Thursday, January 27, 2005

you think you have a headache

it's rainy and dreary and cold outside and i couldn't be happier. seriously. i love bad weather, especially when i don't have to be walking to class in it.

yesterday the wonderful avatar wrote about the ills of men behaving badly in rituals of courtship and inter-gender relations. it's inspired me to opine on the very similar habits of the fairer sex, whom i don't think monopolize the market on dating etiquette.

so, just a few irritating points about girl-behavior:

  • when a female feels compelled to awkwardly interject into the conversation that she has a boyfriend and/or husband to dissuade me from flirting with her when i have no intention of flirting. example: at the chiropractor last week the receptionist girl was hooking me up to this massage chair, and warned that it would work my calves as well, because "that freaks my husband out". (side note - is anyone freaked out by something touching their calves? i could understand eyeballs or teeth maybe, but calves?). don't flatter yourself pumpkin - me wincing and complaining about back pain is not flirting. neither is my asking about the level of electricity being shot into my back by that machine (apparently her husband likes electricity).
  • men do not corner the market on "playing games". i have never known of or beheld a man dramatizing a situation for no apparent reason. i've known females who do it all the time. don't make shit more difficult than it has to be because you want attention. life isn't kindergarten.
  • if you want men to stop treating you badly then stop going for the guys who are asshoies. if you want to date abusive dickshits because somewhere in your subconscious you like being treated badly, that's fine. but don't complain about all men being assholes when you're secretly motivating them to be so.
  • if a guy isn't great in the sack, then for the love of deity say something. the female genitalia are a veritable rubik's cube, and not everyone watches at least an hour or more of porn everyday when i get home from work.

and if you want to please your man just do as dave chappelle says: "suck his dick, make him a sandwich, play with his balls and just don't talk so much".

borrowing another line, from the movie clerks: i'm not making broad generalizations, i'm making generalizations about broads.

No comments: