spending the night at my aunt's last night (to do laundry and visit mister kitty) i had little recourse but to channel-surf.
here's my not-necessarily original unified theory of network television: get young(ish), or at least unrealitically attractive and skinny, people, dress them up in lots of colors and metallic things and denim and anything passable as trendy, get them to spout scripted bad jokes, use lots of segue material in dramas (ala "oh my god!" or "call security!" or "nooooooooooo!"), sexual innuendo as far as the now powell-free fcc will allow you to use, and appeal to the dumbs. you make them feel like they understand and you make smart people feel smarter (although they probably aren't truly smart if they're watching in the first place). then call it "must-see".
time to have a cocktail or two or twelve. i just made a bunch of ice cubes.
also i bought my guitar yesterday. i know all the notes and a few chords, and my fingers hurt. rock on. now i just have to learn to worship the devil like jenna.