sisyphetic (my word, trademark)

the experience of losing a pet is, i've found, remarkably similar to getting broken up with. you're forced to function thereafter with this damp, heavy weight about you that makes every task -- mundane or otherwise -- that much harder. or like working in that office from "being john malkovich" (why don't i own that dvd?) where the ceiling is about four feet high and "normal" activity is a strain.

everything is painful. you can act a certain way -- bubbly on the phone with the clients, portraying a veneer of normalcy, but true suffering underlies it all. there is NOTHING worse than having to feign happiness when you are eviscerated emotionally.

this has basically been my past few days. i have the new kitten, which has mitigated the pain somewhat, but simultaneously i still feel the very real void. i've barely eaten this weekend. i had plans to go out on friday and saturday but couldn't. i wasn't in any kind of mindset to partake in events of a celebratory nature.

which really surprises me -- under distressing circumstances the sauce is usually a panacea for me. like everything else it just takes time.