blah-gosphere, or, fuck you

your rapist-of-a-father and i didn't slave in the fields twelve hours a day practicing kitten soccer so you could sit there in your high-falutin' office with your lemon diet coke and your fancy fucking french-cut shirt and not blog because you're "uninspired". well suck my big salad!

• cockfighting should be made mandatory before any poultry is allowed to be served in a bucket - i don't want to eat losers.
• women aren't allowed to vote in saudi arabia? praise allah.
• females' feet are smaller than men's so they can stand closer to the fucking stove.
• jonathan swift was a pussy - let's just feed our babies to other pregnant mothers. circle of life, circle of life.
• i'm not pro-choice, i'm pro-fetus-fights. if i got in a fight with a fetus i would whoop its ass!
• if you've ever "raised the roof" then the roof should be dropped on you. we don't need no water.
• if you've ever described yourself as "sexy" then your hands should be permanently cemented to your face. also you can't have babies, unless you want to feed them to other mothers or let me fight them.

don't want to read anything that isn't about human bodily functions or promiscuous sex or other chicanery? well fuck you, i'm going to go eat an entire meat-lovers' pizza and wash it down with a tall cool pennzoil. suck my toast.

note to vegetarians - the preceding statement shouldn't piss you off because i don't think there's anything close to real meat in pizza hut's toppings.