Thursday, April 13, 2006

let my pickles go

every time i go to wal-mart i leave with a sore throat. my theory is that i arbitrarily hold my breath around alot of the patrons without noticing. also wal-mart just sucks the life out of everything. pushing a cart up/down aisles made me want to xanax myself into a coma and smoke my way to blacklung.

why all the fluorescents? cheaper? it seems most businesses use them -- to stem relaxation in employees/customers? blimey.

easter is coming, easter is coming! everyone smear blood over your doors so the ghost of charlton heston won't kill your first born son with a shotgun (it's his right as an american dammit).

i was once catholic. waking up on easter morning to find a basket of candy and accoutrement was the bee's knees. going to church thereafter was not. the same held true for christmas mornings -- you wake up to a bevy of new presents and can't open them until after a six-hour church service. not really six hours, but a child's well of patience does not spring eternal, so it seemed so.

my conclusion: chocolate jesus much better than cardboard communion jesus.

masses during easter and christmas are hilarious. people who only go to church on the highest of holies never know when to stand/sit/kneel. it's so awkward. i may attend easter mass this weekend just for the entertainment. protly not though.

the reading of "the passion" is funny too. the congregation passively mumbling "crucify him, crucify him" would make baby mel gibson cry. lots of going through the motions, which ostensibly is what organized religion is anyway.

4 comments:

Ian McGibboney said...

I'd go with you if you did that.

d said...

I know what you mean about mass. I haven't been to mass in about 15 years. My new girlfriend wants me to go to mass with her on easter (she only goes on the "highest of holies" as you put it, and I go never.

I would look like an idiot. Not for me, I keep my spirituality seperate from my religion. And, now that I know that some people go only for the entertianment possibilties - dont blame ya! When I was a kid and went to my uncle's "church" I used to slowly and delicatly rip the pages out of hymm books to keep my ass awake - I will stay as far away from mass as I can.

Phillip said...

ian - i would actually go, but i thinkt that it would be a little too weird for me now.

u.s. - that's pretty funny, defacing hymnals. did you to it to where whomever was singing the song would flip to the page of a different song (psalm)? that's fantastic.

d said...

well you can't just leave pieces of paper on the church floor.