Friday, April 14, 2006


here's a globule of posts from myspace i didn't post here.

while watching internet porn last night on a site called "8th street latinas" it occurred to me, what many coporatists have been saying lately may have credence -- mexicans really do take the jobs americans don't want. snap!

it's sad and funny to watch racist xenophobes rail against the corporatists who like slave labor, in regard to the immigration hoo-ha. personally i love mexicans and the latino community as a whole. with the possible exception of george lopez -- he's just not funny.

i saw a video clip on the news yesterday of anti-protest protesters lighting the mexican flag on fire, saying "burn baby burn." my jaw literally dropped (not unlike the girl from "8th street latinas"). if i had to pick a race to lambaste lately it would be white americans. we suck hard.

why are color commentators for men's sports always men and those of women's sports are usually women? i ask this after an enthralling afternoon of texas a & m and olklahoma women's softball yesterday.

side note -- the UL softball team is ranked 13th in the nation. is that anything?

my laughing buddha tchochke was destroyed this weekend by my cat, uber (borth pictured left). i was heartbroken. i was on my knees repeatedly yelling "there is no god! there is no god!" now i'm worshipping my statue of a non-laughing, more pensive version of buddha. it's not as cheery, but is on top of my television so i can meditate and watch "trading spouses" at the same time.

incidentally, if you're wondering, i don't actually worship anything or watch "trading spouses." also, you shouldn't have been wondering.

myspace has sucked me in, addict-style. i must be the myspace target market: people mesmerized by flashing monitors both at work and home, few real-life friends, a lacking social life, possible self-esteem issues, and a yearning for acceptance and validation from strangers. the "phillip mythos" i can portray on my profile enables me to highlight what i view are my finer points, in all my me-ness.

HOWEVER, i make great strides not to misrepresent myself. inaccurate portrayals on a profile eventually become apparent when you actually meet someone face-to-face, if that is your goal. you always reap what you sow.

i like meeting people from myspace. i'm not one for approaching strangers in bars (at which time noone is really themselves thanks to lady liquor) and frankly have no idea how anyone meets anyone else anymore. it reminds me of a great "seinfeld" quote:

GEORGE: I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place to meet girls in New York.

JERRY: First it was the health club, then the supermarket, now the bookstore. They could put it anywhere they want, no one's meetin' anybody.

so is the myspace phenomenon something that comes with an embarrassing social stigma? when someone asks how you met person x and you say "on the internet" is it still like saying "i'm a loser who couldn't hack it socially in the non-virtual world?" i'm just trying to keep my finger on the pulse, out of my ass.

while i'm on the myspace topic, it's odd that my goal is to make friends and yet i'm continually trying to whittle down my "friends" list. it seems counterintuitive.

as passover nears my mind is naturally preoccupied with christian fervor. jesus is making a comeback y'all; a "resurrection," if you will. he will lower the price of gas to $10.00 a barrel. he will assist rappers in winning emmy's because they spend $50,000 on diamond-studded crucifixes. he will help football teams win superbowls. he will help chastity dunwoody of cotter, arkansas, win the state lottery and buy cigarettes and more scratch-offs. he will denounce love between anyone but a man and a woman; jesus' definition of love is conditional. he will assassinate hugo chavez, smite the wicked, and finally put an end to the oppression of christians, the scant 90%.

and is there anything more sinful and heavenly than a gigantic cadbury creme egg? methinks not. however the pro-life, anti-choice community reveres eggs of all kinds and must therefore picket the secularism of passover -- how many innocent ounces of cream filling must be aborted before we as a society wake up?. the damn chocolate bunnies and baskets and egg hunts for children. won't soemone please think of the children? why must the cadbury bunny cluck like a chicken? identity crisis? i'll tell you what that is, that thar goddamned rabbit's a homuhsexial, that's what. because as everyone knows, fags cluck.

i'm in the research and develpment phase of internalizing the belief that all people, regardless of gender and any preaching and renunciation of stereotypical attractions to the opposite sex, are at their base motivated first and foremeost by looks. they'll renounce assholes but continue to adore them (i really should have been a better wife, it's my fault). it especially holds true for men, moreso in fact (or at least not as well concealed), but only because it's par for the course for the typical manly-man to objectify women.

you have varying degress of resolve and standards about what you cllaim to be "looking for" in someone else, but most of it is inherent, instinctual lower-maslow-level desire for a suitable birth mate. in colloquial terms, self-aggrandizing horse shit. it undermines every notion of intellectiual progression that humanity has made in terms of relationships.

sex columnists are full of shit, enabling and placating people's desire, imbuing it with noble notions of depth and not being superficial. but the superficiality always lies just beneath the surface (pardon the pun), manipulating the behavior of all.

it's a psycopathic, perpetually horny hand up the puppet asses of every living creature.
adam smith recognized "the invisible hand of capitalism." i lay claim to "the invisible hand of human relationships."

as the famous philosopher master p said: "life ain't nothin' but bitches and money."

was anyone aware that christians are the new jews? i just heard about the attack on easter. what a savages nation. i never realized that the 85 hristian minority in this country was withstanding such persecutional onslaughts.

frankly i wasn't even aware that there were any christians left in this country. are they all in hiding? is this why they don't speak out? i am hereby starting a "save the christians" fund (tax-deductable, of course. checks payable to "cash").

dog bless bill o'reilly and tom delay and rick scarborough and james dobson for pioneering the "save christianity" movement. here's a protest picture of a handful of christians' futile attempts to stem persecution from the homosexual-dominated american majority:

before you know it the reference to "god" in the pledge of allegiance will be ousted. what then? one nation, under canada? concentration camps for christians and evangelicals? we have to stem the tide of secularism right now before we all start treating people as equals, respecting other religions, and, god forbid, embracing actual humanitarian efforts.

lest we want our children being taught that dinosaurs and humans did not co-exist, they'll grow up thinking that "the flintstones" is fiction. uh, yabba-dabba-DUH liberal jew media, the earth is olny 6,000 years old. get a bible-loving clue.

praise christ.

a wave of sociopathy just swept over me, exactly as they used to in lives past. my sociopathic tendencies used to be hard core in ye olden days, but since all the mood stabilizers i'm constantly on mitigate whatever inherent bete noires my physiology perpetuates, i'm happily ensconced in the middle, on the journey towards pastel averages.

i'd like a second opinion on this quote i heard the other day: "comedy is tragedy plus time." i guess it holds true for certain things, but no one rule can encompass the innumberable facets that go into comedy. anachronisms can be funny, sure. making fun of terri schiavo -- not so funny during the days leading up to her death (although i did dip into some pre-mortem humor, tactless bastard i am), but a year later, GOLD!

brecht. i grow acerbic of this journey; pondering, weak and weary.

maxim magazine sent me a free copy of their 100th issue, self-heralded as a "mind-altering special collector's edition." how could i not.

this is a men's magazine right? sort of a scaled-back playboy?

everyone in here is very shiny. lots of chicks in scant two-pieces and homosexual male models guised as metrosexuals. plenty of ads for cigarettes, chewing tobacco, alcohol and cologne. i picture broke college guys leafing through the magazine, rubbing cologne samples on their necks and pictures of jessica simpson on their crotches, all while pretending that $3.00 half-gallon of president's choice brand rum they're drinking is actually the new bacardi grandmelon.
just as all those thirtysomething iowa farmers' wives "sex and the city" die-hards watch the show thikning how much they have in common with carrie bradshaw and her fabulous, swinging, single, manhattan lifestyle.

why would one subscribe to maxim? i understand liking to look at hot ladies but doesn't everyone know there's free porn out there? moving pictures with sound. thanks internet.

maxim ---> garbage

a headline in the washington post today read "scores killed by quakes in iran." initially i thought it said "quakers" instead of "quakes" and wondered if somehow quakers were coerced by the bush administration into preemptively attacking iran. "there be weapons of mass idleness in iran there brothers -- time to raise a barn of pain and churn some chaos." it's sad those are the only things about quakers and the amish i know. also the no likey electricity.

incidentally how much will local radio stations play a flock of seagulls if we do publicly bomb iran? they love the obvious cheese of such jokes.

final four weekend: in another life i was an avid college basketball fan, now i'm not an avid anything. as usual i'm pulling for ucla to beat lsu just so the locals have to suck down some disappointment. yes i am that vindictive. if george mason was in my final four bracket a few weeks ago i'd be rolling around in uncut cocaine right now. but probably not. for now tony chachere's will have to do.

appropo of nothing (or everything), here are gandhi's eight sins:
  1. wealth without work
  2. pleasure without conscience
  3. commerce without morality
  4. worship without sacrifice
  5. politics without principle
  6. rights without responsibility
  7. knowledge without character
  8. science without humanity
giggedy giggedy, giggedy goo.

people en masse are oblivious to most things over four feet in front of and all things behind them. on maslow's hierarchy they are the lower-tier life-long revelers (thus the appeal of the lowest common denominator). they run on the wheel to get a pellet to run some more. just trees, no forests, no big pictures whatsoever. no sense of empathy or realization that differences in other humans exist arbitrarily in nature. dog forbid other people reside in the same planar world they do and may be affected by their running and pellet-eating, happy members of the ubiquitous ignorant fuckers association, for fuckers.

they're republicans, jocks, meatheads, elitists, c.e.o.'s, abramoffs, egotists, nurturing child impulses for revenge and possessions and one-upping everyone always just because. money and power aren't means to helping others, just ends in and of themselves. intellectual immaturity leaves their baser instincts free to run rampant and dictate their behavior, so they eschew compassion and thumb their noses at the poor and colored and blame them for being born poor and colored. get off your lazy ass and get a job, go back to mexico amigo.

the fervor perpetuates itself because it's easy; it requires no effort or sacrifice from anyone to blame wrongs on the wronged. it's easy to provoke a fight in the desert and send other people's family to back up your grandstanding with their lives. who wouldn't want such luxury? who wouldn't want the silver spoon birth? the view is great from the hijacked moral high ground.

look at the pyramid. how can that bulbous bottom level not cause me to be pessimistic? why does it have to get narrower towards the top? if there were a divine creator why would he/she/it/oprah have made it so?

i'm bitter. i need to stop reading local letters to the editor. fucking neanderthals. fuck them right in their cro-magnon asses.

i'm having odd cravings for licorice jelly beans and old tom and jerry cartoons, despite despising both. maybe the mind needs a refresher now and then of why it likes and dislikes certain things, especially with alcohol-addled brains like mine. dammit brain, why can't you repress the traumatic and highlight the instances, existent or non-, of personal resounding glory (because pinky, we're trying to take over the world)? fuck.

i watched a great woody allen movie (redundant) yesterday called "anything else." as of now i'm in the process of renting every woody allen movie via lackluster online. i am a woody allen fan. why only now? i don't know.


d said...

I quit reading the local newspaper period. Well, all newspapers, really. But the local rag does nothing but propagate the republican's agenda of Kill first than say repent for our sins.

Read one letter, a redneck from Crete, Nebraska said that if EVERYONE would accept Jesus into their lives everything bad in the world would cease to exsist.

He blamed the denegration of society on Liberals. He Blamed the GLBT community for AIDS, prostiution, Vietnam, Meth, Berkley, The Great Depression, The Emancipation Proclamation, The War of Indpendence and civilization existence. Not quite but get the point.

Also, said that we as a society need to just realize that the powers that be in Washington are correct and that we should follow thier leadership with out question.

Was gonna a write a letter in response to it, but counted 26 different forms of Fuck in the first 5 paragraphs.

Also, didn't think they would print it... probably had something to do with the fact that I told him I would drive down to his little town, bend him over a table and make him scream my name until he wore rainbow. And I'm not even gay. Just seemed like a proper act for a fascist.

Phillip said...

wow man, that's hardcore. and i like it.

i think there's an emerson quote about how only fools and/or lazy people need to inherently depend on group affiliation and the opions put forth by them because they are loathed to think for themselves.

emerson also wrote something about not quoting other people as well.