go fudge yourself get the fudge out

i've only encorporated television back into my life for about a week and already my brain is stifled from lack of exercise. hours spent in front of the tv definitely have an inverse relationship with my willingness to devote serious thought to anything. and i only have basic cable.

there have been not-so-fresh-faced job-seekers walking in and out of the office all week because we have an opening. they're some of the most annoying, ill-tempered, impatient motherlovers that i've ever encountered. did i act like that when i was job hunting? calling 5 times a day? stopping by ten minutes after i just hung up with you telling you that i'll tell the boss to call you?

i am now going to make a concerted effort in telling the boss NOT to hire you because you annoyed me so fucking much, not out of spite but because i really don't want to work with someone who doesn't know better. the line between persistence and annoyance is not a fine one fellas, have some tact. and suck my balls.

venus williams scares me.

phizzcal responsibility

because lollapalooza is going to totally sap my bank account i am proclaiming that this is the week of phizzcal responsibility. i will not spend dime one. no groceries, no alcohol, no cd's, no movie rentals, no take out, no whores, no softcore pay-per-view, no soup for you.

you had me at jello

tom cruise doesn't believe in treating chemical imbalances with medication, but gleaning from his behavior lately i would say that he really should. i don't care enough to write anything else about this, i just found it ironic that someone jumping around on sofas on talk shows doesn't think medicine helps people with mental and emotional problems. give that man some zoloft. merck bitch!

new pollution

in re: the crime drama
it's happening and i can't stop it. i'm getting addicted to the network prime-time crime drama. how can one avoid it? law & order and csi each have three versions! jesus titty-fucking chirst. then add to that the weekend repeats and syndicated episodes of each that are always on, and i'm helpless. my new raison d'etre - the one-hour crime drama.

marishka hargitay - sooooo hot, want to touch the heinie.
elisabeth rohm - can prosecute me any day.
marg helgenberger - kinda looks like an alien with collagen, but somehow it works. i want to do her slowly.

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in re: drug for blacks
a new drug aimed at curbing heart failure exclusively in black people is pending approval by the fda. it doesn't work for whites because of genetical differences, but some people apparently say it's racism.

i don't get the outrage at all. i don't fly off the handle when a drug comes out that only works for women, or for diabetics, or men who can't get an erection, or wheelchairs for parapalegics. it has to be a complete jackass that arbitrarily cries racism when something is meant for one group or another without even considering the context.

unless it has to do with basic human rights, who fucking cares.

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in re: banning desecration of the flag
in all seriousness, the symbol of our country should be a burning flag. it would be such a poignant symbol of what freedom means - as much as we detest seeing our flag burned, we value the right to do it even more.

and how exactly are they going to define desecration? making clothes out of the flag? bumper stickers that get dirty and worn? tattoos? it's all skite.

pyt (w)

take note how there are never big news stories about missing black people. is it a conscious decision on the part of decision-makers in the media that coverage is only allotted to pretty white girls? it's probably just an innate form of racism.

i think about this on the heels of the one-hour dateline special devoted entirely to the runaway bride. katie couric really keeps her finger on the pulse with hard-hitting journalism and dramatic background music.

my understanding, and please correct me if i'm wrong, is that this woman just had cold feet? i didn't watch the special, but how in the world does that fill an hour? maybe the missing boyscout deserves an hour (or made-for-tv movie), but i can't say i approve of eschewing the bevy of relevant stories in favor of... this, whatever it is.

looking at that woman i wonder why we aren't talking about a runaway husband.

i smell bacon

god DAMMIT i am done with people. i will be restless and bitter on a brave new echelon until i shake the dust of this town and everyone i know in it becomes gratefully-forgotten and a thousand miles away. i have no (zero) faith in the populous, knowns or un-knowns.

a modified murphy's law - if they can do it, they have done it. noone's planting any flags anywhere.

are you optimistic about people being generally kind-hearted and inherently good? have hope for the future? well you're petarded. it's the human condition that emotion, animal instinct and greed supersede reason and decency.

pigs! pigs! all of you! pigs! no, no not you, the pig behind you.

my head would explode if i even began to understand what i was thinking about

it's been a rough two weeks in phizzylvania. the only brief moments i've been decidedly content were while sleeping or watching family guy.

did anyone else nearly lose their shit last weekend when peter told cleveland, in an effort to cheer him up, "here's a song that i listen to when i'm depressed" and started playing "rock lobster"? that was the funniest thing, and it actually did cheer me up.

last night's episode about peter being certifiably retarded was great also. i love cartoons, it's easier to escape when the show/movie is animated. i'm a fan of fox sunday night.

watching tv last night i also noticed how many crime dramas there are. i could get away with murder after committing myself to sunday night programming.

eviscerate the proletariat

i almost went to see a movie yesterday. what is wrong with me? who in their right mind would pay eight bucks to sit in a room for two hours with strangers, listening to them eat and talk and annoy, and then have to miss parts of the movie while you take a piss? is it just because the screen is big and the sound is loud? i have that at my house, thanks. and i only charge five bucks.

i am bender please insert liquor

the girlfriend and i split up this morning. it usually happens around the 2-month mark anyway. luckily i have sweet lady xnx, as always, to keep me comfort. she never leaves me, bless her heart. now i have more time to commit myself to my favorite hobby - alcoholsim.

it's all for the best. i need to save cash for the lollapalooza fest, plus phizz just isn't himself unless he's wallowling in solitude, misery and bitterness. it should make for more interesting creative juice.

and a good thing i don't have those "human feelings" i hear so much about. i am bender please insert girder.

song of the day: "single again" by the fiery furnaces. not so much because i actually am single again, but because it kicks ass.

july 23 and 24

in re: lollapalooza
my lollapalooza schedule: since there are 5 stages i'm going to miss bands that i want to see, but that's festival life. i am PISSED that i have to pick either the kaiser chiefs OR liz phair. help me:

liz phair or kaiser chiefs?
...and you will know us by the trail of dead or ambulance ltd.?
blonde redhead or billy idol?

i can catch ambulance ltd. at acl in september so i'm not worried about that one.

day 1 - saturday

• 11:45 - international noise conspiracy
• 12:30 - m83
• 1:30 - ...trail of dead, ambulance ltd.
• 2:30 - kaiser chiefs, liz phair
• 3:30 - brian jonestown massacre
• 4:30 - the bravery
• 5:30 - blode redhead, billy idol
• 6:30 - the black keys
• 7:30 - the pixies (in lieu of the walkmen)
• 8:30 - weezer

day 2 - sunday

• 11:45 - ok go
• 12:30 - the ponys
• 1:30 - kasabian
• 2:30 - dinosaur jr.
• 3:30 - tegan and sara
• 4:30 - ben kweller
• 5:30 - the arcade fire
• 6:30 - spoon
• 7:30 - the dandy warhols (in lieu of the killers)
• 8:30 - death cab for cutie

blatant bullcrappery

in re: politico
i know this story has been beaten to death, but i have to. it has been gleaned from the terri schiavo autopsy (buying the dvd the second it comes out) that she only had half a brain, as a dozen or so doctors, bill frist notwithstanding, attested to prior to and during the controversy about pulling her plug.

so how is it possible that those nurses talked to her? or that one minister was able to communicate with her? which witch doctor said he could rehabilitate her? we made george fly back from crawford for this? he was taking a nap, having the BEST dream.

how much clearer could it be that these republicans (frist, tom delay, jeb) only USED this woman and her family for political gain? frist diagnosed her via videotape? are you kidding? blaming her husband for her condition?

if people don't realize that the republican agenda is purely political and despicable and has nothing to do with being religious or truly concerned for life after this, then i think america itself is a vegetative state.

- insert other joke about half a brain and republicans here -

drowning in downing

in re: politico
things aren't going very well for the party of lincoln (ha!) these days/daze, nor are the prez's efforts to keep his motives clandestine.

this is a VAST left-wing conspiracy. the real culprits are 9/11, newsweek, p.e.t.a., dan rather, hollywood, environmentalists, non-whites, non-christians, not being able to know the un-knowable, the internets, people who hate our freedom, pbs, barbara boxer, numbers, spongebob squarepants, and facts.

damn that un-knowable!

i'm seriously considering ditching my lollapalooza trip and vacationing at gitmo this summer, so i can keep on rocking in the free world.

---

today is the one-year anniversary of me starting this job.

jumping off the edge of the hoover dam

in re: self-worth
it's complete dependency on other people's opinions of and acclimations to me upon which my self-esteem is based, anything but my own opinions. cognizance that this is illogical doesn't trump emotion and learned behavior, or instinct.

maybe it's applicable in explaining why people voted for george bush - they're lead around by their gut instincts and feelings, not by intellect (although i could make an overwhelmingly strong case that many people are chronically deficient in the latter).

this is a horrible fact. consider being a loner. my mantra is that i'm independent and completely comfortable with solitude, that i enjoy "me-time" above all else. is this delusional? to exist solely in seclusion, can that sustain a person? maybe thoreau, but i believe eventually the bubble bursts and you're left at the bottom.

this morning i'm pissed. the conglomeration of political forced carpetbagging, the complicit ignorance of the population at large, fear and loathing of my current environment (history as of 2006 - chi-chi here i come), plus a few outrages stemming from my personal life, and i have the penchant to bang my head against something hard and drink drain-o on this glorious of monday mornings.

i'm thinking of dropping xanax and feigning flu symptoms so i can go home. i wouldn't have to feign much, my acting is surpassed by none.

standing on the edge of the hoover dam

happy sabbath. i'm currently noshing on xanax and amping on coffee. dog bless the weekend.

if you turn up the album loved by the cranes really loud, close all your blinds, and sit in total darkness, it almost feels like the world ended.

i'm giving thought to commiting to asexuality. i've arrived at the realization that sex is overrated. i compare it to binging on something when you're trying to diet - it's wonderful for about 10 minutes, but then you're miserable for days thereafter.

plus if i inherently believe that sex is a non-factor when meeting people (F) then i'd probably be much more relaxed. especially if i continue with the xnx-noshing, which i have every intention of doing.

my major qualm with this idea is that i'd miss out on some great breakup-inspired writing and creativity. if necessity is the mother of invention then depression is the mother of inspiration.

i should copywright that and manufacture refrigerator magnets.

borrow some sugar like i'm your neighbor

in re: music reviewish

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bob mould body of sound

what's to be said about bob mould except dog bless that yug. if you've never heard of husker du or the early-nineties band sugar (you must buy copper blue) then you probably don't know bob mould. after his days with the above two bands (legendary bands, really) mould put out solo albums which weren't exceptional, although maybe i feel that way because i had expecataions tantamount to miss havisham's. but his new record - body of sound - is great. i likes it alot. if i were a cd i would have sex with it.

rating: 9.0
favorite tracks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, etc.
riyl: sugar, robert pollard, afghan whigs

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the peels the peels

file under: more girl rock - nothing especially innovative, but a good record nonetheless.

rating: 6.9
favorite tracks: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7
riyl: edgier four non blondes, the bangs, the muffs, visqueen

housekeeping you want me jerk you off?

a housskeeping note: for those of you whose blogroll and/or sidebar i am privileged enough to be on, if you would update my blog title i would be immensely appreciative.

also i apologize for not being a good blog reader of late. there's a long, drawn-out explanation, but i'll just sum it up by saying that i suck.

white diamonds.

hot girl?

for a while during my television addiction days i was a big fan of friends, at least the earlier seasons. i remember an episode where joey makes eye contact and flirts with a woman in the apartment building next to theirs. he goes over to talk to her but miscounts the floor her apartment is on and is reduced to wandering the halls of the building yelling "hot girl? hot girl?".

joey tribiani is our national media. instead of looking for a salient job or concentrating on what is actually relevant, he chases the muff around (dazed and confused reference), eats fried stuff with cheese, and borrows money from chandler.

our national press loves runaway brides, celebrity court cases, and especially the missing pretty white girl story, eschewing more important global events for tabloid fodder.

but what else is new(s). 'tis a sorry state of affairs here in americatown.

everyone who can keep a beat step forward not so fast meg

in re: music reviewish

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the white stripes get behind me satan

in one episode from the first season of arrested development, george michael wants to play woodblock in his cousin's band (dr. funke's 100% natural good time family band solution) because he equates rhythm with punctuality. while not entirely logical, i believe in my heart of hearts that george michael bluth would have been a better drummer than meg white. she would have given my former h.s. band director a coronary, although he was an ass so we probably would get along. BUT, more proof that it's not what you know, just who you know and how lucky you are.

but who am i to chide meg (HELLO, i have a blog). maybe her percussion shortfalls are part of the w.s. allure.

ever since white blood cells i've liked the white stripes. people hate them because their garage-revival unorthodoxy found success before supposed better and older garage-revival unorthodoxy found success, but to them i offer up a hefty meh.

this particular album is bluesier, pianier, falsettier, and either a departure or transition album. i've said it once before but it bears repeating - good stuff, good times.

rating: 8.4
favorite tracks: 1, 3, 9
riyl: fiery furnaces, louis xiv, the like young

my raison d'etre

music is irrefutably a drug. my new morning drug of choice, and possible depressive and/or joyful anthem, is the song "modern girl" from the new s-k album. i am a modern girl, and that cd sends me on a trip.

i'm going to do more album commentaries, for those days when my predilection for bitching about life and america and capri pants is ebbing, as has been the case lately. a legend:

• riyl = recommended if you like - other bands that sound like this one, genres, whatever.
• rating = 10-point scale
• favorite tracks = guess

probably i won't even write much about every album, just the above three nuggets. personally i detest some of the writing critics do in regards to new cd's - it's hard to get through all the hyperbole and obscure metaphors - and i want to avoid hypocrisy at all costs. i'll just offer up the "meat", so to speak.

nine inch nails with teeth
maybe it's due to my immersion in long-term anger and irritation (especially of late) - a mood always fueled by industrial rock - that i like this album. despite the bitter haze i've been in, i believe in all seriousness it's a great cd. after pretty hate machine i harbored that respect-but-not-enamoured-with feeling towards nin records, but this one, for lack of a better word, rocks. and getting shunned by mtv for having a quasi-political inference is marvelous. kudos trent.

rating: 7.8
favorite tracks: 1, 3, 4, 6, 7
riyl: nine inch nails. come on, you know what they sound like

queens of the stone age lullabies to paralyze
i've never been a huge qotsa enthusiast. although i hear dave grohl played with them on one record? ad nauseum - any time dave grohl contributes to a record it becomes an instant did-you-know topic of discussion among modern rock poseurs (see: cat power). whatever. they were on snl a few weeks ago and impressed me (especially with the will ferrel blue oyster cult cowbell contribution).

rating: 7.2
favorite tracks: 2, 3, 6, 7, 12
riyl: foo fighters, weezer, dinosaur jr., stone temple pilots

kaiser chiefs employment
sincerely i believed this band would find only moderate success (among the millions of fans in my own mind) simply because of "i predict a riot". it is a terrific track, but then i sat down in my recliner, put the album on repeat, and listened a few times. as it stands "riot" is maybe my 5th or 6th favorite song off the record. buy it now.

rating: 8.6
favorite tracks: 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 11
riyl: the clash, bloc party, the london suede (a.k.a. suede)

if you have comments - dissent or recommendations or naughty thoughts - let fly you fools.

the empire strikes back

reading the local arrests this morning i saw this:

WIlliams, Billy Dee, 42, 200 block of Smalley Road, fugitive.

fugitive... crimes against the empire? treason? an abhorrent haircut? wearing a black t-shirt at a bush town hall meeting?

and what parent names their child "william williams"?

billy dee was overheard saying "i'm just happy to be wanted again".

farfignugen!

i just purchased my ticket for lollapalooza 2005 in chicago july 23-24. chi-town bloggers, if you want to meet up give me a holla. in case you don't know, here's the lineup. and also, if you're not going ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?

• the pixies
• widespread panic
• weezer
• the killers
• dinosaur jr.
• cake
• dashboard confessional
• the arcade fire
• billy idol
• the dandy warhols
• tegan and sara
• death cab for cutie
• kaiser chiefs
• the bravery
• the walkmen
• louis xiv
• digable planets
• liz phair
• g. love & special sauce
• kasabian
• sound tribe sector nine
• blonde redhead
• the black keys
• z-trip
• los amigos invisibles
• m83
• vhs or beta
• brian jonestown massacre
• soulive
• ambulance ltd
• shout out louds
• blue merle
• the warlocks
• desol
• world leader pretend
• the redwalls
• the changes

click to enlarge

my god is gnostic

no matter how angry or sad i get i always take solace in the premonition of xanaxing out on friday night. unconsciousness is so appealing to me. and maybe it's wasting your life to sleep so much, but since i love it so i don't consider it a waste. life is hard, and god bless drugs. god bless music.

i understand soliciting prostitutes, and sports, and addiction, and being ignorant. it's not really about shortcomings so much as it is escapism. i don't wonder at all why the population is so medicated these days.