the tenets of phizzics

so sayeth phizz, go forth and bestow upon the worldly ignorami the knowledge and principles contained herein:

• "ignorami" is a word, so says i
• be courteous, offer the reach-around
• sleep, procrastinate, debase thyself, and be otherwise lazy
• exercise is evil - your body is only to provide you with pleasure
• drink everything
• physical consciousness is the hobgoblin of worker bees
• let thine freak flag fly
• republicans are bizzarro samaritans
• organized religion hath given "god" a bad name
• xanax is the phizznit
• the beast with two backs is goodly and godly
• question everything, help everyone, be free of want
• rest thine lips upon my cockles
• humility is the essence of cool
• hubris will come around to bite thine ass
• thou art forever significant, and unique
• a rich man (woman) is an evil man (woman)
• make fuck, not war
• paris hilton will die painfully and alone
• give head til it hurts
• productivity is for losers
• cornhole not lest ye be cornholed
• this, above all, to thine own self sniff glue
• reality tv - whiskey tango foxtrot
• self-awareness is the essence of phizzics

now, memorize and practice this lexicon, loyal followers. the path to true righteousness lies in contextual morality and altruism. and my pants.