the steps

always with the saturday night doldrums. i don't think i'll ever truly enjoy saturday nights until i move. there are several things i probably won't enjoy until i move. i've come to realize that i live in a black hole. every effort i make in a positive direction or ground i gain is just sapped by being here, in this house/neighborhood. but at least i am aware. maybe i should take an alcoholic's approach to my hermit lifestyle:

1. Admit you are powerless over alcohol, that your life has become unmanaageable.

gladly. i don't see what one has to do with the other though.

2 Believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.

what, like pot?

3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him.

okay god, get me an apartment already youdammit.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.

a moral inventory? what does that even mean? i can do physical inventory - computer, fouton, desk.

5. Admit to God, to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

okay again, what? my wrongs are not... good... the nature of them is incorrectness, in that they are not... right.

6. Be ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

please god help me to stop spending money on aerosols and freon so i can move out.

7. Humbly ask Him to remove your shortcomings.

ummm, hey god... instead of removing my shortcoming how about makeing it a little longer? it will help me to spread the good news of your will.

8. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and prepare to make amends with them all.

i want to make hay while i'm young here. don't think this step will work for me.

9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

step nine is a time-saver. the people i have harmed would definitely injure me. maybe someday when i'm feeling especially masochistic i'll start trying to apologize.

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

the fouton really isn't mine. it's my aunt's, but i have a feeling she is going to give it to me.

11. Seek to improve your conscious contract with God through prayer and meditation as you understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

i never sign contracts. this is bullshit.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, try to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all your affairs.

does ether count as alcohol? what about listerine? my friend fat jeff is a listerholic. it's a terrible habit, although his breath is nice. nevermind.

that didn't help at all. oddly enough i do feel like having a cocktail. i'll admit that alcohol is a higher power.