists that they've never heard of, and i can feel secretly superior inside. seriously, i'm not a music snob.

the cousin kids spent the night tonight. i think two of them are actually still awake in the living room watching something they probably shouldn't. bless their hearts.

album du jour: poster children daisychain reaction

warning: this site is very abrasive to the ocular sensitivities, click with care.

prison break

i honestly don't want to feel a smug satisfaction at the fact that it will probably rain on everyone's parade for lundi/mardi gras. i want to be the one disappointed that my fun will be damp. i want to be the girl with the most cake. my new goal is to get to the point where i'm actually resentful when it rains. that should be a pretty good signpost.

as of now i own lost in translation and am whole-heartedly in love with one scarlett johanson (and am experiencing an odd emotion concerning bill murray that i'd rather not dwell on - kidding). it wasn't what i expected, but all the same i will still marry sofia coppola.

album du jour: damone from the attic

i'm up at 7 a.m. just let that sink in. 7 in the morning. and i don't know exactly why but it really feels like summer to me.

i haven't slept yet, and for some reason i suspect that mum/da will be upset if they get here and i'm sleeping this afternoon. all will be forvigen if they come bearing gifts.

laissez les bon temps dormir

for the second time in as many weeks i've ordered a dvd on ebay that never came in. i'm not realy pissed - paypal offers buyer protection so i will be reimbursed - i'm just curious as to why people think they can act fraudulently and get away with it on ebay. green-eyed monster i guess.

for about five years in a row, something dramatically terrible would happen to me over the mardi gras holiday. one year i totalled my car and got arrested, another year i got dumped, another year my apartment was broken into. as such, i have vowed to batten down the hatches and ride mardi gras out like george clooney in a hurricaine. it's not just my bad luck at this time of year, i also genuinely dislike the event. i've never enjoyed standing on the side of the road drinking and running over children for plastic jewelry or fake coins (which, i learned, you can get into trouble for trying to buy things with - bad mardi gras number 5), or being sassy to cops while drunk (bad year number 4). i'm aware that it's great fun for the masses, but the way i figure it i pretty much party like it's mardi gras on almost a weekly basis the rest of the year, so i'm not missing much. plus i really hate crowds (although i love gatherings).

album du jour: turin brakes the optimist lp

psychocandy

today i have an appointment with a mental health counselor of some sort here in lafayette, again at my parents' request. aside from the fact that i really hate having obligations (i.e. appointments of any kind) i have no real qualm with it. speaking of parents mine are visiting this weekend in anticipation of mardi gras, which i loathe even more than valentine's day. the whole mardi gras scene has just become a little too flirtatious with old testament-style deist aggravation (ala sodom/gomorrah). of course i'm not extremely religious, but why tempt fate, you know. more on my feelings re. mardi gras to come.

album du jour: the jesus and mary chain psychocandy

vroom

as long as i live i will never understand the vast popularity of auto racing. are circles really that interesting? or ovals, whatever. it's no surprise our plucky president attended, bless his heart. i think it's hilarious that the drivers have so many advertisements sewn to their jump suits and adorning their cars. i think all the other major sports should do the same thing; that would completely bottom out what little opinion i have of professional sports.

last night i had a dream that i killed these two dogs with a sword, but then felt so bad that i used my magic powers to bring them back to life. i woke up feeling guilty so i went to the store and bought a box of milkbones for the neighborhood mixed breeds (mutts). why would i have a dream like that - i really love animals.

album du jour: phaser sway

pump up the volume

i remember in the olden days how much i looked forward to sunday night and watching 120 minutes on mtv/mtv2. that, along with amp, were the only shows i would watch on the station(s). now the only decent show that comes on is subterranean, from eleven to midnight every sunday. and although it plays good videos (with the exception of the fucking polyphonic spree), it plays the same ones a bit repetitively, and only lasts an hour. my left nut for some quality programming.

requiem for a something-or-other

i realized when i woke up last evening that i only have about 3 basic dreams. one involves either my parents yelling at me or me yelling at them (very vulgarly, maliciously). the second is that i'm still waiting tables and i'm in the weeds (restaurant term meaning busy as fuck) with people pulling me in all different directions. the third is that i am still in school - ranging from middle through college - and i have some critical test coming up in a class which i haven't been to in months (often times graduation hinges upon it). i understand that these are probably the situations in my life which have caused me the most stress, but i haven't experienced them in quite some time (at least two years), with the exception of that first one. what's worse is that i almost prefer having these as opposed to the good dreams, when i wake up and am thoroughly disappointed at my comparative reality. it's like going to the movie theater and seeing a great movie and being taken out of your life for a couple of hours, then getting slammed back down to earth when the lights come up. not a great sensation.

album du jour: stars heart

i really wish i knew how to make music play when a website opens up. if someone out there is privy to said information please let me know and i'll send you a cookie.

fucking valentine's day

wow our president sure has had a bad week. the wmd investigation/continued questioning, military service gaps, medicare bill $100 billion miscalc, pointless space travel endeavors, and a virutally incoherent interview on meet the press...it all makes me smile :o) wesley clark said something about how the only people that george w. has united (remember the uniter-not-a-divider claim?) are the democrats and other opponents of his.

jesus i hate valentine's day. it's such a contrived holiday whose purpose is to force the male consumer to frivolously spend money on short-lived flower bouquets and overpriced candy. and it we don't do it what happens - the penis goes in a mayonnaise jar by the side of the bed. and if you don't have that "special someone" (that phrase makes me want to eat my own arm) then you just feel dejected and lonely. i fucking hate valentine's day. i guess there was too much fiscal space between christmas and easter and someone decided that this would be a good way to boost consumer spending during the gap. valentine's day sucks balls.

i really hate it when i have these wonderful dreams (wonderful in one way or another) and wake up to find things are not nearly so grand. it gives me absolutely no chance of have a good day. there's really nothing like waking up pissed off.

Microsoft: In the crapper?

Part 1 The PC in the WC. On April 30, Microsoft U.K. issues a press release touting a new product called the iLoo, an Internet-enabled toilet equipped with a Wi-Fi broadband connection, a plasma flat screen, a waterproof keyboard, and sponsored toilet paper festooned with Web addresses. According to the release, the iLoo will "allow instant logging on."

Part 2 Johnny on the spot. Twelve days later, after much snickering in morning newspapers and on late-night talk shows, Microsoft flacks back in Redmond come up with a clever strategy for damage control. The iLoo, says spokeswoman Kathy Gill, was merely an "April Fool-like joke."

Part 3 Something doesn't smell right. The next day, realizing that nobody's buying the April-Fool's-joke-29-days-after-April-Fool's-Day explanation, Microsoft calls back reporters and admits that it had told an iLulu: The project was indeed real but has subsequently been killed. "We jumped the gun basically yesterday in confirming that it was a hoax," says MSN group product manager Lisa Gurry. "In fact, it was not."

favorite movies

maybe putting in lists of shit is something of a cop-out when it comes to trying to write something pensive and creative, but just suck my asshole. i need to put stuff in the margin.

i'm not going to prioritize any more of my lists, it makes it too difficult to amend, which i can see happening in the future. here are my favorie flicks, again, in no particular order. and, again, check back when/if you would like because it will be added to. colon:

wonder boys
donnie darko
rushmore
american psycho
almost famous
sixteen candles
the house of yes
high fidelity
evil dead 2
o brother where art thou?
less than zero
heathers
clerks
as good as it gets
american movie: the making of northwestern
billy madison
kissing a fool
ferris bueller's day off
24 hour party people
chasing amy
adaptation
bottle rocket
the lost boys
laurel canyon
fargo
igby goes down
american beauty
say anything
a clockwork orange
the breakfast club
lock, stock, and two smoking barrells
swingers
all the real girls
national lampoon's christmas vacation
a christmas story
dazed and confused
permanent midnight
quills
weird science
fast times at ridgemont high

life in music videos seemse better than real life, and everyone wears denim

i want to have an asian girlfriend

why did the newton people decide to make their first flavor fig? why fig?

lend me some sugar like i'm your neighbor

shit about me (not on me)

- i like monkeys
- i only drink if i'm smoking and vice versa
- my favorite food is frozen food
- i will never take a wife - don't know why
- i am heterosexual
- i'm very perceptive and naive
- i still have all my wisdom teeth (embedded in my gums, not in a drawer somewhere)
- i take paxil and wellbutrin for social anxiety and depression, and recently xanax cr
- i am not proud of anything
- i leave my windows open and my fan on in the winter
- i hate sundays
- material possessions are extraordinarily unimportant to me
- i am cynical, but healthfully
- i like girls with glasses
- i hate self-pity, yet find myself immersed in it constantly
- i don't like having to answer to people
- my favorite weather is cold and overcast
- my favorite invention is air conditioning
- i generally dislike covers, re-mixes, or songs sampling other songs - be original robots!
- i do not watch any television
- i cut my own hair
- i write with my left hand, throw things with my right
- my earliest memory is of my younger brother of two years being born
- i blame my parents for my emotional problems, but don't resent them
- i forgive very easily, to a fault
- i'm probably going to die at an early age
- if i ever get cancer i don't want chemotherapy
- my ideal girlfriend would be an asian named margaret
- i can get along with anyone, although may have to act to do so
- i used to cut myself to relieve pain, and still sometimes do
- i don't talk to anyone i graduated high school with
- i play the piano and saxophone and would like to teach myself guitar
- i have rhythm

homework stinks

has there ever been a scientific study that pinpoints the time during a person's life at which you start being an adult? i remember when i was young(er) and looking ahead to being an adult, when somehow everything would seem different and i would have some profound sense of responsibility and purpose and cognizance that previously i didn't have. and now i'm 25 and drifting indecisively though life not having the slightest sense of what i should be doing at this point in time. i could (and probably should) get a job, etc., but i don't think that has anything to do with the matter anymore. a job doesn't make you an adult. my younger brother is flying fighter planes (ala top gun) while i sit here playing stupid repetitive computer games all day and listening to music. that would really fuck up my self-image if i had one. maybe i'm just trapped in that adolescent stage of life where not much is expected of you (relatively speaking) and you don't expect to do much. or maybe i'm just lazy and immature. jimmy crack whore and i don't care.

album du jour: symposium on the bbc

menutia

i saw on this program on the discovery channel yesterday about baboons, which are essentially large apes. did anyone know that they eat smaller monkeys? they showed one capture a spider monkey or something and just tear it apart like rush limbaugh going at a chicken wing (hiiiooooo). it was one of the most disturbing images i've ever seen - rather like seeing a big hairy human eating a smaller hairy human. some humans probably should be eaten though, and not in that good way.

why do i waste so much time playing these senseless word games. i bet i spend about an average of two hours a day playing fucking text twist on msn. i guess i'm just a natural born fan of mindless repitition. i don't like complicated computer games or playstation games (not really), just these simple card and word games. even in my recreation i'm lazy. how about that.

and speaking of the confounded playstation, i checked out some dvd's from the local library and the fucker won't play them. i get all situated in my bed with my tasty beveage, turn off the lights, looking forward to a quality couple of hours, insert the dvd and the fucker won't play. i don't take well to this ilk of disappointment.

album du jour: phaser sway

consolation prize

i just heard a news clip about a guy on a filght to south america somewhere who threw a cup of water at a baby that was crying. i don't konw what to feel abou tthat.

tonight i used up the last of a chapstick tube that i've had for almost three years. who'd a-thunk it. it's the longest relationship i've ever had. next time someone accuses me of not being able to commit i will just say "look to the chapstick".

for the second year in a row i tried to watch the superbowl but fell asleep. i think it's a new tradition. the only reason i watch is for the commercials, but i didn't like any of them (the ones i was awake for, anyway). you want to feel bad for the loser, but then just remember they get to go home to their mansions and fuck overpriced hookers all the live-long day.

album du jour: saloon (this is) what we call progress