Friday, December 31, 2004

not-so-great expectations

obviously i'm getting drunk tonight. i'm going to try to get piss-drunk, which will be hard because i have a pretty high tolerance - i am not a "cheap drunk", sorry gals. i would love my first memory of the new year to be bending over a toilet in some shitty bathroom (perhaps the worst in scotland?) in a bar.

i'm setting my expectations for '05 very low. i was optimistic about '04 and it was... let's say, not good. the american way - if you set your standards low enough you'll always be pleasantly surprised.

personal goals for 2005:
  • develop an immunity to glow stick juice to freak people out at parties
  • get invited to a party
  • get cats
  • develop type 2 diabetes
  • convince my boss to let me pierce my ears
  • get married and divorced in wyoming
  • have a restraining order filed against me by maggie gyllenhaal
  • same, zooey deschanel
  • see jerry seinfeld live (coming to lafayette in april)
  • paint my apartment a dark color (illusion of space)
  • actually have an enjoyable, incident-free mardi gras
  • teach myself guitar, get band, get groupies, get sexed up
  • drink more coffee
  • eat out more often
  • eat at restaurants more often
  • visit new york city
  • stop exercising so much, gain weight, develop heart problems
  • publish a series of my own self-help books
  • eat more cake
  • avoid at all costs the next star wars movie
  • cut back on all the blasphemy (sike!)

auld lang syne perverts.

1 comment:

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