girth they avoid

i think ralph nader is losing it. i pasted below an actual open letter (not long) nader wrote to michael moore (from the nader web site) in which he ostensibly calls michael moore a fatass, not without a bit of sarcasm. correct me if i'm wrong, but does it seem like nader is getting a bit insane lately? i guess not being able to get on the ballot anywhere is making him feel unappreciated.


Hey, Michael, Where Were Your Friends?

Once upon a time, there was Michael Moore the First. He never forgot his friends. Come time for the Washington, DC premiere of Bowling for Columbine a while back, he invited his old buddies in Washington — gave them good seats and spent the rest of the evening with them. During his other movie's premiere, he affectionately recognized how much those old friends helped him and supported him after he was mistreated and let go by Mother Jones. He was generous with his words and time.

Now there is Michael Moore the Second. Last night he hosted the Washington, DC premiere of Fahrenheit 9/11, and who was there? The Democratic political establishment, the same people whom he took to such mocking task on the road with us in campaign rally after campaign rally in 2000. Who was not there? His old buddies! Not personally invited, not personally hung out with.

A few weeks ago, Michael, I sent you a message: "Hey, Dude, where's my Buddy?" It is attached. It has gone without reply. It simply asked you to come back to your progressive constituency and take on the two-party monopoly of our rigged election system — to challenge the pro-warlike, corporate party with two heads, wearing different makeup when it comes to playing toady for Big Business. These are the giant multinationals who have no allegiance to our country or to communities like Flint except to control, deplete or abandon them. It is not that your views have changed, with an exception or two. It is that your circles have changed. Too much Clinton, not enough Camejo.

Your old friends remain committed to blazing paths for a just society and world. As they helped you years ago, they can help you now. They are also trim and take care of themselves. Girth they avoid. The more you let them see you, the less they will see of you. That could be their greatest gift to Moore the Second — the gift of health. What say you?

Best wishes,

Ralph Nader

album du jour: delays faded seaside glamour

i find this album very enchanting, i would love a second opinion

all of a sudden this wave of depression came over me just now. before anything too destructive occurs i think i'll take some sleeping pills and doze through it. hopefully i'm just tired.

undeclared peanuts, bush underwear

on the way to work this morning i was listening to news radio and there was a clip about some brand of ice cream that had to issue recalls because some of their products had "undeclared peanuts". undeclared peanuts... my new alt-country band. it sounds like something the irs would be on your ass for. "yes we'd like to take a look at your nut profits for the last fiscal year".

i think these are pretty self-explanatory.


 


 

saturday night

when i'm home on a saturday night i feel sad. i dont' feel like that saturday night "loser" because i'm home alone, i just have to adjust my frame of mind to that of someone content with being by themselves. sometimes even when there are real opportunities to go out i have premonitions of a bad night, and i stay in. such was the case tonight. plus i got drunk last night and i would like to have at least a partially relaxing weekend. saturday nights have odd feelings.

how funny is this picture

i'm browsing various louisiana blogs and i've noticed there are several conservative-based sites. anyone want to found a louisiana liberal blog with me? i'm only toying with the idea right now.

i changed my template. this is more concise i think, and i'm into minimalism these days. plus i see so many blogs with these complicated formats that make it harder to read. remember your audience. i'm lazy. less is more.

i just moved into my own office. it has a window and everything. it's also in the corner of our suite of offices, so now i can tell people "i have a corner office with a view". it's a view of the second floor fire escape, but still.

watch this drive

my word, my stars, goodness gracious, it's raining hard outside. i didn't really need to put "outside" in that sentence. of course it could be "raining men" inside, so maybe clarification wasn't a bad thing there. it's almost ten and the boss man still isn't here. so i can just sit here and blog situational while listening to air america. still it would be better if i were lying in bed at home. of course when is that not true.

i would really like to go see farenheit 9/11 today but i don't think it's even playing in lafayette, according to moviefone anyway. i saw an hilarious clip from the movie yesterday on the daily show where bush tells a group of reporters that terrorism must be destroyed, then, turning away, he says, “now watch this drive,” and tees off. it was pretty fucking funny. you can actually watch it at moviefone. check that out.

also - on the floor of the senate yesterday our allustrious vice president dick cheany told vermont senator patrick leahy to "go fuck himself". i think leahy was making statements about haliburton and war-profiteering. isn't there just an abundance of political entertainment these days?

album du jour: catherine wheel happy days

the humpday dance (is your chance)

today i am all alone, all by myself, no one is looking.... i was thinking of you (old green day lyrics - ahhh high school). everyone else is working in cameron parish, so i'm handling all the phone calls whilst i download music and play scrabble blast on msn. that's right, i'm playing games at work in my second week. wanna fight about it?

and i can piss with the door open! why does that excite me... i can snoop around and take off my shoes and pump up the volume on my laptop and lip-sync all the live-long day. yeah i'm gonna get fired.

favorite word(s) of the day: chickenhawk war pimps (guess what it refers to)

lately i've been strangely addicted to dandy warhols music. i've always loved them but recently i cant get their songs out of my head and really don't feel like listening to anything else. and this concerns me because i really don't want to get tired of it. i'll have to ration it out, interject some other stuff in between my listens and interpretive dancing. i was listening to monkey house yesterday afternoon and i think my boss saw me lip-syncing. not a big deal though.

early morning revelation: lip-sync is the oppositve of karaoke

i wish it was friday. i want beer, and lots of it.

album du jour: dandy warhols dandy warhols come down

hannity!

when i look at sean hannity i really can't help but feel a little sorry for him. he looks like he was one of those pitiful kids who always tried desperately to get their parents' attention but could never live up to expectations. and now he has his own radio show, but mom and especially dad still think that he's just a bum. they probably realize, like everyone else, that everything he says on the air is complete crap. he's like the stereotypical son of a federal judge or other successful position who ended up dropping out of their rich private school to start their own backdoor casino and eventually turned to smack to deal with their feelings of inadequacy. and after several visits to several methodone clinics, payed for by the resentful but dutiful parents, he finally landed his own talk show thanks to his dad's high-place friends. and now little seannie still can't win approval from mom and dad. "but look dad, i'm wearing a suit! love me! tax cuts!"

album du jour: the dylans the dylans

favorite albums 2001

1. the shins - oh, inverted world
2. my vitriol - finelines
3. pj harvey - stories from the city, stories from the sea
4. travis - the invisible band
5. pinback - blue screen life
6. the white stripes - white blood cells
7. le tigre - feminist sweepstakes
8. rainer maria - a better version of me
9. radiohead - amnesiac
10. built to spill - ancient melodies of the future
11. new order - get ready
12. basement jaxx - rooty
13. avalanches - since i left you
14. sing-sing - the joy of sing-sing
15. splashdown - possibilities
16. benett - welcome to the jungle
17. call and response - call and response
18. curve - gift
19. electric soft parade - holes in the wall
20. the beta band - hot shots II
21. the strokes - is this it
22. detroit cobras - life, love and leaving
23. stars - nightsongs
24. tracy and the plastics - musclers guide to videonics
25. the butchies - three
26. rjd2 - your face or your kneecaps
27. rufus wainwright - poses
28. turin brakes - the optimist lp
29. lali puna - scary world theory
30. thestart - shakedown!
31. the siddeleys - slum clearance
32. !!! - !!!
33. ladytron - 604
34. life without buildings - any other city
35. dismemberment plan - change
36. simian - chemistry is what we are
37. girlsareshort - contact kiss
38. autolux - demonstration
39. swell - everybody wants to know
40. tahiti 80 - extra pieces
41. burning brides - fall of the plastic empire
42. goldfrapp - felt mountain
43. the helio sequence - young effectuals
44. freezepop - forever
45. the cranes - future songs
46. brittle stars - garage sale
47. pete yorn - musicforthemorningafter
48. muse - origin of symmetry
49. rilo kiley - takeoffs and landings
50. spoon - girls can tell

honorable mention:

the shermans - happiness is toy-shaped; 14 iced bears - in the beginning; kings of convenience - versus; erase errata - other animals; i am the world trade center - out of the loop; echobelly - people are expensive; r.e.m. - reveal; varnaline - songs in a northern key; kristin hersh - sunny border blue; the superjesus - the jet age; fonda - the strange and the familiar; minus the bear - this is what i know about being gigantic; air - virgin suicides; reindeer section - ya'll get scared now, ya' hear; mouse on mars - idiology; beulah - the coast is never clear; clem snide - the ghost of fashion; marquee moon - television; the walkmen - everyone who pretended to liek me is gone

weekend summation

friday night i was going to sit around and get drunk here at home, but i was exhausted after work. really all i ended up doing was cutting my hair, then beddy-bye.

saturday morning i woke up and cut grass. by "saturday morning" i of course mean 1:00 in the afternoon. the sky got very dark immediately after i finished and it poured down for a while. it was nice sitting on the carport having a beer (or six) while it was raining. i sometimes like to marvel at the lawn right after i cut it; my wondrous creation. i went with my aunt and her friend to damascus, a greek restaurant, and had baba ganoush and hummus, among other things that i can't remember, and wine. greek food is awesome.

afterwards they dropped me off at a friend's house and we drank some more, rearranged furniture, complained about bush, listened to some sonic youth, then walked downtown to see this band called elephant man. i didn't think i'd like it but they were good. or they sucked and i was just fucked up - mox nix to me. somehow during the evening i managed to make new friends of three nice-looking girls at the bar. i don't hit on girls, especially in bars, but occasionally i get in an introductive way. god bless gin.

*postscript: why do most girls seem to like those fruity-sugary-schnappy-sex-name shots? i can't stand those. if i wanted to drink a fucking hawaiian punch i could have walked to the coke machine outside the grocery store near my house. give me tequiler or vodker (suddenly i think in ted kennedy's voice?), or something that makes doing shots a real ritual. doing a shot of hard liquor makes me feel like i've accomplished something.

so anyway, i crashed back at the friend's place, came home, slept all day, and am now about to read up on some stuff for work tomorrow.

album du jour: afghan whigs black love

puff puff give

my boss was late this morning so i had to wait on the stoop outside the offices for him to arrive. while i was waiting this really nice-looking female passed me to go up the stairs to the offices above ours. she was smoking a cigarette when she passed me. the last girlfriend i had was a smoker, and i found it disgusting in many ways - it got to the point where i started having a bias against all smokers. when i saw this person though the smell really didn't seem that offensive. so maybe my disapproval of smoking just stems from associating it with a really mean ex-girlfriend (who refused to chew gum to make her breath smell better - what the fuck?). i actually used to be a smoker, and now relegate myself to indulging only when drinking. how can you not right? i wonder if i could now get away with being just a little intolerant of smoking, since i did quit myself. eh, probably not.

album du jour: the daindy warhols 13 tales from urban bohemia

cat naps

my cat is not a good sleeping partner. she came and jumped on me at 2 a.m. this morning and kept me awake until about 5. i love her to death, but here's the rub:

- she generates alot of heat (and has to sleep right against me), and i cannot sleep even if only remotely hot.
- she snores, that's right, snores.
- i think she must have really active dreams because she twitches constantly and makes odd groaning sounds when she's not snoring.
- like clockwork, at 5:30 every morning she begins bellowing for her breakfast. tuna smells unpleasant enough, but even moreso in the early morning hours.

so i didn't sleep much last night and am consequently drained already. but i love mister kitty.

album du jour: devo freedom of choice

doing installations gives me gout. i don't like staring at lines creeping slowly across the screen. there's this big map of louissiana on the wall in front of me and i'm getting very well-acquainted with its geography. from behind it probably looks like a giant boot is stepping on my head - that's work for you. i don't have an office yet, although i will. microsoft sucks.

i am bender please insert girder

i haven't said anything the last couple of weeks about this because i didn't want to jinx myself. i'm not superstitious though so that really makes no sense. yesterday was the first day of my new job. me... job... i maintain networks remotely and handle helpdesk calls and other brickabrack. sounds wonderfully boring and aggravating doesn't it? maybe, but after such an extensive period of personal atrophy it's a pretty cool thing for me. i know it will get old at about eight o'clock tomorrow morning, but for the moment i'm revelling in my exodus. the whole thing is not permanent as of yet; i'm on a 90-day trial, at the end of which i'll either be elated or suicidal (always a fine line). everyone pray to the patron saint of lost causes (still johnny cochrane?) that it works out. for now though, i'll just think of myself as one step closer to that great american median mythos i hear so much about. next step: back problems.

my new sonic youth dvd came in the mail, so now i'll have something to lay on the floor and watch before i lay me down to sleep (at a reasonable hour, believe that?).

album du jour: ben kweller on my way

ronnie and mikey

i posted a letter from ronald reagan a few days ago that was sentimental and touching (i love to be touched), but i want to make it abundantly clear that i do not approve of reagan's politics. of course there is respect for the office and deference for the passing of a fellow human being and all, but as far as policies go it seems to me that he was just another overly-clandestine rightie.

concession: all politicians are clandestine by nature, but you have to compare the varying degrees. i find that nine times out of ten the righties go much further over the line than the democrats.

while i'm making side notes: democrats are not necessarily liberal, and liberals are not necessarily democrats.

so i was too young during the time of reagan's tenure to really give a shit about politics, so most of my opinion comes posthumously from information i've gathered recently. i've been hearing nasty-sounding words like "iran-contra" and "iraqi aid" (please read this one, it's amazing). all in all i'm not impressed. and keep in mind, bush sr. was veep under reagan, and probably much more than veep in the second term when reagan's mental capacities were waning. i could come up with a plethera of jokes about george w. and waning mental capacity right here, just insert your own.

reagan didn't end communism, communism did. did reagan have anything to do with it? his economic policies concerning the soviet union certainly didn't hurt the downfall. but it seems that the u.s.s.r.'s economic woes came from the inherent flaws of communism itself, not from reagan telling gorbachav to "tear down this wall". it doesn't matter though, since ronnie went on tv telling mikey to do it and it was subsequently done, there must be a cause-effect relationship there right? nah. but for us americans who only read headlines and look at purty pictures, it's enough. reagan's a hero (who said hindsight is 20/20?).

but reagan is dead now, and there's a possibility that the widow reagan may now be a persuasive ally in the fight for stem cell research. i heard joe conason say on the radio today that the conflict in the stem cell research issue is that between reason and stubbornness, or something to that effect. doesn't it seem that reason and tradition are at the foundation of every political controversy? think about gay marriage, anything religion-related, terrorism (and dealing with terrorism)... if you really look you'll see these at the heart of everything. then you have to really wonder why it is that people are so afraid of progress contributing to the greater good ($$$ maybe?). i've said it before, people are terrified of change, unless they're getting it back from a hundred-dollar bill.

album du jour: the cranes particles and waves

hey middle earth, suck on this

i just watched return of the king and it is not lord of my favorite movies. and i understand that there are alot of people who have very special places in the cockles of their hearts for this movie, but not i (said the blind man). did anyone else sense homosexual undertones? i got the impression throughout that all the hobbits wanted to jump each other's bones (one in particular). too much drawn-out drama en route to a predictable ending (and i haven't read the books). it certainly wasn't a bad movie, although i wouldn't have given it an oscar when compared to the other films up for best picture. i really liked lost in translation, with seabiscuit at a not-so-near second. i'm just tired of over-dependence on special effects that ruins movies. it looks cool, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't look real.

i want to sleep for six months so i don't have to deal with any more electionspeak. i grow weary of hearing people's rationale for wanting to vote for bush. "he's got balls". how about that one.

album du jour: sonic youth sonic nurse

guns n' posers

scott weiland is such a junkie. i saw the velvet revolver video for slither and it looks like he's trying really hard to be iggy pop. smack is never the answer little trooper. and please eat a cheeseburger, the waifishness is setting a bad example for us satan worshippers (remember gluttony is sinful?). it isn't a positive influence on our evil aesthetic goals. he does a really nice jesus pose at the end of the video, check that out.

and i've had more than an unhealthy dose of slash sucking on a cigarette and going off on vertical-guitar power solos in the early nineties, i really don't need more.


 

album du jour: sonic youth daydream nation

ronald reagan alzheimer's letter

i only just read this letter today and thought it was moving. it also fascinates me to hear from soneone who knows definitively that their days are numbered. i don't think it's a morbid fascination, just curiosity. a forewarning: there are religious overtones throughout, so beware.


Announcement of Alzheimer's Disease
November 5, 1994

My fellow Americans, I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's disease.

Upon learning this news, Nancy and I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way. In the past, Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had my cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result, many more people underwent testing. They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.

So now we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts,we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clearer understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.

At the moment I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this Earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.

Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes, I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.

In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your president. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that day may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.

Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you.

apple!

what is up with the names celebrities come up with for their poor children? gwenyth paltrow named her baby "apple". apple! andre 3000 (outkast) and erykah badu named their child "7", which isn't even original since, of course, george costanza wanted to name his son or daughter seven in a seinfeld episode. by the way, they don't spell out "seven", it's the actual numeric character. jason lee has a son named "pilot inspector". jason lee kicks ass though so i'll let it slide. the always-greasy germaine jackson named his son "germajesty". you know, i'm all for creativity in all facets of life, but why put your child at a disadvantage right from the start? kids have enough problems and giving them an effed-up name just ensures that their future monthly drug perscription bills will be staggering. apple!

i had a gin-soaked weekend. very unlike me of late to hit it twice in one weekend (or in one month for that matter).

album du jour: moloko statues

i need to use the phone houseguest. you have two cell phones houseguest. please get off our phone houseguest.

haiku to the houseguest

where can my phone be
confiscated by houseguest
i long to dial thee

some of these are funny

Things you'd love to say out loud at work:

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot.

Do I look like a people person?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Oh I get it... like humor... but different.


album du jour: steadman loser friendly

dream diary

my mom was teaching a rollerskating class in the gym of one of my former high schools, except it was a college class. i went with her to hang out while she was teaching. i stayed in a storage room that had a bunch of sports equipment, band instruments and ten-speed bicycles. for some reason one of my former managers was there in the storage room/space with me, making me nervous. one of the kids in the class got a megaphone and said something about me taking up a valuable parking space outside, and that the only reason i got it was because my mom was a teacher. the class laughed. all this made me irate and i wanted badly to skate out onto the gym floor in my rollerblades and do physical harm to this person, but my manager held me back. and a good thing too, since the student turned out to be a girl with a deep voice, not a male. i would have looked rather foolish skating out to beat up a girl, especially if she turned out to be one of those miss-fitness-america types who could kick my ass. i got even madder at the situation, though, because my mom didn't really reprimand her. i think ashton kutcher was in the class.

anyway, i woke up from an otherwise wonderful rest feeling pissed off and depressed. freud you suck.

album du jour: pj harvey uh huh her

you're at the mall and i'm missing you

yesterday i was forced to go to the mall to buy pants. much kicking and screaming was involved - i detest the mall. almost all the clothes at jc penney were on sale, but unless the clearance is 100% off i still don't think it's worth having to traipse the mall. there are renovations going on there currently, and being that it was memorial day the construction materials were being stored in this big wooden bin in the middle of the mall. on the side of this bin it said "please excuse our progress". i'm probably being over-analytical, which admittedly i often am, but i thought the statement was oddly profound. how typical that we should scorn improvement, and at the mall no less. we want it now! make it better now! i need to shop at generic leather store number 5 now! and i want a sunglass hut right in front, so i can impulse spend on my way out bastards! is there a foot locker here or what? where's my pretzel?

incidentally i have to return the pants today because i don't like them. i should try things on, but i hate the mall. buyer beware.

album du jour: the killers hot fuss

houseguest

we have a houseguest. his name is tim and he is the godson of my aunt - no blood relation. he got a job in lafayette as a personal pilot for some giles dealership manager, and when he's not flying here or there he's a salesman. whacky stuff. he already has an apartment in laf, but can't move in until the end of next week. i have to be honest, it's cramping my style man. he watches television, but only cbs....what is up with that? i only really watch cartoons anymore, they're the only things on tv that don't aggravate me.

album du jour: the cardigans long gone before daylight

what personality disorder do you have?

especially odd because the guy in the picture actually somewhat looks like me, aside from the fairly accurate description.

borderline

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

zeitgeist

al gore's speech at nyu yesterday was really something. were he only that empassioned when he was running for president he may have won. i'm sorry, he may have won by a lot more. if you haven't heard it then please listen to the audio, it's just great entertainment. in fact, i would almost qualify it as exemplerary.


 

over 65 million people voted for american idol. people really need to start reading more. these really are such proud days for our country and people.

album du jour: girlsareshort early north american

airport love

there's this girl that works at the local grocery store who i used to go to middle school with. i don't think she recognizes me when i go in, but it doesn't matter. i wonder if she's happy working at a small local grocery store in a tiny town, and i almost start to feel sorry for her that she's working at ten a.m. on a tuesday. but then i remember that i don't work at all, and i'm at a tiny grocery store in a tiny town buying paper towels at ten a.m. on a tuesday. how's that for self-awareness.

i watched love actually yesterday. it's more or less a greatest hits collection of love story cliches with several little happy endings. i'm not against happy endings, just formulaic stories. formulaic anything actually (the music production factory known as american idol comes to mind). and these grandiose gestures of love that have been used in movies ad nauseum really annoy me. if i see one more person running through an airport trying to catch another person to profess their love i'm going to wretch. airport love is so passe.

album du jour: ac newman the slow wonder

gotta wear shades

graduation ceremonies are just grueling. the air horns, my god the air horns. always signifying such a proud day for you and your family. i liken it to fat, cowboy boot-wearing, bolo tie-wearing, ten-gallon hat oil tycoons shooting revolvers into the air because they struck black gold (yelling yaaaaa-hooo!). the principal of my cousin's school gave an address in which she compared the graduates all to spinning tops ("you all are tops in my book" was in there a few times). it was so embarrassing. she even gave out little toy tops to everyone. i just sat in my very uncomfortable seat getting more and more embittered with every cliche i heard the various speakers utter at the podium.

the whole thing got me a bit nostalgically depressed, remembering those days of relative optimism when you thought a college degree would ensure success and everything was going to be shiny. and maybe i'm remembering high school as much better than it was. not necessarily high school itself, but the outlook after graduation. i was jealous, i think.


the picture is a little blurry, but so was i

i had a dream last night that i was doing an impression of marlon brando doing an impression of barbara streisand for a bunch of kids. they ate it up. i was really good in my dream, but i just tried to do it and wasn't quite as good.

i rented kill bill vol. 1 this weekend and i think i really like japanese surf music. it might be my experiment of the week.

album du jour: shonen knife let's knife

rock the what?

my mom's visiting this weekend for my cousin's graduation (high school). my parents always bring me dvd's when they come. i recommend things i know tney won't like that i know i would, and they just buy them instead of renting. i like dvd's.

also i got a european-issue double-cd greatest-hits-and-b-sides of curve in the mail yesterday. for some reason i can't bring myself to take the shrink-wrap off of it. i have no idea why. something about the phrase "limited edition" makes me nervous i think.

in my last post i mentioned the jerry springer show, and oddly enough i heard him interviewed on air america yesterday. he's actually very eloquent and has some pretty cogent ideas, one of which was making voting mandatory for all u.s. citizens. and really it's not as bad an idea as you might think, or as i thought initially. since most people who vote are the upper-middle class and corporate lackies and shills, the policy-makers end up only catering to those voting constituents. this is also why you see politicians coddling the elderly during election times - old people have nothing else to do but vote and complain about health care. if everyone had to vote then the politicos would have no choice but to actually act on behalf of people instead of corporations. it's just deplorable that the people who need government-sponsored programs the most are the ones not voting.

album du jour: the apples in stereo velocity in sound

soapy fat man

while flipping through channels i passed a jerry springer episode where this gigantic fat man was naked in a bathtub while five of the show's security guards were washing him down. the title of the show was "bizarre stories". on springer? whaaaaaaa? i would usually never even consider stopping on the show while channel surfing, but a lathered-up fat man in a bathtub was just too car-wreckishly fascinating.

i wonder if today will be one of those days we look back on in fifty years as a significant achievement in gay rights (coincidentally falling on the 50th anniversary of the brown v. board of education decision). i think it's more about human rights and the separation of church and state and equality for all, etc. than anything else. why are vertical improvements in civil rights always historically such a struggle? hasn't "liberty and justice for all" been around since america's inception? it's amazing how we can make advancements in our definition of equality but still continue to discriminate. and not just on the usuals (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation), but more and more on social class. it's all such a huge quagmire of hypocrisy.

and what does it say when u.s. athletes are advised not to wave the american flag too exuberantly at the olympic games? probable bush administration responses:

- people around the world are afraid of freedom.
- subterfuge? that's not a word.
- isn't it great that we live in a country where we can debate civic pride? damn!
- if we are boastful the terrorists win.
- we're sending the secretary of defense to athens.
- hey look at the kitty! look over there!


album du jour: the alpha conspiracy aura

simple life

my favorite people in the world, nicole richie and paris hilton, are on the cover of entertainment weekly. i just look at their faces and there's that old feeling of wanting to eat my own hand. however it does make good fodder for bathroom reading - very pavlovian. i try not to read my ew until my weekly shrink appointments on wednesdays because the reading material in his office really sucks. and like clockwork he always makes me wait at least ten minutes before seeing me. good thing i don't have abandonment issues.

sidenote: i subscribe to entertainment weekly because i'm trying to cut down on my television viewing but i still like to keep up with things. savvy?

i sleep at odd hours, today it was from three to ten p.m. (hereafter i will refer to my latest period of slumber as "last night", just rmember that it doesn't necessarily mean i slept during the night). i had a dream that my younger brother and i were astronauts and we flew to the moon on apollo 13, and wouldn't you know it the darn thing broke. we did make it back to earth though, and we visited kevin bacon who just bought a new condo and had started his own trucking business. we were hauling a load down i-10 in his brand new tractor-trailor, when he got out of the truck and made his way to the back to fix a rattling noise. while the whole thing was flying down the interstate at high speeds, he fell off and was run over several times. i woke up thinking, "wow, every time i go down i-10 i'm going to have to pass the spot where we killed kevin bacon". what do you mean i gotta fight city hall?

album du jour: black box recorder passionola

too multi media

i really can't be listening to talk radio anymore. if it's humanly possible i've gotten more skeptical of absolutely everything. i either want to throw my television away or lie in front of it and pull it down on my head, which, if you think about it, is kind of a metaphor for just watching it in the first place. the politics and frivolity and intolerance and ignorance are getting to be too much for my little mind. i just need to go to the library and check out some nice judy blume books and get under the covers with a flashlight and mister teddy. back to the womb.

my fleeting fancy of the day is to move to austin because of all the cool concerts that happen there. i would wait tables to pay the rent and become something of a bohemian (like you, yeah i like you, and i feel so bohemian like you, oo oo oooo). maybe be a totally different person and give myself a new name; i like re-inventing, it's the best. who's comin with me? who's comin, man... who's comin...

album du jour: ned's atomic dustbin god fodder

wave of mutilation

my pixies dvd arrived in the mail today so i immersed myself in all things pixies, which really just entailed me watching the dvd. it was very satisfying, although the included documentary called gouge was interspersed with a few live performances from the same concert that was already included on the dvd, so it was a little repetitively redundant. and they had interviews from everyone in the band except kim deal. but still, it's the pixies so how can i complain.

i've been hearing these really funny commercials on the radio for on-star, and in one a woman calls, frantic, because her house is on fire. would on-star really be first on your mind when your house is on fire? does 911 still work? you'd think the fire department would come to mind in such a case. nope, on-star. help from above. we don't need no water let the motherfucker burn.

we may be hearing alot about this incident in the coming days. and honestly, i get much more nauseous when i think of some of these senators' reactions and comments. and rush limbaugh is just a wretched excuse for a human being possessing no redeeming qualities in him whatsoever. judge for yourselves, this is what he said concerning the beheading of nick berg:

"You'll see an effort to get the Nick Berg's family in Philadelphia to go public and say, 'Yes, if it weren't for the Bush administration, our son, whatever, would still be alive.' This is the normal procedure that the left has taken on such matters."

if you read that article (linked above), you'll see that the family did not want their son's execution made public. it was, in fact, the state department that released the story (maybe to lessen criticism brought about by the prisoner abuse photos?).

interesting nugget of the day: for every $3 we spend on the iraqi shimsham mishmash, we spend $1 on homeland security. look it up, i promise.

album du jour: ash meltdown

as in "pull out" of the region, iraq, etc.

an interesting tidbit: yesterday was not only mother's day, but also the anniversary of the fda's approval of the birth control pill (44 years ago or so). what a coinkydink.

this is how lazy i am right now in my life. i have a book at the local library waiting for me, which is about a quarter of a mile away, and i can't make myself walk to get it. not just because i have to go there to pick it up, but because i'd have to eventually go back to return it. also when i'm on my computer doing whatever (surfing, spamming, identity theft, etc.) i avoid having to use my left arm to type with by saving various usernames, passwords, and other copy in a file so that i can just use my mouse to open it, then copy and paste. that has to be very close to rock bottom - i don't want to move my left arm. actually i'm just preparing myself for when i have a stroke. and i know i can just force myself to do things, i just can't exact change right now.

also i've gotten addicted to air america radio, which i guess is good and bad, becaus it keeps me informed but also gets me very flustered and stressed. yesterday i was even listening to re-airings that i had already heard last week. why can't i ever get addicted to normal things, like heroin or pcp.

i could blog and bitch about politics several times a day, but i won't because i know it gets redundant. isn't it nice that i think of my audience (both mom and dad)? one last thing though, i don't think i will ever get tired of hearing paula zahn say "pull out" on a nightly basis.

album du jour: ben kweller on my way

buttercup

today is the government-endorsed national prayer day. thoughts? i'm just going to pray to on-star, because their commercials are just great.

orlando bloom really looks like prince humperdink (the princess bride) in the previews to troy. i know the character paris who he plays is supposed to be sort of a charming, lover-not-a-fighter type, but mostly he just reminds me of an armored-up michael flatley (not that there's anything wrong with that). he's been playing these lead-hero lead-romantic roles but he just doesn't convey that intended manly-man hero mythos, to me anyway. he seems to always have more on-screen sexual chemistry with his male co-stars (depp, vigo) than the fems.

here's my prediction for the friends finale, keeping in mind i haven't watched it in about two years so i have very little knowledge about the current plotline. but i did figure out the basic formula some time ago, so here it goes: ross comes clean with rachel, who at first rejects him but then with about ten minutes left in the episode comes running off a plane or a train or another means of conveyance and professes her reciprocal love (audience does the predictable "wooo-hooo"s and cheering), and blah blah happily ever after. joey eats something with tomato sauce, chandler says "could this be any more predictable?" monica cleans stuff, phoebe (or "pheebs" as i like to call her) does a rain dance, and everything ends happily and safely, leaving the 700 trillion fans of the show feeling good about themselves. and friday morning every water cooler in the world wants to commit suicide to avoid the chatter.

rumsfeld going on tv tomorrow, i'm giddy. i'll be watching it drinking out of a big-gulp-sized jug of my pappy's homemade moonshine with a big fat cigar i made out of parsley, while going deaf from the high level of decibels blaring out of my surround speakers. it's gonna be great!

album du jour: the cranes loved

hail the conquering hero

this is how w's writers come up with his speeches: let's take into account everything that has happened in the past four years under our administration and say that the polar opposite has happened, and we'll come out sounding rosy (the absolute best is when someone from the commerce department tries to explain how exporting jobs to other countries is actually good for the economy. entertainment gold!).

do some fact-checking, i promise i'm not kidding. and please don't watch the news, or at least realize that it is all skewed. we see the story as interpreted by the media, whatever their political alignment (or misalignment) may be. observing the subject always changes it. so read, or watch cspan, because nothing you hear or see on any news network is true. this is not me being cynical, take any news story and google it, or whatever. find out for yourself.

something else that's interesting to do: go on cnn and read any particular global story and then go on al jazeera (or any foreign news network, bbc, etc.) and read their story on the smae thing. i don't mean to imply that either is more accurate than the other, but you can see how at least one is propagandizing the story. who's to say which is right? how can anyone be obtuse enough to believe that we get the straight story 100% of the time because we live in america and foreign news agencies spout lies 100% of the time because they don't?

and how much sense does it make that terrorists hate us because we are free and enjoy a better quality of life. does anyone seriously believe that religious jihads are undertaken because of jealousy? bin laden is (or at least was) wealthier than most of us will ever be. i can't imagine he had a very difficult life. why then all the hatred for america?

the people we went to "liberate" are now being referred to as "insurgents". and another interesting tidbit - one of saddam's former generals (jassim mohammed saleh) has now been made leader of iraqi troops (you have to check out the picture of him in this article and the article itself, it's eerie). but this is perfectly fine, i'm sure he was one of those top-tiered underlings of saddam that had absolutely no idea about the atrocities he committed (or ordered to be committed?), and was completely innocent of any wrong-doing. maybe he's one of those "nice" former iraqi generals with a heart of gold. "i was just following orders" comes to mind.

aside from the fact that saddam hussein was evil and inhumane to his people (and if that's our only rationale how many other countries can we thus "liberate"), i see no redeeming quality whatsoever in invading iraq. there's that whole "region-stablizing" theory that we can't know for sure about for several years, but that seems at best flimsy to me. maybe there's something i'm missing in all this; i honestly and truly hope so. if anyone can offer some semblance of a sensible reason why any of this is going on please let me know, because i'm getting exponentially disheartened in our country as the days go by.

this is why we shouldn't vote for kerry: he threw away two medals he was awarded for his vietnam service 30 years ago and owns an suv. i know these aren't the only arguments, but it's funny how they're the ones you hear being shouted most loudly from the peanut gallery.

sorry about the political tirade, i needed it.

album du jour: french kicks the trial of the century

canada here i come

i am so embarrassed to be an american right now. i don't blame the soldiers; quite the contraray. anyone being kept in that environment for so long with no end in sight and no hope of reprieve from their government would go crazy and do crazy things. it happened in vietnam (oh sorry, we're not supposed to make such comparisons). and we can't know the names and faces of those who gave their lives during the war and the year of post-"mission accomplished" because it would adversely affect public opinion of the war, i mean occupation, i mean "liberation". i don't understand - we can be proud of and recognize the soldiers currently serving there, but if they die we have to forget about them? why is the public so tolerant of such things.

album du jour: eisley marvelous things ep

pig vomit

last night i could not would not fall asleep. i was trying to avoid taking my nightly sleeping pill cocktail to stave off addiction. so up all night doing nothing. i watched american splendor which i thought was surprisingly depressing and hilarious. the actor playing the main character is a guy named paul giamatti, but i'll forever know and refer to him as pig vomit (from the howard stern movie). pig vomit is a good actor. pig vomit could easily play the lead in the life story of jon lovitz.

then i cut the grass at eight because it was supposed to rain late-morning and our yard was getting overgrown. our high-class next-door neighbors throw empty doritos bags in our yard and i like running over them. also ant hills. i always think about that part of honey, i shrunk the kids where the kids are all hanging on to a blade of grass trying not to get sucked up into the mower. i make sure to linger over ant hills, just in case some ants or annoying little shrunken kids are hanging around in there. smug, tiny sons of bitches.

album du jour: blind mr. jones stereo muscale

is donald rumsfeld mentally retarded? seriously.

this is the persuasive essay i wrote for my cousin. i was going to do the anti-teen abstinance topic but the word count thing was messing me up, so i wrote an essay expressing displeasure for length restrictions on writing assignments in school. i hope it sounds like a high school paper. i really don't remember what that is.

also, sorry for submitting what is essentially a bullshit filler entry, but i'm lazy. anyway, colon:

The writing proces is one depdendent on a person's creativity. Whether writing for journalism, school, or a magazine (among many others), the creative process is highly complicated. Difficulties run rampant during any writing process, even when no restrictions exist concerning the length of a work. Therefore, no writing assignment should ever be constrained by size limits, especially in an educational environment.

Often it seems criteria are placed on the maximum lengths of writing assignments in hopes of encouraging conciseness. Should not the length of a paper depend solely on the subject matter though? Setting a maximum number of pages or words only hurts the effectiveness of a body of work and the writer's ability to completely get his or her point across. Such is especially true when the work is of a persuasive nature.

Requiring a minimum word count is just as counterproductive as requiring a maximum one. If the writer is able to clearly and effectively state their position in, for instance, two pages, then forcing out an extra page (for a three-page assignment, in this example) would only encourage rambling. An extra page of drivel does nothing but take away from a case trying to be made.

Some would say that essay length requirements are not entirely detrimantal. Teaching students to focus on being concise with maximums or comprehensive with minimums can be an effective teaching tool, however, emphasizing subjects and making convincing arguments should be the top priority in a writer's education. Limiting the size should be a distant second, but is too often over-emphasized.

The various subjects taught in schools have in each of them layer upon layer of varying elements, and learning the key ones is not easy. Concerning English, and more specifically writing, subjectivity is something that is especially difficult to capture and put on paper. The persuasive essay by nature is difficult enough without having size constraints, which seem to be always over-emphasized.

album du jour: the quails atmosphere

domo arigatos mr. robotos

the inferno was a rerun tonight so i ended up watching the swan on fox. if you haven't heard of or seen it, the premise is that they take two plain-looking women and for three months put them through several plastic surgeries, exercise and diet routines, and counseling (some have mental anguish), all the while not being allowed to look at themselves in a mirror. the big climax comes at the end of their three months when they see themselves for the first time and are delighted or dejected. jimmy crack corn and i don't care about the contest aspect of the show (one of them is chosen at the end to go on to the final bauty contest), but i was thinking about plastic surgery. i've been passively against it for the most part, and i was about to go on a mental tirade to myself (as i tend to do often - remember though i can be preachy now because i'm a narcissist) about the ills of aesthetics and society and all that superficial jazz, but it came to me that if this rigorous identity-rape makes these people feel better about themselves, then what the frig. of course if everyone does it we'll all end up looking alike, and individuality will be stifled, and we'd be screwing over mother nature, and bra sizes will force us to come up with a longer alphabet. and then, after everyone's faces and bodies look alike, we can start mandating uniforms like they do in catholic schools (and a startling amount of public ones), that way no one will stray outside of the box and cause radical thinking/practices. hooray! the outliers will be gone! we get rid of the religious fanatics and mother theresas all at the same time - that would be super. so it would seem life, then, is just one big range of variables that somehow everyone wants to make less extreme. change is scary, we don't like new things, and we're most contented with seeing the same movies and plot lines all the time and the same characters on tv. so i should have been happy to watch my rerun of the inferno.

and since i'm on tv, how influential is its power of suggesstion?. everyone loves raymond? then i should love it too... must see tv? jesus, i really must see it then. american idol? must... worship... talentless... clods...

album du jour: lali puna scary world theory

am i larry clark?

i just finished writing an informative essay for my cousin, who is a senior in high school, and am now about to start another one for him, this one a persuasive essay. i'm wondering aloud about subjects. is teenage abstinance something worthy of arguing against (it's not like they'll keep him from graduating if the teacher has a dissenting opinion)? i just have to make some strong salient points, such as...for the girls, it makes boys like you. and for the rest of your life you'll be able to reminisce with friends about all the sex you had in high school, and that will make you seem cool and popular. also it gives you good experience for college, since you'll probably have to take biology, yes biology, sooner or later. and boning while in high school means that you're taking an interest in something other than drugs that entails exercise and hones your social skills. i see no downside.

although there is the possibility of pregnancy, std's, lawsuits, child support and death, but meh. i mean come on, syphilis? please.

album du jour: the siddeleys slum clearance

suck it polyphonic spree

never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

-margaret mead

may is going to be a wonderful month. noteable releases: the pixies dvd, ash, robert pollard, juliana hatfield (marry me juliana...i know i'm young but we can make it work dammit!), call and response, mirah, magnetic fields, komeda, the thermals, the mekons, the exploding fuck dolls (don't even know who they are i just liked the name), of montreal, the beta band, gomez, the unicorns, minus the bear, and, to counter all this wonderful stuff, the polyphonic fucking spree. tim delaughter wants to act like jesus (ahem marketing ploy) since his former tripping daisy bandmate od'd, but says their music is not religious. tim let me introduce you to scott stapp. scott, this is tim. yes, the one in the robe.

album du jour: godstar sleeper

getting nowhere quickly

i bought a treadmill today. this way i don't have to meander pitt buls, teenage gangsters, drunk drivers or the weather. my angel food cake already took advantage of its intended use. i've always thought treadmills were funny - alien visitors spying on us would have no idea what we're doing. i'm going to get a hamster and put a wheel in its cage, then put it right by the treadmill. no i won't, i'm way too lazy.

no caffeine in eight days, which must be some kind of personal record. it's nice when you don't have to get up for shit. i've been going through diet rite cola like heroin (no caffeine).

album du jour: the darling buds erotica

chronicle myself

i'm going to try to go from being hyper-self-deprecating to narcissistic in hopes of countering the former. i've already started taking megabyte upon megabyte of digital pictures of myself, doing things. mostly just sitting. my new mantra is going to be something akin to a certain right said fred song (i can't write it - you know what, "the-song-who-shall-not-be-named"). maybe some frankie goes to hollywood. now that i think of it the eighes were much more uplifting than the present. then you were walking on sunshine and feeling good and everyone got the beat. these days it seems like an inordinately copious number of people grew up on the mean streats of detroit and over-buy on razorblades, and can't sing the songs they didn't write yet still make the money.

so yes, i am now narcissistic. none of you are good enough to read my blog. you better recognize.

album du jour: sixteen deluxe emits showers of sparks

the role of street person number three

i'm thinking of going back to school in the fall. just to have direction and a goal. i tend to come up with passing fancies frequently though, so who's to say what this is.

earlier i was thinking i have no personality. the way i am is really just some random amalgam of different characters i've seen and admired. my lines and jokes and conversational styles are all lifted from flim and television, more or less. i'm not really a person, just an actor.

fitting, since all the world's a stage?

album du jour: tenki view of an orbiting man

there goes

my uncle and his family live next to us. not next door, but caddycorner behind us. they're the ones who spend the night every now and then (the children, not the uncle/aunt). the people who own the property right next to theirs recently moved the most hideous and obtrusive double-wide trailer into the lot, and utterly white-trashed down the property value here. this weekend though my uncle put up this huge eight-foot fence, which pretty much blocks out the view of the trailer, which first blocked out the view of what was a nice-looking pasture. the whole thing is a bit of a scandal around here (if that is any indicator of how dull things are chez moi).

album du jour: fonda the invisible girl

everyone should be voted off

right now i can't tell whether i'm bitter and envious at the good fortune and joy of others or genuinely resentful of the stupidity and alacrity with which they attain their successes. do i therefore resent not being stupid? maybe i am stupid and just don't realize it. there's probably some gigantically simple cosmic secret i'm not getting that enables all those countless others to function normally and not evaluate their own self-worth on saturday nights. how is it that the most inane and morally-skewed of us are rewarded with book deals and music careers and million dollar 30-second commercials and spots on regis. why is this culture so. how did we get to be such a supposed advanced people while functioning this way, with our values in such misappropriation? i should start saying hello when i leave and good-bye when i arrive. and probably watch less tv.

this may be one of those posts i delete later on.

and you know what else, i'm really starting to enjoy my junk mail. i even completely turned off my filter. maybe i could pioneer a new addiction.

album du jour: vancouver nights vancouver nights

what's this aboot

i think i want to move to canada. maybe montreal or britsh columbia. it's got to be much cooler/colder, and there seem to be so many good bands coming out of canada lately. maybe if bush gets re-elected in november i'll really do it. drastic notions of change are always easier to deal with in the sense of far-offness. procrastinating, to put it bluntly. idle threat, to put it another and more honest way.

my cousin and i stayed up late watching sort of a "too hot for tv" list of videos on m2. it brought back memories. it's hard to think that nine inch nails' "closer" video is now a memory. fuck it seems like yesterday. anyway i finally got to see the monkey tied to a cross that was behind the "scene missing" slides. i've known what it was for a long time but never seen it. now i can die a happy and fulfilled individual.

album du jour: modest mouse good news for people who love bad news

quote of the day: "fact-checking is for pussies. kronkite taught me that."

ed helms, the daily show

pimp this

there's a show on mtv called "pimp my ride" hosted by rap guy xzibit where they take someone's old p.o.s. automobile and fix it up real nice-like. well last night i had a dream that xzibit pimped my bicycle, which is especially odd since i don't have a bike. it was blue with sparkles, and for some reason a girl's bike. but they didn't do a very good job because i was riding it down pinhook and the brakes wouldn't work.

i tried to watch george bush's q&a session last night but it was too unbearable. it's always just so awkward when he tries to answer questions impromptu like that. and as much as i like to see him falter, it's just not right in so many ways.

album du jour: say hi to your mom numbers and mumbles

hoppity

crawfish boils really stink. i was walking around the block saturday night, the same time i walk every day, and there were two seperate homes on my route that were hosting crawfish-festooned easter vigils. it was unpleasant. plus every other minute some car would whiz by me speeding, screeching, peeling out, etc. in revelry. one car hit a tree not far from me. it's good to know that people hold easter in such esteem that they have to be drunken manly men (or manly women - i refer only to the mentality) and burn rubber. i can't throw stones (oooooo.....biblical), i'm not quite a religious zealot around religious holidays. come to think i'm not really a zealot about anything. i guess i could be an apathy zealot. am i? really? meh, don't care.

i took sleeping pills saturday night and slept all day sunday and today.

album du jour: komeda what makes it go

In an age when all music is free, dedicating yourself to just one specific genre or type only denies you the hedonistic musical bliss that is rightfully yours.

-pitchfork media

i watched 21 grams last night. it was one of the most emotionally draining movies i've seen lately. it's pretty much two hours of naomi watts crying and fucking and snorting. and i've had enough of sean penn for a good while.

pass over

my parents were supposed to come for easter but my dad is too busy at work so they're not. i was looking forward to a hassel-free family-free holiday weekend. but low and behold one of my uhcle-and-aunt sets is coming to stay with us on saturday night. they're very nice people and i really do like them. their children are mostly my age - twentysomething - and have jobs and spouses. it pains me to think how normal and good their lives are. two of the weddings were actually in october and november of last year. i didn't go to either. i opted out because i couldn't endure a big gathering with lots of rarely-seen family members asking me the same questions that the family member right before them asked, of course pertaining to what i'm doing with myself (if they only knew!) and what my lofty aspirations are, job-wise. it's like talkiing abou the weather with a stranger - talking about work with family. and now i can't just not go, because they're coming to me, and they'll either be cross that i didn't go, think i don't like them, or i can fess up and be further enmeshed in self-image deprecation (and i can't think of a reasonable lie, which i am very good at doing).

i could fake my own kidnapping like that wisconsin girl. that may actually be something i'd do anyway. it would be fun to create a crime scene.

album du jour: snow patrol final straw

and so few answers

the pentagon issued a press release saying that everything was "under control" in iraq. i'm glad i'm stupid and gullible or else i might not believe that.

also, earlier i saw a commercial for sargento brand cheese, and they said "our family's passion is cheese". what does that mean? how does one become passionate about cheese, and subsequently turn his/her family on to said passion? do they eat anything besides cheese? are they passionate about anything else? have they seen mel gibson's jesus movie? this all raises so many questions (some of which pertain to if and how exactly my thought processes work).

album du jour: phantom planet phantom planet

house of jealous lovers

the rapture and black rebel motorcycle club in houston on the 18th, i'm in like the rose

i was doing dishes and i decided to do some air fencing with the big kettle spoon, so i did a perry and a thrust and probably some other fencing moves i'm not aware of, and when i was done the spoon was dry. also i cut the grass and fed the cat and went to the post office and library. what is wrong with me today, i'm not usually this productive.

album du jour: on!air!library! on air library

kill snow birds 5

why do they think that if they put perforations on all four sides of the letter it will make me respond to whatever bullshit publication contest that i've mysteriously already won. i didn't realize perforations were supposed to affect perceptions. anyway. gas bill, garbage pick-up, children international, something about fifteen dvd's for fifty cents, and the weekly pale yellow envelope (oddly not perforated). it was the only thing i didn't discard.

i usually get at least four days to prepare for whatever the following assignment is. the instructions come encrypted. there's this decryption software cd i have to use to decipher the message (oddly labeled "aol version 5.1 with extended features". how funny). more often than not it consists of only a name, an address, and a "preferred date of administration". the service is quite fond of using such euphemisms, presupposing such vernacular will aid in maintaining a certain level of discretion. my own creativity comes into play when figuring out just how i'm going to perform said task. personally i'm fond of mixing up my methods. who doesn't want variety in the workplace, right?

i didn't recognize this person's name. i never do, with the sole exception of dear old pa-pap last time. this time a woman, lving in tuscon, arizona. never surprising since most old people go there in hopes of prolonging life. cleaner air or something. i read once that doc holliday went there to help his tuberculosis. rather i didn't so much read it as saw the movie. lots of these old people flock to warmer climates, electric blankets in tow. those are the ones i especially relish working on. i really hate the elderly.

album du jour: lenola treat me to some life

my favorite quote of the day: "they say crack is the new cleavage"

o.p.e.c.-kers

while on my daily sojourn to the post office and local library i noticed an inordinately large amount of suv's on the road. my route takes me by the elementary/middle school here and it was 3:00, so i guess all the parents were picking up their respective johnnies and susies. i really started to ruminate on how much i dislike suv's, not just for the shitty gas mileage, but just the trendiness of it and all the frivolity. some people i'm sure really need that soccer-mom vehicle, but you know a great deal would do just as well (and probably better given the ever-increasing petrol costs) with a civic or something of the like, if they would just swallow their massive fucking egos and realize that material things are ultimately shit. i hate wastefulness. but maybe i'm just jealous of not having a vehicle of my own - like when you resented the popular kids in high school and chided and made fun of them to yourself and your friends (or in my case "friends" minus the -s) but really you just wanted to be one. regardless of how much self-analysis i do i can't tell which i'm doing in regards to suv's. but now i'm back in my hole, so who really gives a flibbedy flabbedy fuck.

album du jour: moonbabies the orange billboard

i am going to have an all-out throw-down fiesta may 3, the day the pixies release their dvd. they're doing a "world" tour, which is already sold out and whose only u.s. venues are in califuckingfornia. we should be grateful for what we get i suppose. also pj harvey has a new one coming out may 31.

chris rock has another hbo special on april 16 i believe. that's another party. nigga.

rx wallow and stew

being depressed is like walking around with a big wet carpet on top of you. it's during these periods that i keep myself on a steady diet of sleep aids - doxylamine succinate (25mg) or diphenhydramine hcl (non-habit forming) or, when i want an all-around xanax-comparable experience, i use acetamenophin (500mg) and dyphenhydramine hydrochloride (25mg) in conjunction with the two aforementioned. really these are all just over-the-counter sleep aids, but i like to be dramatic at times. when i come to these fight-or-flight situations i go with option inconsciousness, which i suppose really is a type of flight.

i got some posters in the mail that i ordered on ebay (about a month ago slow-shipping dicks!) of the dandy warhols, elastica, the rapture, blake babies, and the raveonettes. i'm not going to put them up while i'm still living with my aunt - only when i have my own place will i allow myself to put them up and enjoy them. motivation for the un-motivated.

album du jour: stereolab margerine eclipse

in general i'm not a huge fan of stereolab; their albums usually have one or two tracks that i like and the rest is borderline filler, but i really enjoyed this, their latest.

a penny for this?

this afternoon i dreamt about nascar (yes, the cars that do circles). for some reason i had an aerial view of the last lap of a race, and the winner won and got out of his (or her, do women race?) car and was congratulated enmasse. but then two men among the mob pulled out guns, a mix of rifles and handguns, and just started shooting people dead. the crowd started running and scattering but the guys kept picking off stragglers. the winning driver walked up to one of them to plead with him to stop but the gunman shot him in the face. this dream really wreaked of tranch-coatness, which is not me at all. i think maybe it's just some manifestation of my extreme distaste for auto racing, or sports of any kind really (except for most extreme elmination challenge on spike - that shit is redonkulous!). what i'm curious about is this: the day before i have a dream about something that i usually don't dream about i have a passing thought about the subject for roughly one to two seconds, and that's all. for many years it was tim curry and the movie it, because i remember that movie sticking with me for a while (mostly because i was probably too young to have been watching it and it scared the bejeezus out of me). i don't remember thinking about auto racing yesterday though. i don't think i even turned on the tv yesterday. the only thing i could come up with is that there's a song called nascar by this band francine that i really like, and i believe it was on rotation yesterday here in my one-room brothel. i should start listening to songs about fornication. 2 live crew comes to mind.

album du jour: air talkie walkie

i'm so emo lately.

current mood: postal service give up

i need to invent some really positively-aligned mantras to repeat to myself during what seems like the constant onslaughts of depression fits i'm plagued with. and definitely avoid the sad bastard music at said times - counter-productive. i love you all.

anna how did you do it?

i've been coming up with responses to comments about weight gain, and i think the best way to deal with such observations is to chalk it up to whimsy. thus, i've conjured the following explanations to the remark "have you put on weight":

- yes i'm training for the nfl
- i was stung by a bee and i'm allergic
- i'm auditioning for a part in the porno version of "whale rider"
- i'm auditioning for a part in the beastiality film "whale ride her"
- i am making a documentary about the effects of eating only mcdonald's food for a month. what? fuck!!!
- i ate a baby (no idea)
- i'm pregnant (oh feel those kicks, he's gonna be a soccer player. he is... he iiissss...)
- trimspa baby!
- yes i'm starting to fill out quite nicely
- lay off me i'm starving

no those last couple aren't mine

album du jour: polara polara

twist to open

i wish all plastic soda bottles would have messages under the caps. i almost even look forward to the "sorry try again" message. now i instinctively look under plastic caps whether there's a contest running or not. the marketers have trained this consumer well i guess.

pretty grils make graves are great. i have an andrea zollo signature on a napkin. i tried to get her phone number but she laughed at me....someone from the area must have warned her ahead of time. damn you! i'm going to go get drunk again.

album du jour: pretty girls make graves the new romance

kill snow birds 4

on the road three houses down from my house was a dead dog. i stared at it for ten minutes i think. i was still fucked up from the pine sol. it was just too pitiful not to look at, and made me sadder the longer i conceived it. and the blaring contradiction stared me in the face, of lamenting a dead stray yet feeling nothing at speargunning my father's father. the notion of being a hypocrite is very unappealing to me, but i figured if millions of church-goers could do it why not me. i'm no better than anyone, far worse in most cases.

so i finally went inside my shanty. i tripped over my fucking scooty-puff in the dark and kicked it into the kitchen. i turned on my metronome without turning on the lights, then took some red bull and vodka from the fridge. this day sucked. every day sucked, but this one in particular, what with having to kill a relative and the dead dog and all. not to mention my fucking scooty-puff, which i think now had pieces missing. i sat on the floor and opened my mail.

album du jour: midwest product specifics

for anyone with decent taste in music, and within reasonable distance to baton rouge (port allen actually), the band pretty girls make graves is going to be playing at 415 music hall on the 22nd, which is this coming monday. the constantines are playing the same night, which should also be good.

i'm summering in baghdad this year

it's really funny to watch scott mcclellan being interviewed in the white house on cnn preaching how wonderfully the progress in iraq is going and the democracy that is now flourishing there, while pictures of the latest bombing and the burning buildings, smoke, chaos, and body bags are shown in the background. it blows my mind. this entire administration bases its policy justifications on telling people that it's raining while pissing on their shoes.

album du jour: camera obscura to change the shape of an envelope

suck my ass maria menudos

i don't care how many internet sex tapes she makes, paris hilton can go to hell and die. famous for the sake of being rich is one of the most condemnable things i can call to mind. it's not entirely her fault (society you fuckers!), although she can be blamed for the flaunting and modeling and camera-whoring and nicole richie-ing she does. side note - if you never saw nicole richie eat it while trying to ride a harley on some pre-awards show red carpet, well, then you just haven't lived.

i need to quit watching et on vh1. everyone wears too many colors and accessories and denim and i feel stupid because i don't know what happened last week on the oc. afterwards i just feel old and crotchety and i have to drown my sorrows in antihistamines. damn you vh1!

album du jour: the loveless gift to the world

kill snow birds 3

anymore i can't lie unconscious and not have stress nightmares concerning the countless technical manuals i was force-fed during my education. the questions of morality that then plagued me dredge up feelings of guilt and worry that during my waking hours i do not have. but all fades away as i rise, this time staring at the barely rotating ceiling fan in pa-pap's shitty kitchen. it's missing a blade. briefly i forget where i am but then recognize the aftertaste of pine, and recall my current situation. my job is done, so i leave as sleuthly as i came, grabbing the bowl of antacids from the kitchen table for solitaire colon games later. i'm going to walk the nine miles home.

album du jour: blonde redhead misery is a butterfly

my thoughts on wal-mart

it's a giant community-killer that cyphens the life out of local small businesses - pet stores (wal-mart now sells fish - live and frozen), grocers, etc. (we've all been to wal-mart, you can get underwear and liquor and fake plants all in the same place). while i disapprove of the wal-mart practice of undercutting smaller businesses and driving them under, and the whole illegal immigrant abuse thing, i'm poor and relegated to shopping there for now. but when i get a job, fuck you wal-mart.

lady friend came over last night and we discussed some things and decided that we're better off being friends. i am relieved.

album du jour: blonde redhead misery is a butterfly

my titles are sometimes way too random and/or way too obscure. sorry.

you're not that social, just a good drinker

yesterday while riding into town with my cousin there was a pretty bad traffic accident that made us about half an hour late for my appointment with my shrink, and i was thinking while waiting that being in line trying to get past an accident is like waiting in a line for some sort of exhibit. your reward for giving up your time is that you get to see some potentially real carnage and maybe even some raw human emotion. i'm not sadistic enough to say that i take great pleasure in the misfortunes of others (i would rarely actually wish such things on someone), but if it's there anyway then why not observe and feel a bit better that you're not that person? a traffic accident is also analagous to a pyramid scheme - if you get in early (see it right after it happened) you are rewarded with a scene, but if you're way back in line you may have to wait so long that all you get to see are skid marks.

as i said, i was late for my psychologist's appointment and really glad because of it. all he does is repeat right back to me whatever it is i say - no real insight there. he did give me a sample of some kind of artificial sweetener (how that topic came about i can't recall). three packets for a hundred bucks - not bad eh? there are several instances of these really awkward pauses where no one says a thing and i want to jump out the window or eat my own hand. i'm going to have to start coming up with material during the week to talk about so i'm not bored to death. i'd rather not go at all, but it's all to allay whatever it is my parents are thinking about me. maybe they should be in therapy.

album du jour: maxeen maxeen

look east young man

methinks i'm going to start working out in the morning instead of later in the day. it's not really morning. in the traditional sense i suppose it is. my sleeping pattern lately has been to crash around four in the afternoon and wake up at two a.m. so if i'm working out, say, at seven then really it's more like doing it in the afternoon (haha, i said "doing it". no more beavis and butt-head marathons for me on mtv2 saturday nights). except i almost feel like a normal person that gets up at the crack of whatever to exercise before heading off to work (robots!!!).

i should also cut the grass today. how wonderfully outdoorsy of me - i am such a man. my back even hurts.

album du jour: the rosebuds the rosebuds make out

what in the world 2

to be cursed with the title of elderberry-killer. it is a life sans compassion or love of any kind. there are only colors of black and red, and grey. my grandfather was a new low - never before had it been such a close relative. years ago i found a great uncle on the list, but he wasn't close, and i think he molested one of my second cousins at some point in the past. now that i think of it she always was a real cunt rag. maybe that explains it. nevertheless, spearing pa-pap in the gut ended up leaving my own stomach uneasy. i hurdled his now idle body and searched for the medicine cabinet. about the only benefit of this lifestyle was the bevy of booty at my disposal contained in most seniors' medicine cabinets. it almost made me look forward to old age. pa-pap, despite the respirator and wheel chair, was in surprisingly spry shape (excluding of course the two-foot steel rod penetrating his lower intestines). his stockpile consisted only of medamucil and some sort of generic multivitamins. angrily, i kicked his carcass en route to my secondary source. he had little else but pine sol under the sink. i made do.

album du jour: built to spill perfect from now on

bloody black laptop

my computer is giving me grief so i'm forced to wipe it out and start anew, which really is a good maintenance practice anyway. i've just been too lazy to go through the backup and restore process. plus i'm sure i'll forget to copy something, which make me nervous. but, what are you gonna do (so now i'm sounding like barbara streisand? what's up with that).

the cat has taken a shine to sleeping on my desk adjacent to my monitor. it's cute, but swiftly becoming annoying (what with the hair and floor crud near my laptop - probably not healthy). oh but look at that little punam, i couldn't make her move. pussy-whipped am i.

martha martha martha! bear in mind that a tossed salad means something entirely differen in the slammer (i mean the slam-her).

album du jour: ash 1977

a sadistic asshole i am

this new ph.d. counselor guy is pretty much a wall. a little while goes by and i forget that i'm not talking to myself. he has interesting waiting room material so i'll keep going. i would spend time in waiting rooms just for fun if i could get away with it, especially those of a psychological nature. i was thinking about acting out some nervous ticks in the company of other patients, or rambling to myself constantly in a very low voice. or do the jack nicholson "as good as it gets" floor crack evasion thing when walking, although that would only be useful getting to and from a seat.

the girl i've been seeing, as much as i do the typical "seeing" thing, has been cut off. specifically i can't say why, save for the fact that i felt like it. and usually i'm the polar opposite of a callous and mysterious person when it comes to relationship etiquette (i'm more often than not pretty open about things), but just not this time. a jackass thing to do, but there it is and here i am.

do i smell a sequel to the passion of the christ? possible titles:

the christ II: extreme resurrection
jesus and silent god strike back
crucifixion 2: die harder (includes pyrotechnics and cgi)
how jesus got his groove back

i'm only kidding religiosos.

album du jour: cave in antenna

what in the world

since my life lately hasn't provided much fodder for really quality blog matter i'm just going to start making up stuff in the style of a really trite novel.

he squeezed the trigger of the speargun, firing a piercing shot through the lower torso of his grandfather. the old man, unable to scream due to the respirator, slumped over and fell out of the antique wheel chair he loathed. he lay there motionless, save for the struggling rise and fall of his chest as he battled for air. the stagnant mutton joint he was gumming hourse earlier lay near him. the pet ferrett carried it away. young man walked to his grandfather and calmly whispered, "less filling, bizatch".

album du jour: moloko do you like my tight sweater?

cut me mick

lately i've had problems with inactivity and overeating that i can't seem to get over. more often than not i can get over these spuradic periods of sloth, but for some reason i haven't been able to of late. i was thinking about going to texas to stay with my parents until i lose about 50 pounds. kind of like rocky iv when he went to the ussr to train for his fight with dolph lundgren. my parents have a pool, lots of hills to run up, plus i could bring my chuck norris total gym (i'm a sucker for a.m. infomercials). then i could return to la in triumph wearing nothing but the american flag and a pair of black socks.

never say "back in the day"

album du jour: saint etienne sound of water

phizz on the aisle

i picked all the oscar winners. in the major categories anyway. i tried to watch it all but i fell asleep and dreamt that sofia coppola brought me to the oscars as her date and she won best director and i was there to congradulate her over and over again. then i had to cross the aisle and congradulate renee zellwegger a bit as well. i'm kind like that.