my job is not horrible. it's easy like sunday morning. i'm fortunate and blessed (by on-star) that i even have one, much less one in which i have a fair boss, pleasant co-workers, a relatively stress-free environment, little supervision and vacation time.
so why do i LOATHE it? i constantly remind myself that the job facilitates my lifestyle and enjoyment when not working, but incessantly i'm thinking "FUCK i would be so happy if i could stay home all the damn time doing diggedy-damn nothing and shove this job."
it's a great paradox: you can't enjoy time in your life without dedicating 40 hours a week to contributing something to the marketplace. sure, some people (claim to) like their job. but i bet if you asked them if they'd rather be home the answer would be resounding in the affirmative.
i just hate having to be productive some of the time to be completely unproductive the rest. it seems like such a waste of life, this temporary speck of time we are afforded on earth. i tend toward ahteism more with each passing day so i'm doubting that little else exists beyond this planar existence.
so what sense does it make to spend 40 hours, roughly 25%, of the week (consider that another third -- or what i like to call 33% -- goes towards sleep) NOT experiencing some ethereal joi de vivre?
unless you put more value into being a cog of civilization and a functional global society, but at the moment our society doesn't seem to be very civilized OR functional, so i wonder what the hell i'm doing. what we're all doing.
life has become this massive imbroglio of injustice, futility, commercialism, murder, moral superiority, moral relativity, nihilism, antipathy, semantics, capitalism, corporate crime, triangulation, mad cow, bird flu, mardi gras, aspartame, short sight, american idol, wal-mart, nazi popes, the death of fact, desperate housewives, child labor, free trade, insurance, melting icecaps, taxidermy, money, power, greed, paris hilton, the ninth ward, prejudice, orwell, censorship, lunch breaks, fox news, bad drivers, poverty, southern strategies, eavesdropping, despotism, nascar, and unrestrained id stinking and premeating every human action.
intellectual curiosity abandoned this ship many moons ago.
obviously my glass is 3/4 empty, not necessarily about my own station in life but that of the world. what's the real kicker is that even those who are aware of the above, you included, will read this and think "god this all really is shitty," and immediately start wondering what to wear tomorrow or where to get drunk this weekend.
joaquin phoenix's character had a line in "hotel rwanda": "If people see this footage, they'll say, 'oh my god, that's terrible,' and they'll go on eating their dinners."
i can't quit the job, and if everyone did there would be chaos. my point is just that even with this mundane "order," we don't seem far from chaos anyway.