Monday, January 08, 2007

Sweet Sweet Lady Vice

Lately my vices have been steering me towards an Adam Ant inclination to not drink or smoke at all because I have very little self-control once I start the liquid intake. Thusly my social relationships suffer, my bank account REALLY suffers, and my diet regiment suffers.

I can successfully give up all of the above, but the rub arises in that I don't socialize hardly as much if I'm not planning on partaking in the aforementioned saucery. I can go weeks at a time without drinking or doing anything remotely unhealthy, but during those times I barely even speak to anyone.

Conversely, I drink and feel compelled to talk to EVERYONE, regardless of the time or topic or appropriateness. In retrospect the blackouts are a blessing.

So the obvious answer is moderation, you would think. But I am not capable of moderation. If I have a buzz then I'm at a point of no return (my life in the 21st century has basically become a compilation of lyrics from the 80's). Frankly the people who say "well just stop when you get a buzz" irritate the semen out of me. Chemical dependence isn't something you can really understand unless you have it in some form or fashion, but I at least expect people to sympathize with the fact that certain things are exponentially more difficult for others than for themselves.

For instance, I smoke when I drink and sporatically on other occasions, but I've never had even the slightest problem giving up cigs for an entire month. I'm not such a jackass, though, to assume that it should be that simple for everyone only because it was my experience.

Ultimately I'm looking for advice here. My life has always been one of extremes, so much so that I may be incapable of happy mediums, no matter how many hours I sit under my happy-place tree.

Currently Listening to:

Sing-Sing and I (2006)

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