Saturday, January 07, 2006

love enters through the nose

i'm struggling to understand the concept of "body spray". is it deodorant? is it cologne?
it seems like the valentine's day of hygiene products -- a fabricated, randomly-conjured method of bilking more money out of people for something they don't even remotely need (granted, some people smell awful and are in dire need of cleaning, but if they can't master the soap stage then an aerosol isn't going to do much but combine with the b.o., like spraying lysol after you leave a heinous triple-x shoot-down in the bathroom).

are soap, deodorant and cologne not enough? why do we need another step in there? i refuse to buy any. i hate commercialism. suck it axe.

for guys looking to bag women when they go out the spray-on stuff is only mitigating the odds, since pheromones naturally secreted by the body are attractants to the opposite sex, and masking them only reduces your chances. theoretically you'd be better off not even showering before going out.

that must be it -- i blame my responsible hygiene practices for rendering me sexless throughout high school.

okay, college.

7 comments:

Ian McGibboney said...

I read that, as far as artificial scents go, one of the most arousing scents for a woman is a freshly bathed person. The brand of soap might matter, but I'm not sure.

"Good N Plenty" supposedly helps, too, but I bought some at a movie theater once and it did nothing for my date. So I don't know.

Phillip said...

i used to own a pair of pajama pants with the "good n' plenty" logo all over them. maybe not a coincidence.

i prefer the smell of shampoo on a girl over perfume, always.

jenny said...

you're right phillip. there's nothing like a man that have gone a whole day after a morning shower, having a hint of sweat penetraiting the deodorant. that, in my book, is what gets you laid. :)

Ian McGibboney said...

In the humid subliterate--er, subtropical--climate of south Louisiana, it's often very difficult to go an entire day after showering and not be covered in sweat. Which is a little more grime than is pleasurable. That's where charm and guile comes in.

Phillip said...

ian - you had it right with "subliterate". maybe the problem is that people just can't read the label/instructions on shampoo bottles. of course they wouldn't know how to use hygiene products otherwise.

jenny said...

so my recipe for success will not work in louisiana is that what you're trying to say? damn, i thought i had it. what about half a day?

PusBoy said...

is it deodorant? is it cologne?

It's both, but does neither job well. A friend of mine douses himself in Axe and Tag all the time to conceal the fact that he doesn't own a washing machine and never has quarters for the laundromat.

Doesn't work.