Saturday, December 24, 2005

skymail and the world of tomorrow

the skymail catalog is an odd creature. i can't help but wonder what type of person decides to order such useless trinketry while flying. i understand trying to sell people products while they're on a plane, killing time by leafing through the only reading material available to them. still, a more comprehensive compilation of useless shite you will not find.

i feel bad for those who buy harry potter brooms and/or lord-of-the-rings swords, or memorabilia from the star wars collection (those light sabres don't really work y'all). i wish i was a jedi too, but a fake plastic sword isn't going to help me score with natalie portman.

although i'd rather be the guy who buys harry potter props than disney props. disney sucks.

and my, oh my, what a plethera of ipod attachments there are! ipod probably has more accessories available than barbie. there's even an ipod massage chair you can buy for a scant $999.95.

a cat in one of these ads that looks exactly like mine. i'm still not buying the two-story roof patio pet home. the cat-friendly self-cleaning litterbox is tempting, but i can't imagine it would work more than a week. the concept just doesn't seem feasible to me.

the giant novelty nestle crunch bar is calling to me. devil seed!

a liquor dispenser that looks like a fire hydrant (the "fire water fire hydrant")... i guess it's interesting, but i generally try to cut down on the barriers between me and my liquor. this thing would just add another step to the process, plus be something else i'd have to clean. laziness trumps kitsch.

skymail sells meat! you can actually order ham, sausage, poultry and hamburgers from the skymail catalog. even if i weren't a vegetarian i'd still feel iffy about mail-order meat. something doesn't sit well with me when you can buy camping gear on one page and a whole turkey on the next.

it's going to be 75 fucking degrees here in texas today. it's not very christmasy (in my best mr. hanky voice). although we do have punch and pie (no... more... pie...).

i'm bored. i ramble-write when i'm bored.

this new house of my parents makes my head hurt. it's ginormous (and yet i still don't have my own room, thanks to other family staying here. i don't mind). my dad bought a 46" flat panel lcd television, with bose surround sound and direct tv. it's ridiculous. i'm wildly jealous.

i've been watching some of my parents' dvd's. some scattered observations:

"mr. and mrs. smith" was MUCH better than i anticipated. brad pitt is a funny gay.

"bad santa" was delightful. very fun to hear lauren graham say "fuck".

had i known "the island" was a michael bay film i never would have rented it. scarlett johansen was dolled up like a goddamned whore (pronounced whoo-uh).

"fantastic 4" -- jessica alba is easy on the eyes. it's sad and ironic that they cast her as the invisible girl.

"king arthur" -- i watched the version with clive owen and kiera knightly (also nice to look at). it was bloody and gritty an d i liked it.

1 comment:

Flamingo Jones said...

I loved Bad Santa.