on television over the xgiving holiday i saw an evanescence video on mtv2. amy lee (singer) is really a striking (super) lady. one that i would definitely go for given the opportunity. then i wonderd, is she gay?
when i look at a good-looking girl, on tv or in real life, there's a subconscious part of me that goes into panic mode. am i good enough? would she go for me? i should be careful what i say around her. make a good impression. don't be stupid. be cool. who's that guy? is he better than me? does she like him? dammit!
it's a matter of sexual tension. and i don't think i'm alone here; everyone's interpersonal behavior is altered, in some way and to some degree, by attraction and the possiblity of sex. it's the pressure to perform and impress.
consequently my relations with the opposite sex (of which there have been a scant few) have been jilted.
but this is why i love lesbians. take that pressure out of a raltioship and it's a glorious thing. you can be yourself, which you (or at least i) can't do consciously. there's no need to impress, no competition, no worry about whether they're attracted to you or not. it's good.
if i could be asexual i'd be a much happier person. and not morrisey-style asexual. discovery-channel asexual.
*off-topic postscript: it's been a very bad week for depravity, with the government allocating billions to fund abstinence eductaion while cutting world aids funding. in general it's been a huge wave or religious self-righteousness this week.
so i say everyone should go out and do some viceral, carnal sinning this weekend. be creative. sin! sin!
album of the jour: luna lunapark