Handjobs

Sporadically I am a big dumb animal of simian status, with little control of addictions, subsequent actions, and restraint of thought thuswhile. I could be glad that these situations are only chemically-induced phenomena (not at all phenomenal), and not ballast of my everyday sober existence. But we rarely focus on the positive do we? Still, I reverently wash xanax down with beer for fear of not being known at all. Even the blunderous "me".

It's as though some magnanimous knowledge exists innately in those around me that I'm not privy to and it either makes me an outsider looking in or the sole possessor of a different secret who just laments it. It doesn't elicit a sense of superiority or self-pity in me, in either scenario, just the usual perplexion that gnaws at the back of my brain. A hefty Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I feel like a casual observer of life and lives but rarely a participant.

And speaking of perplexion, why are there internet porn sites solely featuring handjobs? From a male standpoint isn't porn supposed to illustrate that which is not easliy attainable on a regular basis (for us non-socio's and broke-asses)? So.... handjobs? All I have to do for a handjob is buy myself dinner and get myself drunk. And occasionally light some candles. Not that difficult.

Currently Listening To:
My Brightest Diamond

Bring Me the Workhorse (2006)