goddamned pink!

this is a warning to the bloggers whose blogs i read (if you know who you are). if i read any vignettes about how wonderful of a valentine's day you and your other will have/have had, you are dead_to_me.

if you're in love, and happy and you know it, then that's great. bully for you. but what good does it do to proclaim it to the world except to make yourself feel better by making everyone else feel worse? which, consciously or otherwise, is all it does. it's bragging in its simplest form. the only kind of love i want to hear about is the kind that produces slappity-whappity noises.

i passed the v-day aisle at the store and am now giving serious thought to buying one of those giant teddy bears holding a red heart, ripping off the head and mounting it on a giant pole in front of my house as a warning to all those who may approach.

"ohhhh... wonder why you're single phizz?" no, i don't. the people who think me deranged for mounting a stuffed bear's head on a pig pole aren't the kind i'd like to hang around with anyway. call it a screening process.

and if you're that "in love" then why only celebrate it one day a year? don't you see that it's just a made-up holiday whose sole purpose is to guilt your boyfriend or girlfriend or nongirlfriend/boyfriend or inflatable girlfriend into buying unnecessary garbage? didn't we spend enough in december? am i wrong?

coincidentally i also saw an aisle full of mardi gras tchotchkes, after which i had to make a bee-line for the alcohol aisle. you'd think they'd put the two closer together.

boycott!!!!!

a blogger boycott of v-day - everyone pledge not to participate in the feb. 14 rituals, both by not writing about it nor buying anything v-day-related. no flowers or candy or stuffed animals or cards or even anything red or pink. if you have a bf/gf, then talk it over with them - they should understand. and if they don't then you should dump them, kill them, and bury them at sea.

spread the word!!!

i am raging against the commercialism and exploitation of love. fuck you hallmark! eat me russell stovers!