canada here i come

i am so embarrassed to be an american right now. i don't blame the soldiers; quite the contraray. anyone being kept in that environment for so long with no end in sight and no hope of reprieve from their government would go crazy and do crazy things. it happened in vietnam (oh sorry, we're not supposed to make such comparisons). and we can't know the names and faces of those who gave their lives during the war and the year of post-"mission accomplished" because it would adversely affect public opinion of the war, i mean occupation, i mean "liberation". i don't understand - we can be proud of and recognize the soldiers currently serving there, but if they die we have to forget about them? why is the public so tolerant of such things.

album du jour: eisley marvelous things ep

pig vomit

last night i could not would not fall asleep. i was trying to avoid taking my nightly sleeping pill cocktail to stave off addiction. so up all night doing nothing. i watched american splendor which i thought was surprisingly depressing and hilarious. the actor playing the main character is a guy named paul giamatti, but i'll forever know and refer to him as pig vomit (from the howard stern movie). pig vomit is a good actor. pig vomit could easily play the lead in the life story of jon lovitz.

then i cut the grass at eight because it was supposed to rain late-morning and our yard was getting overgrown. our high-class next-door neighbors throw empty doritos bags in our yard and i like running over them. also ant hills. i always think about that part of honey, i shrunk the kids where the kids are all hanging on to a blade of grass trying not to get sucked up into the mower. i make sure to linger over ant hills, just in case some ants or annoying little shrunken kids are hanging around in there. smug, tiny sons of bitches.

album du jour: blind mr. jones stereo muscale

is donald rumsfeld mentally retarded? seriously.

this is the persuasive essay i wrote for my cousin. i was going to do the anti-teen abstinance topic but the word count thing was messing me up, so i wrote an essay expressing displeasure for length restrictions on writing assignments in school. i hope it sounds like a high school paper. i really don't remember what that is.

also, sorry for submitting what is essentially a bullshit filler entry, but i'm lazy. anyway, colon:

The writing proces is one depdendent on a person's creativity. Whether writing for journalism, school, or a magazine (among many others), the creative process is highly complicated. Difficulties run rampant during any writing process, even when no restrictions exist concerning the length of a work. Therefore, no writing assignment should ever be constrained by size limits, especially in an educational environment.

Often it seems criteria are placed on the maximum lengths of writing assignments in hopes of encouraging conciseness. Should not the length of a paper depend solely on the subject matter though? Setting a maximum number of pages or words only hurts the effectiveness of a body of work and the writer's ability to completely get his or her point across. Such is especially true when the work is of a persuasive nature.

Requiring a minimum word count is just as counterproductive as requiring a maximum one. If the writer is able to clearly and effectively state their position in, for instance, two pages, then forcing out an extra page (for a three-page assignment, in this example) would only encourage rambling. An extra page of drivel does nothing but take away from a case trying to be made.

Some would say that essay length requirements are not entirely detrimantal. Teaching students to focus on being concise with maximums or comprehensive with minimums can be an effective teaching tool, however, emphasizing subjects and making convincing arguments should be the top priority in a writer's education. Limiting the size should be a distant second, but is too often over-emphasized.

The various subjects taught in schools have in each of them layer upon layer of varying elements, and learning the key ones is not easy. Concerning English, and more specifically writing, subjectivity is something that is especially difficult to capture and put on paper. The persuasive essay by nature is difficult enough without having size constraints, which seem to be always over-emphasized.

album du jour: the quails atmosphere

domo arigatos mr. robotos

the inferno was a rerun tonight so i ended up watching the swan on fox. if you haven't heard of or seen it, the premise is that they take two plain-looking women and for three months put them through several plastic surgeries, exercise and diet routines, and counseling (some have mental anguish), all the while not being allowed to look at themselves in a mirror. the big climax comes at the end of their three months when they see themselves for the first time and are delighted or dejected. jimmy crack corn and i don't care about the contest aspect of the show (one of them is chosen at the end to go on to the final bauty contest), but i was thinking about plastic surgery. i've been passively against it for the most part, and i was about to go on a mental tirade to myself (as i tend to do often - remember though i can be preachy now because i'm a narcissist) about the ills of aesthetics and society and all that superficial jazz, but it came to me that if this rigorous identity-rape makes these people feel better about themselves, then what the frig. of course if everyone does it we'll all end up looking alike, and individuality will be stifled, and we'd be screwing over mother nature, and bra sizes will force us to come up with a longer alphabet. and then, after everyone's faces and bodies look alike, we can start mandating uniforms like they do in catholic schools (and a startling amount of public ones), that way no one will stray outside of the box and cause radical thinking/practices. hooray! the outliers will be gone! we get rid of the religious fanatics and mother theresas all at the same time - that would be super. so it would seem life, then, is just one big range of variables that somehow everyone wants to make less extreme. change is scary, we don't like new things, and we're most contented with seeing the same movies and plot lines all the time and the same characters on tv. so i should have been happy to watch my rerun of the inferno.

and since i'm on tv, how influential is its power of suggesstion?. everyone loves raymond? then i should love it too... must see tv? jesus, i really must see it then. american idol? must... worship... talentless... clods...

album du jour: lali puna scary world theory

am i larry clark?

i just finished writing an informative essay for my cousin, who is a senior in high school, and am now about to start another one for him, this one a persuasive essay. i'm wondering aloud about subjects. is teenage abstinance something worthy of arguing against (it's not like they'll keep him from graduating if the teacher has a dissenting opinion)? i just have to make some strong salient points, such as...for the girls, it makes boys like you. and for the rest of your life you'll be able to reminisce with friends about all the sex you had in high school, and that will make you seem cool and popular. also it gives you good experience for college, since you'll probably have to take biology, yes biology, sooner or later. and boning while in high school means that you're taking an interest in something other than drugs that entails exercise and hones your social skills. i see no downside.

although there is the possibility of pregnancy, std's, lawsuits, child support and death, but meh. i mean come on, syphilis? please.

album du jour: the siddeleys slum clearance

suck it polyphonic spree

never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

-margaret mead

may is going to be a wonderful month. noteable releases: the pixies dvd, ash, robert pollard, juliana hatfield (marry me juliana...i know i'm young but we can make it work dammit!), call and response, mirah, magnetic fields, komeda, the thermals, the mekons, the exploding fuck dolls (don't even know who they are i just liked the name), of montreal, the beta band, gomez, the unicorns, minus the bear, and, to counter all this wonderful stuff, the polyphonic fucking spree. tim delaughter wants to act like jesus (ahem marketing ploy) since his former tripping daisy bandmate od'd, but says their music is not religious. tim let me introduce you to scott stapp. scott, this is tim. yes, the one in the robe.

album du jour: godstar sleeper

getting nowhere quickly

i bought a treadmill today. this way i don't have to meander pitt buls, teenage gangsters, drunk drivers or the weather. my angel food cake already took advantage of its intended use. i've always thought treadmills were funny - alien visitors spying on us would have no idea what we're doing. i'm going to get a hamster and put a wheel in its cage, then put it right by the treadmill. no i won't, i'm way too lazy.

no caffeine in eight days, which must be some kind of personal record. it's nice when you don't have to get up for shit. i've been going through diet rite cola like heroin (no caffeine).

album du jour: the darling buds erotica

chronicle myself

i'm going to try to go from being hyper-self-deprecating to narcissistic in hopes of countering the former. i've already started taking megabyte upon megabyte of digital pictures of myself, doing things. mostly just sitting. my new mantra is going to be something akin to a certain right said fred song (i can't write it - you know what, "the-song-who-shall-not-be-named"). maybe some frankie goes to hollywood. now that i think of it the eighes were much more uplifting than the present. then you were walking on sunshine and feeling good and everyone got the beat. these days it seems like an inordinately copious number of people grew up on the mean streats of detroit and over-buy on razorblades, and can't sing the songs they didn't write yet still make the money.

so yes, i am now narcissistic. none of you are good enough to read my blog. you better recognize.

album du jour: sixteen deluxe emits showers of sparks

the role of street person number three

i'm thinking of going back to school in the fall. just to have direction and a goal. i tend to come up with passing fancies frequently though, so who's to say what this is.

earlier i was thinking i have no personality. the way i am is really just some random amalgam of different characters i've seen and admired. my lines and jokes and conversational styles are all lifted from flim and television, more or less. i'm not really a person, just an actor.

fitting, since all the world's a stage?

album du jour: tenki view of an orbiting man

there goes

my uncle and his family live next to us. not next door, but caddycorner behind us. they're the ones who spend the night every now and then (the children, not the uncle/aunt). the people who own the property right next to theirs recently moved the most hideous and obtrusive double-wide trailer into the lot, and utterly white-trashed down the property value here. this weekend though my uncle put up this huge eight-foot fence, which pretty much blocks out the view of the trailer, which first blocked out the view of what was a nice-looking pasture. the whole thing is a bit of a scandal around here (if that is any indicator of how dull things are chez moi).

album du jour: fonda the invisible girl

everyone should be voted off

right now i can't tell whether i'm bitter and envious at the good fortune and joy of others or genuinely resentful of the stupidity and alacrity with which they attain their successes. do i therefore resent not being stupid? maybe i am stupid and just don't realize it. there's probably some gigantically simple cosmic secret i'm not getting that enables all those countless others to function normally and not evaluate their own self-worth on saturday nights. how is it that the most inane and morally-skewed of us are rewarded with book deals and music careers and million dollar 30-second commercials and spots on regis. why is this culture so. how did we get to be such a supposed advanced people while functioning this way, with our values in such misappropriation? i should start saying hello when i leave and good-bye when i arrive. and probably watch less tv.

this may be one of those posts i delete later on.

and you know what else, i'm really starting to enjoy my junk mail. i even completely turned off my filter. maybe i could pioneer a new addiction.

album du jour: vancouver nights vancouver nights

what's this aboot

i think i want to move to canada. maybe montreal or britsh columbia. it's got to be much cooler/colder, and there seem to be so many good bands coming out of canada lately. maybe if bush gets re-elected in november i'll really do it. drastic notions of change are always easier to deal with in the sense of far-offness. procrastinating, to put it bluntly. idle threat, to put it another and more honest way.

my cousin and i stayed up late watching sort of a "too hot for tv" list of videos on m2. it brought back memories. it's hard to think that nine inch nails' "closer" video is now a memory. fuck it seems like yesterday. anyway i finally got to see the monkey tied to a cross that was behind the "scene missing" slides. i've known what it was for a long time but never seen it. now i can die a happy and fulfilled individual.

album du jour: modest mouse good news for people who love bad news

quote of the day: "fact-checking is for pussies. kronkite taught me that."

ed helms, the daily show

pimp this

there's a show on mtv called "pimp my ride" hosted by rap guy xzibit where they take someone's old p.o.s. automobile and fix it up real nice-like. well last night i had a dream that xzibit pimped my bicycle, which is especially odd since i don't have a bike. it was blue with sparkles, and for some reason a girl's bike. but they didn't do a very good job because i was riding it down pinhook and the brakes wouldn't work.

i tried to watch george bush's q&a session last night but it was too unbearable. it's always just so awkward when he tries to answer questions impromptu like that. and as much as i like to see him falter, it's just not right in so many ways.

album du jour: say hi to your mom numbers and mumbles

hoppity

crawfish boils really stink. i was walking around the block saturday night, the same time i walk every day, and there were two seperate homes on my route that were hosting crawfish-festooned easter vigils. it was unpleasant. plus every other minute some car would whiz by me speeding, screeching, peeling out, etc. in revelry. one car hit a tree not far from me. it's good to know that people hold easter in such esteem that they have to be drunken manly men (or manly women - i refer only to the mentality) and burn rubber. i can't throw stones (oooooo.....biblical), i'm not quite a religious zealot around religious holidays. come to think i'm not really a zealot about anything. i guess i could be an apathy zealot. am i? really? meh, don't care.

i took sleeping pills saturday night and slept all day sunday and today.

album du jour: komeda what makes it go

In an age when all music is free, dedicating yourself to just one specific genre or type only denies you the hedonistic musical bliss that is rightfully yours.

-pitchfork media

i watched 21 grams last night. it was one of the most emotionally draining movies i've seen lately. it's pretty much two hours of naomi watts crying and fucking and snorting. and i've had enough of sean penn for a good while.

pass over

my parents were supposed to come for easter but my dad is too busy at work so they're not. i was looking forward to a hassel-free family-free holiday weekend. but low and behold one of my uhcle-and-aunt sets is coming to stay with us on saturday night. they're very nice people and i really do like them. their children are mostly my age - twentysomething - and have jobs and spouses. it pains me to think how normal and good their lives are. two of the weddings were actually in october and november of last year. i didn't go to either. i opted out because i couldn't endure a big gathering with lots of rarely-seen family members asking me the same questions that the family member right before them asked, of course pertaining to what i'm doing with myself (if they only knew!) and what my lofty aspirations are, job-wise. it's like talkiing abou the weather with a stranger - talking about work with family. and now i can't just not go, because they're coming to me, and they'll either be cross that i didn't go, think i don't like them, or i can fess up and be further enmeshed in self-image deprecation (and i can't think of a reasonable lie, which i am very good at doing).

i could fake my own kidnapping like that wisconsin girl. that may actually be something i'd do anyway. it would be fun to create a crime scene.

album du jour: snow patrol final straw

and so few answers

the pentagon issued a press release saying that everything was "under control" in iraq. i'm glad i'm stupid and gullible or else i might not believe that.

also, earlier i saw a commercial for sargento brand cheese, and they said "our family's passion is cheese". what does that mean? how does one become passionate about cheese, and subsequently turn his/her family on to said passion? do they eat anything besides cheese? are they passionate about anything else? have they seen mel gibson's jesus movie? this all raises so many questions (some of which pertain to if and how exactly my thought processes work).

album du jour: phantom planet phantom planet

house of jealous lovers

the rapture and black rebel motorcycle club in houston on the 18th, i'm in like the rose

i was doing dishes and i decided to do some air fencing with the big kettle spoon, so i did a perry and a thrust and probably some other fencing moves i'm not aware of, and when i was done the spoon was dry. also i cut the grass and fed the cat and went to the post office and library. what is wrong with me today, i'm not usually this productive.

album du jour: on!air!library! on air library

kill snow birds 5

why do they think that if they put perforations on all four sides of the letter it will make me respond to whatever bullshit publication contest that i've mysteriously already won. i didn't realize perforations were supposed to affect perceptions. anyway. gas bill, garbage pick-up, children international, something about fifteen dvd's for fifty cents, and the weekly pale yellow envelope (oddly not perforated). it was the only thing i didn't discard.

i usually get at least four days to prepare for whatever the following assignment is. the instructions come encrypted. there's this decryption software cd i have to use to decipher the message (oddly labeled "aol version 5.1 with extended features". how funny). more often than not it consists of only a name, an address, and a "preferred date of administration". the service is quite fond of using such euphemisms, presupposing such vernacular will aid in maintaining a certain level of discretion. my own creativity comes into play when figuring out just how i'm going to perform said task. personally i'm fond of mixing up my methods. who doesn't want variety in the workplace, right?

i didn't recognize this person's name. i never do, with the sole exception of dear old pa-pap last time. this time a woman, lving in tuscon, arizona. never surprising since most old people go there in hopes of prolonging life. cleaner air or something. i read once that doc holliday went there to help his tuberculosis. rather i didn't so much read it as saw the movie. lots of these old people flock to warmer climates, electric blankets in tow. those are the ones i especially relish working on. i really hate the elderly.

album du jour: lenola treat me to some life

my favorite quote of the day: "they say crack is the new cleavage"

o.p.e.c.-kers

while on my daily sojourn to the post office and local library i noticed an inordinately large amount of suv's on the road. my route takes me by the elementary/middle school here and it was 3:00, so i guess all the parents were picking up their respective johnnies and susies. i really started to ruminate on how much i dislike suv's, not just for the shitty gas mileage, but just the trendiness of it and all the frivolity. some people i'm sure really need that soccer-mom vehicle, but you know a great deal would do just as well (and probably better given the ever-increasing petrol costs) with a civic or something of the like, if they would just swallow their massive fucking egos and realize that material things are ultimately shit. i hate wastefulness. but maybe i'm just jealous of not having a vehicle of my own - like when you resented the popular kids in high school and chided and made fun of them to yourself and your friends (or in my case "friends" minus the -s) but really you just wanted to be one. regardless of how much self-analysis i do i can't tell which i'm doing in regards to suv's. but now i'm back in my hole, so who really gives a flibbedy flabbedy fuck.

album du jour: moonbabies the orange billboard