Thursday, January 19, 2006

ha ha you have to eat it

the person who invented balogna (baloney) needs to be ground up, wrapped in red plastic, sliced and placed between two pieces of bread. i don't eat poultry or pork or beef of any kind, and sometimes it's hard to explain why to meat-eaters (my parents for instance). it occurred to me today though that the best argument or method of convincing someone to go off meat completely is to shove a slice of balogna in their face. you don't even need to do that -- just unwrap it within 50 feet of them, or put it in your office's fridge, then invest in peanut butter.

where does balogna come from? what animal is it? what part(s) of that animal are used? how is it processed? how and why did "baloney" become a euphemism for "shit"? am i brave enough to google it?

my theory is that it was invented during the depression. use your imagination after that.


Ian McGibboney said...

I wrote a whole story about bologna once. I have a halfass collection of my food writings here. The bologna chapter isn't up yet, but ther're a few other good things there.

In the bologna story, I mention how it was the main thing I ate as a child. One of my starker memories is sitting down after school one day (at age 7) and watching the Monkees. Over the span of two episodes, I opened and finished an entire package of Oscar Mayer bologna. My dad used to tell me (while I was eating it) that bologna was made with cow brains and rat tails. I rationalized that into a good thing, until that though caught up with me. Also, seeing a frozen slice curl up in the microwave scared the piss out of me. So now I've sworn off the cheap stuff. Breasts only. Good advice if you can't give it up altogether.

Phillip said...

"breasts only" -- good advice for lots of problems.

Anonymous said...

i remember watching a simpsons episode when i was little. it said that it was made out of squirrel and cats and maybe pigs.

that's definitely stayed with me.