Thursday, May 12, 2005


whenever lacking in blog topic inspiration i turn to the top 5 list. i could just post the results of some painfully interesting quiz i took, perhaps entitled "are you a 'dharma' or a 'greg'?" or "which homosexual girl-loving box-chewing lesbian* from 'the l word' are you?" except that i hate them and have read more than enough results from others and taken more than enough myself (blog quizzes are so passe).

but the top 5, ahhh the top 5... mine today is "top 5 ways in which i would kill myself if i were suicidal and brave and/or drunk":
  1. pill overdose - probably xanax. i imagine that you would just go to sleep, although someone told me that it actually hurts. to be ironic i could overdose on some weight-loss drug, if that's possible. and more than likely i'd still be a potential organ donor, although at this point i doubt anyone would benefit from any of my organs.
  2. in the garage with the car running - again, i like the idea of just drifting off painlessly, and again, i don't know if pain is involved or not. and how do people know if it hurts? from those who try to kill themselves and fail? incidentally, that's pretty pathetic. is suicide that difficult?
  3. slit the wrists - i know, cliched, messy, and somewhat overdramatic. but it's really romantic (not "one tree hill" romantic, romanticism romantic).
  4. light myself on fire - i'd never be able to work up the courage to actually do this. lots and lots of morphine would be sine qua non, and i'd probably have to be completely drunk (i'd burn faster, and i like to drink). but what a great statement to go out on - right in front of the white house. plus i'd save my family cremation fees; they'd just have to get a broom.
  5. alcohol poisoning - this would have to be an assisted suicide, since i'd more than likely pass out before i could drink enough. that's what usually happens, anyway.
i'm not suicidal nor have i ever been. i have more of a masochistic tendency than full-on suicide. killing yourself is just shellfish really. up with hope down with dope.

*to be clear, i love lesbians. not at all in a sexual context - in past experience i just get along fantastically with them. take away the possibility of sex in a relationship and charisma oozes out of my eyeballs, apparently.

No comments: