A Year in Half-Assed Review

An automated dialer calls our number saying "I have a very important message concerning your business account..." I love paradoxes, such as a message so important it's delivered via robot.

And now here's something we hope you'll really like. I omitted some questions because they were none's the cool.

2006 recap

JANUARY

1. Where did you spend New Years Eve?
In bed with the flu. Best. NY's Eve. Ever.

2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?
I resolved to give up a resolution that I kept in 2005 to not eat sugar.

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
I go to my bathroom to watch balls drop BOING.

FEBRUARY

1. Who was your Valentine?
Jesus Christ.

2. When you were little, did you buy valentines for all of your classmates?
Yes

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Punxsutawney Phil! (my porn name also)

MARCH

1. Are you Irish?
I'm a little bit country.

2. Did you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Probably, at least by accident.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2006?
Contently forgot about it

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
No I am not.

APRIL

1. Do you like the rain?
I am only happy when it rains.

2. Did you play an April Fools joke on anyone this year?
I forget about April Fool's day until about June, and my pranks aren't appreciated then.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
As a wee lad, yes.

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
I celebrate Michael Bolton's entire collection.

5. Do you love the month of April?
I love the mouth of April.

JUNE

1. Did you finish high school yet?
I finished high school about 3.9 years before graduating.

2. Did you realize nothing special happens in June?
Father's Day? My dad's birthday, Flag Day, the Summer Solstice, Festival of Popular Delusions Day (the 5th)... what lazy jackass wrote this?

JULY

1. What did you do on the Fourth of July?
Ate Chinese food.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Mental vacation -- year-round.

3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
Yes

AUGUST

1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Killed a wombat.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '06?
Visit to New York Ci-tay!

3. Did you have a sunburn?
A little, once.

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Ne'er, although I'd like to.

SEPTEMBER

2. Who is your favorite teacher?
Parker Lewis. He never loses.

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Yes

OCTOBER

2. What's your favorite candy?
Hot Tamales.

3.What did you do for Halloween?
Hid.

DECEMBER

4. Get anything special this year?
Video camera, known in the future as Exhibit A.