why salinger, why

on saturday nights i sometimes get this odd caulfield-esque feeling that i want to somehow defend people's innocence, although it is not want of protection. the notion that most people are nefarious or profane in some way doesn't sit well with me at such times. i try to regularly remind myself of how the world, just by nature, works in sometimes horrid ways and is how it is. perhaps i just feel that the life i want and the part i would like to play are unattainable. i try to avoid self-pity at all costs, although it's hard to stave off, especially on these evenings when feeling especially omitted from the grand social stage. this is all vague and somewhat jilted and more than likely unrelateable, but so am i.