Tuesday, May 17, 2005

oh the depravity!

from the ranks of the ultra-conservatives, more evidence that newfound devoutness indicates depravity, and homophobia equals homosexual.

this is probably a story you've heard about already, but i'd feel like i jammed my finger up my ass thereby leaving it off the pulse if i didn't get these quotes on record. neil horsley is a born-again christian, advocates the killing of abortion doctors, despises homosexuality, is a secessionist, and basically an all-around right-wing extremist dickhole.

such a treat it is that he went on the alan colmes show and confessed to some sins that perhaps were in his best interest to keep clandestine:

AC: You had sex with animals?
NH: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
AC: I’m not so sure that that is so.
NH: You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
AC: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…
personally i would have opted for a sheep or something smaller that wouldn't have the inclination to buck up and kick me 10 feet away, but that's just me.

AC: Have you ever had sex with a washing machine?
NH: Um, well, haven't ever really thought about it, but
the fact of matter is it shakes and there have been times when in reality that would be an option.
maybe on top of the washing machine, but actually WITH it? how would that even work? maybe georgia farmers could enlighten me.

AC: Let’s get it on the record Neil. Before you found Jesus, you had sex with a man, right?
NH: Certainly. I’ve had sex with anything that would move. If we had a warm watermelon lying in the field I might give it a name.

would he name it maytag?

wow, a homophobic who had sex with a man. maybe he's in line for a position at the white house (huh-huh, position). he could pretend to be a journalist and ask scott mcclellan why the president's agenda seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train (pun intended).

and there's also the story of dr. david hager, who sits on the advisory committee for reproductive health drugs at the fda. it seems dr. hager is fond of prodding his wife's out hole. normally i would commend someone for traveling the road not taken (with apologies to robert frost), but apparently the former mrs. hager was not a fan of playing catcher.

in fact, so averse to the sodomy and even slobbing the nobbing was she that she charged him $2 grand a pop. can it get any more awesomerestness?

couple this with the fact that the good doctor invokes the bible in speeches, once saying "i want to share with you some information about how...god has called me to stand in the gap, not only for others, but regarding ethical and moral issues in our country."

the guy is an ob/gyn, so maybe he was just sick of looking at vaginas all day and decided to go another route with his (now ex-) wife.

everything you want to know about this scandal is in this article from the nation.

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