i have no haiku
shit hell cock ass dick bitch cunt
fuck you now i do
album du jour: blake babies god bless the blake babies
Self-deprecation, quiet desperation, societal malapropisms, mild anthropophobia, inhalant-induced hallucinations
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
if you're ever confronted with the opportunity to watch the movie XX/XY please save yourself the time. it was....not....good, although maya stange is the most gorgeous woman on the planet. she's in a movie called garage days that i can't wait to see, but isn't on video as of yet.
day in the life
the small 4-year old whom i pass by on my walks every day (i refer to him as chunk) threw a dirt clod at me today. he has a rather deadly eye for a yout (what is a yout??). anyway, throw another indignity on the pile.
i opened the windows in my room today, and not even an hour later the little teenage gangsters (ltg's) that live next door lit a fire in their backyard which yielded a wonderfully pungent smoke that infiltrated my fortess of solitude. thus the window-opening experiment was terminated.
my cat is getting somewhat obese, and she can't go outside (the neighborhood strays chased her up a tree last time we let her out and it took 3 days to get her down), so i'm thinking of getting a harness and leash and walking her up and down the hall. or i could buy a treadmill and "teach" her to use it. wouldn't that be a gas.
album du jour: mc honky i am the messiah
here you can listen to "what a bringdown" which is my song of the day
i opened the windows in my room today, and not even an hour later the little teenage gangsters (ltg's) that live next door lit a fire in their backyard which yielded a wonderfully pungent smoke that infiltrated my fortess of solitude. thus the window-opening experiment was terminated.
my cat is getting somewhat obese, and she can't go outside (the neighborhood strays chased her up a tree last time we let her out and it took 3 days to get her down), so i'm thinking of getting a harness and leash and walking her up and down the hall. or i could buy a treadmill and "teach" her to use it. wouldn't that be a gas.
album du jour: mc honky i am the messiah
here you can listen to "what a bringdown" which is my song of the day
Sunday, September 28, 2003
i love the riaa more than fox news
article from cnn.com:
BOSTON, Massachusetts(AP) -- The recording industry has withdrawn a lawsuit accusing a 66-year-old woman, who says she didn't even have file-sharing software, of illegally sharing hundreds of songs including rap.
The lawsuit against sculptor Sara Seabury Ward was among 261 lawsuits filed this month by the Recording Industry Association of America as part of a fight against Internet file-trading.
It accused her of illegally sharing more than 2,000 songs through the file-sharing service Kazaa, including rapper Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug."
The industry threatened to hold her liable for up to $150,000 for each song.
But Ward's lawyer, Jeffrey Beeler wrote in a letter to industry representatives that Ward was a "computer neophyte" who never even installed file-sharing software on her computer, The Boston Globe reported Wednesday.
In fact, Ward uses a Macintosh computer at home, and Kazaa runs only on Windows-based computer programs, Beeler noted.
The case, filed in federal court in Boston, was dropped Friday.
However, RIAA lawyer Colin Zick added that "we will continue our review of the issues you raised and we reserve the right to refile the complaint against Mrs. Ward if and when circumstances warrant."
Neither Zick nor Ward immediately returned calls seeking comment Wednesday morning.
album du jour: rufus wainwright want one
BOSTON, Massachusetts(AP) -- The recording industry has withdrawn a lawsuit accusing a 66-year-old woman, who says she didn't even have file-sharing software, of illegally sharing hundreds of songs including rap.
The lawsuit against sculptor Sara Seabury Ward was among 261 lawsuits filed this month by the Recording Industry Association of America as part of a fight against Internet file-trading.
It accused her of illegally sharing more than 2,000 songs through the file-sharing service Kazaa, including rapper Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug."
The industry threatened to hold her liable for up to $150,000 for each song.
But Ward's lawyer, Jeffrey Beeler wrote in a letter to industry representatives that Ward was a "computer neophyte" who never even installed file-sharing software on her computer, The Boston Globe reported Wednesday.
In fact, Ward uses a Macintosh computer at home, and Kazaa runs only on Windows-based computer programs, Beeler noted.
The case, filed in federal court in Boston, was dropped Friday.
However, RIAA lawyer Colin Zick added that "we will continue our review of the issues you raised and we reserve the right to refile the complaint against Mrs. Ward if and when circumstances warrant."
Neither Zick nor Ward immediately returned calls seeking comment Wednesday morning.
album du jour: rufus wainwright want one
Saturday, September 27, 2003
i love fox news
i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news i love fox news
just because they do a much better job of discrediting themselves than i or anyone else ever could. i love fox news.
just because they do a much better job of discrediting themselves than i or anyone else ever could. i love fox news.
divorce cont'd
perhaps i can elaborate a bit more on my anti-alcohol propaganda from yesterday. i don't want to go into details, because frankly i'm trying to forget the ones i can remember. just as a cautionary tale, i will say that i accidentally called my parents at 5 in the a.m. thinking i was calling a friend. my mom answered and i demanded to know what she was doing at my friend's house, you know, since she and my dad have been going out for 26 years or so and i thought she was being unfaithful. at any rate, i hung up on her once i realized my mistake (astounding i realized it at all). luckily she and my dad had their moments when they were younger and were very understanding, so we just had a nice laugh about it the day after.
my only concern in getting on the wagon (or off the wagon, whichever it is) is that i'll be able to be relaxed enough to be around people without the aid of the demon liquor (and my diablo cocktails). i know i can resist alcohol, i don't know if i can be comfortable (socially, that is). everyone pray to their respective gods for me.
maybe i should try a different substance. i hear wonderful things about paint thinner.
album of the day: zero 7 simple things
i first listened to this album a couple of years ago and didn't care for it. then i gave it another chance today and really liked it. go fig
my only concern in getting on the wagon (or off the wagon, whichever it is) is that i'll be able to be relaxed enough to be around people without the aid of the demon liquor (and my diablo cocktails). i know i can resist alcohol, i don't know if i can be comfortable (socially, that is). everyone pray to their respective gods for me.
maybe i should try a different substance. i hear wonderful things about paint thinner.
album of the day: zero 7 simple things
i first listened to this album a couple of years ago and didn't care for it. then i gave it another chance today and really liked it. go fig
Friday, September 26, 2003
divorce
i think it is very important that i make a concerted effort to eliminate all alcohol consumption from my lifestyle (perhaps with the exception of nyquil). drinking has never brought me anything but grief and i need to know if i can be sociable without it. this is going to be ugly.
my nomination for one of the best characters of all time is one charles de marr
album of the day: ned's atomic dustbin god fodder
my nomination for one of the best characters of all time is one charles de marr
album of the day: ned's atomic dustbin god fodder
Thursday, September 25, 2003
post-hoc
today is such a beautiful day that i almost went outside (almost). i did, however, open the blinds in my room, which i don't believe i've done since march. i've been thinking about doing the brian wilson stay-in-bed-forever thing, but i decided it would be a bit easier and not as detrimental to do a subdued variation. i've been a hermit for a while, so now i'm just trying to be cool by saying i'm imitating brian wilson after-the-fact. hindsight = 20/20
even though i'm not a smoker, i really wish i had a joint to go outside with. the only time i enjoy it is when it's daytime, i'm alone, and i'm outside. not a social smoker (i guess i'm anti-smocial).
album of the day: built to spill keep it like a secret
even though i'm not a smoker, i really wish i had a joint to go outside with. the only time i enjoy it is when it's daytime, i'm alone, and i'm outside. not a social smoker (i guess i'm anti-smocial).
album of the day: built to spill keep it like a secret
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
chunk
there's this little fat kid that lives near us who says hi to me every time i walk past his house. he's four years old, and every time i pass he asks me a different question. today he asked if i had a mom and dad, and i said yes. then he asked if i had a kid, and i said no. then he asked if i was a kid, to which i said of course. i really want to teach him to do the truffle shuffle (from the goonies) but i don't know if his parents would appreciate it. still, the kid cracks me up.
album of the day: ride nowhere
album of the day: ride nowhere
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
social darwinism
while i was walking today i saw a man and two little boys, roughly around ten years old, tooling with two small motorbikes on the side of the road. when i passed by a second time, the two boys were lined up aside each other while the father (i'm assuming) stood 20 feet or so in front of them acting as the starting light. the kids took off and sped down the road (sans helmets) at probably 30 miles and hour, at least. i can understand kids wanting to do this; i'm sure it was a blast. how could an adult, though, not only let this go on but encourage it? shit like that really raises my blood pressure. you would think that, given enough time, all the really ignorant ghetto cajun people will kill themselves off.
album of the day: lush gala
album of the day: lush gala
Monday, September 22, 2003
i love raymond
if anyone notices that alot of contradictory notions go through my mind quite often, please point them out when they do. i'm more often than not self-aware and hyper-analytical as per my own thoughts, but my memory isn't what it used to be (what with all the crack smoking and drano sniffing i did back in grade school) so sometimes i get caught up with a particular emotion du jour and forget that i sang a different tune at an earlier time.
i got a call from a staffing service asking if i wanted a contract job in kingsville, texas. the logistics of the whole thing rendered it impossible, but at least it's something of a positive affirmation (of which i get very few these days).
has anyone dabbled with friendster? i'm not sure if it's worth signing up for.
album of the day: goldfrapp black cherry
i got a call from a staffing service asking if i wanted a contract job in kingsville, texas. the logistics of the whole thing rendered it impossible, but at least it's something of a positive affirmation (of which i get very few these days).
has anyone dabbled with friendster? i'm not sure if it's worth signing up for.
album of the day: goldfrapp black cherry
Sunday, September 21, 2003
i don't love raymond
there is an up-and-coming rem concert in new orleans, to which a local radio station is giving away tickets and back stage passes to some lucky winner. it's ironically sad, that whoever wins will be someone who listens to the radio all the time, and therefore cannot possibly be a true follower of rem. i'm sure stipe would be so impressed to meet this specimen. can you play that's me in the corner? i love that song!
and actually and rather conincidentally there's a sold-out radiohead concert this week to which 96.5 is giving front row seats/back stage passes away. the winner will probably be someone calling in because he or she abolutely loved the "so fucking special" song because it was totally written about them.
i have no faith in anybody these days
i walked in the rain today and it was nice.
album of the day: the sex pistols never mind the bollocks
and actually and rather conincidentally there's a sold-out radiohead concert this week to which 96.5 is giving front row seats/back stage passes away. the winner will probably be someone calling in because he or she abolutely loved the "so fucking special" song because it was totally written about them.
i have no faith in anybody these days
i walked in the rain today and it was nice.
album of the day: the sex pistols never mind the bollocks
Saturday, September 20, 2003
fables of the reconstruction
so, really, what is it that you think you know? about anything? please, i want to know. and desperattely, because i am ostensibly clueless. what's more, i don't think i care anymore. especially about myself..yeah, cry me a river asses. what would you do...suck on this: the great mass of men lead lives of great desperation.
name the author and win a cookie.
album of the day: sahara hotnights jennie bomb
prove to me that you are somehow worthy of this album and i will befriend you. or just send me an e-mail that says "hi" and i'll be nice as well :o)
name the author and win a cookie.
album of the day: sahara hotnights jennie bomb
prove to me that you are somehow worthy of this album and i will befriend you. or just send me an e-mail that says "hi" and i'll be nice as well :o)
Friday, September 19, 2003
classgear brand
the following is something i wrote a couple years ago wehn i was closer to alright:
there are always people telling us what we want, how they will provide it, and what we should believe. convictions are infetious, and people can make others convinced of almost anything. we are typically ready to believe that our ways, our beliefs, our religion, our politics are better than theirs, or that our god-given rights trump theirs or that our interests require defensive or proactive, or pre-emptive strikes against them. ultimately, it is ideas for which people kill each other. it is because of notions about what the others are like, or who we are, or what our interests/rights require, that we go to war, or oppress others with a good conscience, or even sometimes acquiesce in our own oppression by others. when these beliefs involve the slumber of reason, critical awakening is the antidote. introspection enables us to step abck, to see our perspective on a situation as possibly distorted or even blind; at the very least to see if there is argument or preferring our ways, or whether it is just subjective. could there, though, be drawbacks to said antidote? the area between narcisism and envy is gray, and certainly there exists some rather tumultuous overstep. (cont'd)
there's alot more, but at present i've had too much wine and don't feel like transcribing it from my classgear notebook. maybe i will at another date. i can't say why i felt like bringing this up now, except that i was reading through my writing(s) and was somewhat vilified by this segment. if anyone wants some more let me know. this first installment is free....
album of the day: beulah yoko
there are always people telling us what we want, how they will provide it, and what we should believe. convictions are infetious, and people can make others convinced of almost anything. we are typically ready to believe that our ways, our beliefs, our religion, our politics are better than theirs, or that our god-given rights trump theirs or that our interests require defensive or proactive, or pre-emptive strikes against them. ultimately, it is ideas for which people kill each other. it is because of notions about what the others are like, or who we are, or what our interests/rights require, that we go to war, or oppress others with a good conscience, or even sometimes acquiesce in our own oppression by others. when these beliefs involve the slumber of reason, critical awakening is the antidote. introspection enables us to step abck, to see our perspective on a situation as possibly distorted or even blind; at the very least to see if there is argument or preferring our ways, or whether it is just subjective. could there, though, be drawbacks to said antidote? the area between narcisism and envy is gray, and certainly there exists some rather tumultuous overstep. (cont'd)
there's alot more, but at present i've had too much wine and don't feel like transcribing it from my classgear notebook. maybe i will at another date. i can't say why i felt like bringing this up now, except that i was reading through my writing(s) and was somewhat vilified by this segment. if anyone wants some more let me know. this first installment is free....
album of the day: beulah yoko
Thursday, September 18, 2003
mikey will try anything
out of boredom this afternoon i took my can of office depot compressed air and put the little cocktail straw attached to it in my mouth and tried breathing it in, just to see what would happen. nothing did. i need to get another can of air though.
it's probably a dangerous sign when life gets so monotonous that you start looking for things around the house to ingest and/or inhale.
my little cousins found half a pack of cigarettes in my desk drawer, which were leftovers from the last time i went out. they gave me one of those child-like innocent looks and asked what i was doing with them. i answered by asking them what they were doing scrounging around in my desk. but the damage is done, i feel like a bad influence (although i only smoke when drinking. i should have told them that. it sounds much better right?). as if i didn't have enough indignities in my life to worry about, now i'm getting them from children.
album of the day: hooverphonic blue wonder power milk
they have a newer one out, but i prefer this one
it's probably a dangerous sign when life gets so monotonous that you start looking for things around the house to ingest and/or inhale.
my little cousins found half a pack of cigarettes in my desk drawer, which were leftovers from the last time i went out. they gave me one of those child-like innocent looks and asked what i was doing with them. i answered by asking them what they were doing scrounging around in my desk. but the damage is done, i feel like a bad influence (although i only smoke when drinking. i should have told them that. it sounds much better right?). as if i didn't have enough indignities in my life to worry about, now i'm getting them from children.
album of the day: hooverphonic blue wonder power milk
they have a newer one out, but i prefer this one
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
john donne right on
why does seemingly every person on earth feel the need to couple at a certain age? i see person after person grow up, whether it be friends or relatives or celebrities or whoever, and like clockwork they just pair up with someone at or around a certain age. i don't understand society's need for compulsory companionship just because it's the time to do it. maybe people need outside validation. there seems to be some unwritten law that you should be with someone and eventually get married and have babies. i do understand the need for species perpetuation, but it gets very old very quickly when every single person you know or know of is paired off like like some prize cow. why is the duo ideal, and why do people feel bad for the lone. noone makes movies about some guy or girl trying to get out of being a couple (for the pure sake of being single), only getting into one (or variations upon variations thereof). i don't know why i have this axe to grind. really. i'm sure there's some deep-rooted need for self-validation that's trying to come out somewhere in there, but that can be said about almost anything anyone does. so anyway, i'm going to defiantly make efforts to be proud of being an island unto myself and try to celebrate solitude (after i buy some vaseline of course).
album of the day: the weakerthans reconstruction site
album of the day: the weakerthans reconstruction site
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
cause i'm fucking tired
my favorite dr. phil quotes from letterman (taken wonderfully out of context):
When I was like...4th, 5th, 6th, 7th grade, I raised pigeons.
I would eat Coco Puffs if I got hungry enough.
Do you realize that you can't play the game of life with sweaty palms?
I wanna be Miss America.
The day's OK, and then I smoke dope and get over it.
Kids hate me.
Daddy loves you.
Oh, I'm just casually taking heroin.
From this point forward I want you to start living as a gay woman.
You're fat, stupid, and a pig.
You bastard!
I can't believe you aren't happy for me, you wretched bitch.
If I have to cry, then I'll cry. If crying doesn't get it done, then alright, I'll start choking.
You know what? I'm a big boy.
When I spit at my mother, bad things happen.
(to a young girl) You're not a good person.
yeah, this is one of those lazy entries that result when i have nothing worthwhile to write about (not that writing about my cat regurgitating yesterday was gold or anything). i'm just on the cusp of a slumber that i pray (not literally) will last at least 15 numb hours. they say these otc antihistamines aren't "habit-forming" (such a nicer word than "addictive"). i'm not so sre abii ut thhth. ,, ,mna.t .. ........lk...................
album of the day: le tigre feminist sweepstakes
find it odd that a male would like girls of rage music? well suck on it, it's good.
When I was like...4th, 5th, 6th, 7th grade, I raised pigeons.
I would eat Coco Puffs if I got hungry enough.
Do you realize that you can't play the game of life with sweaty palms?
I wanna be Miss America.
The day's OK, and then I smoke dope and get over it.
Kids hate me.
Daddy loves you.
Oh, I'm just casually taking heroin.
From this point forward I want you to start living as a gay woman.
You're fat, stupid, and a pig.
You bastard!
I can't believe you aren't happy for me, you wretched bitch.
If I have to cry, then I'll cry. If crying doesn't get it done, then alright, I'll start choking.
You know what? I'm a big boy.
When I spit at my mother, bad things happen.
(to a young girl) You're not a good person.
yeah, this is one of those lazy entries that result when i have nothing worthwhile to write about (not that writing about my cat regurgitating yesterday was gold or anything). i'm just on the cusp of a slumber that i pray (not literally) will last at least 15 numb hours. they say these otc antihistamines aren't "habit-forming" (such a nicer word than "addictive"). i'm not so sre abii ut thhth. ,, ,mna.t .. ........lk...................
album of the day: le tigre feminist sweepstakes
find it odd that a male would like girls of rage music? well suck on it, it's good.
Monday, September 15, 2003
fret, cat, dog, football
in my junk mail folder today i found a message with a subject that i thought read "she said you were the shit in bed" but it actually said "she said you were shit in bed". talk about getting your hopes up and then taking the rug out. and who is this "she" anyway....now i'm wrought with anxiety (moreso than usual).
my cat threw up this afternoon and i had to clean it. that was the highlight of my day. that, and i tried to go walking about half an hour ago but the pitt bulls that cletus and zeke and ethlene and scout (and why not, jem) keep on the corner of our block (tied to the their refrigerator) sounded a bit more awn-ry than usual so that was the end of that. of course i told my aunt that i had a really manly injury (which i somehow sustained while walking...) and just couldn't persist. and yet odd it is that i feel okay sharing it on my blog with my nearest and dearest. i gave up on pride long ago, as anyone who knows me will attest (i guess except my aunt).
also, being monday night i realized that we are now fully into football season and i am proud to say that i have not watched a single minute. i deduced that the only reason i became enamoured with football last year was because i enjoyed watching all the people having such a goot time and tried to live vicariously through them. either that or all the pretty colors. regardless, i'm making small stabs at self-improvement (i'm the tim allen of self-improvement, only i have less of an idea as to what i'm doing).
album of the day: kenickie the john peel sessions
my cat threw up this afternoon and i had to clean it. that was the highlight of my day. that, and i tried to go walking about half an hour ago but the pitt bulls that cletus and zeke and ethlene and scout (and why not, jem) keep on the corner of our block (tied to the their refrigerator) sounded a bit more awn-ry than usual so that was the end of that. of course i told my aunt that i had a really manly injury (which i somehow sustained while walking...) and just couldn't persist. and yet odd it is that i feel okay sharing it on my blog with my nearest and dearest. i gave up on pride long ago, as anyone who knows me will attest (i guess except my aunt).
also, being monday night i realized that we are now fully into football season and i am proud to say that i have not watched a single minute. i deduced that the only reason i became enamoured with football last year was because i enjoyed watching all the people having such a goot time and tried to live vicariously through them. either that or all the pretty colors. regardless, i'm making small stabs at self-improvement (i'm the tim allen of self-improvement, only i have less of an idea as to what i'm doing).
album of the day: kenickie the john peel sessions
Sunday, September 14, 2003
bustamante baby
i read today how president clinton did some campaigning against the recall in california apparently trying to pull gray davis out of the political mud (shitpile rather). it's all unconstitutional without a doubt, but part of me really wanted to be able to say "governor cruz bustamante". ben stiller made a gaff about him at the recent mtv video music awards, proclaiming the winner of the video of the year (or whatever category it was, who cares) to be cruz bustamante. not surprisingly noone in the crowd knew what he was talking about. anyway, "bustamante" is the definitive word of the week. it would make a great password.
postscript: how can you not root for bill clinton, he's so charming
album of the day: elf power creatures
postscript: how can you not root for bill clinton, he's so charming
album of the day: elf power creatures
how fondly i remember watching three's company with my parents and brother and laughing recklessly at the antics of one jack tripper. of course i was too young to understand all the innuendo going on during the show, but nonetheless i looked forward every week to watching it. as for johnny cash, i have no real feelings one way or the other, except of course for the appreciation of a great artist and respect and value for all human life. it is a tad disconcerting to see justin timberlake interviewed on the news to see what his feelings on the matter are. what has happened to relevance. i guess it's gotten relative. (relative relevance--i'm officially coining the phrase, it's mine).
Saturday, September 13, 2003
short entry free of subject matter
i'm only awake for an hour or so right now. i slept all morning, afternoon and night. oh and deary me i missed a day of football. what ever will i do. now i'm going to go eat some grapes and go back to bed. god being awake sucks.
album of the day: fountains of wayne welcome interstate managers
who thinks stacy is hotter than stacy's mom? and doesn't mom look like bo derek?
album of the day: fountains of wayne welcome interstate managers
who thinks stacy is hotter than stacy's mom? and doesn't mom look like bo derek?
Friday, September 12, 2003
real skanky
what a wonderful experience it was sitting through the real cancun (the entire movie actually). i rented it because an acquaintence said i looked like one of the people in the movie (although i didn't see it at all) and of course i was curious. suffice it to say, it's an hour-and-a-half of my life i wish i had back.
album of the day: tegan and sara if it was you
album of the day: tegan and sara if it was you
Thursday, September 11, 2003
my favorite vignette
i like monkeys
the pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. i thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.
i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one of them drive. his name was sigmund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched
me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.
i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
two hours later i found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. no apparent reason. they all just sort of dropped dead. kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. god damn cheap monkeys.
i didn't know what to do. there were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. it looked like i had 200 throw rugs. i tried to flush one down the toilet. it didn't work. it got stuck. then i had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
i tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. that worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. it started to smell real bad.
i had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and i didn't want to call a plumber. i was embarrassed.
i tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so i had to change them every 30 seconds. i also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
i tried to burn them, but little did i know that my bed was flammable. i had to extinguish the fire.
then i had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. the odor wasn't improving.
i became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and i really had to use the bathroom. so i went and severely beat one of the monkeys. i felt better.
i tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. i told him i had a wet one. he couldn't take it either. i didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
i finally arrived at a solution. i gave them out as christmas gifts. my friends didn't quite know what to say. they pretended to like them, but i could tell they were lying. ingrates. so i punched them in the genitals.
album of the day: supergrass i should coco
really cool website
the pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. i thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.
i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one of them drive. his name was sigmund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched
me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.
i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
two hours later i found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. no apparent reason. they all just sort of dropped dead. kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. god damn cheap monkeys.
i didn't know what to do. there were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. it looked like i had 200 throw rugs. i tried to flush one down the toilet. it didn't work. it got stuck. then i had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
i tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. that worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. it started to smell real bad.
i had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and i didn't want to call a plumber. i was embarrassed.
i tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so i had to change them every 30 seconds. i also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
i tried to burn them, but little did i know that my bed was flammable. i had to extinguish the fire.
then i had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. the odor wasn't improving.
i became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and i really had to use the bathroom. so i went and severely beat one of the monkeys. i felt better.
i tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. i told him i had a wet one. he couldn't take it either. i didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
i finally arrived at a solution. i gave them out as christmas gifts. my friends didn't quite know what to say. they pretended to like them, but i could tell they were lying. ingrates. so i punched them in the genitals.
album of the day: supergrass i should coco
really cool website
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
lord byron
you have to love or at least admire those women who interrupted donald rumsfeld's press conference chiding and deriding him for "a foreign policy based on lies". and how how how about howard dean...i haven't made up my mind yet. we are ways away.
i'm feeling very rebellious this evening, more in a byronic way though, not necessarily outwardly defiant. even though i don't smoke i have an odd urge to light a cigarette in a starbucks (the devil). or show up to an aa meeting with beer. i need a hobby.
album of the day: black rebel motorcycle club take them on, on your own
just as good as the first. i have several brmc songs you can't find on cd, so if anyone wants them let me know and i'll figure something out.
i'm feeling very rebellious this evening, more in a byronic way though, not necessarily outwardly defiant. even though i don't smoke i have an odd urge to light a cigarette in a starbucks (the devil). or show up to an aa meeting with beer. i need a hobby.
album of the day: black rebel motorcycle club take them on, on your own
just as good as the first. i have several brmc songs you can't find on cd, so if anyone wants them let me know and i'll figure something out.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
dark day
today i slumbered for an impressive 19 hours, with the aid of a few antihistamines and my sleeping mask (ny new best friend of late). it's a rather wonderful feeling when you get the sensation that you're sinking into your bed, and have no responsibilities or any other reason to get out of it. i did manage to get in five miles before midnight. the moon was out in full force and really lit up everything, but not in the brain-piercing way that the fucking sun does. goddam sun. anyway, it was a nice night to be outside.
does anyone else think that everything that comes out of w's mouth is complete bullshit? that's not a great question, but it just seems to me (and not just lately) that the majority of people seem to just accept whatever he says without thinking twice. it's almost like the emperor's new clothes--he says he's done this and clearly hasn't, and says he will do this and more than likely won't (second terms are free-for-alls, so imagine what his may be like) and everyone just grins and nods along. he's had everyone grabbing their ankles for the last few years and noone seems to care. just my take on it.
album of the day: burning brides fall of the plastic empire
does anyone else think that everything that comes out of w's mouth is complete bullshit? that's not a great question, but it just seems to me (and not just lately) that the majority of people seem to just accept whatever he says without thinking twice. it's almost like the emperor's new clothes--he says he's done this and clearly hasn't, and says he will do this and more than likely won't (second terms are free-for-alls, so imagine what his may be like) and everyone just grins and nods along. he's had everyone grabbing their ankles for the last few years and noone seems to care. just my take on it.
album of the day: burning brides fall of the plastic empire
Monday, September 08, 2003
one of the better days ad nauseum
today i did avoid all tv, probably because i was rather busy. this morning (my morning--which is roughly 1:00 in the afternoon) i sent off a few resumes to which i won't receive replies, as has been the ritual the last six months or so. then a friend of mine came over to look up some stuff online and burn music. i went walking this evening, and here i sit, free of television's clutches for an entire day. i have nothing else to impart. here's some buddhist wisdom:
when the wise person drives out heedlessness with heedfulness, having climbed the high tower of discernment, sorrow-free, he observes the sorrowing crowd--as the enlightened man, having scaled a summit, the fools on the ground below.
-Dhammapada, 2, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu
album of the day: kenna new sacred cow
when the wise person drives out heedlessness with heedfulness, having climbed the high tower of discernment, sorrow-free, he observes the sorrowing crowd--as the enlightened man, having scaled a summit, the fools on the ground below.
-Dhammapada, 2, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu
album of the day: kenna new sacred cow
Sunday, September 07, 2003
why jessica simpson sucks balls
despite my efforts of late to avoid assinine television, i have occasionally given in to boredom and taken in a show or two. i guess what they say about idleness being the devil's plaything (or something to that effect) actually has some validity to it. so, i watched the show newlyweds on mtv, which is "reality" tv about the recently-betrothed nick lachey and jessica simpson. the episode i saw this evening showcased the mrs.'s (say that a few times over) jealous nature when she witnesses hubbie nick rehearsing for a show with a handful of what can only be described as scantily-clad dance whores, who gyrate and shake their respective money-makers around him while he sings. i suppose it's understandable that she get a tad green-eyed while taking in this spectacle, although you would think that given the fact that they are MARRIED she would have some modicum of trust in her significant other. nonetheless, to prove to nick that she is also capable of "dropping it like it's hot" simpson goes out to purchase a nice set of lingerie to appease him. after buying a nice bra and pair of underwear, she walks out of the store only to notice that the total cost for her apparel is a staggering $750.00. confused and adorning a furrowed brow, blondie jessica calls nick to whine (the best term to describe it) about her blunder. what was really priceless was the bewildering look on lachey's face and the predictable question, "didn't you look at the price tag?" this while he is having lunch with his four hooker dance partners. you could sense the underlying what-the-fuck-ish question going through his head as to how someone could be so ignorant. anyway, this was one of the many jessica-simpson-esque moments that occurred during the show, which really didn't do much to re-affirm my faith in any semblance of societal acumen. add her antics to the fact that such behavior is rewarded with 30 minutes a week on national television (not to mention all the financial benefits that come with a pop career tantamount to being a cgi special effect), and i am now back off tv.
album of the day: echobelly on
i had this on earlier today and it reminded me of my senior year in high school. god i feel old.
album of the day: echobelly on
i had this on earlier today and it reminded me of my senior year in high school. god i feel old.
Saturday, September 06, 2003
normativeness
I was watching a movie yesterday in which a comedian tells this story of Glenn Miller's old swing band. Members of the band, who, stranded in the middle of a cold, wet field, instruments in hand, are trudging on their way to a gig. They see bright lights and discover a happy family inside a cozy, warm home. Mom, dad and the kids are sitting at the dinner table, happily laughing and enjoying what can only be described as a perfect family life. One musician looks at another and says "How do they live like that?"
album of the day: bent programmed to love
album of the day: bent programmed to love
Friday, September 05, 2003
tweakend
more and more i think i loathe the approach of the weekend. perhaps being unemployed affords me the luxury of not having to think about resting. my life is already fraught with mostly rest and anxiety, if you believe in harboring negatives. saturdays for me just have such a hollow connotation for some reason, although i like saturday mornings (probably because i sleep through them). i sleep through life, it's not relegated to saturdays.
i used to have definite, identifiable emotions that always had clinical names and symptoms. anymore though i am just constantly swept over in these odd waves of what i can only describe as lethargy. i'm just empty and vague. it's like i'm filled with this numbness that i can't identify or alleviate. every idea or thought i have just turns me off and seems very unappealing.
album of the day: abandoned pools humanistic
i used to have definite, identifiable emotions that always had clinical names and symptoms. anymore though i am just constantly swept over in these odd waves of what i can only describe as lethargy. i'm just empty and vague. it's like i'm filled with this numbness that i can't identify or alleviate. every idea or thought i have just turns me off and seems very unappealing.
album of the day: abandoned pools humanistic
Thursday, September 04, 2003
material reward
getting a magazine or dvd in the mail is like having a miniature christmas morning all the time. i subscribe to two music mags and netflix (the dvd rental site where you pay 20 bucks a month and rent all you want--it's fabulous), plus i'm constantly buying used cd's that i shouldn't be spending money on (although i do find really good deals most of the time) so i'm frequently getting wonderful toys (jack nicholson) in the mail. i try not to dwell upon the brick-a-brack i buy on-line at the time of purchase so i can hopefully forget that i ordered anything and thus be pleasantly surprised when it comes in. it's probably better that i am fond of surprises because i think my memory is already starting to go. (i just noticed that i tend to use an abundance if parentheses)
album of the day: broken social scene you forget it in people
album of the day: broken social scene you forget it in people
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
pop g.o.p.
is there any better in-house ambience music for rainy weather than oh inverted world....i'm sure there is, but my proclivities are rather prejudiced at the moment. aren't i vain with my music?
i saw a wonderful segment on cnn this afternoon as a part of crossfire, which i take in every now and then. tucker carlson, who is the right-wing representative du jour on the show, had a sit-down with none other than britney spears herself. they of course spoke about her mtv vma antics (she gave madonna a provocative kissy-kiss during their performance) mostly. but carlson did manage to ask her about her opinion(s) on the iraqi situation. surprise-surprise, she thought we should explicitly trust our president and "do whatever he says y'all" (i added the "y'all"). does anyone think she even knows where iraq is? ohhh that's unfair, i'm sure she's very intelligent. i hear that most people from kentwood do, in fact, know how to read and can perform all kinds of fancy new-fangled addition and some subtraction.
it was hilarious how paul begala (lefty rep of the show) ribbed tucker carlson about the interview--how he should be so proud of this monumental political coup of an interview he scored with a pop diva. you could sense that carlson himself rather thought it was a joke as well (one of the few times i've agreed with a g.o.p. affiliate).
album of the day: johnny marr & the healers boomslang
johnny marr was a member of the legendary 80's alt-rock group the smiths. if you haven't listened to either (my god i hope you've heard the smiths before) then pleasure yourself
i saw a wonderful segment on cnn this afternoon as a part of crossfire, which i take in every now and then. tucker carlson, who is the right-wing representative du jour on the show, had a sit-down with none other than britney spears herself. they of course spoke about her mtv vma antics (she gave madonna a provocative kissy-kiss during their performance) mostly. but carlson did manage to ask her about her opinion(s) on the iraqi situation. surprise-surprise, she thought we should explicitly trust our president and "do whatever he says y'all" (i added the "y'all"). does anyone think she even knows where iraq is? ohhh that's unfair, i'm sure she's very intelligent. i hear that most people from kentwood do, in fact, know how to read and can perform all kinds of fancy new-fangled addition and some subtraction.
it was hilarious how paul begala (lefty rep of the show) ribbed tucker carlson about the interview--how he should be so proud of this monumental political coup of an interview he scored with a pop diva. you could sense that carlson himself rather thought it was a joke as well (one of the few times i've agreed with a g.o.p. affiliate).
album of the day: johnny marr & the healers boomslang
johnny marr was a member of the legendary 80's alt-rock group the smiths. if you haven't listened to either (my god i hope you've heard the smiths before) then pleasure yourself
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
stabs at reformation
usually at nine p.m. on a tuesday i would be setting the vcr to record queer eye for the straight guy (how secure am i?) so i could watch the latest installment of the real world, airing concurrently. it occurred to me earlier today, though, that i spend (or waste, rather) too much time staring at programming which serves absolutely no purpose in my life. and as such, i've decided to drastically whittle down the quality time i spend with the television in favor of actually reading some of the books i have that were only initially meant to impress company (back when i had my own actual place with actual intermittent company). of course i'm notorious for establishing and abandoning resolutions, but my intentions are in the right place. here's hoping.
album of the day: guided by voices earthquake glue
believe it or not this is around the 19'th album put out by gbv, and probably among the best of them. Robert Pollard is a genious.
album of the day: guided by voices earthquake glue
believe it or not this is around the 19'th album put out by gbv, and probably among the best of them. Robert Pollard is a genious.
Monday, September 01, 2003
are you not entertained
currently i am surrounded by dogs and children. i'm thinking of putting on some 2 live crew for them to listen to and guage reactions. i'm sure the dogs would rather enjoy it (what with the familiar subject matter and all). one of the dogs really looks like a pig, it's great. i'm being peppered with requests for gum and playstation assistance. knowledge (and apparently candy) is power.
how could i have just woken up two hours ago and now be ready for a nap. perhaps it's knowing that i can't sleep because of the aforementioned company.
album of the day: anna waronker anna
anna waronker formerly played with the band that dog. this is her first solo album, all-around solid
how could i have just woken up two hours ago and now be ready for a nap. perhaps it's knowing that i can't sleep because of the aforementioned company.
album of the day: anna waronker anna
anna waronker formerly played with the band that dog. this is her first solo album, all-around solid
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