Wednesday, April 20, 2005

is it in you

for one reason or another sports drink flavors aren't just lemon-lime or orange anymore. they've morphed into new flavors that, apparently, are best described as abstrations. it makes me uneasy. i felt comfortable with orange; i know what orange tastes like. but now, take a wild stab at the actual flavors of these:
  • cool blue
  • frost riptide rush
  • mountain blast
  • infrared freeze
  • arctic shatter
  • green squall
  • jagged ice
  • andean chill
  • aleutian stream

i'll admit that they all sound pretty cool, but.... what is jagged ice? andean chill? does it taste like a sherpa or a camel? or a brazilian soccer team? that's it. it tastes like people. actually i think they were from uruguay, but i digress.

commercialism obviously thinks so little of the hoi polloi that they view us as having no real perception beyond the superficial. if the car looks fancy and sexy, who cares what's under the hood. if the shoes have lights on the back, what does it matter that they wear out in 3 months. and if the sports drink has an awesome-sounding name, it must be good. they must think we're a bunch of easily-lead sheeple.

and, they're right. they're just using proven methods of product placement and recognition. we like bright shiny things. people ARE that dumb.

and what the fuck is fitness water? can i chug it down while eating a bucket of fried fat and be healthy? will my sweat turn green?

god DAMN i hate commercialism.

No comments: