Tuesday, April 05, 2005

oh look, i've gone and soiled myself

have you ever felt like you were the best at something? maybe not even the best, just exceptional, or at least better than most? i'm sure i had such thoughts in my younger days, before terms like "self-esteem" and "comparative" and "fatty fatty boom-ba-latty" and "your mom's a slut" joined my lexicon and i learned what shame was*.

you're feeling confident that this is your big skill; everyone is good at something and this is your one thing, yours and yours alone.

then you develop a sense of worldliness and awareness, and how exactly you fit in to the grand cosmic scheme (or non-scheme) and you realize that you are shit. your shitty little talent means nothing compared to the infinite number of people who are better at it than you. your world is no longer a little pond, and you are a fucking... krill, or something very small, in the ocean.**

anyway, i forgot where i was headed when i started typing. i think the point was that it's a hard crash when you're going along thinking you're exceptional, then you're utterly dwarfed in an instant. something to that effect.

*is it possible to be proud of your shame? i think i'm proud of my shame. my level of shame is surpassed by none.

**i'm going to start working on a script for a movie called "krill the conqueror". it will be a pixar flick, featuring the voices of tom arnold, rosie o'donnel, fran drescher, and paul reubens.

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