Sunday, November 26, 2006

Boozing and Whoring on shabbas

What's the appeal of Jagermeister? It's like drinking green death NyQuil with Everclear. Of course I'm a fan of many-a heady elixir, but I loathe syrupy alcoholic shots (Buttery this… Sex on the that.. any shot whose ingredients are not blatantly apparent by their names. Give me tequila – I know exactly what that is). It's like Gatorade with its "Mountain Rush" and "Arctic Chill" flavors. What the fuck do those taste like? Tell me "grape." Or "orange." "Blue" is not a flavor.

Plus I just can't handle sugary alcoholic beverages anymore. This includes daiquiris, margaritas, even rum/gin/vodka and a regular soda. It has to be a diet soda or else I'm nauseated. I know it's probably a sign of getting older but for now I'll just pretend my palette has gotten ever more refined. And my liver ever more shriveled. The Sun Maid raisin girl wants to hike up her dress and drop the pantaloons for me.

Over Thanksgiving I found out about a previously unknown feather in my family tree cap. My second cousins and their immediate family have apparently have been and are delving into the prostitution arena. I only just found out about this because the youngest, 17, just got caught by the fuzz (HA!). It sparked some completely inappropriate Thanksgiving dinner conversation about how her aunt used to whore it up when she was younger, plus the girl's father has been in and out of prison literally 10 times or so for drug abuse and related theft, her aunt has as well, and her other aunt works at Home Depot, which I guess makes her the black sheep of that family.

But I'm so happy! I share a few chromosomes with whores! Awesome. That's what I'm thankful for this year.

P.S. I'm still selling a bunch of shit, so swing by the pad and make me offers.

Currently Listening to:
The Prids

...Until The World Is Beautiful (2006)

3 comments:

bunny said...

That is such a heartwarming Thanksgiving story!

Bottle Job Blonde said...

That's the best Thanksgiving story ever!

Bottle Job Blonde said...

Is it your bday?