not-so-great expectations

obviously i'm getting drunk tonight. i'm going to try to get piss-drunk, which will be hard because i have a pretty high tolerance - i am not a "cheap drunk", sorry gals. i would love my first memory of the new year to be bending over a toilet in some shitty bathroom (perhaps the worst in scotland?) in a bar.

i'm setting my expectations for '05 very low. i was optimistic about '04 and it was... let's say, not good. the american way - if you set your standards low enough you'll always be pleasantly surprised.

personal goals for 2005:

• develop an immunity to glow stick juice to freak people out at parties
• get invited to a party
• get cats
• develop type 2 diabetes
• convince my boss to let me pierce my ears
• get married and divorced in wyoming
• have a restraining order filed against me by maggie gyllenhaal
• same, zooey deschanel
• see jerry seinfeld live (coming to lafayette in april)
• paint my apartment a dark color (illusion of space)
• actually have an enjoyable, incident-free mardi gras
• teach myself guitar, get band, get groupies, get sexed up
• drink more coffee
• eat out more often
• eat at restaurants more often
• visit new york city
• stop exercising so much, gain weight, develop heart problems
• publish a series of my own self-help books
• eat more cake
• avoid at all costs the next star wars movie
• cut back on all the blasphemy (sike!)

auld lang syne perverts.